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pal2511
02-15-2011, 01:53
When you guys write your narratives do you sometimes like to throw in an obscure word just for fun? I imagine the county or city attorney saying to them self WTF

KING-PIN
02-15-2011, 02:15
I once knew a guy that actually wrote in a UOF report...

"I then placed the subject in felony prone position with the least amount of force necessary using my cat-like, lightning quick ninja skills."

And sarge signed off on it because it was end of the shift and he didn't feel like reading it.

Classic.

ateamer
02-15-2011, 02:22
"When I interviewed her, the victim was lachrymose." That not only got me an attaboy at roll call from the sarge, but a handshake from the defense attorney right after his client pled guilty.

silverado_mick
02-15-2011, 04:24
When you guys write your narratives do you sometimes like to throw in an obscure word just for fun? I imagine the county or city attorney saying to them self WTF

This is one of my favorite games. Occasionally I piss my Lt off to the point that he throws a thesaurus at me from his office. I'll have to dig through some old reports and see what I can come up with.

ateamer
02-15-2011, 04:31
This is one of my favorite games. Occasionally I piss my Lt off to the point that he throws a thesaurus at me from his office.
I don't think that it is all unreasonable to expect that those who desire to hold higher rank are possessed of expansive diction.

Dragoon44
02-15-2011, 07:13
When you guys write your narratives do you sometimes like to throw in an obscure word just for fun? I imagine the county or city attorney saying to them self WTF

Yeah did that a few times with the "insurance" calls. You know the ones like, "Something was stolen from the back of my work truck sometime in the past couple of weeks when it was parked somewhere." on our complaint cards we always put "Under investigation" after giving brief details of the complaint.

On these types of calls I started ending it with "It's an FM" until the chief called me in and said, "That was pretty funny at first but now I have reporters wanting to know what an "FM is, so knock it off."

:rofl::rofl:

x_out86
02-15-2011, 08:02
My secretary was quite confused a while ago when I dictated a report of a domestic between brother and sister.

In his statement about why he choked his sister the guy told me he got pissed off because his sister and her friend were "beasting" on him...

My secretary told me that she must have played back that part of the report 5 or so times trying to figure out if that was what I was really saying. I guess she ended up having chief who was passing her desk listen too.

I told her I didnt know what it meant either....I just dictated what he told me. :whistling:

Cochese
02-15-2011, 08:53
They call me the thesaurus at work.

Just tonight, I used diatribe, expectorate and scrotum in one paragraph of a disorderly arrest.

nitesite10mm
02-15-2011, 09:45
I ache to have the opportunity very soon that I may again use the word "swivet" in a narrative. :)

Another favorite of mine is "demonstrable".

lwt210
02-15-2011, 09:45
I have had several reports read at roll calls for the comedy factor.

I have had junior officers that carry my old reports around for the comedy factor.

What's the point of going to work if you can't make folks laugh? :cool:

Hack
02-15-2011, 09:47
They call me the thesaurus at work.

Just tonight, I used diatribe, expectorate and scrotum in one paragraph of a disorderly arrest.

I thought those were common everyday words. Then I used dung in a report one time at work, back several years or so ago. The Lieutenant was like, "What do you mean." I said to him, "Dung, as in Dung". I then had to explain it. To me that was a commonly used word. :faint:

Then in constructing sentences they want it simple and short to the point of being below third grade level grammar.:upeyes:

Hack
02-15-2011, 09:48
I ache to have the opportunity very soon that I may again use the word "swivet" in a narrative. :)

Another favorite of mine is "demonstrable".

Isn't swivet considered archaic?

Hack
02-15-2011, 09:48
I have had several reports read at roll calls for the comedy factor.

I have had junior officers that carry my old reports around for the comedy factor.

What's the point of going to work if you can't make folks laugh? :cool:

:agree:

CJStudent
02-15-2011, 09:53
I thought those were common everyday words. Then I used dung in a report one time at work, back several years or so ago. The Lieutenant was like, "What do you mean." I said to him, "Dung, as in Dung". I then had to explain it. To me that was a commonly used word. :faint:

Then in constructing sentences they want it simple and short to the point of being below third grade level grammar.:upeyes:

That's how my department is, too. Some of the reports are interesting to read, in a bad way. I've had to type a lot of them into our database, and I believe some people really need an English 101 refresher course...

Hack
02-15-2011, 10:03
That's how my department is, too. Some of the reports are interesting to read, in a bad way. I've had to type a lot of them into our database, and I believe some people really need an English 101 refresher course...

I guess in a way a lower level of language is needed to communicate the report to the inmates, but I think regardless of what prison you go to you will find staff members who are in need of extra learning and skill development, in the area of languages.

nitesite10mm
02-15-2011, 10:07
Isn't swivet considered archaic?

Perhaps in a moribund sort of way.

See you and raise you one! ;)

silverado_mick
02-15-2011, 10:15
My secretary was quite confused a while ago when I dictated a report of a domestic between brother and sister.


Must be freaking nice! :tongueout:

They call me the thesaurus at work.

Just tonight, I used diatribe, expectorate and scrotum in one paragraph of a disorderly arrest.

Cheesy, you get called it, I get one thrown at me. Apparently our working environments are slightly different. :rofl:

A couple off the top of my head that I've used recently: aforementioned, vehemently, disparaging, obtuse, and on and on etc...

I also like to play the "lets find the most obscure charge in the book to throw at this guy" game. I'm currently dying to charge someone for "Propulsion of Missles" for throwing something at a car. I went on a spree last year where the only traffic tickets I wrote were for "Improper entering into an intersection". I could cover so many different violations with that one charge that I just used the hell out of it!

Hack
02-15-2011, 10:22
Perhaps in a moribund sort of way.

See you and raise you one! ;)

*raises eyebrow*

nitesite10mm
02-15-2011, 10:24
*raises eyebrow*

Did I go too far?

CAcop
02-15-2011, 10:42
One of our now retired officers was from England and he was damn proud to tell us he used "propper" english vs. what we used. His big thing was to write curb in traffic reports with a "k." He did wus out and drop the extra "u" though.

CGMK
02-15-2011, 11:20
"Under the cover of darkness, I stealthy followed this trodden path around the outside perimeter fence or the refuse yard to a wooded area of further concealment atop a knoll. From this position of high ground, I discovered what appeared to be the source of the commotion. I observed vagrants [S1/S2] that were apparently on a quest for metallic treasures and consumable items within the county dumpster."

True Story.

coastalcop
02-15-2011, 12:20
Complainant suffers from dubious mental acuity

ateamer
02-15-2011, 12:25
Isn't swivet considered archaic?
It's a perfectly cromulent word.

tusk212
02-15-2011, 12:36
I also like to play the "lets find the most obscure charge in the book to throw at this guy" game. I'm currently dying to charge someone for "Propulsion of Missles" for throwing something at a car.

I know a guy that charged that.

We have a word of the day game. Whoever uses it correctly in a report wins.

Denied
02-15-2011, 12:37
In describing a female drug saleslady we had under observation, I used the term "portly", when I got the report back portly was crossed out and "sweat hog" written in.

GackMan
02-15-2011, 13:15
We have a word of the day game. Whoever uses it correctly in a report wins.

