Police anecdotes... [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Rabbi
08-03-2011, 21:39
The great silly cop anecdotes thread. Share yours please.

For example, We dont get paid for what we do, we get paid for what we are willing to do

Or

We are here to save your ass not kiss it...

Sharky7
08-03-2011, 21:58
I took this job because it combines my two loves. My love of helping people with my love of hurting people.

Hack
08-03-2011, 22:00
We are a temperature gage. We measure the temperature of that portion of the inmate population assigned to us, as to overall temperament, social interaction, and as a warning to our superiors when things are about to blow up.

Vigilant
08-03-2011, 22:06
Me, a butthole?

Don't try to make friends with me.

CAcop
08-03-2011, 22:32
**** 'em. They can chew you up but they got to spit you back up.--Jimmy McNulty

No call too small.

There's no management like micromanagement.

Dragoon44
08-03-2011, 23:48
" I don't get paid to fight fair, only to win".

"attitudes adjusted, while U wait."

"admit nothing, deny everything, demand proof".

" I don't care, I don't have to."

"You came in here with information and a pretty face.......You can't leave with both."

MeefZah
08-04-2011, 03:21
Does this make me the grammer / spelling / definition ********?

"An anecdote is a short and amusing or interesting story about a real incident or person. An anecdote is always presented as based on a real incident[1] involving actual persons, whether famous or not, usually in an identifiable place." -Wikipedia

Patchman
08-04-2011, 03:41
"Well, I guess I won't be getting a Christmas card from you this year, huh sir/madam?"


"You may not have called us, but somebody called us. And now that I'm here, I can't just leave."

PinkoCommie
08-04-2011, 05:20
Does this make me the grammer / spelling / definition ********?


No. In order to earn that title, you would have to know how to spell "grammar" correctly.

MeefZah
08-04-2011, 05:32
No. In order to earn that title, you would have to know how to spell "grammar" correctly.

Dang it.

CanIhaveGasCash
08-04-2011, 06:41
If you run, you will only go to jail tired

pal2511
08-04-2011, 07:05
Sure I will give you a warning, the next time you speed you will get another ticket.

:)

wprebeck
08-04-2011, 07:34
Sure I will give you a warning, the next time you speed you will get another ticket.

:)

Guy asked me something similar last week as I was citing him for panhandling (a big problem where I work off duty). He asked for a break....I told him he WAS getting a break - i was citing him, instead of arresting him. I got a "God bless you" for his reply.

Bruce M
08-04-2011, 08:46
No. In order to earn that title, you would have to know how to spell "grammar" correctly.

:rofl::rofl:

Mayhem like Me
08-04-2011, 09:30
my attitude and temperment is like a mirror you get back what you give...

msu_grad_121
08-04-2011, 09:51
"Win if you can, lose if you must, but always cheat."

"No sir, in fact, I'm TOUGHER when I take off this gun and badge."

x_out86
08-04-2011, 15:22
Answer to any question about why I am/am not doing this/that, stopping somebody else, or other various questions???

"We live in a complex world"

slama683
08-04-2011, 15:27
I can't make you do anything, but I can make you wish you had.

"I guess I must be wearing my stupid face?" Sgt. Pruss

DaBigBR
08-04-2011, 16:48
Don't love the job, it won't love you back.

phred119
08-04-2011, 17:07
Whats that? You didn't think we wrote tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here please.

bccop
08-04-2011, 18:46
Why stand when you can sit?

You're going to meet a lot of naked people on this job; just no one you actually would want to see naked.

msu_grad_121
08-04-2011, 19:09
You're going to meet a lot of naked people on this job; just no one you actually would want to see naked.

Sounds like Eddie Griffin in The New Guy sayin how high school is like prison, "The sex you want, you ain't gettin, and the sex you gettin, you don't want."

DaBigBR
08-04-2011, 19:57
Press hard, you're making five copies...

Don't ever get to say that anymore, since we write electronic tickets now.

rookie1
08-04-2011, 20:01
The phrase used on here "play stupid games, win stupid prizes" works great while handcuffing drunk folks.

razdog76
08-04-2011, 20:59
"The boss does pay me to arrest bad guys."

While working corrections, a salty inmate told me,"Raz#$%, I'll see you in hell," and I responded with, "Yeah, and I'll be the module Deputy there too."

"No crime solved without overtime." Credit has to be given to a retired Chicago Detective teaching a class I went to.

" I don't care, I don't have to."

I have to disagree, I was given a letter of counseling about not caring earlier this year, although I cannot find it in the CALEA/ACA approved policies.

PinkoCommie
08-04-2011, 21:35
I have to disagree, I was given a letter of counseling about not caring earlier this year...

I can already see that new and improved, and very caring, attitude shining through.




:supergrin:

Trigger Finger
08-04-2011, 21:47
I guess this applies. I remember when I was on probation a long, long, long time ago and my training officer was an old guy with 25 years on at the time, told me.
"Remember, we prone EVERYONE out if they are in a stolen car"
I thought for awhile and asked " What if there is a woman in the car who is 9 months pregnant?"

He replied "Then we prone her out on her back".

CAcop
08-04-2011, 21:53
Saw drunk, arrested same.

Scott3670
08-04-2011, 23:33
Relax, you're not going to jail on this issue (felon in possession of a stolen gun). (After fessing up) You're going to prison.

Hack
08-05-2011, 01:34
"The boss does pay me to arrest bad guys."

While working corrections, a salty inmate told me,"Raz#$%, I'll see you in hell," and I responded with, "Yeah, and I'll be the module Deputy there too."

"No crime solved without overtime." Credit has to be given to a retired Chicago Detective teaching a class I went to.



I have to disagree, I was given a letter of counseling about not caring earlier this year, although I cannot find it in the CALEA/ACA approved policies.

A department issue then?

Hack
08-05-2011, 01:35
Relax, you're not going to jail on this issue (felon in possession of a stolen gun). (After fessing up) You're going to prison.

And, you may possibly be one of our charges, (*cough* "job security" *cough*).

lpo
08-05-2011, 05:45
I guess this applies. I remember when I was on probation a long, long, long time ago and my training officer was an old guy with 25 years on at the time, told me.
"Remember, we prone EVERYONE out if they are in a stolen car"
I thought for awhile and asked " What if there is a woman in the car who is 9 months pregnant?"

He replied "Then we prone her out on her back".


Isn't being proned out on her back how she got pregnant in the first place?

Kadetklapp
08-05-2011, 06:35
"One of you HAS to go to jail...I don't really care which one..."

"You ever been to jail before? No? It's not as bad as it sounds....*cliiiick*"

Credits to VUPD Officer who arrested one of two minor's in possession while trespassing on a railroad bridge late one night. It could have qualified to be a scene in "The Hangover."

Trigger Finger
08-05-2011, 14:02
Isn't being proned out on her back how she got pregnant in the first place?

Good one!!! :rofl:

old_pigpen
08-05-2011, 17:49
Whats that? You didn't think we wrote tickets to pretty women? You're right, we don't. Sign here please.

Ooooooooo. That's a good one!! :supergrin: