Q. How do you drown a blonde?
A. Stick a mirror to the bottom of the swimming pool.
Q. How do you change a blonde's mind?
A. Blow in her ear.
Q. What do you call a smart blonde?
A. A Golden Retriever.
Q. What do you call 6 Blondes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. An air bubble.
What do you call two blonds with a Brunette sitting between them at a comedy club?
An interpretor. :rofl:
Two blondes are helping build a house for Habitat for Humanity. They're nailing on the siding. 1st blond is throwing away about every 3rd or 4th nail. She pulls them from her nail bag, looks at it in disgust, then tosses it over her shoulder. 2nd blonde watches this for an hour or so, then finally says "What are throwing those nails away for?"
1st blonde: "I can't use them... the head's on the wrong end". :wow:
2nd blonde starts to pick them up.
1st blonde says "Now what the hell are you doing that for?"
2nd blonde says "You're an idiot. These nails are for the other side of the house".
Two blondes decided that this Christmas they wanted to cut down their own Christmas tree. So they drove two hours into the country and walked deep into the woods to find the perfect Christmas tree. They had planned the trip well, especially considering that they were blond. They were dressed warmly with boots, warm coats and hats. They had a chain saw, hatchet, a bag to protect the tree and rope to drag it back to their car. Every detail was covered.
They searched and searched. They had gone to all this trouble, nothing but the prefect tree would do. They searched for hours through knee deep snow and biting wind. Finally, five hours later with the sun beginning to go down, one blonde says to the other, "I can't take this anymore. I give up! There are hundreds of beautiful trees out here. Let's just pick one whether it's decorated or not!"
On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.
The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"
"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."
After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
Three blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks.
The first blonde said, "Those are deer tracks."
The second blonde said, "No, those are elk tracks."
The third blonde said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks."
The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
There is a brunette and a blonde hanging over the edge of a cliff off a piece of rope. They realize that the rope will break if one of them doesn't let go and they will both fall to their deaths. The brunette starts this big heartwarming speech about how she is going to sacrifice herself. At the end of the speech the blonde starts clapping.
Some Inventions are simply better left uninvented:
Waterproof tea bags
Braille driving manual
Screen door on a submarine
Helicopter ejection seat
Air conditioning for motorcycle
Left handed pencil
Glow-in-the-dark sun dial
Gasoline fire extinguisher
Battery-powered battery charger
Clear correction fluid
A drunken blind man walks into a bar and after conversing with the locals finally yells, "Hey, do you want to hear a really funny blonde joke?"
The gentleman beside him says to him in a hushed voice, "You might not want to tell that joke since everyone here IS blonde including that 250 pound wrestler on the other side of you and the 225 pound black belt bouncer who's staring at you nastily. Are you sure you still want to tell that joke?"
"Nah," says the blind guy, "not if I'm going to have to explain it twice."
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