Do you ever play, "who can use this word on the radio?"

pal2511
02-15-2011, 13:57
I believe most of the staff at my place could use an English 090 refresher course. I love this thread so far and on the next report my goal is to use some nice words that have been mentioned. Portly was the great one. Hell I could probably use portly on every report almost. "I observed the portly officer smith chase after the vagrant" haha

Ajon412
02-15-2011, 14:26
Don't forget words and phrases like:
-Aforementioned
-"Expert tutelage"....for use by stupidvisors, FTO's, etc...when giving guidance to underlings (FNG's, rookies, etc).....:whistling:
-"I alighted from my vehicle"....you know, sounds cooler than "I got out of my car"

:rofl:

Dragoon44
02-15-2011, 15:06
I had a Sgt. once who was infatuated with the word ascertain. He used it in all his reports and even in verbal communications as much as possible.

ryanm
02-15-2011, 18:06
-"I alighted from my vehicle"....you know, sounds cooler than "I got out of my car"

:rofl:

I was conducting my ground transport law enforcement special service motor vehicle along the municipal thoroughfares when I observed, from afar, a conglomerate of hoodlums and ruffians engaging in a melee.
There arose such a clatter that I alighted from my ground transport law enforcement special service motor vehicle and proceeded to intermediate the squabble.

Cochese
02-15-2011, 18:18
Cheesy, you get called it, I get one thrown at me. Apparently our working environments are slightly different. :rofl:

A couple off the top of my head that I've used recently: aforementioned, vehemently, disparaging, obtuse, and on and on etc...

I also like to play the "lets find the most obscure charge in the book to throw at this guy" game. I'm currently dying to charge someone for "Propulsion of Missles" for throwing something at a car. I went on a spree last year where the only traffic tickets I wrote were for "Improper entering into an intersection". I could cover so many different violations with that one charge that I just used the hell out of it!

I charged this guy last night with Expectorating on a Sidewalk prohibited. It was such an old charge, the jail had to write it on his card because it wasn't in the computer.

Do you ever play, "who can use this word on the radio?"

Yep. Recently, I've been using glorious as much as possible.

Swing shift has a contest going to use "migratory waterfoul". Every noise complaint has been dispo'd with it this week.

ateamer
02-15-2011, 18:37
I was conducting my ground transport law enforcement special service motor vehicle along the municipal thoroughfares when I observed, from afar, a conglomerate of hoodlums and ruffians engaging in a melee.
There arose such a clatter that I alighted from my ground transport law enforcement special service motor vehicle and proceeded to intermediate the squabble.
Unfortunately, we do have those nerd/wanna-sound-like-official-military-lingo who write reports like that when they aren't joking. Why write "I activated my marked patrol unit's overhead-mounted emergency equipment to effect an enforcement stop" when "I turned on the red lights to pull the car over" says the same thing in a language that someone can actually make sense out of?

nitesite10mm
02-15-2011, 18:43
I had a Sgt. once who was infatuated with the word ascertain. He used it in all his reports and even in verbal communications as much as possible.

"Ascertain" is a perfectly useable verb. I likee... :)

But what I really like about your post is that you put into the lexicon the transitive verb "infatuated".

Well Played, Good Sir.

x_out86
02-15-2011, 18:53
Must be freaking nice! :tongueout:

Let me clarify...She is not my personal secretary, she is the department secretary. And yes its nice to have one, and to be able to dictate.



I also like to play the "lets find the most obscure charge in the book to throw at this guy" game. I'm currently dying to charge someone for "Propulsion of Missles" for throwing something at a car. I went on a spree last year where the only traffic tickets I wrote were for "Improper entering into an intersection". I could cover so many different violations with that one charge that I just used the hell out of it!

I wrote "throwing missiles/projectiles" one. It was AWESOME. The look on the guys face was priceless when I said "missiles". He learned his lesson on why we dont throw a half full bottle of soda out of a moving car that then strikes the hood of another car directly in front of me.

ryanm
02-15-2011, 18:54
Unfortunately, we do have those nerd/wanna-sound-like-official-military-lingo who write reports like that when they aren't joking. Why write "I activated my marked patrol unit's overhead-mounted emergency equipment to effect an enforcement stop" when "I turned on the red lights to pull the car over" says the same thing in a language that someone can actually make sense out of?

Most of the ones around here read like a bad western.
I was a driving down the hiway when i see the car drive offa the road.

Thankfully, most of the sergeants can read... and send them back.

steveksux
02-15-2011, 19:26
I don't think that it is all unreasonable to expect that those who desire to hold higher rank are possessed of expansive diction.As a matter of fact, I could swear I've heard upper management called "huge diction heads" as a token of respect.... :whistling:

Randy

steveksux
02-15-2011, 19:46
-"I alighted from my vehicle"....you know, sounds cooler than "I got out of my car"

:rofl:http://www.jdscenicart.com/Burning%20Car.jpg
:whistling:

Randy

AngryBassets
02-15-2011, 20:22
Yeah did that a few times with the "insurance" calls. You know the ones like, "Something was stolen from the back of my work truck sometime in the past couple of weeks when it was parked somewhere." on our complaint cards we always put "Under investigation" after giving brief details of the complaint.

On these types of calls I started ending it with "It's an FM" until the chief called me in and said, "That was pretty funny at first but now I have reporters wanting to know what an "FM is, so knock it off."

:rofl::rofl:

Ok; I don't get it, but I'm intrigued. PM with an explanation if necessary.

They call me the thesaurus at work.

Just tonight, I used diatribe, expectorate and scrotum in one paragraph of a disorderly arrest.

You need to come work for me. I need someone else here who isn't a serial abuser of the English language. I read every report patrol generates from Thursday at 17:00 to Monday at 23:30. It's really sad how poorly composed these reports are...and many of these guys are college graduates.

I'm regarded as being the grammar/vocabulary snob in my department. I have a file set aside which consists of emails sent department-wide by a lt which one would think had been written by a 4th grader. "Maine entrance", "haft filled", etc. Seriously.

Do you ever play, "who can use this word on the radio?"

"Rough talked" has been added to the words-that-must-be-used-in-disorderly-or-harassment reports
lexicon over the past few months.

Years ago, a lt kicked back a report to me because he didn't like the word "invective". Apparently, my reports needed to be dumbed down a bit. :upeyes:

nikerret
02-15-2011, 20:29
I imagine the county or city attorney saying to them self WTF

I'm not convinced they read our reports. I know the defense attorneys do.



They call me "the encyclopedia", at work.


I have also been unofficially banned from typing up the press releases.

Hack
02-15-2011, 20:44
Did I go too far?

Having recently arrived at home and enjoying repast in preparation to retire my mind was not fully comprehending, especially in light of the fact that I am not well versed on poker terminology.:embarassed:

Hack
02-15-2011, 20:57
Years ago, a lt kicked back a report to me because he didn't like the word "invective". Apparently, my reports needed to be dumbed down a bit. :upeyes:

Brother I feel your pain. And, I am not a university or college graduate. I simply bother to read something besides pulp fiction; something that will actually enhance the vocabulary, and use of the language. I have an author for some of those graduates to look into. He actually is no longer alive, so he is not producing any more books. However, within the home school movement they are fairly popular.

