Lone_Wolfe [Archive] - Page 14

Lone_Wolfe

04-06-2010, 13:59

It's okay. I'll wear body armor. NO! Wait!:scared:

Actually you're pretty safe around me since I got rid of my guns, but I wouldn't shoot you anyway since you don't look like a hajji with an AK. : wavey:

I think that your brain has been locked on one subject so long, it has a hard time shifting gears. Which is why I think if you could get engrossed in something else it would help break the log jam.

I have the same problem when I am submerged in a program I am writing. If I have to shift gears to another program, I can be lost for a day trying to wrap my mind around the new one. But If I take a little time on something else, then I can go back and get going on the new program.

Just an extension of what I found helped when I was trying to crawl out from under that desk.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle : hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

I know I haven't gone into details about things I've tried doing to get my mind off what's been going on, but I've tried with no success. I really have. I know you've locked onto this in your last several posts, and I'm determined not to get frustrated and let the claws out, but I don't know how to explain other than what I said a few days ago. The times when I've come closest to sorting anything out myself seem to be when I'm out walking around or doing something that frees my mind to just turn over some small bit that someone wrote to me or my shrink said to me.

All along I’ve been trying to put together how it was my own doing that I survived being shot when I would be dead without that medic “mashing my damn chest for 4 hours”. I was talking privately about it to someone and he broke it down in a way that all of a sudden made perfect sense and I just have to wonder why it was so easy. I’ll ask if it’s OK to post that conversation here. To me it was an eye-opener.

Now playing MR. Innocent

PLAYING innocent?!?! That perfect angel? Beside's he told me it was his brother, not him, that plotted against you. :supergrin:

:hearts:

I'll drop a pm your way tomorrow morning,.......: hugs:

I cleaned it out again just for you. :hugs:

I've been wondering...
What does DFAC stand for? I understand it's where you eat.
Who is Florence? Is the story in the thread?

I'm also wondering, if there is any progress through the video's or
whatever about getting you to sleep on your off nights?
Does the new shrink realize that you aren't going to be able to
stay there forever? You went back there for help with the sleep issue.
It seems there needs to be progress on the off nights to lead into the
on nights which will likely be nonexistent when you come home.

I've been thinking about some of Hawk's suggestions about getting your
mind on something else. Do you think it's a possibility? If your Doc's aren't
coming up with a solution, Wolfe what might plan "B" be? It's apparent from your visit in January that something has to happen differently.

DFAC = Dining FACility. The military did away with us calling them “mess halls” and even “chow halls” years ago. Florence is a friend I met when I was in Afghanistan. She was killed in March of last year about a week after I got to Iraq, got a computer back and reestablished contact with her. :crying: No, she hasn't been discussed in here.

My doc got a couple more people to look at both videos and the consensus is that one of the nightmares the 2nd night was induced by breathing problems, but a couple of the others it was the other way around. The nightmare caused me to struggle for air. So we’re kinda back at square 1. It sure doesn’t seem like my shrink realizes that, he seems to be acting like he has all year. Just the last couple days he seems to be starting to move a little, I’ll tell more about that tomorrow. I got to go get knocked out for now. Nite all.

BobInTX

04-06-2010, 14:08

LW, I wonder what would happen if you could sleep in a recliner instead of a bed. It's not as comfortable but people do that sometimes when they have a cold and can't breathe. Just sayin'.

I'm really interested to hear what your friend said to you. Don't forget to tell us if he says it's okay.

Goodnight. Sweet no dreams.

Brown Hawk

04-06-2010, 14:26

...

I know I haven't gone into details about things I've tried doing to get my mind off what's been going on, but I've tried with no success. I really have. I know you've locked onto this in your last several posts, and I'm determined not to get frustrated and let the claws out, but I don't know how to explain other than what I said a few days ago. The times when I've come closest to sorting anything out myself seem to be when I'm out walking around or doing something that frees my mind to just turn over some small bit that someone wrote to me or my shrink said to me.

All along I’ve been trying to put together how it was my own doing that I survived being shot when I would be dead without that medic “mashing my damn chest for 4 hours”. I was talking privately about it to someone and he broke it down in a way that all of a sudden made perfect sense and I just have to wonder why it was so easy. I’ll ask if it’s OK to post that conversation here. To me it was an eye-opener. Sometimes we have to be ready before understanding comes through. Or the words need to be the right ones. Whatever, it sounds like a good breakthrough.

...

Sorry. From your earlier post, it sounded like you tried some things and just gave up. My question would now be: Can what you are doing be done for longer periods of time? Because what you are describing is what I was wanting you to try for - a break in the loop.

Another question would be if some of those things you tried really interested you, but were really frustrating to pick up and get going. It took me months with that CAD program trying off and on. You are the best judge of going back and trying those again.

Overall, sounds like you're going in that direction, and I'm glad you clarified it. I just want to encourage you to keep going in that direction.

As for ripping my face off, it might be an improvement. :tongueout:

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

faawrenchbndr

04-06-2010, 14:47

......I cleaned it out again just for you. :hugs:
.......

Sent,.......had some issues this morning. :hugs:

okie

04-06-2010, 14:50

:smootchie::hearts::hugs:

engineer151515

04-06-2010, 19:35

Wishing you well.

:hugs:

Tow/Repo

04-06-2010, 20:05

atoy

http://i625.photobucket.com/albums/tt334/TowRepo/friendshipflowers.jpg

Lone_Wolfe

04-07-2010, 01:56

Sorry. From your earlier post, it sounded like you tried some things and just gave up. My question would now be: Can what you are doing be done for longer periods of time? Because what you are describing is what I was wanting you to try for - a break in the loop.

Another question would be if some of those things you tried really interested you, but were really frustrating to pick up and get going. It took me months with that CAD program trying off and on. You are the best judge of going back and trying those again.

Overall, sounds like you're going in that direction, and I'm glad you clarified it. I just want to encourage you to keep going in that direction.

As for ripping my face off, it might be an improvement. :tongueout:

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

"doing something that frees my mind"

That's right, not distracts, frees. Big difference. With freeing my mind I can let it turn one thing over and choose to go in a different direction if I feel the need. Distracting isn't working at all because my mind goes into really dark places and then I sometimes can't pull it back away from the ugly thoughts that grab hold of me. Freeing it from those distractions and letting me concentrate solely on the problem at hand. As I've explained, trying to distract myself seems to be making myself worse instead of helping. I have little doubt that's because of the damage done by the meds I was on. I guess I didn't clarify very well.

No, I'm not continuously going back and trying these things again and part of the reason I'm not going into new things is the comprehension problems I've discussed earlier. When I try to learn something new I only set myself up for failure and frustration right now. I think in most all situations your idea would be good, but nothing works like it should in my head anymore. I hope this made more sense so we don't keep going in circles.

Sometimes we have to be ready before understanding comes through. Or the words need to be the right ones. Whatever, it sounds like a good breakthrough.

I'm pretty sure in this case it was the right words. Think you'll understand if I post it.

And now I want to see a pic to see if you're telling the truth. :whistling: I think you're lying. :supergrin:

:hugs: back

sawgrass

04-07-2010, 08:35

How about the update on the shrink/doc and breathing?

I'm not quite following the freeing vs. distracting post. If you are
able to free your mind when you need to...what am I missing?

One of the concerns I felt when you returned to Iraq, was the reality
of war around you. It seems to me that it would be very hard to move
beyond what happened with so many reminders and likely fear around you.
I understand the reasons you stated for going back.

When you were in the US, you jammed a lot into a very short time.

I also know you have pointed out that risk is everywhere. Yes, it is.
Except that we can choose to some degree the amount of danger we
expose ourselves to when we are free to make choices.

Here's what I see. Not very much real progress from the medical staff
there, apart from induced sleep every other night. Then I think, "what is
going to be different when you come home"? At this point it seems like
very little. Wolfe, sleep has to be a priority, without it, everything else
will go right to hell, just like in January.

I told you about my friend and the nightmares after being brutally tramatized. Have you thought about how you will put yourself around
the right people and places where you will feel safe, and cared for?
Tell your shrink, it's time to poop or get off the pot, the clock is ticking.

okie

04-07-2010, 09:48

:smootchie::hearts::hugs:

Brown Hawk

04-07-2010, 11:44

"doing something that frees my mind"

That's right, not distracts, frees. Different words, I am using distract, you are using free to mean the same thing. I use distract because the mind is never really at rest. Big difference. With freeing my mind I can let it turn one thing over and choose to go in a different direction if I feel the need. Distracting isn't working at all because my mind goes into really dark places and then I sometimes can't pull it back away from the ugly thoughts that grab hold of me. Freeing it from those distractions and letting me concentrate solely on the problem at hand. As I've explained, trying to distract myself seems to be making myself worse instead of helping. I have little doubt that's because of the damage done by the meds I was on. I guess I didn't clarify very well.

No, I'm not continuously going back and trying these things again and part of the reason I'm not going into new things is the comprehension problems I've discussed earlier. When I try to learn something new I only set myself up for failure and frustration right now. I think in most all situations your idea would be good, but nothing works like it should in my head anymore. I hope this made more sense so we don't keep going in circles.

I'm pretty sure in this case it was the right words. Think you'll understand if I post it. It helped you, which is all I need to know.

And now I want to see a pic to see if you're telling the truth. :whistling: I think you're lying. :supergrin: Well, I could send you the broken cameras. :wow:

:hugs: back
Don't answer these questions, except to yourself, unless you really want to.

Okay, using your word instead of mine, what is it that is freeing your mind, and allowing you to tackle other things? And can you do it deliberately, or does it come more or less by accident, or when you are tired, doing something, etc. The more you can do it, the better off you will be.

As for your comprehension, given the circumstances, I am NOT saying that you are doing well compared to what you used to do, but I think you are doing okay - again given the circumstances.

The circumstances are physical and mental pain and exhaustion, the length of time involved, depression, frustration, and the changing circumstances. Any of those things will affect concentration and comprehension, and you are going through all of them. But I see you doing well, it is just taking a heck of a lot longer than you are used to. Which is adding greatly to your frustration, which adds to the cycle. Just try telling yourself "It'll come if I give it time." (No, I never got real good at it myself.)

As for trying one of the "hobbys" again, you should only do that if you feel drawn back to it, (or to something new.) "That could be fun if I knew how to do it," kind of thing. The basics are always hardest and most frustrating to learn, but once learned make further learning easier. And when you are having trouble concentrating and comprehending, it's even harder.

I was like 6-7 months learning the basics of that CAD program, something that would normally have taken me 4-6 hours. So if you feel drawn to something, try until you feel like not doing it, quit and wait to be drawn back. If you really want it, the comprehension will come, as will the desire to do it. But trying to force anything like that is disastrous. 'Nuff said on that subject.

You are writing a little bit more and explaining and questioning. Don't be afraid to keep on doing it. Words mean things, but sometimes they mean different things to different people. So don't worry about offending me. As long as we can keep talking we'll get through any of those problems.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

23skidoo

04-07-2010, 12:39

Extra gentle ones Sweetheart.:hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-07-2010, 14:09

Extra gentle ones Sweetheart.:hugs::hearts:

Thanks, I need them that way.

I'll answer some of the other stuff later, I just wanted to check in and say Hi. Today didn't go so well, today after lunchtime I was sitting in my office and my chest was hurting more than the normal. For no apparent reason other than the obvious It strting hurting really bad and I could barely breathe. I called someone I know and got a ride to the hospital. I got there and was taken care or, then went over to see my physical terrorist who decided to do next to nothing with me today. I'm sure he'll make that up to me tommorow. Shortly after that I started back having trouble breathing. Luckily I was still at the hospital, so they got to me quickly because it was a bad one. The worst one I've had since I got back here.

I'm back in my room now, doped up, feeling real crappy and nauseus,hurting like hell, and wishing I could lay down and sleep. Pardon my griping, I just needed to vent a bit. :rant:

Plus it's raining again.... :yuck:

Engineer, I saw the post before you took it down. I liked that, wish I'd saved it. :hugs:

23skidoo

04-07-2010, 15:03

Lone_Wolfe

04-07-2010, 16:11

You are never alone Sweetheart. All you have to do is come in here, get comfortable, and start talking. We'll talk about anything that's on your mind, laugh with you, cry with you, whatever you need. More of those extra gentle ones.:hugs::hearts:

Thank you. I'm just having a rough night, as you know. Not so much the stuff in my head, tonight it just plain hurts to exist. My meds have knocked most of it down, but I'm still feeling enough to make my head swim. If there's one good thing about it, this kind of pushes other stuff out of my head. And no chance of sleeping any time soon means no nightmares, unless I have a waking one.

:hugs:

capecodcowboy

04-07-2010, 16:29

Hopes and prayers for a speedy/full recovery.
All the very best to you and yours and Lone_ Wolfe, Thanks:patriot:

faawrenchbndr

04-07-2010, 17:33

Lady_Wolfe,.........

I did a crap load of typing. Did you get a pm? :hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-07-2010, 20:13

:smootchie: :earts: : hugs:

Hiya okie. :hearts:

[QUOTE=faawrenchbndr;15085226]Lady_Wolfe,.........

I did a crap load of typing. Did you get a pm? :hugs:

Yes, I did. Makes perfect sense too, although it kinda sucks too. I'll write back when I can. I been too medded up tonight to write a coherent reply. :hugs:

Hopes and prayers for a speedy/full recovery.
All the very best to you and yours and Lone_ Wolfe, Thanks:patriot:

Thank you capecodcowboy, very much.

How about the update on the shrink/doc and breathing?

I'm not quite following the freeing vs. distracting post. If you are
able to free your mind when you need to...what am I missing?
.....

I'll deal with your other questions later, but what I mean is this. Distracting myself means trying to occupy my mind doing something else. Cleaning, reading, anything. Freeing my mind means finishing any work I have and doing something like sitting alone and not have to think about anything else, except the one thing that's on my mind. To me that's just the opposite of distracting myself, I'm freeing it from those distractions.

I've talked about how simple concepts seem to elude me these days and here's a prime example. It's also a good example of when Brown Hawk said "Or the words need to be the right ones. " For all the really good explainations people gave of this concept it just didn't quite click. I could feel it so close, but just one little part made the difference.

It wasn’t just you, the medic obviously, the docs at the hospital I think likely had less to do with your survival than the medic. A lot of things had to come together for you to survive long enough to be stabilized. If your Id had decided you weren’t going to fight it then, IMHO you would have been DOA at the hospital. If your Id decided after you got there you were going to quit fighting, one of those times when your heart stopped it wouldn’t have restarted no matter how many times you were defibrillated. Had your Id decided to stop fighting no amount of CPR, no piece of equipment would have pulled you back. That is what I believe and it is unshakable.

I guess the question that leaves is, “If I was so determined to live, why in the hell did my heart keep stopping?” I can see what you’re saying, but the other side of it is that you’d think if I was so determined to live my heart wouldn’t have quit so many times and left me at the mercy of the medic or doctors. My medic had everything to do with my survival to the time I arrived at the hospital, but the staff at the hospital had the equipment to do what the medic would never have been able to do and that’s stabilize me. The medic couldn’t have kept me alive or bringing me back, as is the case, indefinitely. Sooner or later I’d have stopped responding. Once I got to the hospital they also had to revive me several time, but even when my heart was beating the rhythm was out of whack, so they had to shock it back into the correct rhythm. That took 4 tries from what I was told. They didn’t have to pound on me 4 hours like the medic did, but what did was just as necessary for me to survive, so I think they had just as much to do with it as the medic.

Your body was giving out but your mind was screaming “NO!” Had your sub-conscious mind been willing to accept death at any point before you were stabilized you would have died. You told me you thought you were dying as you lost consciousness and you were glad of it because of the pain. Deep in your sub-conscious, the part your conscious mind doesn’t control is where the “NO!” was coming from. I will yield to you on the importance of the docs vs the medics; you’re alive. They did their job and gave you the gift of life. I know you wish most of the time they hadn’t but they did. I don’t think it was a mistake you survived.

It makes more sense once you break it out. My body was doing it’s best to quit and die, but my mind was accepting the help I needed to live. Yep, I’ve said that about being relieved that I was dying, or so I thought. Up until then I just didn’t know it was possible for the human body to produce that much pain. I thought it was painful when I broke my leg pretty bad years ago, but that was a primer. Luckily it didn’t last long, but I remember the sense of relief as I felt myself blacking out. I briefly remember thinking my Mother might be pissed. Yeah, they did their job and then some.

jilverthor

04-07-2010, 20:57

Lone_Wolfe

04-08-2010, 01:40

Feeling stupid tonight, just realised why I hadn't heard back from you on any PMs, helps if I send them to the right address. I will have to forward them all to you. I hope your night gets better.

Jeff

BTDT, so don't feel all alone. :wavey:

BTW, I meant the same thing as you did about events, i. e. rockets and mortars....

jilverthor

04-08-2010, 03:40

BTDT, so don't feel all alone. :wavey:

BTW, I meant the same thing as you did about events, i. e. rockets and mortars....

The worst is the stupid health and wellness, the others you can sleep through.

Geeorge

04-08-2010, 03:44

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

Geeorge

04-08-2010, 03:45

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::kiss:

faawrenchbndr

04-08-2010, 05:17

....Yes, I did. Makes perfect sense too, although it kinda sucks too. I'll write back when I can. I been too medded up tonight to write a coherent reply. :hugs:......

Hope you're doing better Sweets! :hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-08-2010, 08:16

The worst is the stupid health and wellness, the others you can sleep through.

I got off light on those, I've only ever had one. They came into my room and an E-7 opened a drawer and saw it was full of prescription meds. She was like "What the hell?!?" Turned to look at me and I was standing there holding my profiles and scrips. That was the end of that. I haven't been bothered since because I was detached from my unit and had almost no oversight. Not that I'm complaining about that part...... :whistling:

:wavey:

Silent_Runner

04-08-2010, 09:57

Thanks, I need them that way.

I'll answer some of the other stuff later, I just wanted to check in and say Hi. Today didn't go so well, today after lunchtime I was sitting in my office and my chest was hurting more than the normal. For no apparent reason other than the obvious It strting hurting really bad and I could barely breathe. I called someone I know and got a ride to the hospital. I got there and was taken care or, then went over to see my physical terrorist who decided to do next to nothing with me today. I'm sure he'll make that up to me tommorow. Shortly after that I started back having trouble breathing. Luckily I was still at the hospital, so they got to me quickly because it was a bad one. The worst one I've had since I got back here.

I'm back in my room now, doped up, feeling real crappy and nauseus,hurting like hell, and wishing I could lay down and sleep. Pardon my griping, I just needed to vent a bit. :rant:

Plus it's raining again.... :yuck:

Wolfe are you feeling any better today? I have yet to hear from you. :impatient: Does your doctor have any idea what triggered this relapse? I had hopes that you were through the worst of it until this happened.

I'll deal with your other questions later, but what I mean is this. Distracting myself means trying to occupy my mind doing something else. Cleaning, reading, anything. Freeing my mind means finishing any work I have and doing something like sitting alone and not have to think about anything else, except the one thing that's on my mind. To me that's just the opposite of distracting myself, I'm freeing it from those distractions.

