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M&P Shooter
05-20-2012, 15:48
The 9mm has never killed a man and the 45acp is so slow that everyone has outrun the bullet before it could strike them.

cannoneer
05-20-2012, 17:16
At 1:54 pm EDT on July 21 1969, when the engine on the (Eagle's) Lunar module Failed to exnight, to lift Armstrong and Aldrin off of the moon surface.
Armstrong opened the lunar modules door and fired his 10 mm toward the moon's surface.
At 4:35 pm they docked with the command service module.
One hour ahead of schedule.

M&P Shooter
05-20-2012, 19:26
Hillary Clinton is hotter then Tracy Lords:whistling:

Peace Warrior
05-21-2012, 05:40
Astrologist are predicting that by the year 2022, the Earth's moon will stop rotating completely and fly off into space colliding with Pluto in the year 2298.

At the present time, the experts state that they are not really sure as to all the immediate ramifications or effects this will cause for the Earth, or more importantly the Earth's orbital path around the Sun; however, recent data from a super-computer's program, which was created solely to research the phenomena of the Moon's slowing rotation, indicates that the receding of the Moon's rotation began sometime during NASA's Apollo space program.

Peace Warrior
05-21-2012, 06:03
Jimmyjoe Jimbob Delray, of Ben Fin Easton, TN, which is just outside the suburbs of Bucksnort, TN, has proven conclusively to a local judge and jury of his peers that his claims of being able to catch fish on blades of grass from his lawn were all true. The jury returned not-guilty verdicts, on all 16 counts against him, Friday afternoon.

Mr. Delray had been charged with 16 counts of false advertising after selling lawn clippings from his yard as premium fishing bait. Mr. Delay's attorney, the infamous Jackie Chiles, of New York City, NY, was quoted as saying, "The charges against my client were baseless, groundless, egregious, outrageous and preposterous. They were all clear violations of my client's constitutional rights as a retailer and small business owner. My client was not the person responsible to advise the Sheriff's brother-in-law that he actually had to use hooks when fishing with my client's premium fishing bait."

Peace Warrior
05-21-2012, 06:22
Researches from ITT Technical Institute and the Tulsa Welding School have released their preliminary findings from studies they've conducted on re-using the unburned charcoal from a previous BBQ. Although the studies disagree widely on several data points, there are some conclusions shared by both groups of independent testers.

Both the ITT and TWS studies were completed utilizing laboratory rats. Of these, both the ITT and TWS preliminary findings indicate that we should always utilize new charcoal for our BBQ's.

The findings, which again are very preliminary at this point, seem to indicate that the rats fed with food items, which were cooked over new charcoal, were able to cipher complex algebraical functions in less than three months. Conversely, the rats fed with food items, which were cooked over the reused, unburned charcoal from a previous BBQ, were all dead at the end of testing period.

However, the studies were contrary as far as to how good the dead rats tasted when cooked over new charcoal verses those dead rats that were being cooked over the reused, unburned charcoal from a previous BBQ.

At the time of this publication, both ITT and TWS are currently applying for grant monies so as to purchase more rats and charcoal for further, hopefully more conclusive testing results.

Peace Warrior
05-21-2012, 07:12
After months of reflection, former Olympic gold medal winner, down hill and alpine ski racer, Picabo [pronounced Peek-a-boo] Street, has turned in her formal resignation as a nurse to the St. Luke's Meridian Medical Center's intensive care unit, which is located in Meridian, Idaho. Ms. Street has decided instead to pursue a career as a 1st grade teacher in her former hometown of Triumph, Idaho.

Ms. Street stated that she just didn't feel as if she was being allowed to contribute to the overall success of the hospital as her supervisors were limiting her work efforts on a daily basis so she decided on a career change.

When reached for comment, the hospital's HR spokesman advised, "The only thing the supervisors asked Ms. Street to do was to allow others on the floor to answer the phone instead of her." The spokesman further added, "We tried to explain that her answering the phone, 'Picabo, I-C-U,' had been starting to give callers the wrong impression about the professionalism of our hospital's care givers."

Peace Warrior
05-25-2012, 23:44
recently discovered disturbing German war footage - YouTube

RWBlue
05-30-2012, 13:50
After a many years of investigation, the NAACP is now claiming that the Koreans have been keeping the black man down all these years, by opening up small grocery stores in predominately black neighborhoods and offering the residents what they want.

rilkil23
05-30-2012, 13:55
Twenty one years ago today Craig Edick managed to whip the infamous Ron Bennett in a fair fight. Craig got off to a bad start when he lost his footing on the basketball court where the brawl took place. Ron was landing body shots and had Craig ready to tap out when he managed to plant an elbow in the side of Rons jaw. Ron had been terrorizing the neighborhood kids for years and his reign is now over. Craig had numerous stitches to his head and face while Ron suffered a broken jaw, requiring his jaw to be wired shut.


The real version had Ron catching me in the bridge of the nose causing me to go night night. I tried...................

SC Tiger
05-30-2012, 14:14
I originally posted this on the Bizmark thread but expanded it here...

An expanded history of the development of the 10mm.

Many believe the 10mm was developed in the 80s, however it is much, much older. Development began in the BC era. The first prototype was used by a skinny kid named David to kill a giant. However, after this happened the prototype was lost – many thought forever.

The 10mm next appeared in post-civil war America. A talented and morally flexible archaeologist named Montana Smith (originally from Idaho) found the design on a stone carving in a cave in northern Egypt. Not realizing exactly what he had found but knowing enough to realize it could be a very powerful weapon he delivered it to an agent with the United States. This agent delivered it to researchers who began to develop a prototype. The first sample was delivered to the US Army in 1871 for testing at a top-secret testing facility in Chicago, Illinois, but there was a problem. The first round fired went through the target, the backstop, three cars, a (thankfully empty) schoolbus, three telephone poles, and eventually wound up knocking over a lantern in a barn, which was unfortunately close to the downtown area and led to a devastating fire. At this point testing ceased for years.

The project was re-visited in 1912. While the new .45 ACP was proving itself a fine weapon, the Army wanted a new weapon for a special top-secret unit nicknamed The Bearded Avengers. Several prototypes were developed and tested in a new firing range in Nevada. The first shots were fired on February 14, 1913 at Testing Bay 51 by the unit’s captain, known only as “Chuck”. The first round not only destroyed the paper target but the recoil was so great that “Chuck” actually dropped the weapon.

The development was not unnoticed by foreign powers. The Germans especially were interested in this new weapon and, in 1935, placed several spies within the community where the weapon was being developed disguised as housecats. These spies passed information on to Germany who was able to reverse engineer a copy they called the 10.1mm Walther. This weapon was actually used on the Bizmark and Tirpitz battleships but had an oversleeve as a disguise.

The actual 10mm as a personal sidearm was deployed with the 101st Airborn division in a modified 1911 made of a top-secret (at the time) steel to allow it to take the pressures. There is a documented case of one being used to destroy three German Tiger tanks that foolishly lined up right in front of the shooter. The scene is the inspiration for the end of "Saving Private Ryan" where Miller destroys the tank with his sidearm (it was modified and the plane added to make it more "believable").

The 10mm was a promising round with a bright future. However, the CIA, KGB, MI-6, along with the UAW, PTA, and NASCAR, all decided it was too powerful for civilians to be able to own and supressed any record of it's existance. They were only partly sucessful as a 1911 10mm barrel and a box of ammo was found in Jerusalem (not far from the sight of Jesus' tomb as it turns out). Testing was done and the round was re-introduced as a "new round" (as the history had been surpressed). The aformentioned CIA/KGB/MI6/PTA/NASCAR alliance, along with new members NFL and McD's, have fought to supress this round but have only had marginal sucess.

The battle continues to this day.

countrygun
05-30-2012, 15:09
It was well after his death that the title "Alexander the Great" was first used. Research has shown that, while he was alive, he was referred to by his subjects as "Alexander the Mediocre"

tsmo1066
05-30-2012, 15:41
The scientific term for Bigfoot, "GIGANTANTHROPUS CRYPTICUS", literally translates into "Big hairy thing that is only afraid of Chuck Norris".

Peace Warrior
05-30-2012, 16:47
Christopher Columbus' fourth ship, the Cinco De Mayo , was lost with all hands in the fall of 1492 just 20 miles south of the Cervasea Islands. The log from Columbus' ship indicates that no one noticed anything wrong with the ship, but it sailed away over the horizon and was lost. Columbus' own entry reads in part, "It's as if they started sailing north and away from the group on purpose."

samurairabbi
05-30-2012, 16:54
Christopher Columbus' fourth ship, the Cinco De Mayo , was lost with all hands in the fall of 1492 just 20 miles south of the Cervasea Islands.Historians dispute your conclusion that all hands were lost. There is solid evidence that they made it to Cuba; their descendents opened the Copacabana Night Club (the hottest spot north of Havana) and kept it going until Battista fell and Castro took over.

UtahIrishman
05-30-2012, 18:46
There's oil on the moon and plenty of it. Neil Armstrong's initial steps were on solid ground but in those dark shadows were tar-pits. He and Buzz Aldrin inspected them off camera and brought back samples, including the bones of a saber-tooth tiger.

Tar-pits mean oil. On the second lunar landing further exploration was done and geo-physical tests were run. They told everyone that they were researching the presence of earthquakes on the moon...not true. They were looking for salt domes that hide vast quantities of oil. And they found those salt domes...all over the place.

This is the real reason the Space Shuttles were taken out of commission servicing the Space Station. They have been retrofitted as tankers and will soon be supplying the Navy, Army and Air Force with light sweet crude from the moon.

Then they will be expanding to the commercial market, just like the Space Station and then we can all laugh at the high prices of oil knowing that we have a lock on moon oil.

SC Tiger
05-31-2012, 06:31
A Myan whose name has been lost to history was working on a calender. He worked dilligently until one day his chisel broke. "No problem", he thought, "I'll just go get another one from the tool crib." So he goes to the tool crib and asks the tool crib attendant for another chisel.

"Do you have the proper requisition forms?" the attendant asked him.

"No, I just need another chisel. Here's the broken one to prove I'm not trying to steal a chisel."

"You still need the proper forms, signed by your manager."

So, frustrated but not wanting to argue any longer, the calender-maker goes to his manager.

"[Boss], I need a new chisel. This one broke."

"How did you break it?" the manager asked

"I was just chiseling my calender. I've had the same chisel since I started 2,187 moons ago."

"You should take better care of your tools. The new chisel will come out of your pay." said the manager.

"WHAT!!! I've been using this same chisel for much longer than anyone else here. I sharpen it dilligently. I don't abuse it. STUFF WEARS OUT!!!!"

"I don't care, you're still paying for the new chisel."

"Forget this! I quit!!!!" said the calender maker.

However, the calender maker was the only one who really knew how to make a calender. The manager, not realizing this, was now in a pickle. He asked another chiseler (who knew a little about calender making but not enough to do it on his own) to finish the calender.

The new chiseler tried to complete the calender but had to report to his manager that he could not do the job. "I'm sorry boss, I just can't do it."

"Well, what can we do?" said the calender maker.

"Just chisel some end-of-the-world BS at the end and call it good." said the boss.

JAS104
05-31-2012, 07:49
The German battleship Bismarck was actually just a surfboard for Jesus when he got bored. Then he tricked it out, and things got slightly out of hand.

Peace Warrior
05-31-2012, 13:03
"Yes, GPS would have been a great help to us, but all the GPS transmitters were on the Cinco De Mayo the day she and her crew were lost." - Christopher Columbus (My Personal SOS, autobiography, page 143)

tsmo1066
05-31-2012, 13:16
Few are aware of the secret history and nature of the internet itself.

The Internet Is Made Of Cats - YouTube

Now the secret is revealed.

Peace Warrior
05-31-2012, 13:18
Up till this year, credit for writing the song, Take This Job and Shove It, has been given to David Allen Coe. This is the very same song that stayed at number one spot on the country charts after Johnny Paycheck released his cover of the song as a single in 1977 or 1978.

Recently discovered documents, found in an old file cabinet by Jarrod and Brandi as they were going through a foreclosed storage locker, seem to indicate that David Allen Coe was actually inspired to write the song during his college days while working part-time as a Professor's assistant.

During his college days, Mr. Coe assisted on a dig near and old Mayan factory. Around this time, he found some clay tablets with writings etched into them. The writings themselves, appears to have been made with an ancient precursor to today's modern pencil. Although all of the tablets have not been completely deciphered, what experts now know is that Mr. Coe found several tablets created by what most archeologists believe was a disgruntled calendar maker at the Mayan factory.

These tablets also give insight to the factory's day to day operations. Currently, experts are in agreement that the Mayan supervisors were sticklers for proper paperwork protocols as well as being doggedly persistent when it came to properly filled out requisitions for hand tools.

Two of the worker's tablets which were deciphered by Mr. Coe and his professor are still missing to this day.

