Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies. [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Amelia
02-26-2001, 02:32
Things You Would Never Know Without the Movies.

-It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.

-A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

-If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

-Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization

-It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to
attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

-When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

-No one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

-Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is
their total opposite.

-When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

-You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

-Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds, unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

-An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child (or Alabama, to escaping convicts...)

-Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.

http://209.25.243.161/glocktalk/docs/gtubb/smile.gif
Amelia
http://webprofessor.org/photos/glock/26/glock26trans12.gif
Being responsible means sometimes pissing people off. Colin Powell

Eagles1181
02-26-2001, 02:45
Amendment (you forgot to mention a couple of thing)

1. When paying a cab driver, you will always pull out the exact change needed, infact you are so sure of have the exact change you don't even have to look at it.

2. Every plate galss window will have somebody thrown through it as some point.

LEO2002
02-26-2001, 03:46
To add even more:

The chain of command will never hold the hero from doing what he/she wishes.

Neither will the laws of physics.

If you are not the hero, and start hearing funny music, shoot yourself. At least that way you'll go quick.

Having sex is a surefire way to get your partner killed.

If you are related to or know an old lady who continually solves murder mysteries, you might as well off yourself. You'll end up dead soon anyway. (Ok, that was actually a tv series, but anyway...)

I could think of more, but I really don't want to go off on a rant. And everybody wanders why I don't go the movies anymore...

joegerardi
02-26-2001, 04:11
Some additions:

Only in the movies can you find those wonderful "L" shaped sheets on a bed- You know, the ones that cover the ladies' tops but show men to the waist.

And only in movies, will couples do the nasty for all to see in glorious technicolor, but when they get out of bed, drag the sheet along for modesty to answer the phone, even if alone.

Only in the movies will people answer the phone "Yeah?" not "Hello?"

Doing things with a 99% chance of dying in real life are reduced to a 40% chance in movies.

Guns will never jam until the climactic battle.

PeterJ87
02-26-2001, 08:28
See also:

Every 2 minutes you MUST chamber a round in your pistol or shotgun, regardless whether you'd just done one or not. Most LEOs I know have one chambered right when they go to work.

No matter how hot and heavy the nookie is, if they don't do the sheet drag, then the people always have on underwear. They get done, then throw on underwear and go to sleep.

These are all I can do for now

quake
02-26-2001, 09:47
From the 'Die Hard' movies:

When three terrorists are shooting at you, instead of taking cover, it's best to drop to the floor and shoot rapid-fire while confusing them by impersonating a steam roller, rolling across the floor.

The good guy will have all the ammo he needs for half a dozen gunfights; but will be down to two (full metal jacket, BTW) rounds when there are two bad guys left.

Zathras
02-26-2001, 17:04
How about automotive mechanics? All cars start and run flawlessly unless the one trying to start the car is being pursued by a murderer/rapist, or the building is on fire, or the parent desperately needs to see little Johnny, who is in the emergency room...

The police and the criminals have all the guns and other weapons they want or need, but law-abiding citizens are always unarmed -- particularly if they're about to be attacked (I find this one rather unsettling, to be honest, and I wonder about the motives of movie producers in this regard).

Revolvers hold at least a dozen rounds of ammo; pistols usually hold twenty or thirty, and assault rifles, particularly AK-47s and M-16s loaded with the straight magazines, hold at least fifty or sixty.

Blev
02-27-2001, 10:08
If you're the good guy/girl, you can be shot/stabbed/crushed/mangled/etc. in any part of the body but still manage to run/shoot/stab/fist fight/etc.

If you're the bad guy, you will usually come back to life at least once requiring the hero to shoot/stab/etc. you again.

[This message has been edited by Blev (edited 02-27-2001).]

joegerardi
02-27-2001, 17:16
The hero can take the most horrific pulping from the bad guy without blinking and eye, and still dish it back, but will wince like a cowering child when the love interest applies a little Iodine.

aspartz
02-27-2001, 20:12
Or what I learned from the REAL Star Trek...

The hero can successfully fight off an entire herd of bad guys simultaneously, but one on one he gets his butt kicked.

And that's even IF he uses the double fisted "StarTrekPunch"

ARS

PeterJ87
02-27-2001, 21:33
In Hollywood you never have to wear condoms or even talk about past partners. No one ever gets anyone pregnant unless it's ghetto moms, and no one ever wakes up the next day with a case of flaming pee.

In Hollywood you can shoot a BG from 5' away with a .45 and he'll still come after you, but at 100 yards you can hit him with a .38 snubbie and drop him.

Black people or whites/hispanics with identity crises always point their guns sideways.

No one ever buckles up in Hollywood.

For having no hammer, Glocks sure seem like Courtney Love in movies. They get cocked a lot.

And hardly anyone ever lets out tears when they cry.