I've talked about how simple concepts seem to elude me these days and here's a prime example. It's also a good example of when Brown Hawk said "Or the words need to be the right ones. " For all the really good explainations people gave of this concept it just didn't quite click. I could feel it so close, but just one little part made the difference.
This illustrates perfectly why you need to keep talking to us about this sort of thing. If we know what is bothering you we can offer alternative viewpoints that just may be what you need to help you understand something that has previously eluded you. Do you also go back and reread posts from weeks and months ago? There are many that you never truly understood at the time that may start to make sense as time goes by.

If going someplace where you can concentrate on your problems to work them out seems to help then you need to do just that. You may need to do it even more often than you do.

B. Somm

04-08-2010, 10:24

'Morning Lone!

B. :wavey: (gentle) :hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-08-2010, 13:56

:hugs:

:hugs: back at ya, sweetie!

'Morning Lone!

B. : wavey: (gentle) :hugs:

Heya B., How you doing? I need to get at and write to you some. :hugs:

Wolfe are you feeling any better today? I have yet to hear from you. :impatient: Does your doctor have any idea what triggered this relapse? I had hopes that you were through the worst of it until this happened.

This illustrates perfectly why you need to keep talking to us about this sort of thing. If we know what is bothering you we can offer alternative viewpoints that just may be what you need to help you understand something that has previously eluded you. Do you also go back and reread posts from weeks and months ago? There are many that you never truly understood at the time that may start to make sense as time goes by.

If going someplace where you can concentrate on your problems to work them out seems to help then you need to do just that. You may need to do it even more often than you do.

No, my doc doesn’t know what brought this one on any more than I do. I was sitting in my office being a good girl when it came on, and kept getting worse. What’s got him (and me) concerned is that usually after we get it under control I’m OK. This time I’ve been having these attacks for 2 days, although not as severe today. I haven’t done anything physical, or had any nightmares that were worse than normal, or anything that I would expect to set if off. So hopefully a good night’s sleep combined with the meds I took in addition to my usual will deal with this.

That’s true about me talking in here, and I’ve said that all along. It’s just sometimes I can’t make myself, or I feel my claws coming out at someone who doesn’t deserve it, so I have to shut up. Other times I can’t clear my head enough to put a coherent sentence on the screen. These last 2 days are an example, because of the increased pain and trouble breathing. I do go back and read some of the older posts but my slow connection makes it hard sometimes, so I don’t do that near as often as I should and will once I have a real internet connection again..

Hope you're doing better Sweets! :hugs:

Not yet, but maybe I will be in the morning after a good knockout! Nite Sweetie!

23skidoo

04-08-2010, 13:59

Goodnight Sweetheart. These are extra gentle and will keep just fine until you need them.:hugs::hearts:

okie

04-08-2010, 14:00

:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

B. Somm

04-08-2010, 14:04

Heya B., How you doing? I need to get at and write to you some. :hugs:

Doing ok for the most part. I'm here whenever you feel the need to write or call!

Hope you got some good "jungle sleep" as one of my friends always says!

B. :hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-09-2010, 00:28

Doing ok for the most part. I'm here whenever you feel the need to write or call!

Hope you got some good "jungle sleep" as one of my friends always says!

B. :hugs:

I never heard that term, but I'll take it. Actually when they knock me out it's not a normal sleep, I don't move and don't have any dreams. It just gives my body some of the rest I need so bad.

Jungle sleep makes me wonder if I'd wake up covered in mosquito bites. :supergrin:

:hugs: :wavey:

Lone_Wolfe

04-09-2010, 08:37

Wolfe are you feeling any better today? I have yet to hear from you. :impatient: Does your doctor have any idea what triggered this relapse? I had hopes that you were through the worst of it until this happened.
.

I’m still hurting worse than “normal”, but at least I’m not laying here ready to cry or struggling to breathe. I asked my doc if there was any chance I just had a bad pain patch and he said that was really rare, but possible. I hope that’s what happened, that I just wasn’t getting my usual elephant-tranquilizing dose. I've got a fresh one on me today, along with some "extra" in my system.

So are you going to spill your news or shall I? :whistling:

Brown Hawk

04-09-2010, 10:33

...

Other times I can’t clear my head enough to put a coherent sentence on the screen. These last 2 days are an example, because of the increased pain and trouble breathing.

...

LW,

You are putting coherent thoughts on the screen. They may not be the ones that you want to put up, or go as deeply as you want to go into something. But it shows you are still hanging in there despite those problems.

But you are still giving us information on what is going on in your life, and that is what you need. And what you've typed helps us understand where you are, and where to target our prayers.

Like I have said before, even coming in here to say you don't want to come in here is a good step. And you are doing more than just that.

Here's praying that this flareup ends soon and that it was just a bad pain patch.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

engineer151515

04-09-2010, 10:35

How can we give you strength today?

:hugs:

BobInTX

04-09-2010, 10:50

Ooh, spill, spill!:popcorn:

Lone_Wolfe

04-09-2010, 13:10

How can we give you strength today?

:hugs:

You just did. :hugs: :hearts: :hugs:

MB-G26

04-09-2010, 14:37

Bee! What's the secret to making calls go through to LW via hajinet? Since she's been back over and had a new haji cell phone, I've had zero luck ::::pout:::::

23skidoo

04-09-2010, 19:00

Hey Sweetheart;
you mentioned the nurses in Germany called you “miracle child”. That’s something that has been in the back of my mind for several days now. IIRC, you were expressly forbidden to take ground transportation, when you called the colonel to ask that a waiver be granted, it was, also on that convoy was a medic that had skills way beyond the normal Army medic, the IBA you were issued is not rated to stop an AK round at that distance but it did, that same medic worked on you for four hours until the chopper landed at the hospital, your heart stopped several times both on the helicopter and at the hospital and was restarted each time, it was beating out of rhythm and that was corrected each time despite the fact your heart had been severely damaged almost to the point of bursting. Take each of those circumstances and assign it a probability then look at it as a whole. I would say the odds of all those factors coming together in one eight hour period for one person are incalculable. I’ve used the phrase you were chosen for this before and I can’t think of a better way to describe it. The bible says we’re past the age of miracles but this sure comes close to one. I would like to get your take on this; it’s a lot to digest so take as much time as you need, talk it over with anyone you choose. I may be FOS but I honestly think you were chosen for this. It might be for that voice in your subconscious that refused to accept death or it might be for any number of reasons that we will never understand in this world. I hate that you are forced to suffer so but I think it is for a reason Sweetheart. You have something left to accomplish in this world. That makes your long term goal of attaining a measure of independence for yourself much more important. You may never know what that task is but in the future somebody will speak your name with reverence.

Lone_Wolfe

04-09-2010, 20:29

Bee! What's the secret to making calls go through to LW via hajinet? Since she's been back over and had a new haji cell phone, I've had zero luck ::::pout:::::

Well, curses. It's not even ringing here. :steamed: What error message are you getting?

Ooh, spill, spill!:popcorn:

You do realize I'm sitting in my bed, don't you? I'd really hate to spill my drink, even though it's just tea. But I have been spilling some tears from the nightmare I had a little while ago. Does that count?

LW,

You are putting coherent thoughts on the screen. They may not be the ones that you want to put up, or go as deeply as you want to go into something. But it shows you are still hanging in there despite those problems.

But you are still giving us information on what is going on in your life, and that is what you need. And what you've typed helps us understand where you are, and where to target our prayers.

Like I have said before, even coming in here to say you don't want to come in here is a good step. And you are doing more than just that.

Here's praying that this flareup ends soon and that it was just a bad pain patch.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

I don’t know if it was a bad patch or not, but the flare-up has eased up quite a bit from where it was. I’m still not back down near my “normal” level of pain, but it’s down enough that it’s not making me cry or have any crazy thoughts. The nightmare I had a couple hours ago is doing that instead. :fist: I’m still on some add-on pain meds along with my patch, but even if it was just a bad patch I can see why I’m still hurting worse than usual even with a good patch on me. When it’s that bad I can’t exactly sit or lay calm and still. The jerking or even thrashing around just makes it worse. Kind of a chain reaction situation. :yuck:

Sometimes I go back and read my posts and wonder what I was thinking when I wrote it, or why did I say it like that. Or why I said it at all. But that’s what this is here for, so I try. Nights like this I sit here actually wanting to talk, but I stare at my keyboard and nothing comes out. When that happens I’ll sometimes give some nuts and bolts about what’s happening over here, but nothing really from inside my head. Maybe that all helps to put the picture together. It’s almost 5:30 AM and I got about an hour or so sleep earlier before a nightmare came calling. This one wasn’t as clearly defined as most, a lot of noise and motion, but nothing specific. Hmmmmm…..

:hugs: back

sawgrass

04-09-2010, 20:46

BobInTX

04-09-2010, 21:08

Glock26girl

04-09-2010, 21:39

Hi Wolfe, a while back someone mentioned the book "Lone Survivor." It's one that I had in the library and people were always telling me how good it was. I finally started reading it and it is fantastic. For any person who has been in the military or is interested in it, the story is very good.

It has really made me think about your experience and how so many people would benefit from reading about it.:whistling: All it would take is a good ghost writer to pull it all together...I won't say anything else.

I apologize for not writing lately, but have been in a funk and sharing computer with husband, while mine was in shop.:hugs:

MB-G26

04-09-2010, 21:57

Well, curses. It's not even ringing here. What error message are you getting?

I've never gotten an actual 'error msg' other than those automated 'so sowwy, no go, blah, blah' - sometimes in numerous languages. Either I can't get a line in, aka, it won't ring at all or whatever, or it connects and then I get three 'boop boop boop' tones and it self-disconnects - cell screen doesn't give a 'dropped call' display or anything, just seems like my outgoing call can't get further than those 3 successive tones before the line is as tho I hadn't dialed at all.

What time is it there now? just before 9p Fri here......

23skidoo

04-10-2010, 00:59

:hugs: Wolfe, I hope you can go back to sleep...
Try and think of someplace you've been, where you felt
happy and safe. Maybe put someone you trust there with you.

I'm glad it wasn't an all out nightmare.

23skidoo, do you fish in that river?
Do you fish? I've been meaning to tell you, I'm
glad your name doesn't have anything to do with
a ditch pickle.:supergrin:

Do I fish? Only if my heart is beating. If it swims in this state it's in the Elk River. So far I have caught more Smallmouth Bass than anything else.

Have a great day ma'am!

sawgrass

04-10-2010, 05:50

Do I fish? Only if my heart is beating. If it swims in this state it's in the Elk River. So far I have caught more Smallmouth Bass than anything else.

Have a great day ma'am!

Thanks, you too! Opener is May 1st in the river by my house. I can't hardly
wait. There are smallmouth in there too. I'd like to land a few walleye.
I'd like to see Wolfe land a nice walleye one of these days too.
Border water opens earlier here, than the rest of the state!

23skidoo

04-10-2010, 07:39

If Miss Lone_ lands a walleye you can introduce her to the finest fish in the land for eating!

Silent_Runner

04-10-2010, 10:10

"You do realize I'm sitting in my bed, don't you? I'd really hate to spill my drink, even though it's just tea. But I have been spilling some tears from the nightmare I had a little while ago. Does that count?"

Well this is certainly anticlimatic. Still waiting for Silent Runner to spill her news, whatever it is. I don't want you to shed tears for my benefit!
BobInTx she was just trying to give you something to hold you over until I got back here so be nice.:psycho:

I’m still hurting worse than “normal”, but at least I’m not laying here ready to cry or struggling to breathe. I asked my doc if there was any chance I just had a bad pain patch and he said that was really rare, but possible. I hope that’s what happened, that I just wasn’t getting my usual elephant-tranquilizing dose. I've got a fresh one on me today, along with some "extra" in my system.

So are you going to spill your news or shall I? :whistling:
Having a bad pain patch in certainly rare but not completely impossible. I do hope that if the pain flares up this bad for this long again your doctor will make more effort to find the cause. Has it subsided yet?

The good news is that my eldest daughter has gotten engaged. However I told her that I would not consider the engagement official until Wolfe had had a chance to inspect and approve the diamond ring.:whistling::rofl:

Hey Sweetheart;
you mentioned the nurses in Germany called you “miracle child”. That’s something that has been in the back of my mind for several days now. IIRC, you were expressly forbidden to take ground transportation, when you called the colonel to ask that a waiver be granted, it was, also on that convoy was a medic that had skills way beyond the normal Army medic, the IBA you were issued is not rated to stop an AK round at that distance but it did, that same medic worked on you for four hours until the chopper landed at the hospital, your heart stopped several times both on the helicopter and at the hospital and was restarted each time, it was beating out of rhythm and that was corrected each time despite the fact your heart had been severely damaged almost to the point of bursting. Take each of those circumstances and assign it a probability then look at it as a whole. I would say the odds of all those factors coming together in one eight hour period for one person are incalculable. I’ve used the phrase you were chosen for this before and I can’t think of a better way to describe it. The bible says we’re past the age of miracles but this sure comes close to one. I would like to get your take on this; it’s a lot to digest so take as much time as you need, talk it over with anyone you choose. I may be FOS but I honestly think you were chosen for this. It might be for that voice in your subconscious that refused to accept death or it might be for any number of reasons that we will never understand in this world. I hate that you are forced to suffer so but I think it is for a reason Sweetheart. You have something left to accomplish in this world. That makes your long term goal of attaining a measure of independence for yourself much more important. You may never know what that task is but in the future somebody will speak your name with reverence.
Wolfe in the past I have heard you talk about other members of the Second Chance Club in much this way. I know the reason you still ask after my niece is because of her membership in this club. I realize you introduction to this club was an extrememly serious injury but you would not be a member of this club had you not nearly died. What I hear 23skidoo saying here is to understand that healing will be a long and painful process but to have faith that it will happen and that it will all be for a reason. He was absolutely right in that you don't beat these odds if God didn't have a reason to need you here among us.

Lone_Wolfe

04-10-2010, 13:54

Having a bad pain patch in certainly rare but not completely impossible. I do hope that if the pain flares up this bad for this long again your doctor will make more effort to find the cause. Has it subsided yet?

The good news is that my eldest daughter has gotten engaged. However I told her that I would not consider the engagement official until Wolfe had had a chance to inspect and approve the diamond ring.:whistling:: rofl:
.

"inspect the ring".. :animlol: :animlol:

It still hasn't subsided completely, but it's not as bad as it was 2 days ago. I've still got plenty of extra stuff in me to help knock it back. I'm hoping it'll go away during my sleep tonight.

I apologize for not writing lately, but have been in a funk and sharing computer with husband, while mine was in shop.:hugs:

I've missed you, my friend. :hugs: I can sure understand the funk though. This stuff is dragging on so long it's really starting to get me in a funk myself. Well, starting may not be the right word, but I think you get the idea. It's just another long day finally at an end for me and I really don't feel like talking about much, so I think I'll just bid you all a good night and go get knocked out. :wavey:

sawgrass

04-10-2010, 17:28

Lone_Wolfe

04-11-2010, 01:29

Wolfe,
Today went well. It's a matter of, if anyone was better.
Will know tomorrow am. Keep everything crossed!

A contractor gave me two fifth row seats behind home plate
Twins/Braves! Who to cheer for? hmmm...new outdoor stadium too!
Are you a fan?

I hope you feel better and at least somewhat rested.

23skidoo, my boat holds five. Walleye are very easy to clean.

Crossing my fingers for both of you. :thumbsup: Go Braves!

I'm feeling better than the lase few days, but am a bit groggy. I think they stuck a little something extra in with the anesthesia to knock the pain back. I'm hoping that when it wears off I won't need a bunch of crap besides my usual patch. :wavey:

Chad Landry

04-11-2010, 01:31

Here's hoping all is well for you, very soon, Lone_Wolfe.

I think of you all the time. Especially when I'm over here.

Godspeed, dear lady!

:hugs:

23skidoo

04-11-2010, 02:01

Crossing my fingers for both of you. :thumbsup: Go Braves!

I'm feeling better than the lase few days, but am a bit groggy. I think they stuck a little something extra in with the anesthesia to knock the pain back. I'm hoping that when it wears off I won't need a bunch of crap besides my usual patch. :wavey:

You're feeling better!:snoopy:

Lone_Wolfe

04-11-2010, 09:44

Here's hoping all is well for you, very soon, Lone_Wolfe.

I think of you all the time. Especially when I'm over here.

Godspeed, dear lady!

:hugs:

Thank you cj, very much. Good to hear from you again, I know we haven't talked much in recent months. You know I worry about you too when you're over here. You're in a pretty good situation and feel reasonable safe, but we both know things can go wrong very quickly. I saw where posted that you're trying to make changes that will let you stay at home with your family and I really hope that works out for you. :wavey:

okie

04-11-2010, 10:08

:Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

sawgrass

04-11-2010, 13:28

Wolfe, my student took state!!!:supergrin:

I have to say it feels pretty damn good.:rofl:
Nationals in June!!

I hope your pain is improving.

Going to post office tomorrow!

Lone_Wolfe

04-11-2010, 17:24

Wolfe, my student took state!!!:supergrin:

I have to say it feels pretty damn good.:rofl:
Nationals in June!!

I hope your pain is improving.

Going to post office tomorrow!

Awesome! :thumbsup: Congrats to you both! :woohoo: Like teacher, like student. I'll bet it feels damn good.

The pain is still above my "normal" level, but the meds are knocking enough of it back that I can function. Now if I could make these nightmares go away too. :upeyes:

Lone_Wolfe

04-11-2010, 20:15

:Love ya sweetheart:smootchie:: hugs::hearts:

Love you too, okie. :hearts: :smootchie:

You're feeling better!:snoopy:

Better than those real bad days, that's for sure. It seems wierd to say I'll be glad to get back to my "normal" amount of pain, but I will. Now if I could just get rid of these cursed nightnares. 2 of them tonight, and counting. And then I wonder why I don't feel like talking so often, with those things replaying in my head.

I've never gotten an actual 'error msg' other than those automated 'so sowwy, no go, blah, blah' - sometimes in numerous languages. Either I can't get a line in, aka, it won't ring at all or whatever, or it connects and then I get three 'boop boop boop' tones and it self-disconnects - cell screen doesn't give a 'dropped call' display or anything, just seems like my outgoing call can't get further than those 3 successive tones before the line is as tho I hadn't dialed at all.

What time is it there now? just before 9p Fri here......

It was just before 7AM that you posted this. I'd already left for breakfast so I didn't see it until much later. Have you tried since then? Cursed Hajji cell phones.... :fist:

LW, I wonder what would happen if you could sleep in a recliner instead of a bed. It's not as comfortable but people do that sometimes when they have a cold and can't breathe. Just sayin'.

I'm really interested to hear what your friend said to you. Don't forget to tell us if he says it's okay.

Goodnight. Sweet no dreams.

I actually tried that when I was home in January. I have a huge Lazy-Boy that takes up halk of my living room and I've copped many a Z in it, but it didn't work this time. Having a cold and being congested is very different from the problems that make breathing hard for me now. It's not crud building up in my lungs like from a cold, the problem is the damage to my chest outside my lungs keeps them from having room to inflate. Think of someone putting a band around your chest and clamping it down, sometimes not so much, but other times you are barealy able to breathe at all. That's about the easiest description I can give you. For that reason the best position for me to lay in is flat on my back with my arms stretched over my head. My old favorite sleeping position was face-down, but that's still not possible because it hurts too much.

