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wanderlust
09-16-2002, 22:45
I Love Mustard
(This is a true story.)

If you have children you will probably relate to this

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab
of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of
expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.

The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I
carried it to the picnic table in our backyard, picked
it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife
suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old
son) while I get my sandwich," she said.

I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder
and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I
noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.

I love mustard.

I had no napkin.

I licked it off.

It was not mustard.

No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first
and only time I have sprinted with my tongue
protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the
sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my
tongue.

Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard)
my wife said, "Now you know why they call that
mustard 'Poupon.'"

Jazz5
09-17-2002, 00:10
Man, that is bad!! I've got two little ones myself and have had some nasty things happen. But to expect mustard and get THAT! ;0