SteveW
02-27-2001, 22:17
All bombs are fitted with large easy to read red LED electronic counters so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

and

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. Wrong decisions only make the big red counter count down faster and eventually you will always choose the right one, usually when there is one second left.


Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian military officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. http://209.25.243.161/glocktalk/docs/gtubb/smile.gif


One more I just thought of:
Whenever something is typed into a computer, there is a beep with each keystroke.

------------------
I'm NRA
Proud to have voted Bush/Cheney 2000
Beretta 9000s .40

ExBoss
02-28-2001, 04:47
All computer monitors are so bright you can view the image relected in the hero's face.

Super-secret government mainframes have passwords that you can guess if you just know something about the guy who wrote the software. ("His SON'S name, why didn't I think of that?")

Super-secret high-tech government computers use fonts so large they can only display about 20 characters per line (an ADA requirement, perhaps?).

For the Die Hard "Tape-a-Beretta-to-your-back" sequence -- heavy tape across the slide, frame, and barrel will not cause a nasty jam.


------------------
Wheelhouse #127
Lucky the Parakeet Memorial Fund Donor

EOD3
02-28-2001, 15:19
Hey Steve, haven't you read the bomb builders code of conduct or the bomb builders union local 317 rule book. These things are all required. The last thing you'd want is for some TV hero to file a grievance.

EOD3

Sledge
03-01-2001, 20:51
Silencers work on revolvers.

If in a bar when a gun fight breaks out the big mirror behind the bar and the bottles stacked in front of it are where all the bullets go. (As a mater of fact I don't think you can have a gunfight in a bar with no big mirror.)

After a gun battle and/or explosion you can still hear perfectly well.

it doesn't mater how good a secret agent you are the bad guys all know your identity and all about you. (we meet at last mr........)

and theirs nothing to worry about its.... JUST A FLESH WOUND

------------------
I spent most of my money on Booze, Women, Guns and Motorcycles.
I Wasted the rest!

Sledge
Niner #28
Wheelhouse #130
Bladerunner #13

LEO2002
03-02-2001, 01:20
Originally posted by Sledge:
and theirs nothing to worry about its.... JUST A FLESH WOUND


"'Tis but a scratch!"
"A scratch? Your arm's off."
"No, it isn't."
"Well, what's that then?"
"I've had worse."

http://glocktalk.com/docs/gtubb/supergrin.gifhttp://glocktalk.com/docs/gtubb/supergrin.gifhttp://glocktalk.com/docs/gtubb/supergrin.gif

carbon_15
08-06-2002, 17:33
"Walker Texas Ranger" ammendment

If you overcome adversity, do something really great and people start saying nice things about you or throw benifit dinners in your honor...RUN

MPD59
08-06-2002, 19:04
TV cops shoot someone every week and never get time off or FIRED! And how about writing reports?? If I had as many pursuits as Ponch & Jon, I'd be counting pencils in the supply room!!

The BG or Monster will always pretend to be dead until the hero is hugging the woman in relief that it's all over.

3000 rounds will be fired before the battle is decided in a hand-to-hand duel.

It's OK for a cop to punch a suspect in the jaw as a part of the arrest.

Police cars run Code 3 to the jail with the BG in the back.

The only true way to determine if it's cocaine is to dip your pinkey in it and taste it.

Dennis in MA
08-06-2002, 21:43
"3000 rounds will be fired before the battle is decided in a hand-to-hand duel."

I remember when Police Squad - Naked Gun did a take on this. Frank and some BG are trading shots for a while. Then the camera pans back and they are hiding on opposite sides of a 55gal drum. LOL

Menehune
08-07-2002, 08:42
Upon entering a house, and finding your friends dead, you will hear a sound in the next room. Then, it is mandatory that you investigate the sound.


When fighting bad guys, your best friend will be killed. But, you will soon kill the bad guy and be happy. You will not be sad that your friend is dead.

igrp
08-07-2002, 12:37
All good guys always hit as desired without aiming out to 500 yards with a bug revolver. However, should one good guy turn bad and engage in a shoot out where both, the good and the bad guy, are inches apart, both miss & shoot their guns empty.

Bullets never overpenetrate.

Cars immediately explode when hit. Unless, of course, it's the good guy's car, then it will explode just after he and the witness/girl/partner/whoever have thrown themselves on the ground a few feet away.

Oh, and a Star Trek one: you can travel at multiple light speed, however you can always come to a complete stop in seconds.

cdmoran
08-07-2002, 13:35
Originally posted by SteveW
All bombs are fitted with large easy to read red LED electronic counters so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

and

Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. Wrong decisions only make the big red counter count down faster and eventually you will always choose the right one, usually when there is one second left.



Why do all bombmakers color code their bomb wiring? I've always used the same color wire for everything in my bombs, could I get in trouble for this?