Glock26girl

04-12-2010, 00:41

For the Battle-Scarred, Comfort at Leash’s End
By JANIE LORBER
Published: April 2, 2010

WASHINGTON — Just weeks after Chris Goehner, 25, an Iraq war veteran, got a dog, he was able to cut in half the dose of anxiety and sleep medications he took for post-traumatic stress disorder. The night terrors and suicidal thoughts that kept him awake for days on end ceased.
Enlarge This Image

Stephen Crowley/The New York Times
The dogs learn to fetch, turn lights on and off and even dial 911.

A Canine Treatment for P.T.S.D.
At the Mid-Orange Correctional Facility in Warwick, N.Y., service dogs share a room with the prisoners who help train them.
Aaron Ellis, 29, another Iraq veteran with the stress disorder, scrapped his medications entirely soon after getting a dog — and set foot in a grocery store for the first time in three years.

The dogs to whom they credit their improved health are not just pets. Rather, they are psychiatric service dogs specially trained to help traumatized veterans leave the battlefield behind as they reintegrate into society.

Because of stories like these, the federal government, not usually at the forefront of alternative medical treatments, is spending several million dollars to study whether scientific research supports anecdotal reports that the dogs might speed recovery from the psychological wounds of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

In dozens of interviews, veterans and their therapists reported drastic reductions in P.T.S.D. symptoms and in reliance on medication after receiving a service dog.

Veterans rely on their dogs to gauge the safety of their surroundings, allowing them to venture into public places without constantly scanning for snipers, hidden bombs and other dangers lurking in the minds of those with the disorder.

In August, Jacob Hyde got his service dog, Mya, from Puppies Behind Bars, a program based in New York State that uses prisoners to raise and train dogs for lives of service. The organization has placed 23 dogs with veterans with P.T.S.D. in the last two years, training them to obey 87 different commands.

“If I didn’t have legs, I would have to crawl around,” said Mr. Hyde, 25. “If I didn’t have Mya, I wouldn’t be able to leave the house.”

If Mr. Hyde says “block,” the dog will stand perpendicularly in front of him to keep other people at a distance. If he asks Mya to “get his back,” the dog will sit facing backward by his side.

The dogs are trained to jolt a soldier from a flashback, dial 911 on a phone and even sense a panic attack before it starts. And, perhaps most important, the veterans’ sense of responsibility, optimism and self-awareness is renewed by caring for the dogs.

The dogs help soldiers understand “what’s happening as it’s happening, what to do about it, and then doing it,” said Joan Esnayra, a geneticist whose research team has received $300,000 from the Defense Department to study the issue. “You can use your dog kind of like a mirror to reflect back your emotional tenor.”

The dog is also often the first visible manifestation of a former soldier’s disability. Because people are curious about the animal, the veteran gets an opportunity to talk about his condition and his war experiences, discussions that can contribute to recovery. More broadly, the dogs help increase public awareness of P.T.S.D., which the Veterans Affairs Department said affects about one quarter of Iraq and Afghanistan veterans with whom it has worked.

Under a bill written by Senator Al Franken, Democrat of Minnesota, veterans with P.T.S.D. will get service dogs as part of a pilot program run by the Department of Veterans Affairs. Training a psychiatric service dog and pairing it with a client costs more than $20,000. The government already helps provide dogs to soldiers who lost their sight or were severely wounded in combat, but had never considered placing dogs for emotional damage.

But there is debate within the emergent field about the appropriate time to pair a veteran with a dog. Sara Meisinger, the chief of occupational therapy at the warrior transition unit at Walter Reed Army Medical Center, said a service dog should be used only in the final stage of treatment, after a soldier has accomplished as much as possible with traditional therapy. Many experts say the veterans should be living on their own for at least a year before they receive a dog.

But when Gloria Gilbert Stoga, who runs Puppies Behind Bars, received an application from Maj. James Becker, she decided, with support from his doctors, to take a chance on a veteran who had just left inpatient care.

Major Becker, 45, suffered two severe brain injuries in separate explosions, earning two Purple Hearts in his three tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. When he came home last winter, his 24-year-old daughter, also an Iraq veteran, was being treated for leukemia.

In Major Becker’s mind, home started to resemble Afghanistan’s Helmand Province. His P.T.S.D. symptoms worsened, and a suicide attempt in July landed him in San Diego Naval Medical Center for seven months. A few weeks after leaving the San Diego hospital, Major Becker flew to New York to collect his dog, Annie, and participate in a two-week training session with Puppies Behind Bars. Still, he said he spent a lot of time alone in his room “because it’s easier to deal with four walls than it is to come out and deal with crowds.”

But within days, Annie was beginning to pull him out of his shell. “She helps me meet people,” he said, describing how people are attracted to the dog.

He added, “I like to think it’s going to get better.”

Wolfe, maybe the doc could arrange for you to get a Siamese cat over there.
It would certainly be worth a try and please, don't just say no without thinking about it...I know it takes a while to say yes to to things...but, we'll just keep on coming up with ideas...all of us who love you.

Lone_Wolfe

04-12-2010, 06:08

....

Wolfe, maybe the doc could arrange for you to get a Siamese cat over there.
It would certainly be worth a try and please, don't just say no without thinking about it...I know it takes a while to say yes to to things...but, we'll just keep on coming up with ideas...all of us who love you.

I sure wouldn't have any objections, and I'll run it by my doc. But part of General Order #1 stated that we can't keep or befriend any animal here, so I'm not optimistic.

I noticed that you specified SIAMESE cats, do you have a certain 1 (or2) in mind? :whistling:

Even if this idea goes nowhere I appreciate the suggestion, just like I appreciate all the suggestions you folks come up with. :hugs:

So how are you doing? :hugs: :wavey:

Brown Hawk

04-12-2010, 06:52

...

... the best position for me to lay in is flat on my back with my arms stretched over my head.

...

Reading this I am struck by the fact that this position really streches out your chest, and I'm wondering if it triggers just enough pain after you fall asleep to trigger nightmares. Have you been able to try a small (5-10%) incline so the pull isn't quite so bad?

Just a thought that popped up when I read the above.

Hawk

Brown Hawk

04-12-2010, 07:40

...

I don’t know if it was a bad patch or not, but the flare-up has eased up quite a bit from where it was. I’m still not back down near my “normal” level of pain, but it’s down enough that it’s not making me cry or have any crazy thoughts. The nightmare I had a couple hours ago is doing that instead. :fist: I’m still on some add-on pain meds along with my patch, but even if it was just a bad patch I can see why I’m still hurting worse than usual even with a good patch on me. When it’s that bad I can’t exactly sit or lay calm and still. The jerking or even thrashing around just makes it worse. Kind of a chain reaction situation. :yuck: Boy do I know that feeling. Sometimes with my back, the best thing I can do is walk. Not fast, and leaning on a stick, but it works for me. Maybe a rocking chair?

Sometimes I go back and read my posts and wonder what I was thinking when I wrote it, or why did I say it like that. Or why I said it at all. But that’s what this is here for, so I try. Nights like this I sit here actually wanting to talk, but I stare at my keyboard and nothing comes out. Well, I've tried punching the monitor, and that doesn't help. :rofl: So you don't need to try that. When that happens I’ll sometimes give some nuts and bolts about what’s happening over here, but nothing really from inside my head. Maybe that all helps to put the picture together. Yes, it does. And I have noticed that sometimes you start that way, then go on into discussing some of what's in your head. It’s almost 5:30 AM and I got about an hour or so sleep earlier before a nightmare came calling. This one wasn’t as clearly defined as most, a lot of noise and motion, but nothing specific. Hmmmmm….. Hey, a step in the right direction.

:hugs: back

Adam called me up the other night and said "Hey, dad. I just had dinner with Gereral Casey!"

Seems he was invited to a Purple Heart Dinner, and General Casey came in right after it started. Also had a Medal of Honor man there. It was mostly to honor a bunch of amputees who were bike riding from San Antonio Medical Center up to Arlington, TX to attend the opening Ranger's game. Adam said one guy had no arms and no legs. And he was biking from San Antonio to Dallas/FortWorth!

I'm saying this because you are showing the same determination, fortitude and desire to get well and get on with your life as those men. You should never for a moment doubt that - not ever. Not only because I'm saying it, but because Adam is as well. He sends his best wishes and prayers.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

BobInTX

04-12-2010, 09:00

Wolfe, maybe the doc could arrange for you to get a Siamese cat over there.
It would certainly be worth a try and please, don't just say no without thinking about it...I know it takes a while to say yes to to things...but, we'll just keep on coming up with ideas...all of us who love you.

Here I was all set to joke that maybe they could do the same thing with cats and then you get all serious on me and stuff. :animlol:

I'm sure a kitty would do Wolfe a world of good. I think it's common knowledge that pets are good therapy. I know there's reasons the Army doesn't allow pets, but it sucks in this case.

Besides, can you imagine a cat out in public like that? Wolfe says "Block" and the cat says "What? Me? I'm taking a bath right now. I can't be bothered." Wolfe says "Get my back". The cat says "Uh, I don't think so. You're on your own, buddy!" :rofl:

Silent_Runner

04-12-2010, 10:13

Here I was all set to joke that maybe they could do the same thing with cats and then you get all serious on me and stuff.

I'm sure a kitty would do Wolfe a world of good. I think it's common knowledge that pets are good therapy. I know there's reasons the Army doesn't allow pets, but it sucks in this case.

Besides, can you imagine a cat out in public like that? Wolfe says "Block" and the cat says "What? Me? I'm taking a bath right now. I can't be bothered." Wolfe says "Get my back". The cat says "Uh, I don't think so. You're on your own, buddy!" :rofl:
BoxInTx it's obvious you don't yet know Wolfe well. You see she would have to put the cat down in order for it to do those things and I think that would not happen.:rofl:

Wolfe, my student took state!!!:supergrin:

I have to say it feels pretty damn good.
Nationals in June!!

I hope your pain is improving.

Going to post office tomorrow!
Congratulations to the both of you sawgrass!

Better than those real bad days, that's for sure. It seems wierd to say I'll be glad to get back to my "normal" amount of pain, but I will. Now if I could just get rid of these cursed nightnares. 2 of them tonight, and counting. And then I wonder why I don't feel like talking so often, with those things replaying in my head.

.
Wolfe I got your message that the weather has turned bad there. I hope the pain is not too severe from it. I will be so glad for you when you can sleep without a nightmare waking you but you need to keep talking to us in here. What was the nightmare about?

Silent_Runner

04-12-2010, 10:30

I'm saying this because you are showing the same determination, fortitude and desire to get well and get on with your life as those men. You should never for a moment doubt that - not ever. Not only because I'm saying it, but because Adam is as well. He sends his best wishes and prayers.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk
Brown Hawk thank you for posting this and please thank your son for his service on my behalf.

Wolfe for all the times you get so down on yourself because you have yet to beat the problems you have and to heal from this you need to realize that this is what we see. There are times when you can only see the pain and setbacks and the images that the awful dreams leave behind. What you may not be able to see is that in spite of every setback and everything that has gone wrong you keep fighting. I think many people would have given up and lost this battle but you haven't. I know you need help and so do your friends in here but that's OK. We are here to give you that help for as long as you need it. Just never lose that desire to get well, OK?

BobInTX

04-12-2010, 10:55

Wolfe for all the times you get so down on yourself because you have yet to beat the problems you have and to heal from this you need to realize that this is what we see. There are times when you can only see the pain and setbacks and the images that the awful dreams leave behind. What you may not be able to see is that in spite of every setback and everything that has gone wrong you keep fighting. I think many people would have given up and lost this battle but you haven't. I know you need help and so do your friends in here but that's OK. We are here to give you that help for as long as you need it. Just never lose that desire to get well, OK? +1 to that! :grouphug::aod:

BoxInTx it's obvious you don't yet know Wolfe well. You see she would have to put the cat down in order for it to do those things and I think that would not happen.:rofl:
Ha Ha. I'm sure you're right. But I can see some comedy sketch of them trying to train a cat to do this. They give the cat a command and, as my dog-training friend says, it gives them the paw (aka the finger). You gots to love those kitties.

Lone_Wolfe

04-12-2010, 14:00

Ha Ha. I'm sure you're right. But I can see some comedy sketch of them trying to train a cat to do this. They give the cat a command and, as my dog-training friend says, it gives them the paw (aka the finger). You gots to love those kitties.

My cats never gave me the paw, they gave me that tail instead. That’s where you say something to them, they turn away and flip their tail up at you. You just know you’ve been given “The Tail”. And so does everyone in the room. :rofl:

Here I was all set to joke that maybe they could do the same thing with cats and then you get all serious on me and stuff. :animlol:

I'm sure a kitty would do Wolfe a world of good. I think it's common knowledge that pets are good therapy. I know there's reasons the Army doesn't allow pets, but it sucks in this case.

Besides, can you imagine a cat out in public like that? Wolfe says "Block" and the cat says "What? Me? I'm taking a bath right now. I can't be bothered." Wolfe says "Get my back". The cat says "Uh, I don't think so. You're on your own, buddy!" :rofl:

Silent_Runner is right, I'd have to put the cat down first. Besides, the first time I say get my back that cat would say "Forget that, you get mine!", and arch his back for me to scratch it.

I think a cat here would do me some good. Mandy helps and she doesn't even purr. Last summer when I was home and had my cats with me it did make me feel a little better when I had one with me. I don't remember too many details of that trip home because I was on the anti-depressants at the time, but I do remember spending time with my cats.

Brown Hawk thank you for posting this and please thank your son for his service on my behalf.

Wolfe for all the times you get so down on yourself because you have yet to beat the problems you have and to heal from this you need to realize that this is what we see. There are times when you can only see the pain and setbacks and the images that the awful dreams leave behind. What you may not be able to see is that in spite of every setback and everything that has gone wrong you keep fighting. I think many people would have given up and lost this battle but you haven't. I know you need help and so do your friends in here but that's OK. We are here to give you that help for as long as you need it. Just never lose that desire to get well, OK?

Trust me, if I had the choice in the matter I think I’d have given up long ago. So many times I keep going just because that’s the only thing I can do, not because I’m tough or anything like that. It’s just dragging on so long that if I could I’d curl up in a ball literally as well as figuratively. It’s not that I don’t want to get better, it’s just that I sometimes doubt that I ever will.

I saw my shrink today and he tried to hypnotize me like he’s mentioned before. He tried a couple different ways and had no luck. After almost an hour of trying he finally gave up. Damn, I was hoping it would work so he could give me a post-hypnotic suggestion about sleeping. I wasn’t real surprised it failed though, it’s never succeeded on me before. My physical terrorist was back at his torturous ways again today. At first I thought he was going to try to make up for the time we lost last week, but he didn’t. Good think, just a regular session hurt like all hell. Then about the time we were wrapping up I could feel some rain moving in. Sure enough, we’ve been getting doused all evening, and my chest has been telling me all about it. :yuck: A few other body parts aren’t real happy either.

Reading this I am struck by the fact that this position really streches out your chest, and I'm wondering if it triggers just enough pain after you fall asleep to trigger nightmares. Have you been able to try a small (5-10%) incline so the pull isn't quite so bad?

Just a thought that popped up when I read the above.

a nightmare came calling. This one wasn’t as clearly defined as most, a lot of noise and motion, but nothing specific. Hmmmmm….. Hey, a step in the right direction.

Hawk

Maybe I didn't explain that real well, but I can't sleep like this, my shoulders would never take it. I lay like that to fight off the tightness when I'm having some trouble breathing or just feel constricted. To sleep I lay normally on my back or roll onto my side if I can.

It was a nightmare, just different. What it lacked in detail it made up for in other ways. But it didn't seem any worse, so it may be a step. As long as it's not a step back...

Speaking of stepping, I need to step off to the hospital to get knocked out. Nite all! :wavey:

BobInTX

04-12-2010, 14:05

G'nite Wolfe. Read you tomorrow.

Glock26girl

04-12-2010, 16:16

I sure wouldn't have any objections, and I'll run it by my doc. But part of General Order #1 stated that we can't keep or befriend any animal here, so I'm not optimistic.

I noticed that you specified SIAMESE cats, do you have a certain 1 (or2) in mind? :whistling:

Even if this idea goes nowhere I appreciate the suggestion, just like I appreciate all the suggestions you folks come up with. :hugs:

So how are you doing?

Hi Wolfe, I wasn't thinking specifically of George's Siameses, but since I know you love them, Siamese were the obvious choice.

Are you still considered to be in the Army or are you a contractor now? I also remember a soldier in the news who had bonded with a dog in Iraq who was able to take the dog home with him. Maybe you could print the article out to show your Doc.

I would send you Reagan, but she is the biggest snob on earth. Our granddaughter says "mean kitty" whenever she sees her. She just isn't the snuggly type, unless she wants to be scratched, then immediately walks away after she's had enough. If you pick her up, she is thinking of a way to get down.

You need a proven loving cat, one who would sleep with you, wait for you while you are away and let you scratch her till she's furless.:) I really think it would do you a lot of good. Reagan, despite her lack of conscience, has been good for me since I've been out of the hospital. She is company, not great, but company.

I'm alright. It is nice that Spring has arrived. Still having nightmares of people chasing me and no one willing to open the door to let me in. Maybe I should have given the therapist more time. Ironically, she told me I had PTSD. The neuro says Fibromyalgia, too.

It helps to come here to read how you are handling things...and honestly, Wolfe, I think you are doing amazingly well. I know that with all of the pain and the fear related to it, the night mares and just staying mentally strong; it is a huge challenge. But, girl, you really have come a long way. You are a huge encouragement to me. Thank you. Gentle :hugs::hugs::hugs: for my good friend.

Brown Hawk

04-12-2010, 16:32

...

Trust me, if I had the choice in the matter I think I’d have given up long ago. Trust me. You long ago decided to not give up. You just reaffirm it every day. So many times I keep going just because that’s the only thing I can do, not because I’m tough or anything like that. [ Philip Marlowe voice]Sorry, doll. Tough is an attitude, an you got it. [ /Philip Marlowe voice] :rofl:It’s just dragging on so long that if I could I’d curl up in a ball literally as well as figuratively. It’s not that I don’t want to get better, it’s just that I sometimes doubt that I ever will. If you think those guys on their bikes don't feel that way at times, you need to rethink. I really looked hard at that cubby hole under the desk a lot of times. But one day you look and it's just a place to put your feet. One step at a time.

...

Maybe I didn't explain that real well, but I can't sleep like this, my shoulders would never take it. I lay like that to fight off the tightness when I'm having some trouble breathing or just feel constricted. To sleep I lay normally on my back or roll onto my side if I can. I was wondering if yu propped up your arms with pillows. :tongueout:

It was a nightmare, just different. What it lacked in detail it made up for in other ways. But it didn't seem any worse, so it may be a step. As long as it's not a step back... Supposedly, a lack of vivid visualization is a step in the right direction.

Speaking of stepping, I need to step off to the hospital to get knocked out. Nite all! :wavey:

Hope you get some good rest. And maybe still try a little upper body elevation, just enough to relieve some of the stress laying flat can bring on.

Love, prayers,lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

B. Somm

04-13-2010, 01:25

Swung On Over To Page One Hundred Thirty Four!

I never heard that term, but I'll take it. Actually when they knock me out it's not a normal sleep, I don't move and don't have any dreams. It just gives my body some of the rest I need so bad.

