"Rodney Dangerfield" [Archive] - Glock Talk


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06-24-2011, 10:44
"Rodney Dangerfield"

- A girl phoned me & said, ‘Come on over.
There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home!

- A hooker once told me she had a headache.

- I went to a massage parlor. It was self-service.

- If it weren’t for pickpockets, I’d have no sex life at all.

- I was making love to this girl & she started crying I said,
‘Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?’
She said, ‘No, I hate myself now.’

- I knew a girl so ugly that she was known as a two-bagger.
That’s when you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her
head comes off.

- I knew a girl so ugly... They use her in prisons
to cure sex offenders.

- I’m so ugly I stuck my head out the window &
got arrested for mooning.

- The other day I came home & a guy was jogging, naked.
I asked him, ‘Why?’ He said, ‘Because you came home early.’

- My wife only has sex with me for a purpose.
Last night she used me to time an egg.

- My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in
the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.

- My wife is such a bad cook, in my house
we pray after the meal.

- My wife likes to talk on the phone during sex.
She called me from Chicago last night.

- Last night my wife met me at the front door. She was wearing
a sexy negligee. The only trouble was, she was coming home.

- My family was so poor that if I hadn’t been born a boy,
I wouldn’t have had anything to play with......


06-24-2011, 12:27
:notworthy::supergrin: Greatest of all time.

07-04-2011, 10:33
I never tire of the self-depreciating Rodney Dangerfield jokes!


2-8 Marine
07-04-2011, 14:02
My favorite: A guy pulled a knife on me yesterday but I wasn't scared, I knew he was an amature . . . it was a butter knife.