Does anyone have a copy of the proper bomb color code spec they can send me?



;f ;f

Steve Koski
08-07-2002, 17:46
Come on. You guys know that stuff is true.

MPD59
08-07-2002, 20:47
And the simple minded beast will take it personal and go after people relentlessly until it eats them. ..."It's out there waiting for us..." Gimme a break!

Why did Jaws eat the whole boat just to get one little nibble? Isn't there a slow swimming sea monkey around to eat?

carbon_15
08-07-2002, 21:08
on the Star Trek theme.
how come you can accelerate instantly to above light speed, and instantly deselerate back to a dead standstill with no inertial effects....but if an asteroid, ionized gas cloud, space storm, photon torpedo, etc hits the ship, everyone goes flying out of their chairs (usualy killing Ensgin Expendable in his debut role)

CranialCrusader
08-07-2002, 21:49
Originally posted by carbon_15
on the Star Trek theme.
how come you can accelerate instantly to above light speed, and instantly deselerate back to a dead standstill with no inertial effects....but if an asteroid, ionized gas cloud, space storm, photon torpedo, etc hits the ship, everyone goes flying out of their chairs
(usualy killing Ensgin Expendable in his debut role)


Come on man, even a poser Treker should know this…

When the ship accelerates or decelerates the inertial dampeners compensate easily since the rate of acceleration for the ship is known. If something unexpected happens (getting hit with a torpedo) there is no way for the dampeners to compensate fast enough to completely absorb the shock.

The one to puzzle over, is how one torpedo, with many kilograms of antimatter doesn’t turn a ship into space dust. It only would take a few grams of antimatter to equal a several megaton nuke warhead.



The hero always manages to escape the trap of doom that the evil genius sets for him. No matter how elaborate or fool proof that trap is.

CranialCrusader

RenegadeGlocker
08-07-2002, 22:12
Star Trek:

If you are wearing a red shirt when you beam down, you are going to die.

carbon_15
08-07-2002, 22:13
The hero always manages to escape the trap of doom that the evil genius sets for him. No matter how elaborate or fool proof that trap is.
because the evil genius must revel in his...well genius by telling the hero his master plan moments before what apears to be certain destruction of said hero.

Note to self: get mini tape recorder for those times when I feel like braging about my master paln for world destruction/domination, refrain from discusing plan with anyone not equaly as evil, and stick around to make sure the inescapable demise planed for the anti-villan is carried to fruition...side note, elaborat metods of desposing of hero types not necisary..just do it quick and get a she-villan to stroke you ego AFTERWARDS.

magnumforce
08-07-2002, 22:14
If the building has a fire sprinkler system, they all go off at the same time (not just the one near the heat). Heck, even a smoke alarm or a pull box triggers the flood! Gosh, no wonder nobody wants them in their home.

Menehune
08-09-2002, 09:28
Originally posted by CranialCrusader



Come on man, even a poser Treker should know this…

When the ship accelerates or decelerates the inertial dampeners compensate easily since the rate of acceleration for the ship is known. If something unexpected happens (getting hit with a torpedo) there is no way for the dampeners to compensate fast enough to completely absorb the shock.

The one to puzzle over, is how one torpedo, with many kilograms of antimatter doesn’t turn a ship into space dust. It only would take a few grams of antimatter to equal a several megaton nuke warhead.



The hero always manages to escape the trap of doom that the evil genius sets for him. No matter how elaborate or fool proof that trap is.

CranialCrusader



Someone has been reading thier technical manual. I know, I have one. And, not all Torpedoes are antimatter torpedoes.



Whenever a car is approaching a gate, the gate will open just as the car is turning in. Gauranteed.

08-09-2002, 18:02
Originally posted by RenegadeGlocker
Star Trek:

If you are wearing a red shirt when you beam down, you are going to die.

This is the reason Scotty never went anywhere. The few times he did beam down somewhere, he got hosed.

kentley
08-09-2002, 18:14
Women always have sex with 6" heels on. (Did I say that?)

Danimal
08-12-2002, 13:29
During sex, both participants are COMPLETELY satisfied.

And there are never interruptions from children or small fixated animals wandering into the bedroom.

And no one EVER has "just had sex" hair.

Mauler362ndFG
08-14-2002, 08:29
From the A-Team: You spray automatic weapon fire all over the place and no one gets hit.

In general:

Bullets spark when they hit walls, cars, windshields or any other object except of course the BG.

Only on occasion do you see spent casings ejecting from the pistol.

Revolvers have safeties on them.

When you drop a handgun it will always fire when it hits the ground.

Film cars don't have rearview mirrors in closeups.

I think that the most accurate portrayal of firearms was in the HBO movie Band of Brothers.