Jungle sleep makes me wonder if I'd wake up covered in mosquito bites. :supergrin:

Actually, I think you're supposed to wake up feeling like you want to start the day with a Tarzan yell (minus the chest pounding in your case)! I know you're not up to swinging from the vines yet, but that could be a goal for down the road! ;) :supergrin:

Bee! What's the secret to making calls go through to LW via hajinet? Since she's been back over and had a new haji cell phone, I've had zero luck ::::pout:::::

Actually, I haven't tried to call her, so I have no idea! :dunno: I'm always afraid I'd wake her up or get her in trouble at work, so I leave the option up to her to call me if she wants to talk. She's like me, in that she's not really a 'talk on the phone' kinda gal...but I'm still here if she wants/needs to talk! (Same goes for you MB!)

Lone, I hope you got some good rest!

Gentle Hugs!
B. :hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-13-2010, 13:39

Hi Wolfe, I wasn't thinking specifically of George's Siameses, but since I know you love them, Siamese were the obvious choice.

Are you still considered to be in the Army or are you a contractor now? I also remember a soldier in the news who had bonded with a dog in Iraq who was able to take the dog home with him. Maybe you could print the article out to show your Doc.

I would send you Reagan, but she is the biggest snob on earth. Our granddaughter says "mean kitty" whenever she sees her. She just isn't the snuggly type, unless she wants to be scratched, then immediately walks away after she's had enough. If you pick her up, she is thinking of a way to get down.

You need a proven loving cat, one who would sleep with you, wait for you while you are away and let you scratch her till she's furless.:) I really think it would do you a lot of good. Reagan, despite her lack of conscience, has been good for me since I've been out of the hospital. She is company, not great, but company.

I'm alright. It is nice that Spring has arrived. Still having nightmares of people chasing me and no one willing to open the door to let me in. Maybe I should have given the therapist more time. Ironically, she told me I had PTSD. The neuro says Fibromyalgia, too.

It helps to come here to read how you are handling things...and honestly, Wolfe, I think you are doing amazingly well. I know that with all of the pain and the fear related to it, the night mares and just staying mentally strong; it is a huge challenge. But, girl, you really have come a long way. You are a huge encouragement to me. Thank you. Gentle :hugs::hugs ::hugs : for my good friend.

Actually both. I’m in the Army, but inactive, while working as a contractor. They are keeping my disability status as “pending” so that I can get full medical treatment as if I was active duty. I saw the story you’re talking about. The biggest difference there is that happened at a remote base where they went outside the wire and had contact with animals, which I don’t There are a few feral cats around, but it’s a major no-no to feed them and it’s impossible to get close enough to even think of petting them.

I asked my doc about this today and he said it’s “absolutely not possible”, but that he would see if there was any exceptions. He thinks as soon as I get home I need something like that though. I miss my 2 calicos, they fit your description. They waited for me, slept with me, and wanted constant petting. You couldn’t send me Reagan, you’d miss her too much.

Reading your description of your nightmares my first thought was “I’ll trade you”, but I’ve learned our minds create the nightmares that will affect us the most. You see something that troubles you badly and I see stuff like me and Greg getting shot. Sorry to hear you got PTSD too, and the fibromyalgia. Ugh, no wonder we commiserate so well.

I’ll just say that I don’t understand what measure you use to say I’m doing so well. I know I don’t have much to say again tonight, and that must be getting pretty old to anyone reading this, but nothing is going right, I’m not getting any better, and I’m frustrated and losing hope that it ever will. I know some of you think I’m tough, and that I made the choice not to give up, but I didn’t. I would if I could. If I had my choice I’d just go to sleep and never wake up. Screw crawling under a desk, I don’t even want anyone to be able to approach from the front. Maybe I can find a cave somewhere that no one knows about.

Hope you get some good rest. And maybe still try a little upper body elevation, just enough to relieve some of the stress laying flat can bring on.
“I was wondering if yu propped up your arms with pillows. :rofl:”

Love, prayers,lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

I don’t get the joke, but No, I don’t prop my arms up on pillows. I’ve always liked pillows all around me, so there are times when an arm is across a pillow, especially when I’m laying on my side. When I'm knocked out I just lay flat on my back with my left arm out a little and my right arm holding Mandy.

G'nite Wolfe. Read you tomorrow.

Hello and good night to you too. My doc wants to try the sleep observation one more time in hopes of finding out something he can use. I'm not feeling very optimistic, but at least he's trying to find out something. I think he and my shrink are out of ideas. But I'm off to have nightmares in front of witnesses. Nite everyone, wish me unpleasant dreams! :wavey:

okie

04-13-2010, 13:48

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

23skidoo

04-13-2010, 14:55

Hello and good night to you too. My doc wants to try the sleep observation one more time in hopes of finding out something he can use. I'm not feeling very optimistic, but at least he's trying to find out something. I think he and my shrink are out of ideas. But I'm off to have nightmares in front of witnesses. Nite everyone, wish me unpleasant dreams! :wavey:

Hey Sweetheart;
It pains me very much to say this but unpleasant dreams my dear. Keep thinking positively, your docs are going to beat those nightmares! Extra gentle ones for when you wake up or any time you need one.:hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-14-2010, 00:52

Hey Sweetheart;
It pains me very much to say this but unpleasant dreams my dear. Keep thinking positively, your docs are going to beat those nightmares! Extra gentle ones for when you wake up or any time you need one.:hugs::hearts:

Well, you got your wish, I had a nasty one. :crying: real nasty. I managed to fall back asleep after having one that was ugly, but mild in comparison to the 2nd one. Kinda wish I hadn't, but the girl with the videocam did manage to get both, plus part of one that started before I was even asleep.

I sure hope they figure something out this time. I also hope poor Mandy forgives me for launching her over some wall lockers into a hard to reach spot. I'm still apologizing to her for that. :embarassed:

23skidoo

04-14-2010, 02:46

:hugs:More gentle ones for you, and some gentle ones for Miss Mandy too:hugs: You ladies take care of each other.

Brown Hawk

04-14-2010, 05:37

...

I don’t get the joke,

...

Laughing at myself. I do that a lot.

I'd have a hard time wishing you unpleasant dreams, but since you've already had them, I'm off the hook.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

PS. Mandy sent me a PM that said she can take anything but being ignored. But she has no intention of giving up the extra hugs and petting.

Lone_Wolfe

04-14-2010, 08:20

Laughing at myself. I do that a lot.

I'd have a hard time wishing you unpleasant dreams, but since you've already had them, I'm off the hook.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

PS. Mandy sent me a PM that said she can take anything but being ignored. But she has no intention of giving up the extra hugs and petting.

That would explain why I don't get the joke, I'm as dense as granite anymore. As for the bad dreams I had them last night, I'll have them tomorrow night, and probably for a long time to come. Maybe forever at this rate.

P. S. Mandy told me if I don't quit watering here she'll claw my face off.

BobInTX

04-14-2010, 08:45

Poor Kitty. Just laying there minding her own business and suddenly she's an astronaut. Didn't even have a parachute upon reentry. She probably hissed a few times, but I'll be she's back to purring now.

23skidoo

04-14-2010, 09:35

The good news is that my eldest daughter has gotten engaged. However I told her that I would not consider the engagement official until Wolfe had had a chance to inspect and approve the diamond ring.:whistling::rofl:

Congratulations! So she will be sporting a Miss Lone_approved diamond! Only the very best for the lady. May they enjoy a long life together.

Silent_Runner

04-14-2010, 10:18

Congratulations! So she will be sporting a Miss Lone_approved diamond! Only the very best for the lady. May they enjoy a long life together.
Well thank you 23skidoo! I sure hope Wolfe approves the diamond or off he goes to find a better one!:supergrin: Do you have any idea how picky she is about her jewelry?:whistling:

I think they will be happy together. He seems to be a fine young man. But if he tuerns out not to be I know where he lives.:whip:

:rofl:

Here's hoping all is well for you, very soon, Lone_Wolfe.

I think of you all the time. Especially when I'm over here.

Godspeed, dear lady!

:hugs:
cjlandry you be careful over there too.

Ha Ha. I'm sure you're right. But I can see some comedy sketch of them trying to train a cat to do this. They give the cat a command and, as my dog-training friend says, it gives them the paw (aka the finger). You gots to love those kitties.
BobInTx you have it backwards. You don't train a cat. The cat trains you!

That would explain why I don't get the joke, I'm as dense as granite anymore. As for the bad dreams I had them last night, I'll have them tomorrow night, and probably for a long time to come. Maybe forever at this rate.

P. S. Mandy told me if I don't quit watering here she'll claw my face off.
Wolfe you are not dense so stop saying that. Yes it's true that you have comprehension difficulties as a result of your reaction to the antidepressants and long term sleep deprivation but that does not mean you are dense or stupid by any means. It just means you have a mental illness that we hope can be cured soon so you can heal and move on with rebuilding your life.

I asked my doc about this today and he said it’s “absolutely not possible”, but that he would see if there was any exceptions. He thinks as soon as I get home I need something like that though. I miss my 2 calicos, they fit your description. They waited for me, slept with me, and wanted constant petting. You couldn’t send me Reagan, you’d miss her too much.

I’ll just say that I don’t understand what measure you use to say I’m doing so well. I know I don’t have much to say again tonight, and that must be getting pretty old to anyone reading this, but nothing is going right, I’m not getting any better, and I’m frustrated and losing hope that it ever will. I know some of you think I’m tough, and that I made the choice not to give up, but I didn’t. I would if I could. If I had my choice I’d just go to sleep and never wake up. Screw crawling under a desk, I don’t even want anyone to be able to approach from the front. Maybe I can find a cave somewhere that no one knows about.

Even if you get approval to have a pet over there do you have any idea how you would get it over there? Is it possible for one of us to ship an animal? You have mentioned how long it takes to mail things and I know the weather is getting hot there. Is it even possible?

The measure we use to guage how you are doing is what you say when you come in here and the fact that you refuse to give up even after all this time and the pain you have gone through. That's just part of why we want you to keep coming in here and talking about things that are on your mind. Not only does it help us know how you are doing but we can help you. If you try to hide in a cave I will lead everyone here to that cave and we will drag out out and make you talk.

BobInTX

04-14-2010, 13:14

BobInTx you have it backwards. You don't train a cat. The cat trains you!

Oh, don't I know it. I have a kitty myself. Or does she have me? Hmmm... She lets us sleep on her bed at night, don'tcha know? She's about 14 now so we're just enjoying her while we still can. Although she does make it difficult at times, between the vomit in the middle of the night and peeing on our new carpet. :rant::shakehead:

Glock26girl

04-14-2010, 13:25

Reading your description of your nightmares my first thought was “I’ll trade you”, but I’ve learned our minds create the nightmares that will affect us the most. You see something that troubles you badly and I see stuff like me and Greg getting shot. Sorry to hear you got PTSD too, and the fibromyalgia. Ugh, no wonder we commiserate so well.

I’ll just say that I don’t understand what measure you use to say I’m doing so well. I know I don’t have much to say again tonight, and that must be getting pretty old to anyone reading this, but nothing is going right, I’m not getting any better, and I’m frustrated and losing hope that it ever will. I know some of you think I’m tough, and that I made the choice not to give up, but I didn’t. I would if I could. If I had my choice I’d just go to sleep and never wake up. Screw crawling under a desk, I don’t even want anyone to be able to approach from the front. Maybe I can find a cave somewhere that no one knows about.

Ya know Wolfe, everyone gets depressed. Some more than others, but everybody has things in their lives at one time or another that brings them down. This is just your (and my) time. This isn't going to last forever, it can't. There are several reasons it can't. One is that there are so many people praying for you. Another is that it is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn or a breakthrough. The sleeping issue is the worst part of this and they will find a solution, and your body and mind will naturally change and get better with time.

One of the things that I think is causing the newer confusion in your thinking is the pain meds. When I took them, I had a difficult time doing my job and I was constantly feeling foggy headed. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to tell me that at the time because I needed them. They do slow and confuse the thinking, though. So, honestly I don't think your mind is in worse shape than it was 6 months ago. You are just getting proper pain relief for your injuries.

You won't give up. I know that I get down and say some pretty discouraging things, but an hour later, I am feeling better. I know that you are in a similar boat. You really are a survivor, Wolfe and this too shall pass.

As I've said before, please, never think that I am comparing my situation to yours. We have talked about that and you know I don't see them as the same thing at all.

BobInTX

04-14-2010, 13:59

Glock26girl, we're praying for you, too.

Lone_Wolfe

04-14-2010, 14:04

Oh, don't I know it. I have a kitty myself. Or does she have me? Hmmm... She lets us sleep on her bed at night, don'tcha know? She's about 14 now so we're just enjoying her while we still can. Although she does make it difficult at times, between the vomit in the middle of the night and peeing on our new carpet. :rant::shakehead:

Wow, sorry you girl is having troubles. My oldest one is 13 this year. I wonder how she's doing? I don't have time to answer your PM tonight, but briefly, I've never taken Tramadol or Ultram because they aren't near strong enough. According to my doc I'm on the strongest thing he can prescribe me and it's not strong enough by itself. He's never tried Prazosin on me possibly because my nightmares aren't entirely caused by PTSD. Some are, but the anti-depressants made the situation worse. I react badly to other meds, I don't know how that would affect me.

BTW, yout questions were safe for out here.

Even if you get approval to have a pet over there do you have any idea how you would get it over there? Is it possible for one of us to ship an animal? You have mentioned how long it takes to mail things and I know the weather is getting hot there. Is it even possible?
.

I'll look at the rest of what you wrote and what G26girl wrote tomorrow, because it's almost time for me to go get knocked out, but sending me a cat would be impossible. In the extremely unlikely event this got approved I would have to travel to Kuwait to pick it up. That presents another problem because travel is so painful for me, but I would do it to get a cat. It's a moot point though, this is all wishful thinking.

Congratulations! So she will be sporting a Miss Lone_approved diamond! Only the very best for the lady. May they enjoy a long life together.

Skidoo what should I do if I don't approve the stone? :rofl:

Time for me to go get knocked out. Nite everyone! :wavey:

sawgrass

04-14-2010, 14:20

The post office guy said 8-10 days. I hope that means you get mail around
the 21st. The good news is melting isn't shrinking. If there are nibbles, it
was Gordy the postal clerk, not me. He asked after reading the custom's
form.

Hope you got some good rest. Chloe said to tell you, she doesn't purr,
but she LOVES to snuggle.

Silent_Runner, congratulations to your daughter.

Glock26girl, good to see you back. Nice job repairing your computer.

okie

04-14-2010, 14:22

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

faawrenchbndr

04-14-2010, 16:03

Lady_Wolfe,........been missing ya sweet pea!
How have ya been? I'll get some more time to chat with you Sunday.

:hugs:

MB-G26

04-14-2010, 16:32

That’s where you say something to them, they turn away and flip their tail up at you. You just know you’ve been given “The Tail”. :rofl: And so does everyone in the room.

Um....... why did my brain immediately picture a SKUNK doing this (instead of a cat)? :whistling:

Lone_Wolfe

04-14-2010, 22:15

Um....... why did my brain immediately picture a SKUNK doing this (instead of a cat)? :whistling:

Probably because most cats are little stinkers at hearts. :supergrin:

Lady_Wolfe,........been missing ya sweet pea!
How have ya been? I'll get some more time to chat with you Sunday.

: hugs:

I been missing you too! How's the move going? I'm looking forward to chatting. :hugs:

Love ya sweetheart: smootchie:: hugs::hearts:

Love you too, okie! :hearts: Love them okie :hugs:'s

The post office guy said 8-10 days. I hope that means you get mail around
the 21st. The good news is melting isn't shrinking. If there are nibbles, it
was Gordy the postal clerk, not me. He asked after reading the custom's
form.

Hope you got some good rest. Chloe said to tell you, she doesn't purr,
but she LOVES to snuggle.

Silent_Runner, congratulations to your daughter.

Glock26girl, good to see you back. Nice job repairing your computer.

Gordy better stay out of my truffles!!! 8 to 10 days, he's an optimist, but I'll be watching. I didn't quite my usual 8 hours, but 7 1/2 instead because of some crap going on at the hospital. I skipped breakfast and came straight over here to sat hi. Got a bunch of actual work today, well sit in front of a compter type work. I'll actually earn my keep for a change...

So Chloe loves to snuggle, are you telling me this because she's packed in the box? hehe

Think I'll got get something to eat after all, so I got to split...

MB-G26

04-15-2010, 02:13

Hey LW, did you ever get Trillion installed on your machine?

Silent_Runner

04-15-2010, 10:41

I been missing you too! How's the move going? I'm looking forward to chatting. :hugs:
...
So how is today going for you? Does that comment about looking forward to chatting include all of us?

Silent_Runner, congratulations to your daughter.

Glock26girl, good to see you back. Nice job repairing your computer.
Thank you sawgrass. I think he did very well.:supergrin:

Vlad the Impaler, huh? Ouch! Is that what it felt like to get shot? Impaled? :shocked: I know, I know...Let you shoot me and I'll know. No thanks, I'm good.

Can't haji give you a break for just one off night? Shooting you every dang night and all. You tell them I said to knock it off. "Hey, there's people tryin' to sleep over here!" :director:

We're always hugging you in our thoughts, Wolfe. :grouphug: That wasn't too rough, was it?
Do you think they will listen and give her a break for a change? It sure would be nice if they did.

atoy

http://i625.photobucket.com/albums/tt334/TowRepo/friendshipflowers.jpg
Tow/Repo that is so pretty I wanted to bring it to the current page.

You are never alone Sweetheart. All you have to do is come in here, get comfortable, and start talking. We'll talk about anything that's on your mind, laugh with you, cry with you, whatever you need. .::
Well stated and thank you. I could not have said it better myself.

Lone_Wolfe

04-15-2010, 14:36

Hey LW, did you ever get Trillion installed on your machine?

Nope, never got it downloaded. :steamed:

23skidoo

04-15-2010, 14:40

Hey Sweetheart, I hope you enjoyed your busy day at work today, that always makes my day go faster.

Lone_Wolfe

04-15-2010, 16:20

Hey Sweetheart, I hope you enjoyed your busy day at work today, that always makes my day go faster.

It was OK, easy work, just time consuming. Now if tonight would go a bit better than it has so far I'd be glad of it....

23skidoo

04-15-2010, 16:25

I hope you have a good night Sweetheart.

Lone_Wolfe

04-15-2010, 18:39

I hope you have a good night Sweetheart.

Yep, it's been a good night. Good for a couple nightmares...... :yuck:

23skidoo

04-15-2010, 18:44

You know these are gentle ones.:hugs: Some for Mandy too in case she has had a rough night too.:hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-15-2010, 19:15

You know these are gentle ones.:hugs: Some for Mandy too in case she has had a rough night too.:hugs:

So you want to hug a soggy cat? At least I haven't launched her yet....

23skidoo

04-15-2010, 19:27

Yes ma'am, even soggy cats need a gentle hug sometimes. She takes care of you too well to be ignored.:hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-15-2010, 21:10

Yes ma'am, even soggy cats need a gentle hug sometimes. She takes care of you too well to be ignored.:hugs::hearts:

Give her a real hug and wring her out for me so I can soak her again.

So how is today going for you? Does that comment about looking forward to chatting include all of us?

Do you think they will listen and give her a break for a change? It sure would be nice if they did.
.

I haven't wanted to talk to anyone tonight, not just you, so don't feel bad. And no, they didn't give me a break again tonight.