Peace Warrior
05-31-2012, 13:23
"Yes, the internet is made of cats. Some of 'em ain't that bad either." - Okie

countrygun
05-31-2012, 14:45
In ancient Rome there was a guild of artisans known as "scratchers". these people made their living making artistic scratchings on the pewter utensils of the day. The wealthier the individual the more scratched objects they were likely to own. One particularly wealthy client had a new set of wares made to commererate his wedding anniversary each year. The cups in the set were scratched with "I" for the first year, "II" for the second, "III" for the third.

Before his fourth anniversary the client came into the shop and asked for something "a little different" for the next set. The boss was not at work that morning due to the fact that he was celebrating his own daughter, Ivy's, birthday with the family. His workers were huddled together trying to figure out what to do for the client that would be different.

When the boss walked in the shop and announced,

"Ivy is Four"

the history of the "Roman Numeral" system was forever changed.

Peace Warrior
05-31-2012, 15:30
Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh's melancholy and somewhat negative, down in the dumps donkey neighbor, was found not guilty on charges of embezzling funds from Ashdown Forest's tax collectors office in order to pay back child support to his four illegitimate zonies.

Peace Warrior
06-05-2012, 09:26
barry soetoro, dictator for life of America, by way of his most recent political stances, has finally proven to the world that he is not a socialist. Upon conclusion of "his" press conference today, in which the country was simply shown a close up of the teleprompter's text by all the major networks, the dictator for life, if actually reading the teleprompter, would have said, "In the next two years I will close down the federal reserve and bring us back to a paper currency that is based on America's holding of precious metals."

Enraged, bill maher immediately called the bank and cancelled his last contribution check of $1,000,000.

JAS104
06-05-2012, 10:22
barry soetoro, dictator for life of America, by way of his most recent political stances, has finally proven to the world that he is not a socialist. Upon conclusion of "his" press conference today, in which the country was simply shown a close up of the teleprompter's text by all the major networks, the dictator for life, if actually reading the teleprompter, would have said, "In the next two years I will close down the federal reserve and bring us back to a paper currency that is based on America's holding of precious metals."

Enraged, bill maher immediately called the bank and cancelled his last contribution check of $1,000,000.

Lmfao :rofl: .

Angry Fist
06-05-2012, 12:09
There's oil on the moon and plenty of it. Neil Armstrong's initial steps were on solid ground but in those dark shadows were tar-pits. He and Buzz Aldrin inspected them off camera and brought back samples, including the bones of a saber-tooth tiger.

Tar-pits mean oil. On the second lunar landing further exploration was done and geo-physical tests were run. They told everyone that they were researching the presence of earthquakes on the moon...not true. They were looking for salt domes that hide vast quantities of oil. And they found those salt domes...all over the place.

This is the real reason the Space Shuttles were taken out of commission servicing the Space Station. They have been retrofitted as tankers and will soon be supplying the Navy, Army and Air Force with light sweet crude from the moon.

Then they will be expanding to the commercial market, just like the Space Station and then we can all laugh at the high prices of oil knowing that we have a lock on moon oil.
North Korea has always had a plentiful and abundant food supply.

http://i809.photobucket.com/albums/zz13/MO_FUGGAZ/KJUmoon.jpg

Brian Lee
06-05-2012, 17:39
The tooth brush was invented in Alabama.

We know this because:
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teeth brush.

countrygun
06-05-2012, 17:58
For decades the Peoples Republic of China has been a threat to the nation of Taiwan but the causes of this have been misunderstood. this actually stems from former leader, Chairman Mao's frustration over the fact that by the time a ship came back from across the Strait of Taiwan, his take-out order was cold.

Peace Warrior
06-06-2012, 17:33
Captured on a remote security camera, two suspects fleeing from an attempted armed robbery were able to successfully outrun the shots fired from their intended victim's .45.

Afterward, the victim was heard screaming, "These dang .45's! These dang, slow *ssed .45's! I'm gonna get me a 10mm!"

samurairabbi
06-06-2012, 20:21
Captured on a remote security camera, two suspects fleeing from an attempted armed robbery were able to successfully outrun the shots fired from their intended victim's .45.

Afterward, the victim was heard screaming, "These dang .45's! These dang, slow *ssed .45's! I'm gonna get me a 10mm!"

In a related incident, a nurse-practitioner at a local Walgreen's immediate care facility was treating someone for what seemed to be a flea-bite. Something picqued her curiosity, she referred the patient for an x-ray, and found the patient had been shot with a 9mm. Thanks to her alert suspicions, the patient fully recovered.

tous
06-06-2012, 20:32
Contrary to popular belief, that was not the planet Venus passing between the Sun and the Earth. That fiction was concocted by the hippie socialist news media to obscure the truth.

In the early 1980s, Jeff Cooper cooperated with cartidge manufacturer Norma and a small pistol manufacturer to create a prototype of a 10mm cartridge and a pistol that could survive firing it.

On September 23, 1984, the first 10mm cartridge with a 200 grain bullet was test fired in the very first Bren Ten. The kaboom was so intense that the East Coast of the United States slipped backwards 10.3 seconds in time. They have been behind the times ever since. Though aimed at an NRA B-27 target 200 miles away, the bullet never hit the paper and until now, no one was certain what became of it.

That 200 grain bullet is what one sees every 100 years or so transiting the Sun.

Colonel Cooper was forced to download the 10mm cartridge significantly to keep the bullets out of orbit around the Sun.

RWBlue
06-06-2012, 21:14
I was on the grassy knoll with a Remington M700 BDL in 222Rem with a standard barrel. Most would consider it a light barrel by today's standards. I took the first shot. It was a hand loaded 50gr FMJ bullet. There was a second shooter on the other side of the plaza.

Oswald was just a patsy. He would do anything for a moment of fame. There are days when I feel guilty about not telling him the plan for the day. Oswald did attempt to kill Retired General Walker and would have attempted to kill another major figure if we hadn't set him up. So I guess it is for the best that we set him up.

Jack Ruby was an unplanned wild card. It should have never gone down like that.

NH Trucker
06-06-2012, 21:26
Not far from Winslow Arizona, someone had a 10mm kaboom while shooting in the desert. This was the result.


http://i.space.com/images/i/886/iFF/h_az_meteorcrater_02.jpg?1292263076

RWBlue
06-06-2012, 21:58
Not far from Winslow Arizona, someone had a 10mm kaboom while shooting in the desert. This was the result.


http://www.pulsarmedia.eu/data/media/867/Meteor%20Crater,%20Winslow,%20Arizona.jpg

404.jpg is dark.

Meteor creator is a nice place to visit.

Peace Warrior
06-06-2012, 22:08
History WILL record that Paul53, a time traveler originally from the year 2087, became famous in September of 2012 when he was able to repair a 10.3 second time rift on the East Coast using his Generation 147, 10mm Glock Rifle that he brought back from the future. Paul stated that he got the idea from an old Star trek rerun and is just glad that everything worked out okay.

Today's experts estimate that the power produced by the Gen 147, Glock Rifle's muzzle blast far exceeded the necessary 1.21 jigawatts, which is now known to be the minimum standard of output to allow time travel. These experts also stated it will be years before all the ramifications from this latest blast are known.

samurairabbi
06-06-2012, 22:31
History records that Paul53, a time traveler originally from the year 2087, become famous in September of 2012 ...
Shouldn't that be: History WILL RECORD ... ?

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 07:15
Shouldn't that be: History WILL RECORD ... ?
of course not! What are you, a grammar nazi wannabe? It's not even Wednesday! Sheesh.... :upeyes:


























































































It should be: History SHALL record... :tongueout: :supergrin:

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 07:33
Paul53's time traveling partner, samurairabbi, who is an introverted recluse with a penchant for French wine, French women, and French songs, decided to stay in the year 2012 in order to constantly flame Frenchmen on the internet and also make himself infamous as a less than proficient Grammar Nazi on certain internet gun boards.

History shall record that samurairabbi hailed from Japan, but other archeological finds that shall occur in the future will diametrically oppose findings of samurai rabbits originating from Japan. It is believed that samurairabbi somehow changed history's future, during the course of his time travels, thus making it possible for him to claim Japan in his patriarchal ancestry.

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 08:12
Long held up as internet folklore, but actually a cleverly devised cover up story, the so called "meteor crater" in Arizona was neither caused by a meteor nor a 10mm KB.

Working together, several intelligence agencies from around the world were able to track down a walmart receipt in the home of one of the big gun's operators. It is believed that NH Trucker led the team of covert operators and is upset that this new information is being disseminated.

Even though the designers had clearly wrote the specifications for operators of the gun to only use bench loaded ammo with just 15% of the powder used in a typical 10mm round, the big gun's operators, being constantly rushed by saddam to get the gun in service, made the egregious error of not reducing the amount of powder in the round, but instead utilized off the shelf, factory loaded 10mm ammo for the gun's test firing.

The end result caused the gun to be irreparably destroyed and the round leaving a huge hole in Arizona upon reentry into the earth's atmosphere after completing its orbital path around the Sun and return to earth almost 15 days later.

samurairabbi
06-07-2012, 12:31
It is believed that samurairabbi somehow changed history's future, during the course of his time travels,

Your conclusion is flawed. I actually changed the future's past. I am surprised your analysis failed to perceive this distinction.

tous
06-07-2012, 12:59
Contrary to popular belief, as evidenced by a viral video seen throughout the known universe, samurairabbi is neither a samurai or a rabbi.

He is, revealed here for the first time, a time-traveling rabbit from the 32nd dimension.

Don't tell anyone.

tsmo1066
06-07-2012, 13:03
Your conclusion is flawed. I actually changed the future's past. I am surprised your analysis failed to perceive this distinction.

I hope you realize that if anyone who is stoned reads these last few posts their head will explode...and it will be you and Peace Warrior's fault!

JAS104
06-07-2012, 13:13
I hope you realize that if anyone who is stoned reads these last few posts their head will explode...and it will be you and Peace Warrior's fault!

IF they're stoned they shouldn't be reading GlockTalk in the first place lol... something for concern :tongueout:

tsmo1066
06-07-2012, 13:19
IF they're stoned they shouldn't be reading GlockTalk in the first place lol... something for concern :tongueout:

What about the poor, liberal hippie-types who occasionally frequent our fair discussion boards in order to pick arguments with "gun nuts"?

Some of them could be exploding as we speak!

:crying:

countrygun
06-07-2012, 13:22
Contrary to popular belief, as evidenced by a viral video seen throughout the known universe, samurairabbi is neither a samurai or a rabbi.

He is, revealed here for the first time, a time-traveling rabbit from the 32nd dimension.

Don't tell anyone.


Don't be a Fudd

tous
06-07-2012, 13:24
The destruction of Mount Saint Helens in 1980 was not the result of volcanic activity.
It was the entire hippie socialist population of the surrounding area exploding after attempting, and failing, to disparage some gun nuts.

Or, it may well have been someone shooting at a chipmunk with a 10mm.

countrygun
06-07-2012, 13:32
The destruction of Mount Saint Helens in 1980 was not the result of volcanic activity.
It was the entire hippie socialist population of the surrounding area exploding after attempting, and failing, to disparage some gun nuts.

Or, it may well have been someone shooting at a chipmunk with a 10mm.


I thought it was Eull Gibbons Passing a pine cone.

(You have to be historical to get the joke)

M&P Shooter
06-07-2012, 13:33
The 10mm recoil once threw a man 40 yards and through a brick wall.

tous
06-07-2012, 13:42
I thought it was Eull Gibbons Passing a pine cone.

(You have to be historical to get the joke)

"My name is Euell Gibbons. Did you know that parts of a Boeing 747 are edible?"

:fred:

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 14:49
Your conclusion is flawed. I actually changed the future's past. I am surprised your analysis failed to perceive this distinction.
Congratulations, you just caused the explosion of two more hippie heads.

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 14:54
From the time Peace Warrior joined GlockTalk, it was observed that he never once had to edit a single post. However, upon samurairabbi's arrival to the year 2012, after samurairabbi's decision to peruse the space-time continuum while changing the future's past, Peace Warrior was found to have to begin editing almost every single post he made thereafter on GT.

Peace Warrior
06-07-2012, 14:56
Railroad locomotives can run on apple cider vinegar instead of fuel oil while traveling West through Arizona below the 36 degree latitude.

samurairabbi
06-07-2012, 15:50
Contrary to popular belief, as evidenced by a viral video seen throughout the known universe, samurairabbi is neither a samurai or a rabbi.

He is, revealed here for the first time, a time-traveling rabbit from the 32nd dimension.

Don't tell anyone.
I take the gravest possible exception to this demeaning insulting post!

I trace my roots to the thirty-FIFTH dimension! I object to being lumped in with the common-rabble 32nd dimension.

Go ahead, tell someone!

countrygun
06-07-2012, 16:06
Attorney General Eric Holder was disappointed early in life when NASA washed him out of astronaut training due to a physical issue. This deflated predictions for his future made by many of his teachers who noted that "Eric's head is full of nothing but space".

Angry Fist
06-07-2012, 16:08
Captured on a remote security camera, two suspects fleeing from an attempted armed robbery were able to successfully outrun the shots fired from their intended victim's .45.

