Hollywood Squares quotes [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Tvov
12-31-2002, 14:19
> From The Original Hollywood Squares TV show...
>
> These are from the days when game show responses were
>
> spontaneous [Bull****--Ed.] and not scripted like they are now:
>
> -------------------------------------! -----------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Paul, can you get an elephant drunk?
>
> Paul Lynde: Yes, but it still won't go up to your apartment.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: According to Cosmo, if you meet a
>
> stranger at a party and you think he's really
>
> attractive, is it okay to come out directly and
>
> ask him if he's married?
>
>
> Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
> Peter Marshall: Which of your five senses tends to
>
> diminish as you get older?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
> Peter Marshall: In Hawaiian, does it take more than
>
> three words to say "I love you"?
>
>
>
> Vincent Price: No, you can say it! With a pineapple and a twenty.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Prometheus was tied to the top of a
>
> mountain by the gods because he had given something to
>
> man. What did he give us?
>
>
> Paul Lynde: I don't know what you got, but I got a
>
> sports shirt.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: What are "Do It", "I Can Help" and
>
> "Can't Get Enough"?
>
>
>
> George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from the
> next apartment.
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: As you grow older, do you tend to
>
> gesture more or less with your hands while you are
>
> talking?
>
>
>
> Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older
>
> question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture you'll
>
> never forget!
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: According to Zsa Zsa, does black look
>
> sexy on a woman?
>
>
>
> Redd Foxx: I wouldn't have it any other way.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: What are "dual purpose" cattle good
>
> for that other cattle aren't?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies...but I don't
>
> recommend the cookies!
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> Peter Marshall: If you find someone lying unconscious
>
> in the street, should you do anything?
>
>
>
> George Goebel: I'd probably crawl around him I guess.
>
> -----------------------------! -------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear
>
> leather?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Charley, you've just decided to grow
>
> strawberries. Are you going to get any during your
>
> first year?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too busy
>
> growing strawberries!
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
>
>
>
> Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Eddie, according to the Institute of
>
> Motivational Research, a wife should be beware if another woman
> takes
>
> an interest in a certain item of her husband's clothing.
>
> ! What item?
>
>
> Ed Asner: Well, shorts immediately springs to my
>
> mind.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to
>
> discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is
>
> politics. What is the other?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: True or false...a pea can last as
>
> long as 5,000 years.
>
>
>
> George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Is there a weight limit for bags on
>
> airline flights in this country?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: If she can fit under the seat, she
>
> can fly.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: During a tornado, are you safer in
>
> the bedroom or in the closet?
>
>
>
> Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always safe in
>
> the bedroom.
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Can boys join the camp fire girls?
>
>
>
> Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: When you pat a dog on its head he
>
> will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: True or false, George...experts say
>
> there are only seven or eight things in the world
>
> dumber than an ant.
>
>
>
> George Gobel: Yes, and I think I voted for six of
>
> 'em.
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: If you were pregnant for two years,
>
> what would you give birth to?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid
>
> of the dark.
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: According to Ann Landers, is there
>
> anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing
>
> a lot of people?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: While visiting China, your tour guide
>
> starts shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that
>
> mean?
>
>
>
> George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: It is the most abused and neglected
>
> part of your body, what is it?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly isn't
>
> neglected!
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Charley, what do you call a pig that
>
> weighs more than 150 pounds?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Back in the old days, when Great
>
> Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he
>
> trying to do?
>
>
> George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: According to Movie Life magazine,
>
> Ann-Margaret would like to start having babies soon,
>
> but her husband wants her to wait a while. Why?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: He's out of town.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and
>
> Shelley Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter
>
> With Helen?" Who plays Helen?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they asked
>
> the question.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> Peter Marshall: Who stays pregnant for a longer
>
> period of time, your wife or your elephant?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: When a couple have a baby, who is
>
> responsible for its sex?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest is
>
> up to him.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
>
>
> Peter Marshall: James Stewart did it over twenty
>
> years ago when he was forty-one years old. Now he
>
> says it was "one of the best things I ever did." What
>
> was it?
>
>
>
> Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that
>
> he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them
>
> on at least two occasions. What are they?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: If you're going to make a parachute
>
> jump, you should be at least how high?
>
>
>
> Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should
>
> do it.
>
>
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Do female frogs croak?
>
>
>
> Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under
>
> water.
>
> -------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: You've been having trouble going to
>
> sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
>
>
>
> Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
> ------------------------------------------------------
>
> Peter Marshall: Your baby has a certain object which
>
> he loves to cling to. Should you try to break him of
>
> his habit?
>
> Joan Rivers: Yes. It's daddy's turn.
>
>
>