Ya know Wolfe, everyone gets depressed. Some more than others, but everybody has things in their lives at one time or another that brings them down. This is just your (and my) time. This isn't going to last forever, it can't. There are several reasons it can't. One is that there are so many people praying for you. Another is that it is ALWAYS darkest before the dawn or a breakthrough. The sleeping issue is the worst part of this and they will find a solution, and your body and mind will naturally change and get better with time.

One of the things that I think is causing the newer confusion in your thinking is the pain meds. When I took them, I had a difficult time doing my job and I was constantly feeling foggy headed. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to tell me that at the time because I needed them. They do slow and confuse the thinking, though. So, honestly I don't think your mind is in worse shape than it was 6 months ago. You are just getting proper pain relief for your injuries.

You won't give up. I know that I get down and say some pretty discouraging things, but an hour later, I am feeling better. I know that you are in a similar boat. You really are a survivor, Wolfe and this too shall pass.

As I've said before, please, never think that I am comparing my situation to yours. We have talked about that and you know I don't see them as the same thing at all.

I may not have explained some things clearly, but that doesn’t surprise me. I agree that my head isn’t any worse than it was 6 or 8 months ago when I got off the anti-depressants. I know the pain meds don’t help my thinking, but they aren’t the main problem. Besides I’ve been on them all along. I’m not taking anything now that I didn’t take a year ago. I’ve been using Fentanyl ever since I was close to getting out of the hospital in March of 09, except for a couple months when my doc switched me to Oxy.

I think there’s some similarity in our situations, they just had totally different causes. It seems my “downs” last a lot longer than an hour, but you’re right, I’ve survived this long…..

Actually, I think you're supposed to wake up feeling like you want to start the day with a Tarzan yell (minus the chest pounding in your case)! I know you're not up to swinging from the vines yet, but that could be a goal for down the road! ; ) :supergrin:

Actually, I haven't tried to call her, so I have no idea! :dunno: I'm always afraid I'd wake her up or get her in trouble at work, so I leave the option up to her to call me if she wants to talk. She's like me, in that she's not really a 'talk on the phone' kinda gal...but I'm still here if she wants/needs to talk! (Same goes for you MB!)

Lone, I hope you got some good rest!

Gentle Hugs!
B. :hugs:

You're right about that, pounding my chest is definitely NOT an option. But if I tried it you'd hear me yelling, just not a Tarzan yell.

Even when I have called or gotten a call the connections have been so crappy it's just aggravation. :hugs:

sawgrass

04-15-2010, 22:43

I'm sure sorry the dreams seem to be in high gear
the last few nights. To quote you, "damn just damn".

Did the Doc make any decisions after the last observation?

LW, the anger,depression and frustration are normal for a lengthy recovery
process. The sleep deprivation compounds those feelings.
Hang in there, and remember we are all here for you when
you need us.

One of my students is a chef by day, student by night.
He brought me a surprise tonight.
It's chocolate cake with a creamy kinda wet chocolate center, a harder
chocolate outside, almost like a dipped cone, garnished with shaved
chocolate, blueberries, a strawberry and a mint sprig. It was almost
too pretty to eat, but I managed.:supergrin: When you make it to MN, we
are having that cake.

B. Somm

04-16-2010, 02:18

Hiya Lone!

Here's some flowers that I took a picture of while out & about last month. Hope they brighten your day!

B. :hugs: :wavey:

http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee66/ladyb918/DSCN1481.jpg

Lone_Wolfe

04-16-2010, 13:43

I know I haven’t gone into a lot of detail about this before, but it’s not something that just started happening lately. It started happening sometime during the time I was on anti-depressants. Something causes me to shut down inside to the point that I can’t feel anything for anybody. I can’t feel love, sadness, happiness, nothing. I just feel like I’m dead inside. My previous shrink called it “flattening effect” She said it’s not uncommon for people with schizoid personalities. I’m not schizoid, although I’ve always been something of a loner. In that past I’ve had times where I felt disconnected from the world and people around me, but never to the point of not being ABLE to care. That’s what happens to me now. The only thing I can feel is a kind of dull anger at no one in particular, but at anyone who gets close. Luckily it doesn’t get that bad very often, or usually last more than a couple of days, or I wouldn’t have any friends in here or in RL. I sometimes lash out at anyone who gets too close to me because of it, and the consequences of that hurt worse than the initial problem.

Mandy is planning a mutiny right now.

BobInTX

04-16-2010, 13:45

Well, we love you anyway.

okie

04-16-2010, 13:47

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hearts::hugs:

sawgrass

04-16-2010, 14:33

Something causes me to shut down inside to the point that I can’t feel anything for anybody. I can’t feel love, sadness, happiness, nothing.

Well, as Okie might say that's a big crap sandwich, if you have to
go through this emotional hell, but still feel the physical pain.

Wolfe, as already said, we love you.
We are here when you're ready.
Behave yourself.

MB-G26

04-16-2010, 15:45

Well, we love you anyway.

THIS!!

((((((((((((((((gentle hugs))))))))))))))))))))))

sawgrass

04-16-2010, 16:19

MBG26 did you get that dog??!!
I know this is off topic, sorry.
But, I sure hope you got that dog!!:supergrin:

engineer151515

04-16-2010, 19:21

........ I can’t feel anything for anybody. I can’t feel love, sadness, happiness, nothing...............

Where the hand holds, the heart will follow.
At these times, close your eyes and hold my hand.
And I will lead you here. So you can see how many care for you.

:hugs:

Glock26girl

04-16-2010, 21:05

^^^^Like Engineer said, Wolfe. We love you so.:hugs::hugs::hugs:

ryanm

04-16-2010, 21:49

Checking in on you, LW.
:wavey:
:hugs:

Tow/Repo

04-16-2010, 22:19

Tow/Repo

04-16-2010, 22:26

Where the hand holds, the heart will follow.
At these times, close your eyes and hold my hand.
And I will lead you here. So you can see how many care for you.

:hugs:

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

atoy

23skidoo

04-17-2010, 01:27

Where the hand holds, the heart will follow.
At these times, close your eyes and hold my hand.
And I will lead you here. So you can see how many care for you.

:hugs:

That is beautiful.

sawgrass

04-17-2010, 04:57

:wavey:, I just missed you this early am for me. Check your pm's.

Silent_Runner

04-17-2010, 10:48

^^^^Like Engineer said, Wolfe. We love you so.:hugs::hugs::hugs:
Let me second that sentiment.

Well, as Okie might say that's a big crap sandwich, if you have to
go through this emotional hell, but still feel the physical pain.

Wolfe, as already said, we love you.
We are here when you're ready.
Behave yourself.
sawgrass I don't know how anyone could go through this kind of pain day in and day out and not want to go out of thier mind. Wolfe you just have to believe you will get better.

Mandy is planning a mutiny right now.
Wolfe I truly hope things are looking up for yu today. I know things have gone wrong in the last few days but we have not given up on you and you can't give up either. Come in here and at least let us give you a hug.

Lone_Wolfe

04-17-2010, 19:02

Hiya Lone!

Here's some flowers that I took a picture of while out & about last month. Hope they brighten your day!

B. : hugs:

http://i233.photobucket.com/albums/ee66/ladyb918/DSCN1481.jpg
atoy

http://i625.photobucket.com/albums/tt334/TowRepo/friendshipflowers.jpg

I just wanted to see these again. So pretty and what I needed today. B. Somm there's just something odd about seeing Petunias in a Phoenix suburb.... :hugs:

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie ::hearts:: hugs:

Heya okie :hearts:

Checking in on you, LW.
: wavey:
: hugs:

Hey Ryan, how you been? :hugs:

Let me second that sentiment.

Wolfe I truly hope things are looking up for yu today. I know things have gone wrong in the last few days but we have not given up on you and you can't give up either. Come in here and at least let us give you a hug.

OK, I'm here, gimme my hugs. It hasn't been an easy day by any stretch, but it wasn't as bed as yesterday. Except that yesterday was knock-out night and tonight I have the usual nightmares hanging around. I'd like to send them to the glue factory.

23skidoo

04-17-2010, 19:09

OK, I'm here, gimme my hugs. It hasn't been an easy day by any stretch, but it wasn't as bed as yesterday. Except that yesterday was knock-out night and tonight I have the usual nightmares hanging around. I'd like to send them to the glue factory.

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: All of those are as gentle as I can make them Sweetheart, they're special ones too. As soon as you take one another pops up to replace it. Neat huh?

engineer151515

04-17-2010, 19:31

A budding Rose for you.

http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/4766/buddingrose.jpg

okie

04-17-2010, 19:32

Love ya darlin :smootchie::hearts::hugs:

MB-G26

04-17-2010, 20:06

MBG26 did you get that dog??!!
I know this is off topic, sorry.
But, I sure hope you got that dog!!:supergrin:

No, it didn't come together - plus, Jay came just short of out and out saying, "No." :crying:

MB-G26

04-17-2010, 20:25

Any idea what THIS is?

They grow wild, blooming now and for the last couple weeks, in the chunk of forest directly behind the apt. in Flag. At first, when they started to pop up through the snow, I thought the first one I saw might be a crocus - but I don't think so now that bunches of them are up and blooming in clumps. The leaves are almost 'fern like', albeit pretty small.

I haven't a clue - sorry for the blurry pic:

http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r39/J-MB/Rockflowerfern.jpg

LW........... how you doing now/today/tonight? Pain subside any? I have a thought about this particular aspect:

Think of someone putting a band around your chest and clamping it down, sometimes not so much, but other times you are barealy able to breathe at all. That's about the easiest description I can give you.

I have something exactly like this in description - not all the time, and of course nobody shot me - but....... *mine* is inflammation of the "inter-costal nerves" I've been told. Sometimes it will come on in the night and the only way I know 'that' is what's happening is because I literally WAKE up THROWING UP due the muscle squeezes from the spine area all the way around my chest and to/around my stomach.

Lone_Wolfe

04-17-2010, 21:28

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs: All of those are as gentle as I can make them Sweetheart, they're special ones too. As soon as you take one another pops up to replace it. Neat huh?

I like this kind. But you only gave my 5 instead of 6!!! Or maybe that was so I could return one :hugs:.

23skidoo

04-17-2010, 22:23

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

My most profound apologies Sweetheart!

Lone_Wolfe

04-18-2010, 01:45

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

My most profound apologies Sweetheart!

But................................. now I can't give one back without taking aaway one of them................ Oh the dilemma.....

Geeorge

04-18-2010, 01:56

:poke:

Geeorge

04-18-2010, 01:57

:hugs::kiss::hugs:

glockerbob

04-18-2010, 02:07

:wavey:Im new here and dont know you but get well soon and thanks for your service.
God Bless

23skidoo

04-18-2010, 03:48

But................................. now I can't give one back without taking aaway one of them................ Oh the dilemma.....

These are special ones and are yours to do with as you please. Lay one on me baby and I'll send it right back to you.

sawgrass

04-18-2010, 06:54

No, it didn't come together - plus, Jay came just short of out and out saying, "No." :crying:

Rats!, When the right dog comes along, you'll know and it will work out.

LW, I hope you are feeling better.:wavey:

Lone_Wolfe

04-18-2010, 11:20

Rats!, When the right dog comes along, you'll know and it will work out.

LW, I hope you are feeling better.:wavey:

It's too bad too, because that big pup would have had a loving home, but he found a home where his previous owner can see him sometimes.

Well, my head is starting to come out of the worst of it. I was a real bad shutdown, really hurt inside. My chest has been fairly calm, just having pain at my normal level. The weather's been great for the last few days. Clear, warm but not hot, light breeze.

So tonight my head's starting to settle back to it's normal level or crap, and now the breeze is picking up and you guess it, bringing rain... :yuck: At yep, my chest is telling me all about it. :steamed:

Ever feel like if you just can't win? :upeyes: :faint: :rofl:

Lone_Wolfe

04-18-2010, 13:52

: wavey:Im new here and dont know you but get well soon and thanks for your service.
God Bless

Hey glockerbob, thank you and welcome to GT. Stop in and say Hi anytime.

:poke: :poke: back at ya, dear. How ya doing?

Love ya darlin :smootchie:: hearts:: hugs:

Love you too, sweetie. :hearts:

A budding Rose for you.

http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/4766/buddingrose.jpg

That is so pretty. Makes me miss the miniatures I used to grow. Thank you.

The strength to cry
The strength to try
The strength to laugh
The strength to love
The strength to cope
The strength to hope
The strength one day
to fly into a brighter sky!

ATOY
your friend Dan

Oh, to have some of that strength now. I think I get a little each time I come in here, so I keep coming back even when I don't want to.

Where the hand holds, the heart will follow.
At these times, close your eyes and hold my hand.
And I will lead you here. So you can see how many care for you.

: hugs:

I read this yet again and I'm crying once more, but it's the first time in 3 days that it's good tears.

Any idea what THIS is?

They grow wild, blooming now and for the last couple weeks, in the chunk of forest directly behind the apt. in Flag. At first, when they started to pop up through the snow, I thought the first one I saw might be a crocus - but I don't think so now that bunches of them are up and blooming in clumps. The leaves are almost 'fern like', albeit pretty small.

I haven't a clue - sorry for the blurry pic:

http://i140.photobucket.com/albums/r39/J-MB/Rockflowerfern.jpg

LW........... how you doing now/today/tonight? Pain subside any? I have a thought about this particular aspect:

I have something exactly like this in description - not all the time, and of course nobody shot me - but....... *mine* is inflammation of the "inter-costal nerves" I've been told. Sometimes it will come on in the night and the only way I know 'that' is what's happening is because I literally WAKE up THROWING UP due the muscle squeezes from the spine area all the way around my chest and to/around my stomach.

You’re right, those aren’t Crocuses. I used to have Crocus in my garden. They are a straight-stemmed flower. Think small tulip, but the color is right. I don’t know what it is, but it’s pretty.

The mental pain let off some, but the physical pain came in to take it’s place.
“and of course nobody shot me” Do us both a favor and keep it that way, PLEASE! We’ll both be a lot happier. While your’s obviously has a different cause you’re feeling something similar to one of the causes of my problems. I also have the nerve damage to go along with cartilage and other damage. Mine doesn’t originate from the spine like yours does either. Mine usually originates from near “ground zero”, but not always. Sometimes something like a bump or lifting something or twisting wrong will set it off originating from where the offense just took place. It tends to be up higher in my chest also, not down in my stomach as much as your case. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad. I don’t throw up often, but a lot of times I have trouble breathing right even if I’m not having a full blown attack. Has your doc been able to do anything for your case? My doc said a few days ago he wants to switch up my meds pretty soon and put me on a slightly milder painkiller and add an anti-inflammatory to my every-day meds and give me stronger add-ons. I told him I was OK with the 2nd and 3rd parts, but don’t even think of putting me on a milder painkiller, even if it’s Oxy again! Not until I've made some progress.

Well, as Okie might say that's a big crap sandwich, if you have to
go through this emotional hell, but still feel the physical pain.

Wolfe, as already said, we love you.
We are here when you're ready.
Behave yourself.

I'd love to have even one kind of pain go away, either the physical or emotional. It doesn't seem to be happening in any hurry though. I'll be so glad when we figure something out so I can sleep again. Oh well, at least I'll sleep in a few minutes. It's about that time. Nite all!

Geeorge

04-18-2010, 22:02

All's fine in Catville,hope you are too:hugs:

Lone_Wolfe

04-19-2010, 02:50

All's fine in Catville,hope you are too:hugs:

Feeling a bit better today, thanks. The low pressure was long gone by the time I got up this morning, thankfully. Give my kitties a rub for me, willya?

:hugs: :hearts: :kiss:

23skidoo

04-19-2010, 03:32

You're feeling better!:snoopy::hearts:

BobInTX

04-19-2010, 08:05

Feeling a bit better today, thanks. The low pressure was long gone by the time I got up this morning, thankfully. Give my kitties a rub for me, willya?

:hugs: :hearts: :kiss:
Good morning/afternoon, LW. Hope you're having a positively glorious day.

Silent_Runner

04-19-2010, 10:13

The mental pain let off some............
Feeling a bit better today, thanks. The low pressure was long gone by the time I got up this morning, thankfully. Give my kitties a rub for me, willya?

:hugs: :hearts: :kiss:
Does this mean your pain is back down to what you typically have these days? You seem like the worst of the mental anguish is giving you a break also. Maybe that means you will have some good days and can come in here and talk to us with a clear head about the nightmares and things that trouble you.

Good morning/afternoon, LW. Hope you're having a positively glorious day.
BobInTx I seriously doubt her day is anywhere close to that good but we sure can hope.:wavey:

sawgrass

04-19-2010, 10:17

Wolfe, I'm so glad you are feeling some better.
Hopefully your box comes this week.
I'm pretty sure chocolate was made for when
there isn't alcohol.:supergrin:

Lone_Wolfe

04-19-2010, 12:47

Does this mean your pain is back down to what you typically have these days? You seem like the worst of the mental anguish is giving you a break also. Maybe that means you will have some good days and can come in here and talk to us with a clear head about the nightmares and things that trouble you.

BobInTx I seriously doubt her day is anywhere close to that good but we sure can hope.:wavey:

Yeah, since around lunchtime it dropped back to about my normal and I came out of the real bad place my head was in. So for a change both body and mind are at thier "normal" pain levels. I think that's the first time that's happened since I left to go to the States. We'll see how long it lasts. Wish tonight was knock-out night. I'll try to come back here later and try to talk about some of the crap in my head and see if I can think rationally for a change.

Hey, give Bob credit for trying. :wavey:

BobInTX

04-19-2010, 13:36

Hey, give Bob credit for trying. :wavey:

Some day, Wolfe, some day.

I keep praying for just one night without the nightmares. I encourage everyone else here to do the same. :angel::angel:

Baby steps.

Lone_Wolfe

04-19-2010, 16:09

Some day, Wolfe, some day.

I keep praying for just one night without the nightmares. I encourage everyone else here to do the same. :angel::angel:

Baby steps.

Someday, but not tonight. I still have faith it'll happen, but the nightmares ignored the prayers and came after me already tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary or particularly vivid, but enough to get Mandy watered a little. Maybe next time.....

faawrenchbndr

04-19-2010, 16:15

Howdy Lady_Wolfe,.........:supergrin::supergrin:

Lone_Wolfe

04-19-2010, 23:52

Howdy Lady_Wolfe,.........:supergrin::supergrin:

:wavey: :hugs: How did the move go? :hugs: :wavey:

23skidoo

04-19-2010, 23:56

Gentle ones for you:hugs::hearts:, plus some for Mandy, she's a real trooper.:hugs::hearts: They're as gentle as can be.

okie

04-20-2010, 00:35

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

Silent_Runner

04-20-2010, 10:01

Some day, Wolfe, some day.

I keep praying for just one night without the nightmares. I encourage everyone else here to do the same. :angel::angel:

Baby steps.
I have been praying for the same thing and will continue to do so daily.

Wolfe, I'm so glad you are feeling some better.
Hopefully your box comes this week.
I'm pretty sure chocolate was made for when
there isn't alcohol.:supergrin:
sawgrass if you sent her chocolate you will have a friend for life.:supergrin: Now if you send her alcohol you will really have a friend. You may never get rid of her.:rofl:

Someday, but not tonight. I still have faith it'll happen, but the nightmares ignored the prayers and came after me already tonight. Nothing out of the ordinary or particularly vivid, but enough to get Mandy watered a little. Maybe next time.....
Wolfe I know you saw your shrink and were planning to push him for answers on this issue. Does he have any ideas at all or does he plan to sit on his hands until you leave? I wonder if he really works for the VA with the way he is doing absolutely nothing for you. You also told my you were going to see your physical terrorist today. How did that go? And more importantly does he see you making progress?