Author: G. A. Henty

http://www.henty.com/


Herein lies the rub concerning that. Those books were actually readers for children, usually of early to to mid teens in age. So, graduates may at first find it beneath themselves to read something that was considered a reader for younger people not yet having achieved their secondary education. I would say that a challenge should be put forth to the next one that you see not writing a report that is up to modern standards for university or secondary school English.

Considering the fact that ACT has been made easier at least once for people to pass, (for some reason I am thinking it was twice), is it any wonder that people who are graduating from universities, and other schools of higher education are submarginal in some areas of education?

txleapd
02-15-2011, 21:16
Many moons ago an old sergeant of mine and I once walked up on a prostitute rendering services in a park. I was trying to be politically correct, but she wanted to argue about what we saw. I told her, "I saw you, with my own eyes, fellating this man in a public place!"

She asked me what that word was, and I was already frustrated with her, so I replied, "You were sucking his......." I thought my sarge was going to stroke out, because he didn't see that one coming. :whistling:

txleapd
02-15-2011, 21:42
Ooh... This topic reminded me of another story. I had different sergeant once that liked to try and impress people with his vocabulary. Especially on the radio. He would commonly use $10 words to get a 5 cent point across, and sometimes screw it up.

One of our rookies was out on a drunk transient who was passed out at a bus stop. I was on different call with another officer, when the sergeant asked if she (the rookie out with the drunk) had tried to "arouse" the subject. He should have used the word "rouse".

The officer I was with had been interviewing a victim when that radio traffic came out. Both the officer and the victim stopped talking for a moment, and then looked at me. The other officer asked me, "Did he just say what I think?" The victim and I both answered, "Yes" at the same time.

The best part was when the rookie answered him with, "I hadn't tried that tactic yet, sarge... But I think I'll go ahead and wait for EMS instead."

He immediately realized what he'd said... It was awesome. :rofl:

nitesite10mm
02-15-2011, 21:46
I replied, "You were sucking his......." I thought my sarge was going to stroke out, because he didn't see that one coming. :whistling:

Effin Classic.

I suppose that in the scenario you describe she was not very loquacious while engaging in the act of fellatio.

Hack
02-15-2011, 21:48
Ooh... This topic reminded me of another story. I had different sergeant once that liked to try and impress people with his vocabulary. Especially on the radio. He would commonly use $10 words to get a 5 cent point across, and sometimes screw it up.

One of our rookies was out on a drunk transient who was passed out at a bus stop. I was on different call with another officer, when the sergeant asked if she (the rookie out with the drunk) had tried to "arouse" the subject. He should have used the word "rouse".

The officer I was with had been interviewing a victim when that radio traffic came out. Both the officer and the victim stopped talking for a moment, and then looked at me. The other officer asked me, "Did he just say what I think?" The victim and I both answered, "Yes" at the same time.

The best part was when the rookie answered him with, "I hadn't tried that tactic yet, sarge... But I think I'll go ahead and wait for EMS instead."

He immediately realized what he'd said... It was awesome. :rofl:

:rofl:

Hack
02-15-2011, 21:51
Many moons ago an old sergeant of mine and I once walked up on a prostitute rendering services in a park. I was trying to be politically correct, but she wanted to argue about what we saw. I told her, "I saw you, with my own eyes, fellating this man in a public place!"

She asked me what that word was, and I was already frustrated with her, so I replied, "You were sucking his......." I thought my sarge was going to stroke out, because he didn't see that one coming. :whistling:

Oh boy! :rofl:

Hunca Munca
02-15-2011, 21:56
"As the operator seemed to be suffering from a recto-cranial inversion, I activated my stroboscopic photon emitting device in order to change his vector and decrease his velocity."

BWT
02-15-2011, 21:58
When I worked midnights and it rained, I always started my narratives with: It was a dark and stormy night. The local newspaper got a kick out of it reading thru the daily blotter and put it in the police calls section one time.

Dragoon44
02-15-2011, 22:03
Many many moons ago when I worked for the DOC I used to mess with inmates by telling them,

"Hey man, word is going around that you are a heterosexual"

The usual response was,

"No man, thats not me I don't go out like that"

I usually just responded,

"Yeah I didn't think so."

I only had one inmate ever tell me he didn't know what the word meant and ask me what it meant.

ryanm
02-15-2011, 22:12
When I worked midnights and it rained, I always started my narratives with: It was a dark and stormy night. The local newspaper got a kick out of it reading thru the daily blotter and put it in the police calls section one time.

Nice! :supergrin:

Hack
02-15-2011, 22:13
Many many moons ago when I worked for the DOC I used to mess with inmates by telling them,

"Hey man, word is going around that you are a heterosexual"

The usual response was,

"No man, thats not me I don't go out like that"

I usually just responded,

"Yeah I didn't think so."

I only had one inmate ever tell me he didn't know what the word meant and ask me what it meant.

:rofl:

One of my favourite scolding remarks was, "You are an insignificant psychological specimen of humanity." Of course, bottom feeders that I dealt with concerning said remark did not know what that meant, or made pretence concerning their ignorance.

pal2511
02-15-2011, 22:14
I'm not convinced they read our reports. I know the defense attorneys do.



They call me "the encyclopedia", at work.


I have also been unofficially banned from typing up the press releases.

I'm sure the county attorney or city attorney reads that report ohhhh about 5 minutes before the trial.

ateamer
02-15-2011, 22:16
Ooh... This topic reminded me of another story. I had different sergeant once that liked to try and impress people with his vocabulary. Especially on the radio. He would commonly use $10 words to get a 5 cent point across, and sometimes screw it up.

One of our rookies was out on a drunk transient who was passed out at a bus stop. I was on different call with another officer, when the sergeant asked if she (the rookie out with the drunk) had tried to "arouse" the subject. He should have used the word "rouse".

The officer I was with had been interviewing a victim when that radio traffic came out. Both the officer and the victim stopped talking for a moment, and then looked at me. The other officer asked me, "Did he just say what I think?" The victim and I both answered, "Yes" at the same time.

The best part was when the rookie answered him with, "I hadn't tried that tactic yet, sarge... But I think I'll go ahead and wait for EMS instead."

He immediately realized what he'd said... It was awesome. :rofl:
:rofl: We had one like that, too. One of our guys found a drunk passed out on the sidewalk. He woke him up and advised that he had one in custody for drunk. A minute later, he came up on the air yelling "Send me Code 3 fire and ambulance - he's going down on me and I can't arouse him!"

I almost crashed from laughing so hard.

He denied that he'd said those words, but the radio tape that was played in roll call for a while after that made sure that the whole department knew.

Hack
02-15-2011, 22:18
:rofl: We had one like that, too. One of our guys found a drunk passed out on the sidewalk. He woke him up and advised that he had one in custody for drunk. A minute later, he came up on the air yelling "Send me Code 3 fire and ambulance - he's going down on me and I can't arouse him!"

I almost crashed from laughing so hard.

He denied that he'd said those words, but the radio tape that was played in roll call for a while after that made sure that the whole department knew.

Ooh, how embarrassing. How long has it been that he has, "Never lived it down"?

bccop
02-15-2011, 22:20
If I am out of my car on occasion the dispatcher will send an MDT message and in a couple minutes the following conversation will take place:

Dispatcher: 2C11 did you get my MDT message?

Me: Negative. I am extravehicular.