Afterward, the victim was heard screaming, "These dang .45's! These dang, slow *ssed .45's! I'm gonna get me a 10mm!"
You didn't make that up! It happens all the time.... :supergrin:

tous
06-07-2012, 17:58
I take the gravest possible exception to this demeaning insulting post!

I trace my roots to the thirty-FIFTH dimension! I object to being lumped in with the common-rabble 32nd dimension.

Go ahead, tell someone!

Dimensionist!
32ndophobe!

samurairabbi
06-07-2012, 20:37
Dimensionist!
32ndophobe!
Oh yah? Well, let's bring it on, Cuz!

Tri-Dimensional Troglodyte!
Three-Dee Fascist lackey!






Your play.

tous
06-07-2012, 20:49
Heinsenberger!
Obi Wan Canoli!
Feynman-Flatulator!
Dark Mattter sniffer!

The denizens of the 32nd dimension fart in a tesseract and hope it ends up in your general reality!

:wavey:

samurairabbi
06-07-2012, 20:54
The denizens of the 32nd dimension fart in a tesseract and hope it ends up in your general reality!

:wavey:

Hmmmm ... Since it seems we both agree on the disagreeable attributes of the 32nd dimension pond scum, I fail to comprehend how this insult advances the level of dynamic tension contained in our exchanges.

tous
06-07-2012, 21:20
Everyone knows that France modeled itself after the 35th dimension. :tongueout:

samurairabbi
06-07-2012, 21:25
Everyone knows that France modeled itself after the 35th dimension. :tongueout:
Thank you for restoring the conflict quotient with this insult.

Too-big chapeaus are the current fashion in the 32nd dimension.

Berto
06-07-2012, 21:33
Custer last words at Little Bighorn involved insulting Sioux women as Nappy-headed Navaho's.

Huaco Kid
06-07-2012, 21:38
Construction and control of fire was, actually, first accomplished by felines. They would currently be in charge of a kinder, gentler world if a hairy long-limbed primate hadn't smacked the first one with a rock and stolen said flamage.

That's why cats, to this day, hate us. And crap on our pillows.

NH Trucker
06-07-2012, 21:59
404.jpg is dark.

Meteor creator is a nice place to visit.



Something be screwy with the pictures. First it showed, then it didn't, then tried to repost the pic and it wouldn't, now it's showing again...



There's Al Gore's interwebs for ya.

Peace Warrior
06-08-2012, 00:49
It was formally announced today that GT member, the Huaco Kid, a current M.I.T. laureate, has received an application for next year's Nobel peace prize due to his tireless efforts and decade long mitigatory relief effort between the family Felidae and the family Primate.

Peace Warrior
06-08-2012, 01:18
The white house announced today that it is suspending the funding of research into the Mt. Saint Helen's eruption that occurred on Sunday, May 18, 1980. The white house press secretary, when pressed for an explanation about the early withdrawal of funding advised, "Look, we have to be realistic here. The economy is not going the way we would like at this point and the President believes that this money could be better spent elsewhere."

When asked about the research's findings, the white press secretary added, "Well, we've come a long way and are much further along than we were when we started this study some thirty-two years ago, which back then we knew practically nothing about the causation for this event; however, at this point in time, we have finally been able to narrow down the precipitant causes of the earthquake and eruption at Mt. Saint Helen's to one of only two possibilities. We now know it was caused by either a large group of hippie socialists' heads exploding after failing to sway public opinion on gun ownership, or, it was simply the horribly bad decision of a hunter seeking to procure small game with much larger caliber weapon than necessary. Specifically, a 10mm."

samurairabbi
06-12-2012, 23:21
Construction and control of fire was, actually, first accomplished by felines. They would currently be in charge of a kinder, gentler world if a hairy long-limbed primate hadn't smacked the first one with a rock and stolen said flamage.

That's why cats, to this day, hate us. And crap on our pillows.
If the dominant life form on earth had evolved from canine lineage rather the homo sapiens lineage, then today, instead of greeting each other by shaking hands, we would instead sniff butts!

Peace Warrior
06-22-2012, 09:46
The grand daddy long legs' venom is only deadly to humans that are true vegans.

tous
06-22-2012, 10:08
The classic limerick beginning phrase, "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." is a fable. There is no Nantucket and if there were a Nantucket, there is no man there.

The origin of this phrase has been reliably traced to a gathering for cats sitting around a campfire pondering how to bedivil the human race and keep the hairy bipeds from discovering both fire and Nantucket.

samurairabbi
06-22-2012, 17:12
The classic limerick beginning phrase, "There once was a man from Nantucket ..." is a fable. There is no Nantucket and if there were a Nantucket, there is no man there.

The origin of this phrase has been reliably traced to a gathering for cats sitting around a campfire pondering how to bedivil the human race and keep the hairy bipeds from discovering both fire and Nantucket.

The woman from Madras, the man from Kent, and the woman from Norway were lines that were rejected by the feline gathering, who believed these lines to be insufficiently distracting to humanoid bipeds to accomplish their nefarious purposes.

countrygun
06-22-2012, 17:34
Not far from Winslow Arizona, someone had a 10mm kaboom while shooting in the desert. This was the result.


http://i.space.com/images/i/886/iFF/h_az_meteorcrater_02.jpg?1292263076

Wow, look at that. It landed right on that road.

tous
06-22-2012, 17:44
Pluto has not been demoted from a planet to a planetoid. It is a cleverly-disguised plot by the felines to distract the hairy biped's attention from a celestial body made entirely of Legos.

Clyde Tombaugh never existed. His history is a fiction concocted by several African lions.

Angry Fist
06-22-2012, 18:32
Damn lions! :fist:

tous
06-22-2012, 18:40
Most of the trials and trevails of the hairy bipeds can be traced to the puckish machinations of the damned lions. :miff: The propoganda film Born Free and the subsequent public relations campaign by Panthera felidae are the origin of hippie socialists.

They are not only clever and devious, they smell bad as well.

Angry Fist
06-22-2012, 18:53
And they eat their young! See? Smoking weed through an apple is baaaaaad news.

tous
06-22-2012, 19:00
Were it not for the ever-vigilant sheep, the lions could never be thwarted in their Machiavellian plan to render the hairy bipeds into a mass of stupid oafs that cannot properly pronounce Porsche.

Go, sheep, go. :thumbsup:

JAS104
06-22-2012, 20:25
Ahahaha taking on another thread. Time to GTDS this mofo. And as for a historical fact.... I'll think of something.


-J :cowboy:

JAS104
06-22-2012, 20:28
The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.


-J :cowboy:

samurairabbi
06-22-2012, 20:34
The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.
... and they did their banking at AIG!

JAS104
06-22-2012, 20:38
... and they did their banking at AIG!

Meer folklore sir... It was actually a fabled credit union. And they all owned stock in Enron.


-J :cowboy:

countrygun
06-22-2012, 20:43
The illuminati is actually staffed by John Wayne Ronald Reagan Clint Eastwood hickok45 tommy lee jones Harrison ford chuck Norris Bruce lee concretefuzzynuts dale Earnhardt angryfist Van Halen Nicko Lincoln browning gaston glock metallica Jas104, and a couple other dudes.


-J :cowboy:


i want to know more about this "Trilateral" commission. They are the ones behind all these 'Tri-tip" steaks I keep seeing at the meat market. Where the heck did that idea come from? 25 years ago I never saw anything called a "tri-tip" steak. It's gotta be some kind of a plot because I had never heard of anything like that coming off of a cow.

samurairabbi
06-22-2012, 21:15
i want to know more about this "Trilateral" commission. They are the ones behind all these 'Tri-tip" steaks I keep seeing at the meat market. Where the heck did that idea come from? 25 years ago I never saw anything called a "tri-tip" steak. It's gotta be some kind of a plot because I had never heard of anything like that coming off of a cow.
I offer you a warning: If I told you the full story about the Trilateral Commission machinations, I would then have to bore you to death.

countrygun
06-22-2012, 21:20
I offer you a warning: If I told you the full story about the Trilateral Commission machinations, I would then have to bore you to death.


"I could tell you...but then I'd have to bore you"

got it. Warning heeded.

JAS104
06-22-2012, 21:27
We shouldn't speak about the... "special" bovine.


-J :cowboy:

Big_Grumpy
06-22-2012, 21:33
Were it not for the ever-vigilant sheep, the lions could never be thwarted in their Machiavellian plan to render the hairy bipeds into a mass of stupid oafs that cannot properly pronounce Porsche.

Go, sheep, go. :thumbsup:

Though their vigilance was noble and just, they couldn't penetrate the sphere of indifference enshrouding the common man.

"Porshhhhh", be their last, cursed, dying word as they, also entrenched in their ways, live to a ripe old age of no regret.

However, many a blasphemer did end up surviving the siege and the battle still wages.

Alas, to this day, there will be no gasp at the end of their last dying word.

.

Peace Warrior
06-23-2012, 07:25
The D*mned Lions' first attempt at time travel, in which they utilized a Porshe instead of a DeLoean, ended in complete disaster with several of their number being permanently removed from existence. Initially all went well with the attempt, but when one of the lions improperly pronounced the word Porsche, anti-matter vortexes formed around the vehicle, which then caused a -1.21^3 jiggawatt rift that began to bend time itself.


In fact, were it not for the heroic efforts of both Paul53 and samurairabbi, the latter being a time traveling rabbit hailing from Japan whom has made a hobby of changing the future's past and flaming Frenchmen on the internet, the entire space-time continuum, as it shall be known to history's future, would have been so diametrically altered as to allow the common-rabble of the 32 dimension, or what some refer to as the inculte bourgeois 32nd, to peruse the realm of the much coveted and sought after 35th dimension.

Deeply saddened they were unable to retrieve the lost D*mned Lions from a non-existence, Paul53 and samurairabbi decided not to participate in any time travels today; however, they were overheard discussing a plan to continue their time traveling efforts beginning yesterday.

Angry Fist
06-23-2012, 08:32
Poorrrrsch... meh.

Coolio - Fantastic Voyage - YouTube

tous
06-23-2012, 10:52
The D*mned Lions' first attempt at time travel, in which they utilized a Porshe instead of a DeLoean, ended in complete disaster with several of their number being permanently removed from existence. Initially all went well with the attempt, but when one of the lions improperly pronounced the word Porsche, anti-matter vortexes formed around the vehicle, which then caused a -1.21^3 jiggawatt rift that began to bend time itself.


In fact, were it not for the heroic efforts of both Paul53 and samurairabbi, the latter being a time traveling rabbit hailing from Japan whom has made a hobby of changing the future's past and flaming Frenchmen on the internet, the entire space-time continuum, as it shall be known to history's future, would have been so diametrically altered as to allow the common-rabble of the 32 dimension, or what some refer to as the inculte bourgeois 32nd, to peruse the realm of the much coveted and sought after 35th dimension.

Deeply saddened they were unable to retrieve the lost D*mned Lions from a non-existence, Paul53 and samurairabbi decided not to participate in any time travels today; however, they were overheard discussing a plan to continue their time traveling efforts beginning yesterday.

This story has been making the rounds of the Trilateral Commission for over a century, but whenever they try to raise an alarum, folk get bored and fall asleep before they can finish.

Trilateral is an intentional misspelling perpetrated by a devious, time- and dimension-traveling rabbit. This odious denizen of the 35th dimension happened upon a small group of wombta counters in Australia in 1835. The sharp-eyed professionals noticed the odd rabbit just before it vanished. One queried his mate, "Did you see that? Where did that odd rabbit go? Medial, you think?" His companion, after a moment of ponderment, suggest, "He's not up the middle. Try lateral."

napp32
06-23-2012, 13:35
In a surprise move, the judge sentenced convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky to a lifetime of community service. Sandusky will serve the sentence as a counselor at Pennsylvania's newest boy scout camp which is located on the former campus of the now defunct Penn State University.

Rick C
06-23-2012, 16:10
Everyone knows that wombat-counters drank a bit, even by Aussie standards.
Time and dimensional traveling rabbits (harveys) were merely albino-roos.
The rabbit-roos were devilish in their behavior with the multi-dimensional ability to hop about and produce from their pouches all manner of things that shocked the good folk of that time. “Watch me pull a rabbit out of my pouch” Bullwinkle.
Some say they were the predecessors of porpoises.

SC Tiger
06-23-2012, 16:34
In a surprise move, the judge sentenced convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky to a lifetime of community service. Sandusky will serve the sentence as a counselor at Pennsylvania's newest boy scout camp which is located on the former campus of the now defunct Penn State University.

However, before he could begin his sentence, he was beaten to death by Joe Paterno, who was not dead as many believed. Paterno jumped down from a tree outside the courthouse, where he had been living since he faked his death. Paterno beat his former assistant before doing other unspeakable things to him and finally stabbing him with a tooth of a Nittany Lion. Many saw the incident but did not step in because they couldn't be bothered.

When asked if he had taken revenge on the part of all the victims, Paterno replied "eh? What? What victims? I just never liked the guy."