HankB
08-14-2002, 12:14
From Behind Enemy Lines: If a downed pilot needs to run across a minefield or heavily booby-trapped area because the bad guys are closing in on him, and there's no way to avoid the tripwires, then running really, really fast will keep him ahead of the shrapnel and blast.

From the Jurassic Park movies: Guns (and ammunition for same) are in short supply, and professional hunters with .600 Nitros only carry two rounds, which lefty tree huggers can easily deactivate.

From Star Trek: Capt. Kirk's hand phaser would totally disintegrate people, walls, etc. Capt. Picard's hand phaser might put a hole - a small hole - in something. (Historical parallel - going from .45 Ball in 1911 to 9mm Ball in M9)

Darkmage
08-15-2002, 08:36
All giant custom-built computer systems that are tied into the secret lair are installed with tiny explosives that make them explode in a shower of sparks when the hero triggers the self-destruct sequence.

All secret lairs have a self-destruct sequence. The really expensive systems include a big button that can be hit accidentally.

Emergency pressure doors that drop down to seal the spaceship into airtight compartments are hungry and will wait until someone has fallen across the doorway so that they may trap them underneath.

Small children and dogs are immortal and will survive airplane crashes, meteor strikes, and the extremely hungry alien creature that has just eaten a squad of marines.

LSC Guy
08-16-2002, 13:49
No detective on stakeout ever needs to take a leak. No matter how much coffe they've had.

The bad guys never see two guys sitting in a car smoking. Especially at night.

Hubcaps lost during chase scenes will automatically reattach themselves before the next scene.

Rearview mirrors disappear for exterior shots. Reaview mirrors apparently attract bullets, because they are always the first objects hit when a car is fired upon.

Native Americans were Italian, Spanish, White and even Jewish.

The horse can act better then the cowboy.

Women can't pull the trigger before a bad guy runs accross the room and disarms them.

The villan must tell the hero the intimate details of his evil plan and then let him escape.

People with terminal illnesses look teriffic!

mark123
08-17-2002, 09:13
Did someone already post this one?

How come when you unholster a gun in the movies it makes the sound like you pulled back and released the slide?

Look at the Matrix when that girl with the greasy hair flys into the window (at the beginning) and rolls down the stairs and pulls out two guns...Cha-shick!;g

Darkmage
08-19-2002, 08:00
Mark, that is an extension of a more general movie rule: Semi-auto pistols and fully automatic carbines have inertial self-cocking mechanisms that operate whenever you move the gun quickly.

Corollary: Weapons also have silent mechanisms that unload rounds from the chamber, so the hero can rack the slide just before entering every room without ejecting valuable ammunition.

Gah, I just watched Resident Evil last night, and every time this chick went around a corner... ka-chic!

Eddie C.
08-19-2002, 08:42
Jaws ammendment: The shark that ate the whole womens family in Mass. so she's so scared she moves to Florida and the fish FOLLOWS her there. HEY LADY!!! STAY AWAY FROM THE WATER!!!!!

jmy
01-20-2003, 08:34
Originally posted by Mauler362ndFG


I think that the most accurate portrayal of firearms was in the HBO movie Band of Brothers. [/B]

If I'm not mistaken,so were the Movies,"BLACKHAWK DOWN"and"SAVING PRIVATE RYAN".

David_G17
01-20-2003, 10:31
Matrix: you fire a submachine gun that shoots handgun cartiges, but the spent hulls that hit the ground are about the size of .308's

some movie i saw part of a few months ago: just because it's an M1 Carbine doesn't mean it isn't a pump-action. sliding your hand down the forearm will produce a pumping sound.

in general: the good guy never brings adequate firepower to a fight. his snub-nosed revolver can take down a helicopter with an M-60 door gunner (die hard).

KGNine
01-20-2003, 11:30
You can fire a couple hundred rounds of ammo in a office, hotel or even a bathroom and there's no smoke.

No one every breaks their hand punching the bad guy or even a horse in the head.

Where did Fred Flintstone get a tree that was forked on both ends to hold the axles on his car.

BrianDamage
01-20-2003, 12:28
Dukes of Hazard Amendment:

Car tires make an audible squeal, same as on pavement, even when you do it on a dirt road.


no matter how many times you make a 50 jump in your car, it still runs, drives and looks perfect.

KA3N
01-20-2003, 19:19
Semi-autos (pistols and rifles) always go "click" when they're empty.

When the unarmed hero knocks out the BG, he never picks up the bad guys weapon - or - if he does, he never grabs spare ammo for it (and proceeds to shoot hundreds of rounds out of a single 20 round M16 magazine).

The victims always say something stupid like "I'm going straight to the police!" just before they buy it.

When the hero throws a knife into the BG, he never retrieves it, and continues his journey unarmed.

If you fall in love with someone, they will surely love you too.