Hack
02-15-2011, 22:21
If I am out of my car on occasion the dispatcher will send an MDT message and in a couple minutes the following conversation will take place:

Dispatcher: 2C11 did you get my MDT message?

Me: Negative. I am extravehicular.

Or, utilizing the LCP, (military vernacular).

silverado_mick
02-15-2011, 23:40
Yep. Recently, I've been using glorious as much as possible.

Swing shift has a contest going to use "migratory waterfoul". Every noise complaint has been dispo'd with it this week.

Count me in on both. :cool:

Unfortunately I'm off after tonight till Sunday, but rest assured that night turn here is in on the "glorious" and "waterfowl" radio games.

Also, this thread is awsome.

lawman800
02-16-2011, 02:13
Y'all knows I be gettin in on dis here bull****!

I've thrown in tons of obscure words, slogans, jargon and popular words of the day into every report I have written. My reports have made legend in some parts around here and one guy I had as a FTO still talks about an epic report I wrote 12 years ago.

I have used:

Shod foot (for a guy wearing a shoe)

Subdural hematoma (I just threw it in there as one of the injuries on a vic)

All encompassing (no idea why)

All in all (to sum up a report)

Shabby (to describe a guy's house)

Habitation (to describe a guy's house)

Unfit for human habitation (child welfare check)

House of ill repute (for a whore house)

Theatre (UK spelling just for kicks)

Modality (no idea)

Posterior Thoracic Cavity leading from the alimentary tract (rectum)

Gnashing of teeth (just for fun)

Tiff, squabble, quarrel (fight)

Seminal (not used in reference to bodily fluids)

Endeavoured to subjugate via his domineering manifestations (UK spelling to boot!)

Yes, a lot of these get kicked back... but the laughs were worth it. Sometimes one makes it through... and I have only been taken to trial a few times. Most of the time it is pled out.

P.S. Forgot my latest favorite phrase to randomly insert... "Suffered a bout of righteous indignation".

ateamer
02-16-2011, 02:22
Ooh, how embarrassing. How long has it been that he has, "Never lived it down"?
Six or seven years maybe. He's retired now, but while he was still here, I made sure that the new guys knew the story. The deputy in question wasn't exactly a poster child... :whistling:

lawman800
02-16-2011, 02:29
Let's not forget...

Hooligan

Ruffian

Ne'er-do-well

Scalywag

Scoundrel

Shenanigans

Skullduggery

Chicanery

Highwaymen

Larcenious

Fiend

Diabolical

Beatific

Paladin

Ominous

Yes, I have used these words and have been qusetioned about them by WC's.

COLOSHOOTR
02-16-2011, 02:38
I charged this guy last night with Expectorating on a Sidewalk prohibited. It was such an old charge, the jail had to write it on his card because it wasn't in the computer.



Yep. Recently, I've been using glorious as much as possible.

Swing shift has a contest going to use "migratory waterfoul". Every noise complaint has been dispo'd with it this week.

I wrote one of those the other day to a customer who would not leave the scene of a large post basketball game melee till I found a charge to make them leave... It would have been much more fun if it had a cooler sounding charge. Our RMC does not sound as cool as yours. It's just titled: Spitting in public prohibited.

lawman800
02-16-2011, 03:02
Or you warn a gangbanger turd to not "loiter" and he says he didn't throw nothing on the ground.

txleapd
02-16-2011, 08:55
I had a Sgt. once who was infatuated with the word ascertain. He used it in all his reports and even in verbal communications as much as possible.

I would have said that we must have worked for the same Sgt, but knowing your, um..... EXPERIENCE, I'm going to assume it was one of his distant descendants. :whistling:

golls17
02-16-2011, 11:34
Let's not forget...

Hooligan

Ruffian

Ne'er-do-well

Scalywag

Scoundrel

Shenanigans

Skullduggery

Chicanery

Highwaymen

Larcenious

Fiend

Diabolical

Beatific

Paladin

Ominous

Yes, I have used these words and have been qusetioned about them by WC's.

I swear to God I'm going to pistol whip the next guy who says shenanigans...



Sorry, couldn't resist! :wavey:

tusk212
02-16-2011, 11:34
I like to use nefarious as much as possible.

CJStudent
02-16-2011, 11:55
Or you warn a gangbanger turd to not "loiter" and he says he didn't throw nothing on the ground.

I've had that happen more times than I care to think about.

CJStudent
02-16-2011, 11:55
I like to use nefarious as much as possible.

I may have to use that one in my next writeup....

mrdann
02-16-2011, 18:25
I once described a scene by writing, "reminiscent of a medieval battle, the sides faced each other, across the void, and hurled objects at each other with great force."

bccop
02-16-2011, 18:56
I charged this guy last night with Expectorating on a Sidewalk prohibited. It was such an old charge, the jail had to write it on his card because it wasn't in the computer.

We used to have an expectorating on a sidewalk bylaw until a few years ago.

We also up until recently used to have "Pedestrian acting in a manner likely to frighten horses."

volsbear
02-16-2011, 19:53
It's definitely a fun game especially when you see the attorneys googling the words on their smartphones trying to figure out what the report says.

Ender
02-16-2011, 21:02
"When I interviewed her, the victim was lachrymose." That not only got me an attaboy at roll call from the sarge, but a handshake from the defense attorney right after his client pled guilty.

I'll give you that. I read every page in this thread and the only word I didn't know on site was 'lachrymose.'

That you for increasing my vocab (seriously), it is not often that I don't know a word...

tusk212
02-16-2011, 21:33
I'll give you that. I read every page in this thread and the only word I didn't know on site was 'lachrymose.'

That you for increasing my vocab (seriously), it is not often that I don't know a word...

Worked it in one tonight. BOO YA!!!!!

BamaTrooper
02-16-2011, 22:09
I have used
fellatio
bovine
predilection
sang froid
indeterminate
indicative
establish verbal dominance
enigmatic
adversarial
susurrus
inveterate

I have used the nonsense word "lobatchery" which we defined as hibatchery without violence.

tusk212
02-16-2011, 22:58
Can we please get this stickied? :wavey:

Hack
02-16-2011, 23:03
I may have to use that one in my next writeup....

Where I am at it is mainly commonly used words only, (marginally correct English), or else the scrotes don't understand is their fear, (liability, frivolous law suits).

TKM
02-16-2011, 23:21
I was trapped in a deposition once upon a time.

Full stop,,,, while four lawyers tried to interpret flaygum in the most favorable light for their cllients.


Some poor dumb bastard had to pay four billable hours because someone else couldn't say phlegm.:upeyes::upeyes::upeyes:

Hoser423
02-16-2011, 23:39
Thanks for the laughs guys...
A sense of humor was long ago banned from my workplace. Anything other than the most PLAIN BORING verbage won't fly. 1 of our detectives used to throw out a few doozies, but he's been mellowed out. Had a Sgt. always say "Everything's copacetic" when he answered a status check.

lawman800
02-17-2011, 03:55
Don't forget sanctimonious, especially when used as an adjective to modify words such as bull**** or crap.

I think I worked in vanglorious tonight and maybe even malevolent in another context.

I've never used copacetic but I have said kosher a few times. I'll see if I can throw in a Halal instead of kosher and see how many people care.