Sent from my Kindle Fire using Tapatalk 2

tous
06-23-2012, 18:16
Disparaging Australian wombat counters is low, sir. Something that one would expect from a callous resident of the 35th dimension and not an Earther. :miff:

The myth that time- and dimension-traveling rabbits are, in fact, small albino time-hopping kangaroos and are often mistaken for such is a common misconception, but even an inebriated Australian wombat counter can easily discern one from the other. The brave, valiant wombat counters deserve better.

Methinks that mayhaps you are an agent of the nefarious 35th dimension samurai rabbit or innocent and inadvertently in league with the scoundrel.

:supergrin:

NMG26
06-23-2012, 18:22
Arte Johnson - Very interesting - YouTube.flv - YouTube

samurairabbi
06-23-2012, 18:31
Methinks that mayhaps you are an agent of the nefarious 35th dimension samurai rabbit or innocent and inadvertently in league with the scoundrel.

:supergrin:
Perhaps your mal-fitting chapeau has obstructed your peripheral vision enough to render you incapable of recognizing the subtle nuances of a truly classic conspiracy, rather than that "in league with the scoundrel" drivel you are currently spouting. Perhaps your entitlement-dependent heritage is rendering you incapable of effective evaluation of economic, fiscal, and conspiratorial aspects of major aspects of existence.

But enough of such disagreements about life, the universe, and everything. We have a classically enjoyable thread to maintain. Remember this useful policy: all posts needed yesterday must be submitted no later than noon tomorrow.

:supergrin:

tous
06-23-2012, 18:46
Mirth at the expense of the French is within the realm of the unsophisticated child and not the self-proclaimed master of time-and dimensional travel, scoundrel though he be. Such simple whimsy one would sooner expect from the Warrior of Peace.

Confess to your machinations and duping of the innocent Rick C and cease your Svengali ways lest you come to the attention of the Australian wombat counters that populate the TryLateral Commission. Should their sharp eyes and keen intellect fall upon you, it wiill surely end in woe.

This response is scheduled to appear three weeks hence or 270 seconds ago, depending on which time line you subscribe to.

Rick C
06-23-2012, 19:07
Inebriated Aussie wombat counters are forever remembered on monuments in the local town squares (time loves a hero), while the true observers have, sadly, been relegated to the History Channel for sweeps week.

I am neither nefarious, innocent or in league with a scoundrel.
I am my own man, sir, and have acted accordingly.

I do like a nice hat, though.:supergrin:

samurairabbi
06-23-2012, 19:07
This response is scheduled to appear three weeks hence or 270 seconds ago, depending on which time line you subscribe to.

The Warrior of Peace is overrated. I, the Coordinator of Chaos, can kick his butt.

I handle payroll for the Wombat Counters. They would simply trylater ... al.

If your two response versions turn out to differ due to unspecified editing at some ethereal undefined time space, how will we actually know which is the controlling version?

tous
06-23-2012, 19:23
I would a eagerly applaud a battle between the rascally inter-dimensional rabbit and the Warrior of Peace. However, if the Warrior of Peace decides to turn the other cheek I must cover my eyes. I seek not to observe a cheek of any ilk.

Pondering his strong protest, one must ask of the noble Rick C, just what the C stands for? Mayhaps he is unware that that symbol is the secret ensign of the 35th dimension.

As to when which version of my poor response shall appear and in what dimension it is present, I can only reply: yes, no, maybe.

When the bout between samurai rabbit and Warrior of Peace commences, the Australian Wombat Counters have offered to supply the Fosters.

:wiggle:

Rick C
06-23-2012, 19:59
Your cheeky issues are your own, sir.
The “C” stands for see. Although it may be a bit more holy than righteous, nonetheless it is the see.
May we all celebrate together with Shiner Bock and Fosters dimensionally.

tous
06-23-2012, 20:24
You seek to prevaricate and confuse, clear evidence that your are, indeed, in league with the Coordinator of Chaos ... a title that suspiciously features the letter C!

I remain unconvinced that you are not a minion, sir.

Rick C
06-23-2012, 20:50
Your inability to traverse past the third letter of the alphabet is obviously a symptom of deeper physical, or may I say, psychological problems.
The inability to comprehend the letter “C” is one of the 3 clues we use to identifying the “others”.

samurairabbi
06-23-2012, 21:24
Oh man! Have we sidetracked this thread! ... Or whot!

countrygun
06-23-2012, 21:28
Oh man! Have we sidetracked this thread! ... Or whot!


That will be for history to decide.

samurairabbi
06-23-2012, 22:05
That will be for history to decide.
... or the future!

countrygun
06-23-2012, 22:19
... or the future!


That's just history that hasn't happened yet

samurairabbi
06-24-2012, 19:29
Today is tomorrow's yesterday.
The past is behind us; the future lies ahead.
The less you bet, the more you lose when you win.

Any of these worthy of consideration for the upper echelons of this thread?

Peace Warrior
06-24-2012, 21:23
Mildred L. Culpepper-Smith-Johnson-Williams, the now aged, infamous pen pal of thousands of lonely prison inmates across the united States, officially took the Guinness world record for being the oldest ever living woman. Already the recipient of the oldest living person record, Ms. Culpepper-Smith-Johnson-Williams, today became the oldest person to have ever lived outside of those patriarchs of Biblical times.

Officially 151 years old today, she attributes her good health to two things. One, she would only marry men with a lot of money, two, she only had affairs with time travelers who were part of the 35th dimension and could prove their Japanese lineage.

When asked what she would recommend to other women wanting to live to a ripe old age, she immediately quipped, "Well, like my current boyfriend told me, you should never put off to yesterday what you couldn't have done next week; additionally, never dispense mirth at the expense of the French in front of any Warriors of Peace.

Lastly, after a few bottles of good french wine and in between singing French songs, rabbit, Mildred added that's my pet name for him, rabbit told me, "Today is tomorrow's yesterday. The past is behind us; the future lies ahead. The less you bet, the more you lose when you win." However, Mildred continued, I never understood his wine infused ramblings. So don't ask me what that last one means.

Peace Warrior
06-24-2012, 21:38
After filing for his 17th corporate bankruptcy, , Adam Johnson, former CEO of Widgets, Inc. out of Miami, Fla, told his investors that he was sorry and could not figure out how he failed yet again to make a success out of his latest business venture. Adam, and all the present board of directors, were amazingly surprised at Widgets Inc. of Miami's losses due to the fact that no one else in the history of selling widgets has ever sold as many as Adam was able to do in his short tenure as CEO of the now bankrupt company.

At today's meeting of the board of directors, Adam elaborated that the cost for each unit produced was exactly $5.61, which he then mandated that the company's retail price for each item produced be exactly $5.00. Adam added that he understood he was taking an initial loss on the product, but was adamant that though he lost a little on selling one item, he just knew that he would make up the initial loss by selling a gross amount of products in higher volume than any other competing company.

Peace Warrior
06-24-2012, 21:45
Covert operators in Indonesia have finally been able to ascertain the meaning of the -C- in one Rick C's handle on GT.

The -C-, in Rick C, stands for "cheeky." Untold covert operators' lives were lost garnering this information, and probably many more will lost in finding out why it means cheeky, but one thing is for sure, this thread is now back on track!

samurairabbi
06-24-2012, 22:17
Lastly, after a few bottles of good french wine and in between singing French songs, rabbit, that's my pet name for him, told me, "Today is tomorrow's yesterday. The past is behind us; the future lies ahead. The less you bet, the more you lose when you win." However, Mildred continued, I never understood his wine infused ramblings. So don't ask me what that last one means.
Her boyfriend, that rabbit guy, had been heard to observe that, while Millie was a boon companion, that last line demonstrates why he never took her to a casino!

Peace Warrior
06-25-2012, 07:17
The entire fossilized body structure of the mighty Thesaurus, a quadruped dinosaur of the middle to late Grammarian Epoch, has been found by a group of hippies digging a latrine near the Mt. St. Helen's volcano.

Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle, an archeologist brought in from England by the united States' government, advised that recovery of any Thesauri remains had always been a laborious and time consuming undertaking. Given the location and depth of this latest find, he advised that this particular Thesaurus fossil could take as long as 15 years to excavate, primarily due to it being a government project.

He noted that the bulk of the work was inadvertently completed by the hippies themselves. He said he had to trade some fresh apples and a few dollars to win back some of the bones the hippies had kept. Apparently the hippies had used several the smaller bones to make some one-hitter hashish pipes for their commune.

samurairabbi
06-25-2012, 17:08
Dr. Roget-Canoodle's work is complicated financially by the government grant authorities internal disagreement on how to pronounce the plural of Thesaurus. The plural form pronunciation of Thesauruses is controversial in the pronunciation of the final syllable: is it "uz" or "eze". Such controversy easily accounts for significant delays in the government coughing up the grant money.

wjv
06-25-2012, 17:38
May 30, 2068 will mark the 50th "Open Carry Across America" day. This National Holiday encourages the open carrying of privately owned firearms by citizens, and was signed into law on May 25, 2018 by President Condoleezza Rice.

Last year Mayor Bloomberg III of NYC, ordered all police officers in NYC to arrest on sight, any person carrying a firearm on May 30th.

Unfortunately the police took that order quite literately and half of the police force arrested the other half of the police force. . . The remaining officers then spent the rest of the day arresting people who were using salt in public restaurants, and drinking sodas larger than 4 ounces.

Mayor Bloomberg III of NYC was also arrested that day for the illegal carrying of a firearm. The YouTube video of him being arrested while screaming "Not Me You ************ Idiots. . I'm Special. . I'm Special" went viral in 2 hours with 1.3 billion viewings. . .

tous
06-25-2012, 18:20
Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle is not a real person and has never existed. Cannodle's work was actually a collaboration by three elephants, a Siberian tiger, two African lions, seven Australian wombats, 22 time-hopping kangaroos and a woman working as a receptionist in Nyack, New York.

Some people will belive anything, regardless of how flimsy the evidence. :upeyes:

:supergrin:

samurairabbi
06-25-2012, 20:43
Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle is not a real person and has never existed. Cannodle's work was actually a collaboration by three elephants, a Siberian tiger, two African lions, seven Australian wombats, 22 time-hopping kangaroos and a woman working as a receptionist in Nyack, New York.

Some people will belive anything, regardless of how flimsy the evidence. :upeyes:

:supergrin:
Permit me the temerity to question the level of your scholarship.

The woman worked in EAST Nyack, and was the actual ringleader of the illicit publication effort. She financed this action with royalties derived from use of the names of the New York communities containing the word Nyack; when taken in groups of three, they become the classic Three Stooges line "Nyack Nyack Nyack!"

Peace Warrior
06-25-2012, 20:48
Dr. Roget-Canoodle's work is complicated financially by the government grant authorities internal disagreement on how to pronounce the plural of Thesaurus. The plural form pronunciation of Thesauruses is controversial in the pronunciation of the final syllable: is it "uz" or "eze". Such controversy easily accounts for significant delays in the government coughing up the grant money.

Dr. Ken Roget Canooodle finally cleared up the confusion by tweeting the following to the government grant office.

More than one Thesaurus: Thesauruses

A Male Thesaurus: Thesauri

A Female Thesaurus: Thesaurie


Some 35th dimensionalist who work at the grant office simply do not understand French.

Peace Warrior
06-25-2012, 20:49
May 30, 2068 will mark the 50th "Open Carry Across America" day. This National Holiday encourages the open carrying of privately owned firearms by citizens, and was signed into law on May 25, 2018 by President Condoleezza Rice.

Last year Mayor Bloomberg III of NYC, ordered all police officers in NYC to arrest on sight, any person carrying a firearm on May 30th.

Unfortunately the police took that order quite literately and half of the police force arrested the other half of the police force. . . The remaining officers then spent the rest of the day arresting people who were using salt in public restaurants, and drinking sodas larger than 4 ounces.

Mayor Bloomberg III of NYC was also arrested that day for the illegal carrying of a firearm. The YouTube video of him being arrested while screaming "Not Me You ************ Idiots. . I'm Special. . I'm Special" went viral in 2 hours with 1.3 billion viewings. . .
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Peace Warrior
06-25-2012, 20:52
Contrary to popular belief, Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle is not a real person and has never existed. Cannodle's work was actually a collaboration by three elephants, a Siberian tiger, two African lions, seven Australian wombats, 22 time-hopping kangaroos and a woman working as a receptionist in Nyack, New York.

Some people will belive anything, regardless of how flimsy the evidence. :upeyes:

:supergrin:
Unfortunately, it was reported today that Dr. ken Roget Canoodle has been listed as nonexistent due to the proclivities of several time hopping kangaroos hoping to take credit for all the archaeological work he had done in the past. .

tsmo1066
06-25-2012, 21:19
Unfortunately, it was reported today that Dr. ken Roget Canoodle has been listed as nonexistent due to the proclivities of several time hopping kangaroos hoping to take credit for all the archaeological work he had done in the past. .

This is Dr. Ken Canoodle. It is correct that I do not actually exist...YET. I am still waiting for my Great, Great....Great Grandfather, Peace Warrior, to have sex with Mila Kunis and consummate my future existance.

PW, if time-flux readings are accurate, you have only 24 hours to find and seduce her or I will never be born. Please hurry.