Lone_Wolfe

04-20-2010, 10:37

Wolfe I know you saw your shrink and were planning to push him for answers on this issue. Does he have any ideas at all or does he plan to sit on his hands until you leave? I wonder if he really works for the VA with the way he is doing absolutely nothing for you. You also told my you were going to see your physical terrorist today. How did that go? And more importantly does he see you making progress?

I did get onto him yesterday and I'll write about it later, I still need to get dinner. My appointment yesterday with my terrorist got pushed to today and he say that nothing in my chest was flared up beyond the "normal" pain level, so he cured that. :steamed: :fist: I cursed the day his Daddy first kissed his Momma.....

Lone_Wolfe

04-20-2010, 14:14

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie ::hearts:: hugs:

:hearts: my okie

Wolfe, I'm so glad you are feeling some better.
Hopefully your box comes this week.
I'm pretty sure chocolate was made for when
there isn't alcohol.: supergrin:

You mean there's no booze in the box!?!?!? :rofl: Can't wait to get some good chocolate. :drool:

I have been praying for the same thing and will continue to do so daily.

sawgrass if you sent her chocolate you will have a friend for life.: supergrin: Now if you send her alcohol you will really have a friend. You may never get rid of her.:rofl:

Wolfe I know you saw your shrink and were planning to push him for answers on this issue. Does he have any ideas at all or does he plan to sit on his hands until you leave? I wonder if he really works for the VA with the way he is doing absolutely nothing for you. You also told my you were going to see your physical terrorist today. How did that go? And more importantly does he see you making progress?

Hey, I'm not that bad about chocolate and booze.... am I? :embarassed:

I ran later than intended and don’t have time to go into details before I leave, but I did tear into him a bit yesterday. I had previously, but more so yesterday because I’m getting so frustrated but the lack of progress. I need to figure out how to sleep without being woke up by nightmares every single time I try. Even if I could go back to sleep afterward it would be better than it is, but the nightmares are bad enough that I can’t fall back to sleep well afterwards. My shrink tried hypnotizing me once and it didn’t work, now he wants to try it in a different way. I don’t mind, but 2 tries in years past failed also. I just hope him or my doc figures something out soon. My shrink told me I should come in here more and talk about things like the survivor’s guilt I have. He thinks that’ll make a difference. No, he doesn’t know this is a gun forum. He thinks it’s a blog site.

Thanks for the prayers. Nite!

faawrenchbndr

04-20-2010, 14:49

:wavey: :hugs: How did the move go? :hugs: :wavey:

Made my butt sore,.....:faint:

Will drop you a line tomorrow! :hugs:

BobInTX

04-20-2010, 16:27

I ran later than intended and don’t have time to go into details before I leave, but I did tear into him a bit yesterday. I had previously, but more so yesterday because I’m getting so frustrated but the lack of progress. I need to figure out how to sleep without being woke up by nightmares every single time I try. Even if I could go back to sleep afterward it would be better than it is, but the nightmares are bad enough that I can’t fall back to sleep well afterwards. My shrink tried hypnotizing me once and it didn’t work, now he wants to try it in a different way. I don’t mind, but 2 tries in years past failed also. I just hope him or my doc figures something out soon. My shrink told me I should come in here more and talk about things like the survivor’s guilt I have. He thinks that’ll make a difference. No, he doesn’t know this is a gun forum. He thinks it’s a blog site.

Thanks for the prayers. Nite!

This is a gun forum??? :faint:

With your luck you will probably hypnotize HIM! :freak:

As to the survivor's guilt, I think you have to face your demons. We've all talked in here about how you need to distract yourself to get your mind off of it. But that doesn't seem to be possible in your current state of mind. I think you need to come to grips with what happened. You need to get these thoughts out of your head and onto paper. I think you know that, too. It will take a while (it's not like you're not up every other night) but might be worth it.

If you will let me I have worked up a program to help you do this. It consist of five steps.

1. Write the story of what happened to you in third person, from the time you learned of the problem at the FOB(?) until you found out that Greg had been killed. Don't write about how you felt, just the facts from another person's point of view, as if you were an author writing a story. Write your conversation with superior officers, Greg, and things people said along the way. Everything you can remember about the event. "Major X said 'You are one fine looking sergeant". Oh, wait. That was 23Skidoo. :tongueout:

Write about the trip and the moment the SHTF, Lone Wolfe getting shot, the medic working on Lone Wolfe, etc. All from a third person point of view, but only stuff you experienced, not what someone told you happened. I know you have trouble concentrating right now, so it doesn't matter if it makes sense. Nobody but you is going to read it anyway. If it makes you emotional, that's okay, it's part of it. Just put it aside and work on it later. You can write and rewrite until you think it's complete. Again, don't write about feelings, just be objective from a third person point of view. No thoughts, no feelings. You need to do it on your computer, not longhand.

When it is finished, for a couple of days read over it several times a day, and especially before bedtime, including on your knockout nights. When you have finished that let me know and I will give you assignment #2.

I think this will help get all the crap out of your head. You're going to cry and you're going to get mad and sometimes you might not even feel anything. That's good. You're taking action to help yourself.

You need to talk we'll be here. :grouphug:

Geeorge

04-21-2010, 01:21

Hey baby,was just thinking of you:wavey:

Lone Wolf8634

04-21-2010, 03:40

Hi sweety:wavey:

Aint been ignoring you. Just been kinda cought up in my own drama. I'll drop ya a pm when a little later.

:kiss:

sawgrass

04-21-2010, 09:00

Lone_Wolfe

04-21-2010, 11:55

Hi LW, you've been on my mind and I haven't had a chance to write.
Just checking in to say : wavey:.

Sorry no booze in the box. However, a few of the truffles have
booze in them. You will have to evaluate and let me know
which ones you like the best.

That reminds me of a story. One time one of my southern relatives
sent me a box labeled peach jelly. There was this little itty bitty
jar of jelly and a 1/2 gallon of peach shine!: supergrin:

No harm no foul. I don't drink that stuff now. I just cannot stay out of
trouble if I drink it. All good judgement simply leaves me.

Hey friend, good to see you again. :wavey: Hmmmmm, booze in the truffles.... :cool:

I like the way your southern relative thinks. But it's just as well that I don't have any of that stuff here, it would "enhance" the effect of my pain meds. Maybe a bit more than I intended.

Hi sweety:wavey:

Aint been ignoring you. Just been kinda cought up in my own drama. I'll drop ya a pm when a little later.

:kiss:

Hi Sweetie! :hearts: I been worried about you too, ya know. Good to see you pop in, and I look forward to the PM. Hope things are starting to look better for you. :hugs:

23skidoo

04-21-2010, 12:19

Hi Sweetheart.:wavey::hugs::hearts:

MB-G26

04-21-2010, 15:04

How goes the day/night/afternoon?

I didn't take this one, but trolled google for "sunny roses" and this is one of the shots that came up:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/MB-Username/sunnyrosesshot-google.jpg

Then I took a couple shots of just outside the apt........... it's snowing hail and raining snow and snowing rain today :upeyes:

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/MB-Username/DSCN0884-resized.jpg

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g233/MB-Username/DSCN0883-resized.jpg

HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lone_Wolfe

04-21-2010, 16:44

Hi Sweetheart.: wavey:: hugs:: hearts:

Hiya back at ya :wavey: :hugs:

Hey baby,was just thinking of you:wavey:

Oh, good! I been thinking of you too. :hugs: :hearts:

MB-G26, I been trying to look at those pics all night and this *&^%$#@! hajji-net won't cooperate! I'll just have to be patient...... :impatient:

MB-G26

04-21-2010, 17:11

MB-G26, I been trying to look at those pics all night and this *&^%$#@! hajji-net won't cooperate! I'll just have to be patient......

Ratz!!!!!!! But, I shrunked 'em! 640x whateverintheheck.................. *sniff*

Lone_Wolfe

04-21-2010, 20:04

Ratz!!!!!!! But, I shrunked 'em! 640x whateverintheheck.................. *sniff*

It wasn't your fault, it's this damn hajji-net. I can see them now, that top one's pretty. The bottom 2 are making my chest hurt. No wait, it was waking up from that nightmare that made my chest hurt. :steamed:

:hugs:

This is a gun forum??? :faint:

1. Write the story of what happened to you in third person, from the time you learned of the problem at the FOB(?) until you found out that Greg had been killed. Don't write about how you felt, just the facts from another person's point of view, as if you were an author writing a story. Write your conversation with superior officers, Greg, and things people said along the way. Everything you can remember about the event. "Major X said 'You are one fine looking sergeant". Oh, wait. That was 23Skidoo. :tongueout:

:grouphug:

Yeah, can you believe I hang out on a gun forum and don't have guns? It's a wonder you folks haven't run me out of here yet. :shocked:

OK, here goes with the story….

Sgt Wolfe was at base in Afghanistan and needed to get to a remote base with some computer equipment she was sent to install and configure. She went to the flight line (a sandy clearing) on the morning she was supposed to fly, and waited for the choppers while BS’ing with some others at the base. Finally an E-4 walks over and tells the group that one of the birds had mechanical trouble and was deadlined. The next flight was a few days out. Wolfe grumbled a few choice words and started to take her duffel bag and IBA back to the tent she’d been staying in. A Captain walked up and asked what base Wolfe needed to go to and when she told him he said that if might be possible to send her by convoy. Wolfe explained that she was expressly prohibited from using ground trans. She thought about it for a second and decided to call her commander in Bagram and ask if it would be OK. She got permission to use a secure line and made the call. The first person she asked, the Major, said no, but she asked to speak to the Colonel and was surprised when he relented.

Wolfe reported this back to the Captain who told her to hang around and he would see if he could send the convoy. Wolfe went into the nearest tent that had a coffee pot and made some fresh coffee and waited for the word. A bit later the Cpt walks in and says it’s a go. About then a few more people walk in and pour themselves some liquid ambition. Someone that Wolfe had seen but not spoken to walks up and says “Hi, I’m hitching a ride on your convoy!” Wolfe looks at the senior NCO and thinks he’s nice looking and says “Cool! Which ‘RAP will you be riding in?” Greg answers “Most likely the 2nd one, same as you”. Wolfe says “Even cooler!”, and the 2 walk outside to the staging area to wait and yak.

The convoy team starts to assemble and the convoy commander comes over and identifies himself. While he’s standing there a medic with a cigarette dangling from his mouth walks over. Greg asks if he’s going to be the medic for the convoy and he says he is. Wolfe says “Well, nice to meet you, I don’t intend to need your services” The medic seems arrogant and says “Good, I only slept 3 hours last night and I don’t want to do ****!” as he walks off. The convoy commander says that he’s a real jerk, but by far the best medic in the unit, and has had a lot of training beyond what the Army provides.

OK, that’s part 1, I’ll write more tomorrow.

MB-G26

04-21-2010, 20:39

Very, very good BabyDoll..................... hang in there.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

BobInTX

04-21-2010, 20:56

Yeah, can you believe I hang out on a gun forum and don't have guns? It's a wonder you folks haven't run me out of here yet. :shocked: That ain't gonna happen!!

OK, that’s part 1, I’ll write more tomorrow.

That's a great start, Wolfe. That's exactly what I was looking for. Keep it up. I'd appreciate it if nobody commented on the details of her story right now. Encouragement for writing it is, well, encouraged!

23skidoo

04-21-2010, 22:52

That's my girl!. A very gentle hug due to that @#$%^&* nightmare. I'm sorry Sweetheart.:hugs: I am so glad you're taking Bob's suggestion:thumbsup:

Geeorge

04-21-2010, 23:04

New pictures of my two boys sleeping

http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww295/geeorge1/lions.jpg

and dreaming about being lions:wavey:

Geeorge

04-21-2010, 23:07

You ready for a HUG?

:eyelashes:
http://i729.photobucket.com/albums/ww295/geeorge1/deers.jpg

:hugs:

okie

04-22-2010, 00:12

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-22-2010, 05:16

Love ya sweetheart: smootchie:: hugs::hearts:

Okie!!!! :hearts: :hearts:

You ready for a HUG?

:eyelashes:

:hugs:

Bring it on! :hugs:

Silent_Runner

04-22-2010, 10:04

New pictures of my two boys sleeping

Geeorge what have you been feeding those cats?:wow:

That's a great start, Wolfe. That's exactly what I was looking for. Keep it up. I'd appreciate it if nobody commented on the details of her story right now. Encouragement for writing it is, well, encouraged!
I'm not sure where you are headed with this BobInTx but I hope it accomplishes something. It seems like an excellent idea.

OK, here goes with the story….

OK, that’s part 1, I’ll write more tomorrow.
You do that Wolfe. Take your time and don't leave anything out.

How did your session with your physical terrorist go? I hope this one was not quite so painful but something tells me that is not the case.

Glock26girl

04-22-2010, 10:11

Great job writing your story, Wolfe!! I'm looking forward to the next installment. You write very well!!

Little Joe

04-22-2010, 10:15

Lone_Wolfe honey here's some kisses for ya to make you feel better honey. I do hope for a fast recovery for ya my dear sweet lady:kiss::kiss::kiss::kiss:

I take it your post about your wife mowing the lawn was a joke? :rofl: :supergrin:

LJ

Little Joe

04-22-2010, 10:18

I mean, if Mrs. Okie saw all this, Mr. Okie would be sleeping in the Dodge. :rofl:

Lone_Wolfe

04-22-2010, 13:57

Very, very good BabyDoll..................... hang in there.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks, my friend. :hugs:

New pictures of my two boys sleeping

and dreaming about being lions:wavey:

Geeorge, that's quite a dream they have. But don't they know they're prettier as they are now?

:hugs:

I'm not sure where you are headed with this BobInTx but I hope it accomplishes something. It seems like an excellent idea.

You do that Wolfe. Take your time and don't leave anything out.

How did your session with your physical terrorist go? I hope this one was not quite so painful but something tells me that is not the case.

I have an idea what he's trying to do but I'm not sure. I ran it past my shrink before I started and he liked the idea too. He said something like this sure can't make it any worse. My session with my terrorist was...well.... terrifying. Actually it was the typical painful therapy session. But to make matters worse it's been raining for a couple hours. :yuck:

That's a great start, Wolfe. That's exactly what I was looking for. Keep it up. I'd appreciate it if nobody commented on the details of her story right now. Encouragement for writing it is, well, encouraged!

OK, here's part 2. It's going to be short because I got to get out of here shortly. Wish I could type faster...

Sgt Wolfe, Greg, and another E-6 get more coffee and go hang around by Wolfe’s equipment waiting as the convoy crew readies the vehicles. A couple soldiers come for Wolfe’s 2 cases of equipment and she asks for them to be put on the same vehicle that she’ll be in. They’re not big and the vehicles will be mostly empty so that’s easily accommodated. Finally the convoy commander calls the safety briefing, then tells us we’ll be mounting up in about a half hour. Wolfe goes and gets a sandwich, then it’s time to mount up and roll.

The E-6 that had been talking to Greg and Wolfe bids them a good trip and goes off to do his thing, and everyone climbs in and the convoy rolls out. Wolfe and Greg are in the 2nd of 3 MRAP’s and the sit next to each other in the mostly empty vehicle BS’ing and talking like old friends. It’s a bumpy ride over dirt roads that were planned by goat farmers. The first couple hours of the trip are uneventful.

End of part 2, it’s time for my knock-out. Nite all! :wavey:

BobInTX

04-22-2010, 14:15

Thanks Wolfe. Are you typing slow because you know I can't read fast?

I'm glad you're therapist approves. That makes me feel better about what I'm trying to accomplish.

Silent_Runner, call your office... I mean, check your PM.

Lone_Wolfe

04-23-2010, 03:14

Great job writing your story, Wolfe!! I'm looking forward to the next installment. You write very well!!

Thanks. I guess I've had to tell it to enough people here that I've got it down pretty good. :upeyes:

Oh wait, I lived it. That and I've had to write about events in 3rd person before, so this is nothing new.

Thanks Wolfe. Are you typing slow because you know I can't read fast?

I'm glad you're therapist approves. That makes me feel better about what I'm trying to accomplish.

Silent_Runner, call your office... I mean, check your PM.

No, I'm typing slow because I can't read fast. :supergrin: Actually I flunked out of typing in high school and never learned to type the right way. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think my shrink would approve of anybody doing anything that didn't involve me getting shot again. He just doesn't have any new ideas and he knows it, so he'll take any help offered. I think we all know that talking about it, be it in person or with a keyboard is a necessary part of getting it out of my head. It's just not been working for me yet, at least not as much as I need it to.

If my shrink asks me to, I'll even show him what I wrote.

Tenngunner

04-23-2010, 06:32

Wolfe,

I'm mostly a reader and not a poster, however I am moved to thank you for your service. That and to let you know that your strength should inspire the rest of us that have "problems". May you heal quicker and with less pain.

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 08:21

Thanks. I guess I've had to tell it to enough people here that I've got it down pretty good. :upeyes:

Oh wait, I lived it. That and I've had to write about events in 3rd person before, so this is nothing new.

No, I'm typing slow because I can't read fast. :supergrin: Actually I flunked out of typing in high school and never learned to type the right way. Don't take this the wrong way, but I think my shrink would approve of anybody doing anything that didn't involve me getting shot again. He just doesn't have any new ideas and he knows it, so he'll take any help offered. I think we all know that talking about it, be it in person or with a keyboard is a necessary part of getting it out of my head. It's just not been working for me yet, at least not as much as I need it to.

If my shrink asks me to, I'll even show him what I wrote.

Oh, didn't I tell you about step 5? :rofl: Sorry, couldn't resist. Nope. No shootin' going on here.

I'm looking forward to the next installment. :popcorn:

23skidoo

04-23-2010, 08:37

I'm looking forward to that next installment too. We love you Sweetheart and want to give you support in any way we can. Gentle ones as always. :hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-23-2010, 10:19

Oh, didn't I tell you about step 5? :rofl: Sorry, couldn't resist. Nope. No shootin' going on here.

I'm looking forward to the next installment. :popcorn:

Oh NOOOOOOO!!!! :scared: :outtahere: :couch:

Oh wait, you said you wouldn't shoot. :phew:

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 10:20

Ha! Thanks for the laugh!

Lone_Wolfe

04-23-2010, 14:41

Write about the trip and the moment the SHTF, Lone Wolfe getting shot, the medic working on Lone Wolfe, etc. All from a third person point of view, but only stuff you experienced, not what someone told you happened............

Part 3 is going to have a big time gap because you want me to only write what I know from my own memory. I was unconscious very shortly after being shot and have no self knowledge of the medic working on me, the medevac flights, the medical staff working on and finally stabilizing and medevacing me yet again to Germany. I woke up a week or so later and had to be told about all that. Even during those first weeks I was so doped up my memory is really spotty and in some cases I’m not sure I didn’t dream or hallucinate things.

So here it is........