HandyMan Hugh
02-17-2011, 04:42
Thanks for a lot of good laughs. I especially like the subtlety of an archaic word slipped in occasionally.

lawman800
02-17-2011, 10:30
"Today began like any other day but little did I know...."

GackMan
02-17-2011, 14:24
I want to use chicanery next chance I get.

lawman800
02-17-2011, 15:24
I want to use chicanery next chance I get.

Don't forget, if it is not that serious to warrant a chicanery charge, you can always knock it down to a tomfoolery and let the DA decide. But there is no negotiating a skullduggery because that is just a straight felony, not a wobbler.

pal2511
02-17-2011, 15:37
I will try to use dictionary.com's word of the day every time I get now. lol

CanIhaveGasCash
02-17-2011, 15:54
I have been known to use "tomfoolery" on occasion. I have also charged "throwing of missiles prohibited" during a snowball fight gone bad.

jpa
02-18-2011, 00:37
I'm a bit of a grammar nazi myself. I cringe when I read some of the reports the guys I work with have written. I know for a fact that there are 2 DUIs pending and a couple battery arrests that will be denied for lack of prosecutorial merit because the report reads like crap. I think the DA's office is finally tired of getting total garbage in, so they send one "request further information" request and then deny charges if they get more garbage or no more info.

I had a Sgt who swore that by the end of the his career he will write someone a citation for "itinerant musician." We used to do the IVC of the day, picking an Illinois Vehicle Code violation for the day to try to enforce. It really sucks when you land on one of the bicycle or pedestrian violations....in December.

ranger1444
02-19-2011, 19:16
Used the word roust in a report tonight. The management here doesn't like any tomfoolery in our reports. Would like to try the IVC of the day like the previous poster though!

Thanks GTCT!

lawman800
02-19-2011, 21:26
Don't forget "nefarious ruse" when used in a fraud or embezzlement report to adequately describe the skullduggery involved.

nitesite10mm
02-20-2011, 03:08
I've grown weary of using the descriptive word "silver" or "grey" when providing vehicle color, so I am now using "Light Argent" or "Dark Argent". I doubt it even gets noticed in reports but when I am on the radio describing a vehicle during a pursuit or stop or BOLO and I say "light argent" I know in my heart that somewhere out there some officer or scanner-land dreamer is Googling what argent is.

lawman800
02-20-2011, 03:26
I've grown weary of using the descriptive word "silver" or "grey" when providing vehicle color, so I am now using "Light Argent" or "Dark Argent". I doubt it even gets noticed in reports but when I am on the radio describing a vehicle during a pursuit or stop or BOLO and I say "light argent" I know in my heart that somewhere out there some officer or scanner-land dreamer is Googling what argent is.

The sad part is that it would become a serious officer safety issue here with some of the idiots we have on patrol.

I swear, they couldn't even find the right suspect when we say plainly white shirt or black pants... they would drive right by a suspect on an empty street with the exact same physical description wearing a light grey shirt and dark blue jeans because it was not specifically a white shirt and dark pants. (It happened before)

If I used more colorful terms like "ocean mist" or "mauve" or "taupe" or "champagne" or "seafoam" or "fuschia" to describe the color, they would just pull over and spontaneously combust from the confusion.

txleapd
02-20-2011, 16:53
Unfortunately, we do have those nerd/wanna-sound-like-official-military-lingo who write reports like that when they aren't joking. Why write "I activated my marked patrol unit's overhead-mounted emergency equipment to effect an enforcement stop" when "I turned on the red lights to pull the car over" says the same thing in a language that someone can actually make sense out of?

I use to tell rookies the same thing all the time. Write reports like a human being, not a robot. Few things are as deflating as having 12 people in jury box look at you with blank stares after you say something like, "I exited my marked patrol unit," instead of, "I got out of my police car."


BTW, I busted out "lachrymose" on my Sgt while discussing a case this past week, just to mess with him. :supergrin:

lawman800
02-20-2011, 21:22
Don't forget how we never "call" anyone. We "telephonically contact" someone.

ateamer
02-20-2011, 21:52
BTW, I busted out "lachrymose" on my Sgt while discussing a case this past week, just to mess with him. :supergrin:
:supergrin: It's spreading. One word at a time, we'll improve America's cops' vocabulary.

pal2511
02-21-2011, 02:25
Don't forget how we never "call" anyone. We "telephonically contact" someone.

I say contacted via telephone

Guess that is being too technical :)

pal2511
02-21-2011, 02:27
I've grown weary of using the descriptive word "silver" or "grey" when providing vehicle color, so I am now using "Light Argent" or "Dark Argent". I doubt it even gets noticed in reports but when I am on the radio describing a vehicle during a pursuit or stop or BOLO and I say "light argent" I know in my heart that somewhere out there some officer or scanner-land dreamer is Googling what argent is.

I usually just say light colored or dark colored. Anyhow I cant tell the difference between dark blue, purple or black at night. Also considering no one washes their car around here except twice a year who the hell knows at night

lawman800
02-21-2011, 04:42
I usually just say light colored or dark colored. Anyhow I cant tell the difference between dark blue, purple or black at night. Also considering no one washes their car around here except twice a year who the hell knows at night

I've described cars as dirty dust (or rust) colored over the air.

CJStudent
02-21-2011, 12:35
I managed to throw "amiss" into a report Friday; does that count?

lawman800
02-21-2011, 13:10
I managed to throw "amiss" into a report Friday; does that count?

I've started off a report that way, "Something foul was afoot..."

It got kicked back with much racuous laughter.:whistling:

ateamer
02-21-2011, 13:57
A couple years ago on March 15, I turned in a report on a homicide that occurred at the Roman Forum, listing the victim as last of Caesar, first name Julius, occupation Emperor, and the suspect as last of Brutus, first Marcus middle Junius. It had a one-page narrative beginning with "On March 15, 44 BC, I was on duty in full Praetorian Guard uniform, assigned to foot patrol at the Roman Senate...". The graveyard sergeant told me that he had started to sign it off when it hit him what the report was. It seems that if you have a number of years on and are known for excellent reports, they don't always read them through before signing.

RMolina628
02-21-2011, 14:48
a couple years ago superfluous made it into a report of mine.

pal2511
02-21-2011, 17:32
A couple years ago on March 15, I turned in a report on a homicide that occurred at the Roman Forum, listing the victim as last of Caesar, first name Julius, occupation Emperor, and the suspect as last of Brutus, first Marcus middle Junius. It had a one-page narrative beginning with "On March 15, 44 BC, I was on duty in full Praetorian Guard uniform, assigned to foot patrol at the Roman Senate...". The graveyard sergeant told me that he had started to sign it off when it hit him what the report was. It seems that if you have a number of years on and are known for excellent reports, they don't always read them through before signing.

My luck if I would have done it they would have faxed that up to the county attorney and **** would fly

lawman800
02-21-2011, 17:36
I will volunteer to fly to Rome to serve the arrest warrant and extradite Julius Caesar. If I can't find him, then I guess I will have to suffer by eating lots of Steak Florentine and dancing the night away with the fine Italian ladies.:crying:

pal2511
07-30-2011, 03:26
Yeah did that a few times with the "insurance" calls. You know the ones like, "Something was stolen from the back of my work truck sometime in the past couple of weeks when it was parked somewhere." on our complaint cards we always put "Under investigation" after giving brief details of the complaint.