This message sent from the 35th century using my antique CB radio.

Peace Warrior
06-25-2012, 21:32
This is trick by one of the d*mned lions that remain!!!

Once you are nonexistent due to time traveling vortices equal to or greater than -1.21 jiggawatts^3, there is no coming back.

Blast you infernal d*mned lions! :rant:

samurairabbi
06-25-2012, 21:38
This is Dr. Ken Canoodle. It is correct that I do not actually exist...YET.
One day I saw upon the stair
a little man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today.
Oh how I wish he'd go away!

tous
06-26-2012, 16:00
The Titanic did not sink in the North Atlantic on 15 April 1912. Contrary to a badly-invented story to cover the disappearance, the giant, state-of-the-art passenger steamer is the personal watercraft of Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle and he simply whisked it back to the 29th dimension.

In the wake of the absurdly false tragedy, the Society for the Preservation of Ice Bergs and the Iceberg Antidefamtion League were formed by influential hippie socialist vacationing in the early 20th century. Frankin Delano Roosevelt, Octavian, Wyatt Earp, Ghengis Khan and Jerry Rubin are notable members of these radical left-wing organizations whose motto is 'Ice First!'

As he does not exist, Dr. Ken Roget Canoodle could not be reached for comment.

samurairabbi
06-26-2012, 19:08
It should also be noted that the left-wing new-age political movements are NEVER heard to acknowledge the indignity and injury inflicted on the ICEBERG by the Titanic. Within a mere season, the iceberg had evaporated down to nothing, with nobody even expressing any notice whatsoever of its passing.

tous
06-26-2012, 19:19
A week after the purported sinking incident, a hue and cry of, "Ban assault steamships!" was heard far and wide. Though never proven, it is likely true that a dimension-hopping rabbit was the cataylst for the protest movement.

Within two months of the demand for a comprehensive assault-passenger liner ban, the Attorney General, Ken Roget Canoodle, announced that he would allow some steamships out of port so that his ever-vigilant agents could track them. He dubbed the program, "Avast and Curious." However, history records that once the suspect vessels were twenty-six feet from the dock, the agents lost track of them. Even stranger, the Attorney General vanished and no one could remember that the mysterious Canoodle ever existed.

Peace Warrior
06-26-2012, 19:38
Formally charged with the bombing of 13 Italian Ice refreshment stands on the Seaside Heights, New Jersey boardwalk between 1972 and 1982, Ken Roget Canoodle, Jr, is now being held without bond in an undisclosed federal prison. Though no one was injured by these bombings over a period of ten years, the businesses themselves were destroyed, with some having to be rebuilt.

In an exclusive interview, K. R. Canoodle Jr. spoke openly about his insatiable hatred towards anyone who would enslave, deface, or attack ice of any form in nature. When asked if icebergs would be included in his personal panorama of what should be protected as an ice species, he stated firmly, "You ******* kidding me?!? Are you ******* kidding me?!?!!? Icebergs are at the top of the list for protection! Have you ever heard of a glacier calving? Well, have you?!? Icebergs are the young, precious calves of glaciers! Some in this world hate the killing of baby seals. Well, I hate the people that kill baby iceberg calves!"

When asked if he is protective of the ice that forms in the freezers located in or near the more humid climates, Mr. K. R. Canoodle Jr. simply stated, "Now you're just being a jack*ss. Everyone knows that that stuff is not REAL ice."

Peace Warrior
06-26-2012, 19:46
A week after the purported sinking incident, a hue and cry of, "Ban assault steamships!" was heard far and wide. Though never proven, it is likely true that a dimension-hopping rabbit was the cataylst for the protest movement.

Within two months of the demand for a comprehensive assault-passenger liner ban, the Attorney General, Ken Roget Canoodle, III, announced that he would allow some steamships out of port so that his ever-vigilant agents could track them. He dubbed the program, "Avast and Curious." However, history records that once the suspect vessels were twenty-six feet from the dock, the agents lost track of them. Even stranger, the Attorney General vanished and no one could remember that the mysterious Canoodle ever existed.
Fixed it for ya! :cool:

tous
06-26-2012, 20:04
Thank you. :thumbsup:
I appreciate it and apologize for my poor scholarship.

Little known fact: in the 35th dimension, the leader of a race of dimension-hopping samurai rabbits is called, "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.

samurairabbi
06-26-2012, 20:19
Thank you. :thumbsup:
I appreciate it and apologize for my poor scholarship.

Little known fact: in the 35th dimension, the leader of a race of dimension-hopping samurai rabbits is called, "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.
Actually, the GEC position in the 35th dimension is only a figurehead, established for tax dodge purposes.

Also, Peace Warrior's statement that Roget-Canoodle Jr. is held in extended Federal confinement is true, but it is true because of a hang-up in the evidentiary process. Because of the extended time needed to prepare a case, by the time the calved icebergs are called for witness testimony, they have all melted!

tous
06-26-2012, 20:31
... tax dodge purposes.

So you're saying that the conveyance of choice in that demented dimension is a Durango or a Charger? :dunno:

This just in. Two time-hopping kangaroos attempted to bounce into the same space-time seam at the same time.
Better luck next time.

samurairabbi
06-26-2012, 20:37
So you're saying that the conveyance of choice in that demented dimension is a Durango or a Charger? :dunno:

Hey, 35th-dimension friends don't let friends drive Fords!

Peace Warrior
06-26-2012, 20:57
... "The Grand Exalted Canoodle."

Coincidence?
I think not.
I honestly don't know, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it! :supergrin:

UtahIrishman
06-26-2012, 21:29
You guys have been reading too much Heinlein...or not enough...I'm not sure which :supergrin:

And in other news the desktop mouse is succeeded by the desert rat. When asked about the change manufacturer's only comment was 'it's a very dry year'

tous
06-27-2012, 07:24
Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read? :miff:

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!

:supergrin:
:wavey:

JAS104
06-27-2012, 09:13
Time hopping kangaroos?

Don't you think that may be a little excessive? For God's sake Tous all he did was say you can't read good.

Please, for pete's sake think of the CHILDREN.

samurairabbi
06-27-2012, 10:08
Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read? :miff:

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!

:supergrin:
:wavey:
It is possible that UtahIrishWhatever is simply a poor typist. He may not be accusing you of being able to READ; he might have been accusing you of being A RED!

tous
06-27-2012, 12:13
I am of Finnish heritage. We have no color other than pale white.
:supergrin:

No children were harmed by the time-hopping kangaroos justly unleashed on Irishman, Utah. However, an Almond Joy candy bar was inadvertently destroyed. Sometimes you feel like a nut.

Peace Warrior
06-27-2012, 15:18
An old dance of the late 50's, which was known as "the grand exalted canoodle," replaced both the mashed potato and hop as the most popular dance of the period; unfortunately, no bands or singers at the time were able to find lyrics to rhyme with the name, ""the grand exalted canoodle," and henceforth were unable to create a novelty song to go along with the new dance. Without the support of a song, the dance itself only stayed popular for about a week and a half. The dance, "the mashed potato," rose back up to the number dance craze in the nation shortly thereafter.

tous
06-27-2012, 18:16
Beginning in 1876, Australia began counting dancing wombats as a separate category. Wombats observed dancing the The Grand Exalted Canoodle were not tallied, but captured and immediately turned over to the nearest time-hopping kangaroo for transport to the year 1984.

The Australians, ever sage, anticipated that wombats that could dance the Grand Exalted Canoodle would be worth their weight in gold and perhaps would have an outside chance of winning American Idol. Over the years, the Australians kept careful track of the dancing wombats, passing the information down through the generations until 1984 when the ancestors of the forward-looking Australians would collect the dancing wombats, cash in, and have enough money to get their toilet water to swirl in the proper direction.

It came to naught, however. No one in 1984 and ever since has had the slightest interest in wombats that can dance the Great Exalted Canoodle. Toilet water continues to swirl in the wrong direction and Australian motorists continue to drive on the incorrect side of roads.

When reached from comment, Ken Roget Canoodle, IV opined, "We thought it was a no-miss winner. Who knew that people in 1984 would have no taste. By the way, Since my great grandfather never existed, neither do I."

UtahIrishman
06-27-2012, 20:15
Did that Irish Utahman just accuse of being able to read? :miff:

Shun him! Bombard him with time-hopping kangaroos! He is obviously an agitator sent by the Grand Exalted Canoodle!

:supergrin:
:wavey:

Time hopping kangaroos?

Don't you think that may be a little excessive? For God's sake Tous all he did was say you can't read good.

Please, for pete's sake think of the CHILDREN.

It is possible that UtahIrishWhatever is simply a poor typist. He may not be accusing you of being able to READ; he might have been accusing you of being A RED!

I am of Finnish heritage. We have no color other than pale white.
:supergrin:

No children were harmed by the time-hopping kangaroos justly unleashed on Irishman, Utah. However, an Almond Joy candy bar was inadvertently destroyed. Sometimes you feel like a nut.

:rofl::rofl:
I think I've just been transdentalized (flosses teeth while dodging kangaroos)

samurairabbi
06-27-2012, 20:29
:rofl::rofl:
I think I've just been transdentalized (flosses teeth while dodging kangaroos)
BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.

UtahIrishman
06-27-2012, 20:40
BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.

Ponders the meaning of life... wondering if kangaroos will settle for a 10 year old pack of cigarettes and a stale beer. But they sure can dance.


Agent search is on

JAS104
06-27-2012, 20:40
BEFORE, you were just a guy posting to a thread. NOW, you are the focus of an insurrection! You have given direction to a revolution!

My advice: find a good agent. This could be a one helluva financial move if you work it right.

He's going to have to learn to dodge the kangaroos first. Can't be on the cover of Time if he has kangaroo induced black eyes.


-J

UtahIrishman
06-27-2012, 20:42
He's going to have to learn to dodge the kangaroos first. Can't be on the cover of Time if he has kangaroo induced black eyes.


-J
http://i133.photobucket.com/albums/q66/calistoga54/james_toney_kangaroo_in_boxing_gloves.jpg

tous
06-28-2012, 15:08
It's an obvious conspiracy, we know who the varlets are, we know where they come from, we know what they want.

The ever-vigilant kangaroos, wombats and sheep shall thwart it!
The dimension-hopping rabbits shall not prevail!

I need a nap!

samurairabbi
06-28-2012, 15:13
It's an obvious conspiracy, we know who the varlets are, we know where they come from, we know what they want.

The ever-vigilant kangaroos, wombats and sheep shall thwart it!
The dimension-hopping rabbits shall not prevail!

I need a nap!
How about if we dimension-hopping rabbits cut you in for a healthy percentage of the take?

Enjoy your nap; the kangaroos, wombats, and sheep can wait.

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 00:46
The term "viral," so popularized on the internet during the early 2000's, was derived from a rare phenomenon of internet users contracting a certain virus simply from signing on and posting to the internet at the same time as the carrier was on the net.

The progenitor of the disease, a certain French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, had something so bad that the term, "Ajax won't get rid of it" would just not suffice. Due to the virus' virulent nature, in that it could be contracted simply by touching a keyboard while posting to internet threads at the same time as the French Finnish guy, the phrases, "it's viral," or, "it went viral" were invented by a person in Japan.

This same person in Japan, with the help from a dimension hopping rabbit, invented both a wireless keyboard and a wireless mouse in order to interrupt the spread of the infection. Luckily, the French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, finally went to sleep one day and this allowed the vast majority of the world's population to procure wireless devices for their computers.

In a related note, Mac laptop users had to pay on average, $1,000 more for each wireless device and hotel stay during the peak of the viral, outbreak epidemic.

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 00:51
Although an oxymoron, there actually are Utah Irishmen. :tongueout:

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 01:31
Billy the Kid, an infamous 19th century gunman and outlaw, after he and his gang stopped and attempted to rob a 20 car train traveling on the transcontinental railroad, became enraged when his cohorts advised that they had only been able to find myriad cans of smoked oysters being hauled to the folks in the middle portion of the Country.

"The Kid," as his cohorts referred to him, advised, "Hey, I'll tell ya what, get everyone of them d*mn crackers and bottles of mustard out here now! Let's just see how long them middle portion of the Country SOB's like eating oysters without 'em!"

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 01:42
Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's founder and CEO, has decided to buy the Earth itself.

He advised his selling of the Facebook stock, especially when considering all the profit garnered the first day of the offered Facebook IPO, made him so much money he just wanted to start buying stuff, and the Earth was simply a logical choice due to all the money he made.

Mr. Zuckerberg advises he will give everyone a three day notice to evacuate the planet before he starts evicting the Earth's tenants.

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 01:53
The PUAA, or formally, the people for unnatural acts with alligators, has began a tax free charter and corporation.

tous
06-29-2012, 11:24
The term "viral," so popularized on the internet during the early 2000's, was derived from a rare phenomenon of internet users contracting a certain virus simply from signing on and posting to the internet at the same time as the carrier was on the net.

