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An eighty year old woman goes to the Doctor for a check up. She was
required to bring with her all types of medicine she had at home.
As the Doctor was looking through these he came across Birth Control
pills. "Mrs. Smith, do you realize that these are Birth Control pills"? he said.
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."
"But Mrs. Smith there is nothing in them that would help you to sleep!"
"I know that, but when I grind one up each morning and put it in the
glass of orange juice that my 17 year old grand daughter drinks, believe me, it helps me sleep at night
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his
grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.
Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he
cuts a photo in half but accidentally sends the bottom half of the
He's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but
then remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she
A few weeks later he receives a letter from his grandmother.
It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style ... it makes your nose look short.
THE OLD PREACHER
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home.
When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of the bed.
The preacher grasped their hands, sighed contentedly, smiled and stared at the ceiling.
For a time, no one said anything. Both the IRS agent and Lawyer were touched and flattered that the old preacher would ask them to be with him during his final moment.
They were also puzzled because the preacher had never given any indication that he particularly liked either one of them.
Finally, the Lawyer asked, "Preacher, why did you ask the two of us to come?"
The old preacher mustered up some strength, then said weakly, "Jesus died between two thieves, and that's how I want to go, too
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