All of a sudden a loud explosion rocks the 2nd MRAP and it stops. The vehicle design did its job well and no one inside was hurt, although some ears may have been singed by the cloud of cuss words that formed inside. After everyone calmed down and determined that no one was hurt Wolfe and Greg congratulated each other on the rich vocabularies each used when referring to the citizens of Afghanistan. The driver tried unsuccessfully to get the MRAP moving again, and the convoy commander radio that info to the other vehicles. The gunners up top kept watch but couldn’t see anyone around, then the convoy commander ordered the guard force (grunts) to get out and form a perimeter around the vehicles. Instructions were radioed back and forth, then the convoy commander explained to Wolfe and Greg that on his command they were to run to a group of large rocks between the 2 vehicles, then wait for the command to run to the 3rd vehicle and get in.

They both locked and loaded, Greg his pistol, Wolfe her rifle, and ran when told to do so. Greg went 1st, Wolfe a few feet behind. Unknown to anyone there were 2 Afghanis behind some rocks behind the 3rd MRAP, about 50 or so feet from where Greg and Wolfe were running. They both jumped up from behind the cover and opened fire in the direction of the 2 people running. Greg dove behind the rocks, but Wolfe was hit center of the chest by a round in the 1st volley. She was slammed backward and spun around by the force of impact and landed facing back toward the vehicle she had just left. The soldiers on guard and the gunners opened fire and plenty of bullets were traded. Wolfe could hear yelling and gunfire, but she lost consciousness after maybe half a minute.

Wolfe woke up after about a week, maybe a bit more and was told she was in Germany. Because of her injury she was kept heavily sedated to the point she didn’t even try to move and her memory of the 1st month or so in the hospital is hazy and spotty at best. She doesn’t remember when she heard that SOMEONE died on the mission, but was told about 2 weeks after waking up that it had been Greg. She asked the person who told her that he had died how it happened and was told an untrue story that she suspected even then was false. She didn’t find out the truth until a couple months later.

sawgrass

04-23-2010, 14:55

Wolfe, I'm so thankful that you survived.

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 14:57

Are you finished? So what was the truth?

Never mind I broke my own rule.

But are you finished?

Lone_Wolfe

04-23-2010, 16:38

Wolfe, I'm so thankful that you survived.

Thanks, my friend. So am I, at least most of the time.

Are you finished? So what was the truth?

Never mind I broke my own rule.

But are you finished?

What rule did you break? Did I miss some commentary on my writing? I hope you liked it, it's been years since I did any 3rd person style writing.

You mean the truth about how Greg died? Sometime after I blacked out he broke cover and ran to me to drag me to cover. He was shot by a 3rd Afghani bastard and died before the medic could get to him from what I was told.

You wanted me to go up to when I found out Greg had died, so I guess I'm done with this part. I'm wondering about step 5 now....... :scared:

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 17:41

I told you to write about what you experienced and not what you were told. Then I asked you to tell me what you were told. So I was telling you to do what I told you not to do.

That being said, if you want to add what you just told me about Greg to the end of your story and make it third person that would be good.

I really liked it how you told the story. Pretty good for somebody who can't concentrate. And I loved the sense of humor coming through. But the ending really sucked!

Now that you are through, cut and paste the story all together. If you think of anything you want to add or elaborate go ahead. Read it at least 4 times a day, especially before bedtime. Don't read it four times all at one sitting. If you change it please post it again or Pm it to me.

I am out of town this weekend so am posting on my iPhone. Wolfe, the Texas Bluebonnets are absolutely gorgeous this year!

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 17:48

Oh, I forgot. If I'm not mistake Monday is a knockout night, so when you get up Tuesday morning I will have Step #2 waiting for you.

Again everybody, please no comments about details in her story.

23skidoo

04-23-2010, 18:10

You're doing great on the story Sweetheart! :hugs::hearts:

Lone_Wolfe

04-23-2010, 19:29

You're doing great on the story Sweetheart! :hugs::hearts:

:hugs:

I told you to write about what you experienced and not what you were told. Then I asked you to tell me what you were told. So I was telling you to do what I told you not to do.

That being said, if you want to add what you just told me about Greg to the end of your story and make it third person that would be good.

I really liked it how you told the story. Pretty good for somebody who can't concentrate. And I loved the sense of humor coming through. But the ending really sucked!

Now that you are through, cut and paste the story all together. If you think of anything you want to add or elaborate go ahead. Read it at least 4 times a day, especially before bedtime. Don't read it four times all at one sitting. If you change it please post it again or Pm it to me.

I am out of town this weekend so am posting on my iPhone. Wolfe, the Texas Bluebonnets are absolutely gorgeous this year!

So you're going to tease me about the Bluebonnets and not post a pic? :frown: That's one of my favorite flowers.

OK, I'll add the part about Greg running out to save me in there and paste it together later. I'm a bit would up right now from the nightmares I just had and don't want to deal with it.

Wolfe,

I'm mostly a reader and not a poster, however I am moved to thank you for your service. That and to let you know that your strength should inspire the rest of us that have "problems". May you heal quicker and with less pain.

Thank you Tenngunner,for the kind words and wishes. And you're welcome for the service. :wavey:

Very, very good BabyDoll..................... hang in there.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))

You hang in too, my friend. :hugs: How you been?

BobInTX

04-23-2010, 20:16

So you're going to tease me about the Bluebonnets and not post a pic? :frown: That's one of my favorite flowers.

OK, I'll add the part about Greg running out to save me in there and paste it together later. I'm a bit would up right now from the nightmares I just had and don't want to deal with it.

Okay, I'll give you a break and you can add it later. But you need to start reading it today (Saturday). Ok?

I haven't got to take any pictures yet and can't upload them anyway, but here are some I found on the internets for you.

http://www.pbase.com/richo/http://www.pbase.com/richo/image/123839124potd

Lone_Wolfe

04-24-2010, 01:45

Okay, I'll give you a break and you can add it later. But you need to start reading it today (Saturday). Ok?

I haven't got to take any pictures yet and can't upload them anyway, but here are some I found on the internets for you.

http://www.pbase.com/richo/http://www.pbase.com/richo/image/123839124potd

Yes, dear.

Nice pics, thanks. :wavey:

Silent_Runner

04-24-2010, 10:55

I really liked it how you told the story. Pretty good for somebody who can't concentrate. And I loved the sense of humor coming through. But the ending really sucked!

Now that you are through, cut and paste the story all together. If you think of anything you want to add or elaborate go ahead. Read it at least 4 times a day, especially before bedtime. Don't read it four times all at one sitting. If you change it please post it again or Pm it to me.

I am out of town this weekend so am posting on my iPhone. Wolfe, the Texas Bluebonnets are absolutely gorgeous this year!
BobInTx I love BlueBonnets too so thank you for that link. I should post pictures of my Azaleas and Wolfe's Irises. Yes Wolfe your Iris patch is in full bloom and is stopping traffic.

If by saying the ending really sucked you mean she woke up severely injured in a hospital I have to disagree. That was far better than what almost happened. I do agree that it's awful that someone died on the mission.

Yes, dear.

:rofl:BobInTx I only wish you could see Wolfe's face when she says something like this.:whistling::tongueout:

:rofl:

Wolfe please read what you have written as asked. You still do write well.

faawrenchbndr

04-24-2010, 11:12

Lady_Wolfe,..............

I'm daYUmn proud of you! Writing what you have, must have taken a lot of guts.
I can only imagine how hard this has been, you are a VERY stong woman and you WILL get through this.
I just hope we can meet some day,....you are an inspiration to many! :hugs:

Some beautiful Georgia flowers for a beautiful "Lady of the Sand" :supergrin:

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c341/faawrenchbndr/Funnies/DSC02197.jpg

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c341/faawrenchbndr/Funnies/DSC02180.jpg

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c341/faawrenchbndr/Funnies/DSC02178.jpg

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c341/faawrenchbndr/Funnies/DSC02195.jpg

BobInTX

04-24-2010, 11:13

SR, when I read it I imagined the same face and tone as when my wife says "Yes, dear"

I meant getting shot sucked.

I like irises.

faawrenchbndr

04-24-2010, 11:20

....If by saying the ending really sucked you mean she woke up severely injured in a hospital I have to disagree. That was far better than what almost happened. I do agree that it's awful that someone died on the mission.......

Call me crazy,......but the ending did not suck. It was an unfortunate ending, yes.
But L_W, got the chance to carry on with her life, Greg, Lord rest his soul, lost his in the process.
Lady_Wolfe has been through a lot, and will continue to do so. I am truly inspired by her courage and strong will.

Silent_Runner

04-24-2010, 11:23

Lady_Wolfe,..............

I'm daYUmn proud of you! Writing what you have, must have taken a lot of guts.
I can only imagine how hard this has been, you are a VERY stong woman and you WILL get through this.
I just hope we can meet some day,....you are an inspiration to many! :hugs:

Some beautiful Georgia flowers for a beautiful "Lady of the Sand" :supergrin:

faawrenchbndr I agree with you about her. She is an inspiration to me and so many others. Those flowers are so beautiful.

SR, when I read it I imagined the same face and tone as when my wife says "Yes, dear"

I meant getting shot sucked.

I like irises.
I think you got the expression right.:rofl:

In that you are quite correct. Getting shot truly sucked.

BobInTX

04-24-2010, 12:45

faawrenchbndr I agree with you about her. She is an inspiration to me and so many others. Those flowers are so beautiful.

I think you got the expression right.:rofl:

In that you are quite correct. Getting shot truly sucked.

SR, did you get my PM's?

sawgrass

04-24-2010, 18:49

Wolfe you write very well. I'm proud of you for doing this.
If it helps I'm going to forget about Bob calling you "missy".:tongueout::supergrin:

I sure wish you could "protect" what belongs to you.
If you ever decide to write a book, this story is yours.
The priority is your health, but this, the hell, the pain,
the experience, the profit if there should be any IS yours.

You are truely an inspiration!

SG

sawgrass

04-24-2010, 18:54

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 03:02

Silent_Runner is there any chance of getting a picture
of Wolfe's flowers?

Irises are my absolute, #1, favorite flower.

Wolfe that is so cool, you have an iris bed.
I was at my old house yesterday getting rocks
and the irises are budding. I don't have a single
one here yet.:crying:

Sawgrass I’ll have to post pics of the Irises from a few years ago that I have. I did my front yard up as a rock garden with beds of Irises, Cannas and lilies. Plus several nice Japanese Maples.

We lost internet connectivity here until just a few minutes ago, so I didn’t get to come here and say goodnight. At least none of you is standing there with a bat in hand because of it. :phew:

I’ll have more time to read and answer other stuff later. :wavey:

sawgrass

04-25-2010, 03:12

Sawgrass I’ll have to post pics of the Irises from a few years ago that I have. I did my front yard up as a rock garden with beds of Irises, Cannas and lilies. Plus several nice Japanese Maples.
:wavey:

ROCKS and IRISES!!:wow::supergrin::wow:

I would love to see some pics!
We are getting a new roof starting Monday.
I'm itching to get in the yard after that.
Wolfe, we moved so many rocks last Friday
my F-150 was sitting on the springs, had to stop
and bring the air up to make it home.
I love rocks, I love irises, rocks and irisies together,
now you're talking!!

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 11:11

ROCKS and IRISES!!:wow::supergrin::wow:

I would love to see some pics!
We are getting a new roof starting Monday.
I'm itching to get in the yard after that.
Wolfe, we moved so many rocks last Friday
my F-150 was sitting on the springs, had to stop
and bring the air up to make it home.
I love rocks, I love irises, rocks and irisies together,
now you're talking!!

Just ask and ye shall recieve!

Here's just of the several different colors I have. The 1st is my favorite. I have pinks and yellows and other too, I'll try to find more pics later

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris1-600.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris2-600.jpg

Now here the rockwork that contains the Irises and other stuff...
http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris3-600.jpg

Here's the links to bigger pics...

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris1.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris2.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris3.jpg

sawgrass

04-25-2010, 11:34

BobInTX

04-25-2010, 11:40

Beautiful!

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 13:17

Lone_Wolfe, that's beautiful!
Do you know what that first Iris is called?

Hey have you heard of a "Redbud" tree?
We saw two at REI yesterday. Gorgeous trees.
The University of Minnesota has developed a
strain that will tolerate this climate.

Cottonwood is flying today. It looks like snow.
Folks in my trade call it dollars from heaven.:supergrin:

You're gonna laugh. I think that 1st one is called "Roll Tide" :rofl: Yes, I like a Redbud, but don't have any. I can see why you love nasty Cottonwood trees. :supergrin:

Here's a few more of my yard and some of the rockwork I did.

First pic is looking from my driveway to my sitting area. You can see the row of Irises, but they are post-bloom here. This pic was taken in 2008

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris4-600.jpg

Here's the same area, but while the work was in progress a few years earlier

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris5-600.jpg

Same aree taken from down and in front. The sun washed all the color out of the rocks, and the Irises aren't blooming, but you get to see my Columbines.

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris6-600.jpg

Annnnd the links....

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris4.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris5.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Iris6.jpg

okie

04-25-2010, 14:04

Love ya sweetheart:hugs::hearts::smootchie:

sawgrass

04-25-2010, 15:58

Looks like I know where to go next winter break, when the snow is
knee (waist?) deep here.:wavey:

LW, that is a lovely yard. You stirred up a pile of questions in my head
though. A few things regarding your comfort level when you are home.:dunno:

Dang Wolfe, that looks like a little sanctuary.
The rock work mixed with the plants gives everything
such beautiful structure.

Glock&KimberLady

04-25-2010, 16:04

Very much Japanese walking garden style. Awesome. :thumbsup:

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 18:00

Love ya sweetheart:hugs ::hearts::smootchie:

Heya okie!! Love ya too. :smootchie:

Very much Japanese walking garden style. Awesome. :thumbsup:
Beautiful!

Thanks GK&L & Bob. I'm trying to upload some pics now of a different part of the yard, so I'll post them a little later, unless I can go back to sleep.

Lady_Wolfe,..............

I'm daYUmn proud of you! Writing what you have, must have taken a lot of guts.
I can only imagine how hard this has been, you are a VERY stong woman and you WILL get through this.
I just hope we can meet some day,....you are an inspiration to many! :hugs:

Some beautiful Georgia flowers for a beautiful "Lady of the Sand" : supergrin:

I'll just say it's much easier to write that way. I've writted documentary type stuff years ago like that and it's much easier to write from a distance, than from the inside. I still need to put the whole thing together with the added section, maybe I'll post that later too.

I don't think of myself as strong at all, but I thank you for the kind words. I definitely want to meet you someday too, my friend. :hugs:

BobInTX

04-25-2010, 18:18

Yeah, I will need that for step 2.

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 20:24

Yeah, I will need that for step 2.

:outtahere:

Oh wait, you said step 2....

Looks like I know where to go next winter break, when the snow is
knee (waist?) deep here.: wavey:

LW, that is a lovely yard. You stirred up a pile of questions in my head
though. A few things regarding your comfort level when you are home.:dunno:

Dang Wolfe, that looks like a little sanctuary.
The rock work mixed with the plants gives everything
such beautiful structure.

Come on down! :welcome:

Thank you, that yard was a LOT of work. So what questions did I stir up? Ask away...

Here's a couple more pics. The first a section in the middle of my front yard as seen from my porch.

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Horseshoe-600.jpg

This one is alongside my sidewalk and my front porch

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/FrontWalk-600.jpg

This is a group shot of my Lilly bed. I may crop and pose a separate set of pics of these lillies. I have several nice pics.

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Lillies-600.jpg

And of course the link to hi-res for you folks not on hajji-net

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/Lillies.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/FrontWalk.jpg

http://i240.photobucket.com/albums/ff10/Lone_Wolfe_/Yard/HorseShoe.jpg

sawgrass

04-25-2010, 20:48

Wow, very nice. Thanks for the other pictures too.
I'm impressed. Very impressed. Is there anything
you can't do?

Ok, I didn't go back through the thread, and I didn't go through
pm's. I recall you saying you aren't comfortable at home.

You have a lovely yard/garden that you have put A LOT of work
into. It looks like a very healing space. Your "real life" friends
are there. Why aren't you comfortable at home?

When you first said something, I thought "well, maybe she's gone
a lot and it's not a good space". That doesn't appear to be the case.

Angry Fist

04-25-2010, 20:53

Nice project you have underway, LW! :thumbsup:

Magnus2131

04-25-2010, 21:07

Just stopped in to say hello. Hope you're doing well.:wavey:

Lone_Wolfe

04-25-2010, 22:26

Thanks 10mm. Actually it was something I did a few years ago.

Just stopped in to say hello. Hope you're doing well.:wavey:

Damn, it's good to see you again! :hugs: I was just thinking about you today, wondering if things were OK for you. Stick around, wouldya?

Wow, very nice. Thanks for the other pictures too.
I'm impressed. Very impressed. Is there anything
you can't do?

Ok, I didn't go back through the thread, and I didn't go through
pm's. I recall you saying you aren't comfortable at home.

You have a lovely yard/garden that you have put A LOT of work
into. It looks like a very healing space. Your "real life" friends
are there. Why aren't you comfortable at home?

When you first said something, I thought "well, maybe she's gone
a lot and it's not a good space". That doesn't appear to be the case.

Things I can't do... sleep at night, get rid of the nightmares and guilt, anything physical like I did before....

Oh, and I can't ride a motorcycle.................. yet. :whistling:

I think the easiest way to explain it is it feels like it belongs to some else now. It’s not my world and I don’t belong in it. Not only that, when I was here in January the weather was nasty. Cold and raining pretty much the whole time. Even if not for the sleep/nightmare issues my chest was *****ing almost non-stop. But the weather and the stress of travel made that worse, plus I drove, although not much. Even when I came home last summer I felt like a stranger in someone else’s life. That’s during the time I was taking the meds I’m allergic to, so my head was already getting screwed up.

Geeorge

04-26-2010, 00:47

Me and the boys worked on our hotrods this weekend.

And SOMEBODY got a little to close and got in trouble
Love ya dear:wavey:

:hugs:

Brown Hawk

04-26-2010, 06:38

...

I think the easiest way to explain it is it feels like it belongs to some else now. It’s not my world and I don’t belong in it. Not only that, when I was here in January the weather was nasty. Cold and raining pretty much the whole time. Even if not for the sleep/nightmare issues my chest was *****ing almost non-stop. But the weather and the stress of travel made that worse, plus I drove, although not much. Even when I came home last summer I felt like a stranger in someone else’s life. That’s during the time I was taking the meds I’m allergic to, so my head was already getting screwed up.

Hi LW. :wavey:

I'm getting tired of these 96 hour days, but at least I've got a job. And I'm glad that you are doing better.

I'm glad that you're writing about what happened. Bob had a good idea there, so keep following up.

As for the above quote, being a stranger in someone else's life is a somewhat normal feeling after all you have been through, although the drug reaction undoubtedly made it much worse. And the lousy weather this last time home didn't help either.

Part of the feeling is due to the fact that you are not the same person that you used to be. Part is due to experiences that had no part in that other life. It is something that will work itself out given time, and will work itself out in the background as your other problems get solved.

Hopefully, this week will only have 48 hour days and I'll be back a little more often.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle :hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

BobInTX

04-26-2010, 08:05

:wavey:

.....