The progenitor of the disease, a certain French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, had something so bad that the term, "Ajax won't get rid of it" would just not suffice. Due to the virus' virulent nature, in that it could be contracted simply by touching a keyboard while posting to internet threads at the same time as the French Finnish guy, the phrases, "it's viral," or, "it went viral" were invented by a person in Japan.

This same person in Japan, with the help from a time traveling rabbit, invented both a wireless keyboard and a wireless mouse in order to interrupt the spread of the infection. Luckily, the French, Finnish guy who claimed a domicile in Plano, Texas, finally went to sleep one day and this allowed the vast majority of the world's population to procure wireless devices for their computers.

In a related note, Mac laptop users had to pay on average, $1,000 more for each wireless device and hotel stay during the peak of the viral, outbreak epidemic.

Rabits don't time travel, they dimension travel.
Kangaroos time travel, ya galoot. :cowboy:


You owe the samurai rabbit a sincere apology and a box of Whoppers.

:supergrin:

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 12:36
It's an obvious conspiracy, ...
THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS CONSPIRACIES!!!!!

It has finally been ascertained by the FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, MI* and every other nations' intelligence agencies in the world that every crime, from the time that Cain slew Able, has only been committed by a single individual each and every time. There has never been any criminal act or collusion by two or more individuals in order to realize a common goal.

Simply put, conspiracies do NOT exist and never have. :dancingbanana:
It's an obvious conspiracy, we know who the varlets are, we know where they come from, we know what they want.

The ever-vigilant kangaroos, wombats and sheep shall thwart it!
The dimension-hopping rabbits shall not prevail!

I need a nap!
If there is any scheme afoot, it has been wholly concocted by a single varlet. Do not implicate other varlets with your wild conspiracy theories from the 35th dimension. :tongueout:

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 12:42
Rabits don't time travel, they dimension travel.
Kangaroos time travel, ya galoot. :cowboy:


You owe the samurai rabbit a sincere apology and a box of Whoppers.

:supergrin:
As a favor to samurairabbi, I'll go one better than a sincere apology and a box of whoppers; instead, I'll do something I never ever do, which is edit my post. :whistling:

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 12:51
Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's founder and CEO, announced some time ago that he was buying the Earth and evicting its tenants; however, due to France, Kuwait, and Panama refusing to accept the offer of $38 an acre, Mark Zuckerberg's attorney's have announced today that anyone desiring not to leave the Earth, in the next 3 days, should relocate to one of these countries as soon as possible.

tous
06-29-2012, 12:52
Warrior of Peace, you are an honorable man. :thumbsup:

That mean samurai rabbit doesn't get the Whoppers?
I can't speak for the feller, but he might could would rather have a box of delicious malted milk balls covered in rich, creamy milk chocolate than a edit.

tous
06-29-2012, 12:55
Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook's founder and CEO, announced some time ago that he was buying the Earth and evicting its tenants; however, due to France, Kuwait, and Panama refusing to accept the offer of $38 an acre, Mark Zuckerberg's attorney's have announced today that anyone desiring not to leave the Earth, in the next 3 days, should relocate to one of these countries as soon as possible.

He won't get Finland.
They're used to being invaded and conquered every so often by the Russians, so blood-thirsty hordes of Zuckerbergs won't bother them. They just toss another reindeer on the barbie.

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 13:02
Warrior of Peace, you are an honorable man. :thumbsup:

That mean samurai rabbit doesn't get the Whoppers?
I can't speak for the feller, but he might could would rather have a box of delicious malted milk balls covered in rich, creamy milk chocolate than a edit.
Yeah, but every knows I never edit my posts. Ever.

samurairabbi
06-29-2012, 18:17
THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS CONSPIRACIES!!!!!
...
If there is any scheme afoot, it has been wholly concocted by a single varlet. Do not implicate other varlets with your wild conspiracy theories from the 35th dimension. :tongueout:
If the single conniving varlet outsources ALL the admin work involved in his nefarious plot, and ALL the subordinate varlets receiving the outsourced contract work do NOT comprehend the true purpose of the work they are performing, then does a conspiracy actually exist? Hey, inquiring varlets want to know.

Chocolate-coated malted milk balls are decent, but this varlet really prefers movie theater sno-caps. Keep that in mind when plotting bribery and other suck-up actions directed toward me.

tous
06-29-2012, 18:48
You subcontract your varlets?
How's that working for you?
Is there an agency for that?
Do you pay them in Whoppers?

Rick C
06-29-2012, 19:27
"Grow Fins" by Capt. Beefheart was adopted as the inter-galactic anthem.
Chorus:
I'm leavin'
I'm gonna take up with, ah, mermaid
'N' leave you land lubbin' women alone
'N' leave you land-lubbin' women alone
'roos and rabbits sang in harmony (the varlets were off-key), I swear, angels couldn't have done better.

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 19:34
"Grow Fins" by Capt. Beefheart was adopted as the inter-galactic anthem.
Chorus:
I'm leavin'
I'm gonna take up with, ah, mermaid
'N' leave you land lubbin' women alone
'N' leave you land-lubbin' women alone
'roos and rabbits sang in harmony (the varlets were off-key), I swear, angels couldn't have done better.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 19:42
If the single conniving varlet outsources ALL the admin work involved in his nefarious plot, and ALL the subordinate varlets receiving the outsourced contract work do NOT comprehend the true purpose of the work they are performing, then does a conspiracy actually exist? Hey, inquiring varlets want to know.

Chocolate-coated malted milk balls are decent, but this varlet really prefers movie theater sno-caps. Keep that in mind when plotting bribery and other suck-up actions directed toward me.
You sir rabbit have thrown bruce willis' proverbial, "monkey in the wrench," into my, previous to now, firmly held tenet of a ours being a non-conspiratorial world.

The logic you have expurgated :whistling: concerning subordinate varlets unwittingly being part of an actual conspiracy seems to support your premise; however, given the objectivity of your proposition, this would legally make them, technically speaking, accessories AFTER the fact.

What say you?

samurairabbi
06-29-2012, 20:10
You sir rabbit have thrown bruce willis' proverbial, "monkey in the wrench," into my, previous to now, firmly held tenet of a ours being a non-conspiratorial world.

The logic you have expurgated :whistling: concerning subordinate varlets unwittingly being part of an actual conspiracy seems to support your premise; however, given the objectivity of your proposition, this would legally make them, technically speaking, accessories AFTER the fact.

What say you?
What say I? Hmmmm ... a worthy conceptual concept. ... Upon reflection, I have formulated my response:

Everyone should believe is something ... I believe I'll have another drink!

Peace Warrior
06-29-2012, 20:26
There are now four countries to move to in order to avoid being evicted from the Earth. Finland's check bounced.

samurairabbi
06-29-2012, 20:37
There are now four countries to move to in order to avoid being evicted from the Earth. Finland's check bounced.
Hmmm ... So even Zuckerberg is worried about the Euro!

Peace Warrior
07-02-2012, 09:58
The founder of GlockTalk.com, Eric (a.k.a Big Giant head), was found not guilty in civil court today.

A commune of hippies, near the Mount St. Helen's area, had sued Eric due to problems that arose from their participation in a smoking game in relation to a thread titled, "Make up a historical fact." It seems the hippies had comprised a list of words and rules, which if any of the words from the list were found on the thread, then the rules stated that all of the hippies had to take a hit off of their Hooka resembling bong.

Part of the lawsuit was brought by those hippies that were attacked and almost had their faces eaten by those hippies actually participating the smoking game. The other part was brought by those hippies that were upset there was no marijuana left to buy within a 150 miles of their commune.

The following is part of the list that was placed into evidence during the civil trial:


prevaricate

minion

traverse

echelon

acumen

Canoodle

time traveling

Porshe* (*in play only when mispronounced, or mispelled)

rabbit

Mirth

dimension

sausage

hippie

There once was a man from Nantucket...

10mm

time travel

casing

viral

chapeau

"intergluteal explosions"

some would say...

buffalo wings

wal-mart

Conestogas

bullets

samurairabbi
07-02-2012, 14:45
The following is part of the list that was placed into evidence during the civil trial:



Porshe* (*in play only when mispronounced)


... or misspelled.

Peace Warrior
07-03-2012, 08:14
The lgbt publicly came out against the spiral cutting of wieners during the up coming 4th of July celebrations. Their spokesperson added the reason for their disapproval was that the spiral cutting of hot-dogs was obviously something only a homophobic individual would do.

When asked for a brief characterization of what a homophobic individual actually was in the eyes of the lgbt organization, the spokesperson advised, "Anything we want them to be when we want to disagree with anything that they say or do."

Then, when pressed to elaborate a little further and clearer on exactly what characterized a homophobe, the spokesperson grinned real big, quickly snapped his fingers twice while emphatically raising his hand above his head, and said, "Not today sugar."

Peace Warrior
07-03-2012, 08:16
... or misspelled.
Fixed it! :thumbsup: :supergrin:

Peace Warrior
07-03-2012, 08:33
Native Alaskans have rejected a request by a private developer to build and run an alligator farm in the town of Fairbanks. The vote to turn down the zoning request came the same day that the permitting office received information that linked the developer to the PUAA. It was later discovered that the developer, a Mr. John "Tail Wiggler" Doe, was actually a board member of the PUAA. (http://www.glocktalk.com/forums/showthread.php?p=19143097#post19143097)

Mr. Doe advised that although he was disappointed with the permitting office's decision, he believed that his company would now have to try to get permits approved in Washington State as, quote, "Them dog gone Alaskans can be so cold to people that simply love Crocodilians."

Peace Warrior
07-03-2012, 08:52
Thirteen paragliders, with minor but numerous gun shot wounds to their bodies, were admitted to a local hospital in Alaska. The hospital's spokesperson, Helen Waite, stated the following, "All I can tell anyone, including the media, is that right now, thirteen people who were out for a day of paragliding have been admitted for wounds that seem to have been caused by shotguns."

As one victim was released from the hospital, he made the following statement, "Well, we were just paragliding you know? Two of us were hollering back and forth to each other because we thought we were smelling, well, I know it sounds funny, but we thought we could smell like some crabs boiling or something. The next thing I noticed were a bunch of little holes in my paragliding chute. Then, I had this real intense pain in my left shin. Like a bunch bees were stinging me all at once. It was so weird!"

PBCounty
07-11-2012, 10:34
Few are aware that “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” was actually based on the author’s (Robert L. May) own personal experiences during his time in the U.S. Army basic training program. The story is a loose adaptation of May’s constant harassment by fellow soldiers (due to small ***** size) and his eventual acceptance as a worthy peer. The culmination described as “one foggy Christmas Eve” is metaphoric for an evening in which his local knowledge (supplied by a cousin and town local) allowed for the procurement of a prostitute.

Peace Warrior
07-12-2012, 10:37
The US Senate appears to be locked, just shy of a dead heat, as far as pushing through legislation that has come to be known as "The 3 day weekend bill." The measure has pass overwhelmingly in the house by a margin of 416-19, with only the State of Illinois' Representatives unanimously voting against the proposal.

A non-binding, open US Senate floor vote, indicated that if held today, the proposal would fail 49-51, with all fifty-one Democrats voting against the measure.

Specifically, the Democrats are insisting that before they could approve such a bill, they are requiring the Congress to first approve an eight (8) day calendar week be instituted for the united States.

Neither Senate majority leader, harry reid, nor Rep. jesse l. jackson Jr., could be reached for comment.

Peace Warrior
07-12-2012, 11:05
The makers of T.V. Dinners, an American staple for decades, have been steadily reducing their portion sizes, while at the same time increasing their prices, for the last few years.

This trend, if continued at the present rate, shows that in the year 2019, it will cost $157.25 for a meal, including dessert, that weighs just 0.8 ounces.

Peace Warrior
07-12-2012, 11:10
Ted Nugent, also known as The Motor City Madman, already on record as implying that the united States would be better off "had the South won the Civil War," indicated today he also believes that had Japan won the War in the Pacific, he would still number one on the music charts and playing to sell out shows in Tokyo.

mac66
07-12-2012, 15:17
Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII

samurairabbi
07-12-2012, 17:39
Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII
... and Charles Whitman, the Texas Tower sniper, did all the custodial work in their classroom.

Hef
07-12-2012, 19:50
Ronald Reagan was the first US president to swim across the English Channel, and he did it without a US Navy escort. When he got to shore in France, he reportedly said, "what the hell is that smell? This place smells like sweaty feet!"

M&P Shooter
07-12-2012, 20:29
Michael Jackson had relations with a female and liked it.

M&P Shooter
07-12-2012, 20:31
Chris Rock has been added to the U.S. power lifting team for the summer games and is reported to be clean and jerking 800lbs right now at his current weight of 122lbs

Peace Warrior
07-12-2012, 23:17
Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII
John Hinkley's brother, Scott Hinkley, was scheduled to have lunch at the home of Neil Bush, son of then VPOTUS Bush, the day after POTUS Reagan was shot.

Peace Warrior
07-13-2012, 02:01
GT's Huaco Kid, hereafter HK, was today cleared of any wrong doing in the wrongful death suit brought by the surviving family members of Helen Waite.