On these types of calls I started ending it with "It's an FM" until the chief called me in and said, "That was pretty funny at first but now I have reporters wanting to know what an "FM is, so knock it off."

:rofl::rofl:

What is an FM??

Kahr_Glockman
07-30-2011, 05:39
I will volunteer to fly to Rome to serve the arrest warrant and extradite Julius Caesar. If I can't find him, then I guess I will have to suffer by eating lots of Steak Florentine and dancing the night away with the fine Italian ladies.:crying:

Considering that Ceaser was the victim........

steveksux
07-30-2011, 06:31
They call me the thesaurus at work.

Just tonight, I used diatribe, expectorate and scrotum in one paragraph of a disorderly arrest.Funny, I was thinking this would be the result of a soliciting arrest.... :rofl:

It was a meeting with the Chief, not a report, but I recall uttering the words "Sheep Offenders Registry"...

Randy

GPalmer
07-30-2011, 08:37
In describing a female drug saleslady we had under observation, I used the term "portly", when I got the report back portly was crossed out and "sweat hog" written in.

Bwahahaha, now that's funny...

MooseJaw
07-30-2011, 16:35
This thread is bifurcated into Linguists, and Cunning-Linguists.. :tongueout:

txleapd
07-30-2011, 16:51
What is an FM??

*******ing Mess?

Big House
07-30-2011, 17:48
I read a report by a jailor that stated he had located the weed tied to the inmates nutsack.

robotoid
07-30-2011, 17:56
Its all fun and games until you get the supervisor who doesn't read the report you thought was amusing and approves it. Then and it goes up the chain and then comes back down because the higher ups did not see the same comedic value in it you did, and the supervisor takes it out on you because he's made himself look bad for not catching it.

DaBigBR
07-30-2011, 18:14
I read a report by a jailor that stated he had located the weed tied to the inmates nutsack.

That is...AWESOME!

Vigilant
07-30-2011, 18:46
To my knowledge, I have never been known to be lacking in a sense of humor. But when it comes to writing a statement (our term for a report), I take it seriously. If I write a statement, it's for a serious reason, and it could cost me or someone else dearly if I am so preoccupied with humor that I fail to articulate properly. Also, if a situation ends up going to court and my statement is read into record, I doubt that my sense of humor would gain me any credibility. It could, in fact, cost me. Not chewing on anybody here, just offering a sobering thought.

Carry on.

MakeMineA10mm
07-30-2011, 19:54
Wow, what a good thread. Glad it was resurrected...

Just the other day I used permutations in a report, and I've frequently used "furtive" as an adjective, and I'm kind-of surprised none of you already mentioned that one... Maybe furtive is too common in our line of work and doesn't have enough luxuriance to rate being unusual?

mntrpr
07-30-2011, 20:25
Words I have used in reports and/or on the radio...

Fustigate
cantankerous
serendipitous
pontificate
nomenclature
cranial vault

I'll have to think of some more.

We had a gal that did our report transcription. She once put, "loaf lying aircraft" instead of "low flying aircraft", in one of my reports she wrote, "I observed the vehicle bicep the fog line", instead of "I observed the vehicle bisect the fog line". She routinely had a BAC of about .20, so it came as no surprise that she left after a short time.

One of our investigators will try and use a "big" word (usually after she hears it from me) in a sentence with someone of rank, or of perceived importance, except she uses the word improperly just about every time. It works out even worse when it is an entire phrase.

ronduke
07-30-2011, 21:06
Why spend 3 minutes on a simple animal complaint form, when you can spend a few extra minutes, and have some fun?

Here is a recent example, with the names and addresses removed.

CITIZEN ALERT
Complaint Address:___.

xx Animal

Brief Description :_On 07-06-11, it was the best of times; it was the worst of times. At approx. 0447 hrs, it was still a warm and muggy night. The night was dark like the night that falls swiftly during wartime. At the XX Police Dept, the moonlight glistened off the highly polished emergency lights of a parked police car. Inside Code Enforcement Officer XX office, the sound of a thousand crickets singing their tale of love, wove an intoxicating melody that coursed through the muggy stillness. As the minutes slowly dragged by, suddenly the deathly calm was pierced by the urgent tones of a ringing phone. Somewhere, a person was in need of prompt, professional attention and Off. XX, a Texas certified Master Peace Officer was just such man—an average sized man, with graying hair and a hearty laugh and whose front teeth were permanently stained in a wretched shade of white from the effects of years of his fondness of fat free milk. The weight of his years and all of his regrets hung on him like the weight of a H & K USP .45 pistol. Master Peace Officer XX, a gleam of suspicion passing through his eye, pondered the true meaning of the ringing phone. Master Peace Officer XX, agile as the lithest athlete, his fists and his jaw clenched in unison, pulled away from the dingy office chair as he looked at the phone. The phone, he thought, that blasted phone. It was a small part of the vast arsenal of crime fighting tools borne by Master Peace Officer XX. With a weary shrug, XX received the call from a female subject who identified herself as, VV, the daughter-in-law of the illustrious and much beloved Off. D. VV. VV poured forth with a heart wrenching story that, “there is some type of animal under the house, tearing up things.” Ms. VV further stated that she didn’t know with certainty if the unknown creature was, “tearing things up, or trying to get into the house”, and that her canine, which was inside the domicile with her, was, “going crazy.” Ms. VV requested an urgent response from animal control to locate, trap, and remove the unknown, unwanted, and apparently, unloved, animal(s) under the house. Ms. VV further advised that the residence is constructed with the pier and beam style of foundation. XX advised Ms. VV that we were not allowed to contact A.C.O. after hours, due to budgetary reasons, but that he would do the only thing that he could do. He would savagely type out a memo, pouring out his very heart and soul into it, so that as soon as the A.C.O. came on duty, they would too would know about her house being ravaged by the wildebeest. XX then leaned back into his dingy chair, as he drank in the stillness of the night, and pondered the meaning of it all.
__Signature Required __Master Peace Officer “Bad Hemingway” XX__
Date of complaint _____07-06-11

grizz
07-30-2011, 21:34
I have seen the word "jerkiness" used to describe nystagmus in persons' eyes. It just about drove me insane.

Hack
07-30-2011, 22:00
Ronduke, have you been reading those romance novels?:whistling:

denn1911
07-30-2011, 22:26
I read a report by a jailor that stated he had located the weed tied to the inmates nutsack.


That's hysterical. :rofl::rofl:

lawman800
07-31-2011, 11:33
Instead of saying portly out any other day descriptor, just put 800 in the weight box when you put in RP or vic or suspect info. Makes it tougher for them to spot it.

smokeross
07-31-2011, 11:48
In describing a female drug saleslady we had under observation, I used the term "portly", when I got the report back portly was crossed out and "sweat hog" written in.
Made me laugh! But hey, at least she was Rotund.

lawman800
07-31-2011, 12:01
Made me laugh! But hey, at least she was Rotund.

