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lethal tupperwa
01-19-2003, 06:09
Red Skelton's Tips for a Happy Marriage


Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, then
comes good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Ontario and mine is in Tucson.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I
bought her an electric chair.

My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the
carburetor. I asked where the car was, she told me, "In the Lake".

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
The driver said, "No, jump in!".

Statistically, 100% of all divorces start with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was ALWAYS!

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,
"Dust!".