HK, while shopping in the Pharmacy section of Wal-Mart, was implored by his local SWAT team to assist with a call up due to an armed robbery, at the Old Navy, which was located on the other side of Wal-Mart's parking lot. When the plaintiff's attorney asked about how the SWAT team knew of HK's actual whereabouts, the city attorney vehemently objected to the question while mentioning national security.

At trial it was revealed that after making contact with HK on the toothpaste aisle, the SWAT team advised him they needed some sniper back up and time was of critical essence, so he agreed. After running -x- across the parking lot in the SWAT van, approximately 60 yards, HK found a good covering position behind a concrete planter, which offered a good firing lane near the Old Navy's front entrance. With HK taking this covering position, the SWAT team members then made a dynamic tactical entry on the rear of the store.

During the process of SWAT clearing the store, HK managed to shoot 6 of the 8 suspects that he saw running from the building as well as managing to pick up a couple good deals on some colorful Hawaiian shirts. Unfortunately, by accident he also shot a seventh person, which was not involved in the robbery. This person, 58 year old Helen Waite, whom turned out to be a hospital's spokesperson on vacation from Alaska, was shot as she frantically tried to leave the store.

The jury deliberated for eight days before bringing back a not guilty verdict. The judge, when reading the jury's findings, added that had Mrs. Waite not been carrying a hand bag with a dollar sign on it, which was given to her as a novelty gift by her husband, she would not have been shot by the defendant.

Peace Warrior
07-13-2012, 02:22
Once, I was wearing mine at walmart, while trying to decide which toothpaste would make my teeth the whitest, when some SWAT guys grabbed me and said they needed me to cover their backs.

We blasted, code 3, across the parking lot towards the Old Navy. I hunkered down behind the cement petunia planter while they made a tactical entry. I tried to pick off all the guys running out with bags that had dollar signs on them, but I only managed about a 75% kill rate.

Afterwards, they all wanted to pose for pictures with me and we went to the bar and they paid the tab. ...
.....

samurairabbi
07-13-2012, 15:22
GT's Huaco Kid, hereafter HK, was today cleared of any wrong doing in the wrongful death suit brought by the surviving family members of Helen Waite.

The jury deliberated for eight days before bringing back a not guilty verdict. The judge, when reading the jury's findings, added that had Mrs. Waite not been carrying a hand bag with a dollar sign on it, which was given to her as a novelty gift by her husband, she would not have been shot by the defendant.
The family of the deceased Helen Waite has retained the distinguished attorney Helen Hunt to research possibilities of a possible Federal prosecution as a followup to the local court acquital. In response to journalist's inquiries about such a case being filed, the family quite wisely suggested that anyone with such inquiries should go to Helen Hunt for them.

Peace Warrior
07-14-2012, 17:14
Upon acquiring additional records after going to Helen Hunt for them, reporters discovered that Mrs. Hunt's federal prosecution has been given a green light by a judicial review board after researching the highlighted autopsy results of Helen Waite, the vacationing 58 year old hospital spokesperson from Alaska who was accidentally killed by a SWAT team during an Old Navy armed robbery.

When reached for comment, Mrs. Hunt advised, "While the six robbers each had a single bullet wound causing their deaths, Mrs. Waite was shot at least three times. We think this needs to be thoroughly investigated on a federal level using all the resources of the government in order to find out the reasons why so many shots were used."

samurairabbi
07-15-2012, 17:03
When reached for comment, Mrs. Hunt advised, "While the six robbers each had a single bullet wound causing their deaths, Mrs. Waite was shot at least three times. We think this needs to be thoroughly investigated on a federal level using all the resources of the government in order to find out the reasons why so many shots were used."
The number of shots can easily be easily explained. This "engagement" clearly occurred in a 10-round mag limit state, and Mr. Huaco was clearly caught with only a single mag for his weapon, leaving him in a position where he did not wish to expend his last round EXCEPT in the most desperate of circumstances. A tacky purse embroidered with a dollar sign, while boorish in the extreme, would not be considered such an emergency. Rather than being castigated, Mr. Huaco should be commended for his superb tactical technique.

Huaco Kid
07-15-2012, 17:44
he did not wish to expend his last round EXCEPT in the most desperate of circumstances.

I was saving the last round for myself, if it all went horribly wrong.

samurairabbi
07-15-2012, 18:51
I was saving the last round for myself, if it all went horribly wrong.


The phrase "in the most desperate of circumstances" is a common euphemism for saving the last round for one's self.

Do you wish to be addressed on this forum as Mr. Huaco, or Mr. Kid?

Peace Warrior
07-23-2012, 20:22
delete

Peace Warrior
07-23-2012, 21:13
Mrs. Hunt, so as to have it on the trial's official record, read the following statement to have it placed into evidence.

Once, I was wearing mine at walmart, while trying to decide which toothpaste would make my teeth the whitest, when some SWAT guys grabbed me and said they needed me to cover their backs.

We blasted, code 3, across the parking lot towards the Old Navy. I hunkered down behind the cement petunia planter while they made a tactical entry. I tried to pick off all the guys running out with bags that had dollar signs on them, but I only managed about a 75% kill rate.

Afterwards, they all wanted to pose for pictures with me and we went to the bar and they paid the tab. ...

After reading the entire transcript of his deposition for the record, Mrs. Hunt also stated that when HK referred to the pronoun -mine,- he was actually speaking about and referring to a "CCW Raid jacket" (i.e., reference highlighted above and with a stock photo below), which he both owned and was actually wearing at the time preceding and during this specific incident.


http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x262/PhotoKeith/USvsHKco-HWaiteevidenceprosexhibit4.jpg

Mrs Hunt then reiterated the composite account of events that was derived from his personal recount, the next morning, to reporters. Mrs. Hunt then requested the presiding judge allow an indeterminate recess in the trial so as to have a private side bar with the defendant's new legal counsel, which his new legal counselor is a time traveling, and or time shifting, and or dimension traveling rabbit, whom wants people to think he hails from Japan.


Here, in its entirety, is the reiterated recount of events that Mrs. Hunt read for the record with regards to HK's personal recount of events, which he made to reporters the morning after the event in question.

... while shopping in the Pharmacy section of Wal-Mart, [I] was implored by [my] local SWAT team to assist with a call up due to an armed robbery, at the Old Navy, which was located on the other side of Wal-Mart's parking lot. ...

... after making contact with [me] on the toothpaste aisle, the SWAT team advised [me] they needed some sniper back up and time was of critical essence, so [I] agreed. After running -x- across the parking lot in the SWAT van, approximately 60 yards, [I] found a good covering position behind a concrete planter, which offered a good firing lane near the Old Navy's front entrance. With [me] taking this covering position, the SWAT team members then made a dynamic tactical entry on the rear of the store.

During the process of SWAT clearing the store, [I] managed to shoot 6 of the 8 suspects that [I] saw running from the building as well as managing to pick up a couple good deals on some colorful Hawaiian shirts. Unfortunately, by accident, [I] also shot a seventh person, which was not involved in the robbery. This person, 58 year old Helen Waite, whom turned out to be a hospital's spokesperson on vacation from Alaska, was shot [by me] as she frantically tried to leave the store. ...

M&P Shooter
07-23-2012, 21:18
Tom Cruise is sane:whistling:

Peace Warrior
07-23-2012, 21:22
I was saving the last round for myself, if it all went horribly wrong.
:rofl: :rofl: :supergrin: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Psssst: Thanks for playing HK.

Peace Warrior
07-23-2012, 21:24
Tom Cruise is sane:whistling:
Oh no you didunt!!! :supergrin:

Peace Warrior
07-23-2012, 21:27
... Do you wish to be addressed on this forum as Mr. Huaco, or Mr. Kid?
Typical lawyer tactic of kissing the client's bootae. :whistling: :supergrin:

samurairabbi
07-23-2012, 21:29
Tom Cruise is sane:whistling:
This thread solicits historical facts, not historical absurdities!

UtahIrishman
07-23-2012, 21:35
Rumors have finally been confirmed that coffee doesn't grow on trees.

In a surprising statement from Juan Valdez, Juan admitted that coffee beans are not really beans, instead they are legumes that grow in the ground.

Elaborate tunnels are constructed to harvest the crop every year. The left-over tunnels are then turned into breezeways for cabanas.

Juan firmly denied that the so-called coffee trees seen in advertisements are actually money trees. He says instead they are merely drawings from his child hood.

M&P Shooter
07-23-2012, 21:38
Obama was born in Detroit the son of a hard working father who built muscle cars in Detroit and a mother who worked at American Jeweler And Loan:whistling:

SC Tiger
07-24-2012, 18:51
Due to extreme budget cuts, Great Britain's MI6 division has announced that James Bond's Aston Martin will be replaced with a Smart Car.

Sent from my Kindle Fire

Peace Warrior
08-23-2012, 22:16
Hummingbirds can only eat/forage while they are flying or while their wings are beating. If they actually perch or stop to nosh, they won't be able to take off due to building up too much body weight.

Peace Warrior
08-23-2012, 23:00
Regardless of the type of rattle snake (e.g., diamondback, sidewinder, etc.), the rattlesnake will always stop rattling its tail before it is going to strike. As long as it's rattling, you are safe to take another closeup photo.

Peace Warrior
08-23-2012, 23:42
"It was a terrible case of mistaken identify" proclaimed NeverMore1701, when making a statement to police about the theft of his AR15, 5 pistols, some really sharp butter knives and one claymore. He advised for some reason he still had his K-bar.

Startled awake by someone banging on his door, NeverMore1701, after tactically peeing on his own person, loaded out with above gear and made his way to living room. He expertly, and of course tactically, sliced the pie around every corner in his home.

Even though it was a straight shot down the hall to his living room and the front door, NeverMore1701 chose to go around the whole house as it made him feel like a real operator clearing all the other rooms first.

Upon opening the door, the UPS delivery girl made him sign a electronic tablet device. Unbeknownst to him at the time, as he was signing, the UPS girl was placing stickers on his weapons and boxing them up.

By the time he realized what had happened, the big brown van was already going down the road. He tried to give chase, but the stealthy location he had chosen for the K-bar prevented him from attaining a speed equal to that of a hover-round wheel chair on low batteries.

Peace Warrior
08-23-2012, 23:49
A man in another state, after having to make an online order for a new bravia due to leaving his previous one at his ex girlfriends place, instead received an AR15, 5 pistols, claymore and some really sharp butter knives.

The man has no clue as to how UPS made such a mistake.

itisbruno
08-23-2012, 23:53
Franklin Roosevelt's greatest quote:

"the only thing we have to fear is--EVERYTHING!!!! PANIC AND RUN FOR YOU LIFE!!!!"

youngdocglock
08-24-2012, 00:03
WW2......contrary to popular belief was not because of genocide. However instead because the bastards threatened to never make Sig firearms.

I have made this post on my phone. If I spell like a two year old. Blame Android. Not me :)

domin8ss
08-24-2012, 00:38
And Obama is a love child of the rev. Jesse Jackson!

That might actually explain why young Jesse Jackson Jr is suffering from severe depression.

domin8ss
08-24-2012, 00:39
Yugo is a classic American car that was well built and ahead of its time.

skeeter7
08-24-2012, 01:15
Here is a creepy one.

Mark David Chapman (John Lennon's assassin) John Hinkley Jr. (President Reagan's attempted assassin) David Berkowitz, (Son of Sam killer) and Sirhan Sirhan, Robert F. Kennedy's killer, all went to the same school and had the same english teacher who had worked behind enemy lines for the OSS arranging the assassinations of high ranking french officials who cooperated with the Nazis during WWII

And Jeffrey Dahmer worked in the cafeteria...:whistling:

Brucev
08-24-2012, 06:08
Re: OP. Based on reports... baraq obama was born in Hawaii as a U.S. citizen.

Peace Warrior
08-29-2012, 10:07
After a record breaking 86 grueling hours on the operating table, and after flying in countless surgeons from around the world on supersonic spy planes, an 8 year old Dallas resident has been moved to the local mayo clinic's ICU.

Little Johnny awoke to hugs from his mother this morning after his 86 hour long ordeal. It started more than four days earlier when Little Johnny was "fixing" his dad's old "Operation" board game.

Although not clear as to exactly how at this time, Little Johnny managed to swallow the game's buzzer intact. Dr. Ding Ling Cho, a neurosurgeon and native of Sweden, was the first surgeon to successfully make entry into the boy's small intestine area and remove the the game piece without it making that "BUUUZZTTT" sound.

As the rules state, once the buzzer went off, someone else got a chance at performing a successful operation, which ultimately led to this 86 hour long ordeal.

Little Johnny is expected to make a full recovery.

..

Peace Warrior
08-30-2012, 08:35
Oliver Damme, a jeweler out of Minnesota, was secreted away by the FBI to an unused and derelict ICBM bunker today after having what is known as a "caliber war" on the internet.

Mr. O. Damme, while insisting that the 9mm was a speedy fast missile of death and destruction given the right placement, also posted that The Mighty 10mm was too heavy and too expensive to be a viable or practical option for most people who CCW.