I used Reubenesque once and the sergeant didn't even bother to look it up before he kicked it back.:whistling:

smokeross
07-31-2011, 12:12
Someone please use 'ruminate' in a report and post it here.

nikerret
07-31-2011, 12:38
gesticulating
facetiously
caterwauling
morose
vexed
titillating
courier
crimson
beguiled
adorning
fancifully

ronduke
08-01-2011, 04:12
Please observe that I have attempted to incorporate several of the afore mentioned phrasing and verbiage, as provided to me, in this very column. I hope that this call for service, with the obvious redaction of certain information, is worthy endeavor.


On 08-01-11, at approx. 0303 hrs, I, xx, a chaste Texas Certified Master Peace Officer, was dispatched to vv, located at vv, in re, two dubious persons, of possible ill-repute, lingering on or about the property. Upon my arrival, I alighted from my ground transport law enforcement special service motor vehicle and under the cover of darkness, I stealthy followed the trodden path, towards the gazebo, located just east of the primary vv campus. From my area of further concealment atop a small earthen knoll, on the grassy meadow, I surveilled the area. From this position of high ground, I discovered what appeared to be the source of the commotion. I observed a male white subject and a female white subject, seated within the confines of the gazebo. I then approached the two subjects so as to ascertain if criminal activity was afoot. While engaged in this glorious endeavor, I then postulated the two subjects as to their true and natural identity. They were: vv. He stated that his domicile was vv. The other person was, vv, with a stated abode of vv. The vv County law enforcement communications nerve center was contacted and an exhaustive search of their vast data base determined that neither subject was sought on local, state, federal or international warrants. Upon my approach to the two subjects, I observed that the two subjects were actively engaged in an apparently vigorous pursuit of a cross word puzzle(s). I then queried the two subjects as to their true intentions. They confirmed my suspicions as to their interest in cross word puzzles. I then advised the two subjects that while their pursuit of a cross word puzzle was cromulent, the location was not, as the entire hospital campus is to be construed as private property and admission to the said property is only to those persons with a specific, articulable, and vested reason to sally forth or to remain on the said campus. The two subjects verbalized to me that they fully comprehended the gravity of the entire situation and they ambulated from the location in a forthwith manner. Having successfully executed the formidable task that had been assigned to me, I then cleared from this call, so as be able to render further service to the peaceful citizens of this humble and slumbering burg that might still yet beckon me forth.

gunsite
08-01-2011, 04:41
When you guys write your narratives do you sometimes like to throw in an obscure word just for fun? I imagine the county or city attorney saying to them self WTF

Many years ago i used FUBAR... too funny.


.

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l96/f721/Google_plus.jpg
Find Me In The LE Group

Hack
08-01-2011, 07:57
Someone please use 'ruminate' in a report and post it here.

How about just, "chewing the cud?"

huron bay
08-01-2011, 08:07
I once worked with a guy who in his final heading of the report, would write "CORROBORATION OF THE HYPOTHESIS". Under this heading he would write what he thought happened. Drove the desk sgt. nuts.

lawman800
08-01-2011, 10:47
How about just, "chewing the cud?"

I use that routinely to describe what our locals are doing when contacted. Haven't written it in a report though.

madecov
08-01-2011, 22:34
I've used plethora numerous times. Drives my Sergeant crazy. He himself likes to use Hooligans.

lawman800
08-02-2011, 00:23
I say penumbra instead of plethora because El Guapo ruined it for me.

Bodyarmorguy
08-02-2011, 22:38
An Officer who worked for me once upon a time wrote a report of a sexual battery in which the victim had been sodomized. He wrote "At this point the suspect rolled victim to her stomach and engaged in analcourse."

I total him...."not a word.....perhaps it should be, but it isn't."

lawman800
08-02-2011, 22:50
I actually used "social intercourse" once in a report to describe the parties and their actions... and the sergeant just about blew a gasket when he thought I was making it up about their physical relations at the time of the incident.

Sharky7
08-03-2011, 13:37
Had an offender the other day named "Eureka".....every time I wrote the name in the report I thought about how stupid her parents must have been.

Vigilant
08-03-2011, 15:29
I did use the word 'knucklehead' on the radio once. It just kind of flowed naturally.

rookie1
08-03-2011, 15:41
Not anything funny but we are NOT allowed to use the word panties in a report.

Sharky7
08-03-2011, 16:40
Not anything funny but we are NOT allowed to use the word panties in a report.

They don't want me saying it to the desk girls either so I know where you are coming from. :whistling: j/k

Hack
08-04-2011, 01:00
I did use the word 'knucklehead' on the radio once. It just kind of flowed naturally.

:rofl: Love it!!

Hack
08-04-2011, 01:01
Not anything funny but we are NOT allowed to use the word panties in a report.

Really? What about under-shorts?:supergrin:

robotoid
11-14-2011, 21:51
"The victim/complainant alledges X, Y, and Z happened". If I put in "alledges" it means I have reason to believe the victim/complainant is a liar.

GTownGlockMan
11-15-2011, 04:37
Man I'm jealous! I work for a small department in a rural area and have been basically told to dumb-down my reports because "nobody knows what that means". I by no means have some expansive vocabulary but every now and then I do like to come off as educated. I've been told to use something else besides "remanded", c'mon that's not too bad right?


Outdoor Hub mobile, the outdoor information engine

DaBigBR
11-15-2011, 09:10
"The victim/complainant alledges X, Y, and Z happened". If I put in "alledges" it means I have reason to believe the victim/complainant is a liar.

I'm not trying to bust balls, but it's spelled "alleges."

Just saying.

lawman800
11-15-2011, 09:11
I did use the word 'knucklehead' on the radio once. It just kind of flowed naturally.

We say adam henry on the air. I've describes a suspect as "a most disagreeable chap" before.

evilwill
11-15-2011, 09:32
I have been trying to remember the title of this post so I could search for it. There have been so many time where I wanted to goof around with the ada and needed obscure archaic words to play with. Thanks for reviving this!

robotoid
11-16-2011, 19:56
I'm not trying to bust balls, but it's spelled "alleges."

Just saying.

I stand corrected. My depts spell nazi's have never caught that either.

ArmaGlock
11-16-2011, 23:42
I like to quote street slang and foul language in mine as much as possible.

ChinaCave
11-29-2011, 19:52
Hilarious!


Not a LE -but might I suggest 'defenestrate', where appropriate?

One of my favorite words to drop in conversation.

Cochese
11-29-2011, 19:58
I'm not sure where the hell I would use that but it would be pretty funny

steveksux
11-29-2011, 22:54
Defenestrate. That's what you're supposed to do with defense lawyers, right? Where do you think the word "defenstrate" came from anyway???

Randy

AngryBassets
11-30-2011, 19:15
My first sgt used to counsel me about "talking down" to people about using "big words" when talking to people, and they felt like I was talking down to them.

I mentioned this to my mother...herself a wordsmith, if there ever was one, and she said "it's not your fault they're stupid".

Did I mention that she was the chief's wife, too? :wavey:

At my current department, I once got a report kicked back by a sergeant who didn't like that I used "invective" in a report. He's now the chief.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFLyO2RWGms

This video was big a year or two ago. I still see some iteration of "rough talk" in reports that cross my desk. http://i304.photobucket.com/albums/nn192/TacticalFats/Forum/jump.gif

trdvet
11-30-2011, 19:37
"Jilted lover"

Made sense in my agg. assault report which also mentioned the three way they were having.

thinkfast
12-02-2011, 12:32
Love working the words "tomfoolery" and "surrpetitious" in whenever possible. The records clerks know it's me without even having to look at the reporting officer box.


