View Full Version : Fred Reed on French "Warriors"
Saw this in "The Federalist" (which should be required reading for GTers):
"You do have to concede to the French their place in military history: As warriors, the French have always made superb pastry
chefs. A French war begins with a retreat on Paris, followed by a scream for help, usually American, and four years of peaceful
collaboration. They're the only country I know of that has a stack of surrender documents addressed To Whom It May Concern. I've
seen fiercer geese." --Fred Reed
I have racked my brain, but I am unable to think of a single WAR the French have ever won. They were on the winning side in the two world wars, but you could hardly credit them with "winning." Napoleon won a lot of BATTLES, but he lost the WAR.
Can anyone think of a single war that country has ever won?
Unfortunatly you have to look back to the Middle Ages for French victories. They pretty much owned Europe back then, but that was 1200 or so years ago, definatly a castrated and spineless society.
It also wasn't "France" back then.
Ah how true those words are Hank.
Since this is "The Lighter Side," perhaps we should all share our favorite French military jokes, etc. I'll start:
For Sale: French army rifle. Good condition. Never fired, dropped only once.
An episode of The Simpsons in which Milhouse tells Bart "I'm shaking like a French soldier."
You know why french roads have trees planted on
So the germans can march in the shade!!!!!!!!!!!
French tanks have six gears, one forward gear and five in reverse.
Seriously though, the French did provide some valuable help during the American Revolution even if they do have had the reputation of pansies throughout the 20th (and aparently 21st) century.
Do you know why French tanks have rear-view mirrors? So they can see how the battle is going.
What do you call 100,000 Frenchmmen standing around with their hands in the air?
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney?
Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
Credit where it's due, Halfcock, they did indeed help us during the revolution. Never mind their ulterior motive of vexing the Brits. They also sold us the Louisiana Purchase. Never mind their ulterior motive of screwing the Spanish. We were fortunate to be on the right side of their scheming at the time.
What did the mayor of Paris say to the German lead elements coming into the city?
"Table for 80,000?"
What do French customs inspectors do when they see German tourists?
The French, they are a funny race..
They fight with their feet and f.... with their face.
Bonjourrrrrrr, ya cheese eatin' surrender monkies! (Janitor Willy voice)
Q: How many French legions does it take to defend Paris?
A: No one knows. It's never been done.
Why do I keep envisioning pointy-nosed, pointy-armor-hatted freaks and cows flying off the top of a castle?
...I fart in your auties's face!!!
Why is Bush insisting that the French be involved in the war?
Someone has to teach Saddam how to surrender.
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