Less than three minutes after posting, the small Minnesota town Mr. O. Damme lived was being bombarded by indirect fired 10mm rounds. There have been numerous casualties, but since the FBI made it known that Mr. O. Damme had been removed from his home, the shelling has stopped at least for now.

Based on the trajectories of radar tracks, NORAD advised that most of the deadly rounds were launched from over 400 miles away. The investigation is ongoing.

Peace Warrior
08-30-2012, 08:46
An Air Fore maintenance contractor has reported the tragic destruction of an old missile bunker. Upon arrival to take out some copper lines, the contractor advises he drove up on a horrible sight.

There was huge crater where the missile bunker had been previously. Cadaver dogs searching the site that evening found the remains of six, undercover FBI agents and one Minnesota man.

Although hundreds of feet deep and inside what was thought to be a impregnable missile bunker, a 10mm round, landing less than a half mile from the bunker itself, was able to completely destroy the entire sight and occupants.

samurairabbi
08-31-2012, 00:45
There was huge crater where the missile bunker had been previously. Cadaver dogs searching the site that evening found the remains of six, undercover FBI agents and one Minnesota man.

Although hundreds of feet deep and inside what was thought to be a impregnable missile bunker, a 10mm round, landing less than a half mile from the bunker itself, was able to completely destroy the entire sight and occupants.
Upon further investigation, forensic analysts and ballistics experts are starting to cast doubt on the theory that this damage was done by a 10mm.

The presence of IDENTIFIABLE remains makes it unlikely that so potent a caliber as a 10mm did this damage. If it WERE a 10mm, then it would be one of the wimpy commercial loads that are a bane on the 10mm existence. The best bet is that it was a lesser device, such as a 10 megaton detonation, that destroyed the silo. With the collapse of the old Soviet Union, you can now find such gizmos at Wal-Mart, if you know the secret handshake.

P.S.: Air Force contractor, my tush! It was a looter looking for copper to sell at a metalyard to finance his next high that found the mess!

frizz
08-31-2012, 01:00
John F. Kennedy used Marilyn Monroe like a plastic **** doll.

Edit to add:

D'oh! I pulled an Okie...
"Oooooops I miss read the thread titlehttp://glocktalk.com/forums/images/smilies/embarass%20.gif"

UtahIrishman
08-31-2012, 02:00
When Crocodile Dundee famously said "that's not a knife...THIS is a knife" few realized that the invention of the collapsing (or as some choose to call it folding) knife had reached it's apex.

While it may appear he had this knife behind his back, he actually pulled it from his watch pocket....

thus the term 'watching it unfold' came from

Peace Warrior
08-31-2012, 09:49
Upon further investigation, forensic analysts and ballistics experts are starting to cast doubt on the theory that this damage was done by a 10mm.

The presence of IDENTIFIABLE remains makes it unlikely that so potent a caliber as a 10mm did this damage. If it WERE a 10mm, then it would be one of the wimpy commercial loads that are a bane on the 10mm existence. The best bet is that it was a lesser device, such as a 10 megaton detonation, that destroyed the silo. With the collapse of the old Soviet Union, you can now find such gizmos at Wal-Mart, if you know the secret handshake.

P.S.: Air Force contractor, my tush! It was a looter looking for copper to sell at a metalyard to finance his next high that found the mess!
Not a direct hit. It landed just under a 1/2 mile away.

Wait, you're right, there's just no way it could have been the Mighty 10mm. :supergrin:


(Psssst: I told the media guy I was an Air Force contractor...)

samurairabbi
08-31-2012, 18:43
(Psssst: I told the media guy I was an Air Force contractor...)

Listen up, numnutz! Get your cover story consistent, and keep it that way! You foul it up, you make life difficult for ALL of us!

dhoomonyou
08-31-2012, 18:50
Oswald was the lone gunman.

Rick C
08-31-2012, 19:00
Marina made Lee a lonely gunman. The “lone gunman” theory was disproved in the “Dear MstAbby” column from 1964. I thought everyone knew that. Sheeesh.

tous
08-31-2012, 19:19
Some people eat all of their French fries before their burgers.

Rick C
08-31-2012, 19:53
Despite repeated attempts, “burgers and fries” was universally rejected by the Overlords and their consorts as a reasonable topic of discussion. Although viewed as a ”food of last resort” by the committee, the fry dipping sauce conundrum brought about an argument amongst the members that resulted in the drawing of pistols and sabers. Sadly, lives and limbs were lost. Damn the Sauce. Good men and women were lost over this worthless argument. Just dip as you please.

Back to your regularly scheduled history lesson.

tous
08-31-2012, 20:02
There also raged a heated debate amongst the Overlords concerning the drawing of pistols and sabers. One influential group insisted that sabers first, then pistols. Another, more dissident crowd argued that pistols and sabers should be used in an interleaved fashion: slash, shoot, slash, shoot.

However, the older, wiser members noted that regardless of the sequence of arms, the sabers and pistols should be sorted by size, smallest weapon first and ascending in dimension to the largest weapon.

These senior counselors related their logic to one Arthur C. Clarke and stressed the importance of the policy, however, to the detriment of Earth and her denizens, the publishers cut it out of the subsequent book.

Rick C
08-31-2012, 20:40
Regarding sabers and pistols. Both can be drawn simultaneously and with vigor.
Sorting was brought about by government regulation and that’s why we have ketchup.

itisbruno
09-01-2012, 23:33
Mark Twain's great-granddaughter is Shania Twain.

M&P Shooter
09-01-2012, 23:36
Justin Bieber will play Superman in the next Superman movie

tous
09-02-2012, 02:57
Justin Bieber will play Superman in the next Superman movie

itisbruno will play Lois Lane.

bigscottius
09-02-2012, 03:45
Early German research into the occult resulted in Adolf Hitler being possessed by a demon.

Years later, on April 30, 1945, Adolf Hitler regained control of his body and decided to end the reign of his possessor with a prototype gun taken from the Austrians.

Glock has since become the weapon of choice for demon hunters.

Peace Warrior
09-02-2012, 04:40
Listen up, numnutz! Get your cover story consistent, and keep it that way! You foul it up, you make life difficult for ALL of us!
Oh yeah, like their going to figure out I had an FOP and was radioing you the coordinates. No way!

BTW- Speaking of which, you know missed by about a half mile. :whistling:

Peace Warrior
09-02-2012, 04:54
Due to a microphone being left on, tom hanks, the director currently slated to oversee the new superman movie starring justin beiber, could be overheard denigrating one of the actors' bit parts in the film. The following is a transcript of what mr. hanks was caught saying.

"Who is this samamurirabbiT guy?!? I told him he has got the part! The contracts are signed! -unintelligible- It's his role guaranteed! Yet he keeps insisting that he's ready, willing, and available for any casting couch auditions I may desire. What's up with that?!?!?"

Peace Warrior
09-02-2012, 05:52
barry soetoro, the current dictator in chief of 'Merica, has today signed executive orders declaring war. The war powers act, or something very much like it, gives the POTUS exclusive authority to commit troops and resources for up to 90 days without intervention from Congress.

A white house press corp staff member, during a press release this morning, stated,

"The president has finally decided to declare a war on calibers, or was it a caliber war, ummm... I can't find my briefing notes just now. Well, one things for sure, this war will be settled once and for all!

Oh, and before anyone asks, no, this is not election year rhetoric or saber rattling from the white house. This is war!"

tous
09-02-2012, 18:52
Glock and Kimber Lady has dedicated herself to turning Idaho into a huge Bed, Bath and Beyond outlet store.

railfancwb
09-02-2012, 19:07
Mark Twain's great-granddaughter is Shania Twain.

Did Hal Holbrock know this?

tous
09-02-2012, 19:20
At one point in his life, Hal Holbrook faced a momentous decision: to become the next Earth human Green Lantern or a struggling actor.

Rick C
09-02-2012, 20:05
On this date an innocent wanderer from the land of Ox and Alex (Tsunami of Stupid) found herself in a strange and wonderful land. Although she had small hands, she did her best to get a grip. Some said too tightly, others not tight enough. Nonetheless, she disappeared into the vortex of want. If you look closely enough you can see her in the diamond dust.

Peace Warrior
09-03-2012, 07:02
On Labor Day in 1988, after mistakenly reloading casings with 9mm +p+ rounds, and then filling brass cases with ground venison, with both acts ending in tragic consequences and numerous lives being lost, Tous, a GT member hailing from Plain Old, Texas, vowed that for as long as he lived he would stamp out the ignorance of knowing the difference between a case, and casing.

Untold tens of thousands of lives have been saved since the advent of the internet. :thumbsup:

ShowMeState1977
09-08-2012, 01:06
People from Kansas, especially from Lawrence, Kansas, are fine upstanding citizens and have been since the 1850's. They get along especially well with their neighbors from Missouri. Their mascot, the Jayhawk, has long been revered as a symbol of integrity, justice, and moral soundness.

tous
09-08-2012, 04:36
People from Kansas, especially from Lawrence, Kansas, are fine upstanding citizens and have been since the 1850's. They get along especially well with their neighbors from Missouri. Their mascot, the Jayhawk, has long been revered as a symbol of integrity, justice, and moral soundness.

:supergrin:

tous
09-08-2012, 04:38
On Labor Day in 1988, after mistakenly reloading casings with 9mm +p+ rounds, and then filling brass cases with ground venison, with both acts ending in tragic consequences and numerous lives being lost, Tous, a GT member hailing from Plain Old, Texas, vowed that for as long as he lived he would stamp out the ignorance of knowing the difference between a case, and casing.

Untold tens of thousands of lives have been saved since the advent of the internet. :thumbsup:

If'n ya don't larn 'em, they'll stay ignorant forever. :miff:

<--- invented the Perfect Powder Measure disk for ground venison

tous
09-08-2012, 08:09
post-hostoric factoid:

In the year 5555
Your arms hangin' limp at your sides
Your legs got nothin' to do
Some machine's doin' that for you

It will be recorded that the machines are powered by Windows 37.

Apple was seized by the government in 2013 and declared a government asset because the hippie socialists ran out of other people's money. Note that Apple's net worth only lasted 13.5 days, but every man, woman and child in America now has an iPad and an iPhone 6.

Tux the penquin was declared an endangered species in 2015 and the last Linux computer was put in the middle of a federal ecology reserve and observed around the clock by Department of Agriculture bureaucrats that found themselves with nothing to do after the EPA managed to ruin the last farm in America.

itisbruno has other things hanging at his side. :whistling:

jakebrake
09-08-2012, 08:14
When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened"

that is a classic.

SouthpawG26
09-08-2012, 09:10
"Facts on the Internet are notoriously hard to verify"..

Sir Winston Churchill, April 1940.

tous
09-08-2012, 09:12
When the stock market crashed, Franklin D. Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the, you know, the princes of greed. He said, 'Look, here's what happened"

that is a classic.

They had publically-available television in 1928? :shocked:

Was Snookie on then?

:supergrin:

jakebrake
09-08-2012, 09:21
They had publically-available television in 1928? :shocked:

Was Snookie on then?

:supergrin:

for that one? you'd have to ask joe biden.

and, ask who was president at the time.

janice6
09-08-2012, 09:35
We are here to help.

tous
09-08-2012, 12:47
You from da gubmint?

tous
09-09-2012, 06:36
Through the ground-breaking work of Felix Gunderson and his dedicated team of tireless researchers, it has been conclusively proven that a rolling Lone_Wolfe gathers no moss.

This astonishing conclusion required over a decade of careful experimentation. It was delayed because Lone_Wolfe was occasionally reluctant to roll down a mossy hill. And then there was the whole, "I won't roll unless my dressing room has exactly 37 red M&Ms at all times."

There were also incidents where Lone_Wolfe insisted on being called lobo solitario and when asked to commence the experiment, growled, "No mas!"

For their work, Gunderson and his team were allowed to keep the M&Ms that weren't red.

Science is hard.

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 07:40
The residents of Misery, which is Native Floridian jargon for Missouri, who for times untold have had a tradition of doubting consequences or facts until actually seeing them for theirselves, make it seem like a contradiction, or oxymoron, that they would actually be the people that coined and then made famous the phrase, "Here, hold my beer and watch this."

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 07:42
... And then there was the whole, "I won't roll unless my dressing room has exactly 37 red M&Ms at all times." ...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 07:51
Rutherford Birchard Hayes, the 19th POTUS, lost his reelection bid when it was found out that he had his internet connection disconnected for nonpayment of 23 "adult premium channels."

Shortly after having his service disconnected, but before allegations concerning his cable viewing became public, President Hayes and his wife decided to have a Easter Egg roll on the white house lawn.

During the Easter Egg rolling event, the POTUS' wife, who was a fan of late Queen Marie Antoinette, was quoted as saying, "Let them eat red M&M's!"

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 07:56
In the tradition of what George Washington Carver accomplished with peanuts, Felix Gunderson, a researcher and winner of 3 PRO-AM B.A.S.S. fishing tournaments, has been able to synthesize 37 nutritional supplements from ordinary moss.

His most accomplished product, Moss Butter, a creamy spread used on bread with jams and jellies, never really sold too well in Arizona.