The overuse of the word "approximate" gets old too...if six CD's were stolen, and they're valued at 14.99/each, then the loss is not approximately 89.94. It's EXACTLY 89.94!!!! Stop it!!!!

PinkoCommie
12-02-2011, 12:49
Really? What about under-shorts?:supergrin:

I'd just go with "women's unmentionables".

I always try to use plain language in reports. However, English is my second language. On top of that, I have a law degree. I use uncommon words on occasion without realizing it. This leads to some frustration and great merriment.

What I do enjoy is the fact that I work in a profession where using a word such as "****" in a business document is nothing unusual. I throw in choice quotes from suspects/arrestees whenever possible. Especially where they call me something vulgar, yet imaginative. The usual "you're an *******" outburst does not warrant a quote in the report. Creative names, however, always make it in, as do unusually vulgar and offensive ones.

DoogieHowser
12-02-2011, 13:23
This is so not fair! I like to do this but over the last few years we are only allowed to use elementary language. We were told that our admin couldn't understand nor could a 'jury'... It's incredibly rare that we even get a jury trial and why would they be reading the report?

DoogieHowser
12-02-2011, 13:49
Love working the words "tomfoolery" and "surrpetitious" in whenever possible. The records clerks know it's me without even having to look at the reporting officer box.


The overuse of the word "approximate" gets old too...if six CD's were stolen, and they're valued at 14.99/each, then the loss is not approximately 89.94. It's EXACTLY 89.94!!!! Stop it!!!!

See and the LT that reads ours requires us to say approx. for EVERYthing involving a number. I have been told that it is impossible for me to know the exact value or time an event occurred. Even if I'm looking at the dispatch times.

Mayhem like Me
12-02-2011, 13:53
I like getting in objurgate, during any disturbance call..surrpetitious, is also another favorite,,,

and" my well founded supposition based on the evidence gleaned at the scene...

MeefZah
12-02-2011, 14:11
I like using "domicile". My boss commented on that a few weeks ago and now I try my damndest to use it in every report / call record.

I'm also a sucker for the phrase "foul and repugnant", I try and work that in too.

As in: "I found the interior of the domicile to be in a state of utter disarray. Living condiitons appeared to be highly unsanitary, foul, and repugnant".

MeefZah
12-02-2011, 14:14
What I do enjoy is the fact that I work in a profession where using a word such as "****" in a business document is nothing unusual. I throw in choice quotes from suspects/arrestees whenever possible. Especially where they call me something vulgar, yet imaginative. The usual "you're an *******" outburst does not warrant a quote in the report. Creative names, however, always make it in, as do unusually vulgar and offensive ones.

+1.

A prosecutor I used to work with told me once when testifying in court, prior to quoting a suspect's vulgarities for the jury, I should state: "It is with regret that I report that Jon Smith told me...". I was like: "what regret, I ****ing love to curse!" :rofl:

MeefZah
12-02-2011, 14:18
In describing a female drug saleslady we had under observation, I used the term "portly", when I got the report back portly was crossed out and "sweat hog" written in.

I've referred to a few people as "grossly obese" and a few more as "morbidly obese"...

DVeng
12-02-2011, 15:12
See and the LT that reads ours requires us to say approx. for EVERYthing involving a number. I have been told that it is impossible for me to know the exact value or time an event occurred. Even if I'm looking at the dispatch times.

I actually like that policy. The issue for me is that some times come from my watch, some times come from dispatch's computers, and some times come from another officer's watch. By saying "approximately," you may help to defeat some stupid court challenges when those are not all synchronized and you said "15 minutes" but the times show 13 or 17 minutes.

Realistically, it may be best to use the same time source as much as possible, but I can't always get on the radio right away to have dispatch log something so there could be a several minute delay between an event occurring and dispatch being made aware of it.

MB-G26
12-02-2011, 15:35
Originally Posted by DoogieHowser
See and the LT that reads ours requires us to say approx. for EVERYthing involving a number. I have been told that it is impossible for me to know the exact value or time an event occurred. Even if I'm looking at the dispatch times.

Schrodinger's Police Report time reference rules? :supergrin:

:outtahere:

lawman800
12-02-2011, 22:52
Love working the words "tomfoolery" and "surrpetitious" in whenever possible. The records clerks know it's me without even having to look at the reporting officer box.

The overuse of the word "approximate" gets old too...if six CD's were stolen, and they're valued at 14.99/each, then the loss is not approximately 89.94. It's EXACTLY 89.94!!!! Stop it!!!!

Mayhaps
Perchance
Tomfoolery
Skullduggery
Chicanery
Merrymaking
Frivolity
Superfluous
Percolating
Effluviant
Enchanting

All words I have worked in a report one way or another and sometimes even got approved!

lawman800
12-02-2011, 22:58
I've referred to a few people as "grossly obese" and a few more as "morbidly obese"...

No need for that. I just put 700 in the "WGT" section in the face page. I do the same for citations, especially if the healthy eating female is verbose.

As for using big words, I throw in legal terms due to my background too but get it tossed back because I should not make legal determinations aside from the crime itself... even if my use of legalese was purely tangential in nature and peripheral to the climactic resolution and eventual cathartic denouement.

MeefZah
12-02-2011, 23:58
No need for that. I just put 700 in the "WGT" section in the face page. I do the same for citations, especially if the healthy eating female is verbose.

I saw you said that in a previous post iin this thread.

I draw the line at that. The personal identifiers and descriptors from the citation / summons / report are verbatim what the court will put on an FTA warrant. No way am I going to let someone walk because the moron cop who stops her six months later on an expectoration violation (and we all know these guys) will say: "Aw, she ain't 700 pounds, cut her loose...".

Now I have been known to slot in "DB" in the "occupation" blank of the report. If questioned, it means: (SSI) Disability Benefits. :rofl:

lawman800
12-03-2011, 10:24
I saw you said that in a previous post iin this thread.

I draw the line at that. The personal identifiers and descriptors from the citation / summons / report are verbatim what the court will put on an FTA warrant. No way am I going to let someone walk because the moron cop who stops her six months later on an expectoration violation (and we all know these guys) will say: "Aw, she ain't 700 pounds, cut her loose...".

Now I have been known to slot in "DB" in the "occupation" blank of the report. If questioned, it means: (SSI) Disability Benefits. :rofl:

You are right.

The weight always gets corrected before it goes to court but it is worth it to see the looks on the faces of the people as they read over their ticket and get mad while you explain that you estimate weight to the best of your ability... although I did make one female's day when I underestimated her weight by quite a bit during my rookie days.

TheDog21
12-04-2011, 17:37
I'd just go with "women's unmentionables".

I always try to use plain language in reports. However, English is my second language. On top of that, I have a law degree. I use uncommon words on occasion without realizing it. This leads to some frustration and great merriment.

What I do enjoy is the fact that I work in a profession where using a word such as "****" in a business document is nothing unusual. I throw in choice quotes from suspects/arrestees whenever possible. Especially where they call me something vulgar, yet imaginative. The usual "you're an *******" outburst does not warrant a quote in the report. Creative names, however, always make it in, as do unusually vulgar and offensive ones.

How about "Lady Britches"?