23skidoo

04-26-2010, 08:53

Hey Sweetheart! Dwarf irises for you, my sister took the pic it's close to where she lives.

http://i297.photobucket.com/albums/mm212/23skidoo365/dwarfirises.jpg

sawgrass

04-26-2010, 08:56

Lone_Wolfe you are a good woman with immeasurable tolerance for
allowing others to suggest and explain how you feel.

Ok...when you are home, at your home, is it frustration because you
look around and you aren't physically able to do the things you used
to do or is it something else? The pain, and the nightmares are part
of your life unfortunately wherever you are. (Temporarily).

I think about this fairly frequently. I believe it was Engineer1515 who
made a comment some time back about feeling the best in ones own
home. I remember that part of your reason for going back to Iraq is financial regarding paying off your house.

As your body continues to heal, you will be able to do things again.
LW, it's been four years, but I pitched wiffle balls to the dog with
a nine iron yesterday.

I'm trying to understand the differences here, ok.
Can you break it down into more pieces?

okie

04-26-2010, 10:17

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie::hugs::hearts:
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p64/okie1911/Digit.jpg

Lone_Wolfe

04-26-2010, 12:09

:wavey:

.....

Sgt Wolfe was at base in Afghanistan and needed to get to a remote base with some computer equipment she was sent to install and configure. She went to the flight line (a sandy clearing) on the morning she was supposed to fly, and waited for the choppers while BS’ing with some others at the base. Finally an E-4 walks over and tells the group that one of the birds had mechanical trouble and was deadlined. The next flight was a few days out. Wolfe grumbled a few choice words and started to take her duffel bag and IBA back to the tent she’d been staying in. A Captain walked up and asked what base Wolfe needed to go to and when she told him he said that if might be possible to send her by convoy. Wolfe explained that she was expressly prohibited from using ground trans. She thought about it for a second and decided to call her commander in Bagram and ask if it would be OK. She got permission to use a secure line and made the call. The first person she asked, the Major, said no, but she asked to speak to the Colonel and was surprised when he relented.

Wolfe reported this back to the Captain who told her to hang around and he would see if he could send the convoy. Wolfe went into the nearest tent that had a coffee pot and made some fresh coffee and waited for the word. A bit later the Cpt walks in and says it’s a go. About then a few more people walk in and pour themselves some liquid ambition. Someone that Wolfe had seen but not spoken to walks up and says “Hi, I’m hitching a ride on your convoy!” Wolfe looks at the senior NCO and thinks he’s nice looking and says “Cool! Which ‘RAP will you be riding in?” Greg answers “Most likely the 2nd one, same as you”. Wolfe says “Even cooler!”, and the 2 walk outside to the staging area to wait and yak.

The convoy team starts to assemble and the convoy commander comes over and identifies himself. While he’s standing there a medic with a cigarette dangling from his mouth walks over. Greg asks if he’s going to be the medic for the convoy and he says he is. Wolfe says “Well, nice to meet you, I don’t intend to need your services” The medic seems arrogant and says “Good, I only slept 3 hours last night and I don’t want to do ****!” as he walks off. The convoy commander says that he’s a real jerk, but by far the best medic in the unit, and has had a lot of training beyond what the Army provides.

Sgt Wolfe, Greg, and another E-6 get more coffee and go hang around by Wolfe’s equipment waiting as the convoy crew readies the vehicles. A couple soldiers come for Wolfe’s 2 cases of equipment and she asks for them to be put on the same vehicle that she’ll be in. They’re not big and the vehicles will be mostly empty so that’s easily accommodated. Finally the convoy commander calls the safety briefing, then tells us we’ll be mounting up in about a half hour. Wolfe goes and gets a sandwich, then it’s time to mount up and roll.

The E-6 that had been talking to Greg and Wolfe bids them a good trip and goes off to do his thing, and everyone climbs in and the convoy rolls out. Wolfe and Greg are in the 2nd of 3 MRAP’s and the sit next to each other in the mostly empty vehicle BS’ing and talking like old friends. It’s a bumpy ride over dirt roads that were planned by goat farmers. The first couple hours of the trip are uneventful.

All of a sudden a loud explosion rocks the 2nd MRAP and it stops. The vehicle design did its job well and no one inside was hurt, although some ears may have been singed by the cloud of cuss words that formed inside. After everyone calmed down and determined that no one was hurt Wolfe and Greg congratulated each other on the rich vocabularies each used when referring to the citizens of Afghanistan. The driver tried unsuccessfully to get the MRAP moving again, and the convoy commander radio that info to the other vehicles. The gunners up top kept watch but couldn’t see anyone around, then the convoy commander ordered the guard force (grunts) to get out and form a perimeter around the vehicles. Instructions were radioed back and forth, then the convoy commander explained to Wolfe and Greg that on his command they were to run to a group of large rocks between the 2 vehicles, then wait for the command to run to the 3rd vehicle and get in.

They both locked and loaded, Greg his pistol, Wolfe her rifle, and ran when told to do so. Greg went 1st, Wolfe a few feet behind. Unknown to anyone there were 2 Afghanis behind some rocks behind the 3rd MRAP, about 50 or so feet from where Greg and Wolfe were running. They both jumped up from behind the cover and opened fire in the direction of the 2 people running. Greg dove behind the rocks, but Wolfe was hit center of the chest by a round in the 1st volley. She was slammed backward and spun around by the force of impact and landed facing back toward the vehicle she had just left. The soldiers on guard and the gunners opened fire and plenty of bullets were traded. Wolfe lost consciousness after about half a minute.

This part I had to piece together based on what I’ve been told by several people. The times may be a little off, but everything else is correct.
Shortly after Wolfe was hit a 3rd Afghani started shooting from a position off to the side between the 2nd and 3rd MRAPs. He was closer to Wolfe and Greg’s location than the 1st 2 shooters and she had fallen out in the open. The fighting went on for another minute or so, and the 1st 2 shooters were eliminated, but the 3rd was staying down enough of the time that the gunners couldn’t take him out. The convoy commander had already stopped the medic from trying to get to Wolfe because he believed she couldn’t be helped. In spite of being close to the remaining Afghani, Greg decided to break cover and try to get to Wolfe to drag her back behind cover so the medic could try to save her. He ran toward her and the remaining shooter opened fire, hitting him several times. He went down and died before anyone could get to him. In shooting Greg the Afghani exposed enough of himself that the soldiers were able to kill him. As soon as the convoy commander declared the threat neutralized the medic ran to Greg, realized he was already gone, then ran to Wolfe and got busy.

OK, now back to what I remember.
Wolfe woke up after about a week, maybe a bit more and was told she was in Germany. Because of her injury she was kept heavily sedated to the point she didn’t even try to move and her memory of the 1st month or so in the hospital is hazy and spotty at best. She doesn’t remember when she heard that SOMEONE died on the mission, but was told about 2 weeks after waking up that it had been Greg. She asked the person who told her that he had died how it happened and was told an untrue story that she suspected even then was false. She didn’t find out the truth until a couple months later.

BobInTX

04-26-2010, 12:56

Thanks, Wolfe. :goodpost:

Tonight's knock-out, right? Keep reading step #1 until then.

You'll have step 2 waiting for you in the morning.

Please no comments about details or feelings still, folks. :whip:

BobInTX

04-26-2010, 13:26

Wolfe and Greg are in the 2nd of 3 MRAP’s and the sit next to each other in the mostly empty vehicle BS’ing and talking like old friends. It’s a bumpy ride over dirt roads that were planned by goat farmers. The first couple hours of the trip are uneventful.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wSo3oX3FRQ&feature=related

Lone_Wolfe

04-26-2010, 14:10

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wSo3oX3FRQ&feature=related

:dunno: Can't load the video on my slow-ass connection...

Love ya sweetheart:smootchie :: hugs:: hearts:
http://i125.photobucket.com/albums/p64/okie1911/Digit.jpg

Awwwww, too cute! :hearts:

Mandy is sooooooooo jealous!

Me and the boys worked on our hotrods this weekend.

And SOMEBODY got a little to close and got in trouble
Love ya dear: wavey:

:hugs:

And what? You didnh't get a pic of walking trouble?

:hugs: back at ya, dear

Lone_Wolfe you are a good woman with immeasurable tolerance for
allowing others to suggest and explain how you feel.

Ok...when you are home, at your home, is it frustration because you
look around and you aren't physically able to do the things you used
to do or is it something else? The pain, and the nightmares are part
of your life unfortunately wherever you are. (Temporarily).

I think about this fairly frequently. I believe it was Engineer1515 who
made a comment some time back about feeling the best in ones own
home. I remember that part of your reason for going back to Iraq is financial regarding paying off your house.

As your body continues to heal, you will be able to do things again.
LW, it's been four years, but I pitched wiffle balls to the dog with
a nine iron yesterday.

I'm trying to understand the differences here, ok.
Can you break it down into more pieces?

Hey give Hawk credit for even wanting to try after the times I’ve ripped his face off in the past. He’s actually got at least a big part of this particular problem figured out. The physical part doesn’t help either, not being able to do what I used to do bothers me no matter where I am, but knowing I have 2 motorcycles in storages chaps my ass pretty good. In that sense I was glad it was too cold to ride because I tried last summer and all I accomplished was falling and hurting myself worse.

When I was going home in January one of the things my shrink said would do me good was to stay for a while someplace unfamiliar. That’s what I did when I was in Phoenix, I picked a hotel I’d never been in that was in Tempe. I’ve always stayed in Peoria or Glendale area before. When I was there I didn’t have the feeling of being in someone else’s life because it was new to me. I did feel a lot worse once I flew to my house, but part of that also had to be the fact that by the time I flew I hadn’t slept in a week. I know paying off my house if I stay here long enough was one of the bonuses to staying here, the main reason I’m here is for the medical care. Even if I do pay it off I may never want to live there again, I just don’t know. I’m not going to make any decisions soon, but I may sell the place eventually.

Hi LW. : wavey:

I'm getting tired of these 96 hour days, but at least I've got a job. And I'm glad that you are doing better.

I'm glad that you're writing about what happened. Bob had a good idea there, so keep following up.

As for the above quote, being a stranger in someone else's life is a somewhat normal feeling after all you have been through, although the drug reaction undoubtedly made it much worse. And the lousy weather this last time home didn't help either.

Part of the feeling is due to the fact that you are not the same person that you used to be. Part is due to experiences that had no part in that other life. It is something that will work itself out given time, and will work itself out in the background as your other problems get solved.

Hopefully, this week will only have 48 hour days and I'll be back a little more often.

Love, prayers, lots of gentle : hugs:, and cradling you in my arms as you sleep.

Hawk

Hi there, glad you made it back. I was about to sent the Ohio and WV GT’ers here out looking for you. Actually I’m going to tell them to rescue you from that evil boss of yours.. :wow:

I’m doing about the same as I’ve been, still no progress on the nightmares except that for the last few weeks the subject matter and clarity of them has been changing a little. I’ve noticed it starting yesterday and getting stronger today that I don’t really feel like talking about anything substantial, so I’ve been doing a lot of “chatting”.

I think you hit the nail on the head about me being a different person now than I was. That was one of the first things I was told even while I was still in the hospital is that I would look at things differently now, not only because of the experience and the PTSD, but because of having almost died that would change me a lot over time. I still never would have expected it to be that wrong to walk back into my life in a house I’ve owned for 20 years. That leaves the drug reaction to have made it as bad as it is, I guess. Good weather last summer and nasty weather in January, I found the good weather didn’t seem to have any positive effect. I really don’t know how I’ll handle it down the road.

Thanks for coming by. : hugs:

Nite everyone....

BobInTX

04-26-2010, 14:23

:dunno: Can't load the video on my slow-ass connection...

It was just a video of the MRAP. You already know what they look like. I posted it for everyone else.

I’m doing about the same as I’ve been, still no progress on the nightmares except that for the last few weeks the subject matter and clarity of them has been changing a little. I’ve noticed it starting yesterday and getting stronger today that I don’t really feel like talking about anything substantial, so I’ve been doing a lot of “chatting”. Gee, I wonder why? :whistling:

Nite everyone....

Goodnight, friend. :aod:

sawgrass

04-26-2010, 15:32

I hope you feel rested.

Hey, I give Hawk, Bob and anyone else here all the credit in the world.
Everyone has the same goal, and that is to help you.

I do think you are tolerant though. When the claws come out, it means
you are still alive, and able to feel.

MB-G26

04-26-2010, 15:42

http://i120.photobucket.com/albums/o180/bearflat/cats/Cat_and_bird_hug.jpg

BobInTX

04-26-2010, 16:08

Sgt Wolfe was at base in Afghanistan and needed to get to a remote base with some computer equipment she was sent to install and configure. She went to the flight line (a sandy clearing) on the morning she was supposed to fly, and waited for the choppers while BS’ing with some others at the base. Finally an E-4 walks over and tells the group that one of the birds had mechanical trouble and was deadlined. The next flight was a few days out. Wolfe grumbled a few choice words and started to take her duffel bag and IBA back to the tent she’d been staying in. A Captain walked up and asked what base Wolfe needed to go to and when she told him he said that if might be possible to send her by convoy. Wolfe explained that she was expressly prohibited from using ground trans. She thought about it for a second and decided to call her commander in Bagram and ask if it would be OK. She got permission to use a secure line and made the call. The first person she asked, the Major, said no, but she asked to speak to the Colonel and was surprised when he relented.

Wolfe reported this back to the Captain who told her to hang around and he would see if he could send the convoy. Wolfe went into the nearest tent that had a coffee pot and made some fresh coffee and waited for the word. A bit later the Cpt walks in and says it’s a go. About then a few more people walk in and pour themselves some liquid ambition. Someone that Wolfe had seen but not spoken to walks up and says “Hi, I’m hitching a ride on your convoy!” Wolfe looks at the senior NCO and thinks he’s nice looking and says “Cool! Which ‘RAP will you be riding in?” Greg answers “Most likely the 2nd one, same as you”. Wolfe says “Even cooler!”, and the 2 walk outside to the staging area to wait and yak.

The convoy team starts to assemble and the convoy commander comes over and identifies himself. While he’s standing there a medic with a cigarette dangling from his mouth walks over. Greg asks if he’s going to be the medic for the convoy and he says he is. Wolfe says “Well, nice to meet you, I don’t intend to need your services” The medic seems arrogant and says “Good, I only slept 3 hours last night and I don’t want to do ****!” as he walks off. The convoy commander says that he’s a real jerk, but by far the best medic in the unit, and has had a lot of training beyond what the Army provides.

Sgt Wolfe, Greg, and another E-6 get more coffee and go hang around by Wolfe’s equipment waiting as the convoy crew readies the vehicles. A couple soldiers come for Wolfe’s 2 cases of equipment and she asks for them to be put on the same vehicle that she’ll be in. They’re not big and the vehicles will be mostly empty so that’s easily accommodated. Finally the convoy commander calls the safety briefing, then tells us we’ll be mounting up in about a half hour. Wolfe goes and gets a sandwich, then it’s time to mount up and roll.

The E-6 that had been talking to Greg and Wolfe bids them a good trip and goes off to do his thing, and everyone climbs in and the convoy rolls out. Wolfe and Greg are in the 2nd of 3 MRAP’s and the sit next to each other in the mostly empty vehicle BS’ing and talking like old friends. It’s a bumpy ride over dirt roads that were planned by goat farmers. The first couple hours of the trip are uneventful.

All of a sudden a loud explosion rocks the 2nd MRAP and it stops. The vehicle design did its job well and no one inside was hurt, although some ears may have been singed by the cloud of cuss words that formed inside. After everyone calmed down and determined that no one was hurt Wolfe and Greg congratulated each other on the rich vocabularies each used when referring to the citizens of Afghanistan. The driver tried unsuccessfully to get the MRAP moving again, and the convoy commander radio that info to the other vehicles. The gunners up top kept watch but couldn’t see anyone around, then the convoy commander ordered the guard force (grunts) to get out and form a perimeter around the vehicles. Instructions were radioed back and forth, then the convoy commander explained to Wolfe and Greg that on his command they were to run to a group of large rocks between the 2 vehicles, then wait for the command to run to the 3rd vehicle and get in.

They both locked and loaded, Greg his pistol, Wolfe her rifle, and ran when told to do so. Greg went 1st, Wolfe a few feet behind. Unknown to anyone there were 2 Afghanis behind some rocks behind the 3rd MRAP, about 50 or so feet from where Greg and Wolfe were running. They both jumped up from behind the cover and opened fire in the direction of the 2 people running. Greg dove behind the rocks, but Wolfe was hit center of the chest by a round in the 1st volley. She was slammed backward and spun around by the force of impact and landed facing back toward the vehicle she had just left. The soldiers on guard and the gunners opened fire and plenty of bullets were traded. Wolfe lost consciousness after about half a minute.

This part I had to piece together based on what I’ve been told by several people. The times may be a little off, but everything else is correct.
Shortly after Wolfe was hit a 3rd Afghani started shooting from a position off to the side between the 2nd and 3rd MRAPs. He was closer to Wolfe and Greg’s location than the 1st 2 shooters and she had fallen out in the open. The fighting went on for another minute or so, and the 1st 2 shooters were eliminated, but the 3rd was staying down enough of the time that the gunners couldn’t take him out. The convoy commander had already stopped the medic from trying to get to Wolfe because he believed she couldn’t be helped. In spite of being close to the remaining Afghani, Greg decided to break cover and try to get to Wolfe to drag her back behind cover so the medic could try to save her. He ran toward her and the remaining shooter opened fire, hitting him several times. He went down and died before anyone could get to him. In shooting Greg the Afghani exposed enough of himself that the soldiers were able to kill him. As soon as the convoy commander declared the threat neutralized the medic ran to Greg, realized he was already gone, then ran to Wolfe and got busy.

OK, now back to what I remember.
Wolfe woke up after about a week, maybe a bit more and was told she was in Germany. Because of her injury she was kept heavily sedated to the point she didn’t even try to move and her memory of the 1st month or so in the hospital is hazy and spotty at best. She doesn’t remember when she heard that SOMEONE died on the mission, but was told about 2 weeks after waking up that it had been Greg. She asked the person who told her that he had died how it happened and was told an untrue story that she suspected even then was false. She didn’t find out the truth until a couple months later.

You did a great job with step #1. No doubt you may feel that it was pointless, but I believe that by writing it down it gives your thought processes structure. Also, by reading it several times a day your brain and subconscious gets tired of hearing it. You said in your earlier post to Brown Hawk that you "noticed it starting yesterday and getting stronger today that I don’t really feel like talking about anything substantial, so I’ve been doing a lot of “chatting”." I think this is a good thing. You are getting it out of your head and onto paper (well, your screen anyway).

Now, on to step 2.

This time may be harder for you.

Remember, if at any time you don't want to post your writings here, don't. You can PM them to me if you want, or just keep them to yourself. You make the call whether to show them to your therapist or not. But please continue to write. You can post it in pieces again if you want. That was good.
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You are Greg.

Take your story, and alter it as though it is from Greg's point of view. Introduce him by what he may have told you in conversation (My name is… I am from… I like to… My job is…), or incorporate it into the story (maintaining his privacy). You talked for two hours like old friends. Use what he told you.

Write the story in first person from the time you (Greg) got the assignment until you die. Everything he said, everything he felt, what he saw and what he did. You don't know what he was thinking, or what he did when you weren't there, but make it up. This is from His point of view, now, not Lone Wolfe's.

You don't have to start from scratch. Use the narrative in #1 to start and alter it.

God bless you.