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Restless28
09-09-2012, 07:57
Alabama has 14 National Championships.

SouthpawG26
09-09-2012, 08:09
Reginald Fessenden is credited with the first radio broadcast on Christmas Eve, 1906.

It is a sad historic fact however, that eight months earlier, Larry King had already put out his first radio broadcast, but unfortunately there were no radios around yet to receive that broadcast.

tous
09-09-2012, 08:14
Red M&Ms, beloved candy of countless generations of patriotic Americans, were banned from 1948 until 1962 after Colonel (later, General) Jack D. Ripper declared that, "... the Soviets have been using red M&Ms of United States' candy supplies as a means to pollute the precious bodily fluids of Americans."

It was during a speech by then-President John F. Kennedy where he exhorted his fellow Americans, “We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things. Not because they are easy, but because the moon is made of red M&Ms.”

The rest ... is history.

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 08:51
The reverse, or obverse, of the newest Alaskan State quarter to come from the mint contains the words, "Isn't 'lil ole Texas cute?"

tous
09-09-2012, 08:57
The country of Mexico once referred to Texas as cute.
History records that country's fate.

On a related note, the small country of Guatemala once attempted to convince the silly rabbit that Kix are for kids.
History records that country's fate.

Peace Warrior
09-09-2012, 09:04
Ronald Reagan, before launching his renowned political carer, became completely and irreversibly addicted to jelly beans. He mentioned it all started when someone began leaving them in a bowl in his movie star dressing rooms during the M&M ban between the years of 1948 and 1962.

Peace Warrior
09-10-2012, 10:17
Alabama head coach, Paul "Bear" Bryant, when asked how it felt to help win 6 of Alabama's 14 national championships proclaimed, "Well, honestly, I feel we fell kind of short in the grand scheme of things, heck, even though we have a 3-1 record for our Super Bowl appearances, our one Super Bowl loss to Auburn stings to this very day.

Peace Warrior
09-10-2012, 10:28
Felix Gunderson has to day been stripped of his three, PRO-AM B.A.S.S. Tournament fishing crowns after testing positive for banned substances. Additionally, Gunderson has been banned for life from competing in any further tournaments.

During yesterday's press conference, a U.S. Anti-Doping Agency spokesperson stated, "We just want everyone to have a fair shot during these tourneys. For years all participants knew that no one is allowed to have red M&M's on board while fishing. Mr. Gunderson was not only found with red M&M's on board his tournament vessel, but he had a total of 37 of them!

However, I must also add that what makes these violations so volatile is the fact that Mr. Gunderson also used performance enhancing drugs derived from moss extracts in an attempt to thwart the testing regime."

Peace Warrior
09-10-2012, 11:20
Unlike with beer or champagne, bubbles in soft drinks will only go up towards the surface after being poured in a glass. The bubbles in both beer and champagne seem to defy physics and go down in a glass and not up.

Clutch Cargo
09-10-2012, 20:09
Justin Bieber is the biggest rock star since Van Halen:tongueout:

Ummmm......Van Halen is a BAND. I know, as I first saw them open for Black Sabbath in 1978 at Miami Jai-Alai.

Clutch Cargo
09-10-2012, 20:11
There is NO gravity, the earth sucks.

M&P Shooter
09-10-2012, 20:34
2bb's just won the heavyweight MMA belt with a 9 second TKO:cool:

Clutch Cargo
09-11-2012, 00:01
2bb's just won the heavyweight MMA belt with a 9 second TKO:cool:

I think we have a winner!

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 02:28
When finally reached for comment, Felix Gunderson, speaking about his having been stripped of his three, PRO-AM B.A.S.S. Tournament fishing crowns and being banned for life from competing in any further B.A.S.S. fishing tournaments, stated, "Look, I've been clean my entire carer, I have been tested thousands of times and all those tests came back negative."

He added, "Now, as far as the red M&M's, well yes, I did have 37 red M&M's in my boat, but they were for someone else. She won't roll without them."

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 02:31
2bb's record breaking 9 second TKO of course came from his, more deadly than a 10mm, spinning back kick.

2bb nicknamed his spinning back kick "10mm" after becoming a member of several gun boards on the net.

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 02:47
While speaking with reporters at the white house, michelle soetoro, wife of 'Merica's current dictator in chief, when asked what she could do about the problem facing Americans today, stated, "I can mash potato and do the twist."

tous
09-11-2012, 03:03
In 2015, after the governing body the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency was accused of anti-M&M bias and blatant discrimination against anyone named Felix, Felix Gunderson's PRO-AM B.A.S.S. Tournament fishing crowns were rightldully restored to him.

When reached for comment, Gunderson shrugged and opined, "What can I say? They're French. Those people eat raw snails, for God's sake. How can you expect them to appreciate the delicate beauty and palate-pleasing quailities of a red M&M?"

When reached for comment, the country of France responded, "Qui est ce loup solitaire?"

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 03:17
In 2015, after the governing body the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency was accused of anti-M&M bias and blatant discrimination against anyone named Felix, Felix Gunderson's PRO-AM B.A.S.S. Tournament fishing crowns were rightldully restored to him.

When reached for comment, Gunderson shrugged and opined, "What can I say? They're French. Those people eat raw snails, for God's sake. How can you expect them to appreciate the delicate beauty and palate-pleasing quailities of a red M&M?"

When reached for comment, the country of France responded, "Qui est ce loup solitaire? En plus, apres avoir est rappele ce que nous Français mangent sur une base quotidienne, nous avons decide aussi de pardonner Gunderson de la mousse."
fixed it for ya! I think... my French today is as good as my Chinese ever was... :whistling :

tous
09-11-2012, 03:44
Okay, I have it all except, ... pardonner Gunderson de la mousse? :headscratch:

Felix Gunderson - American hero. :patriot:

:supergrin:

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 04:52
When it comes to ammunition, or bullets if you will, care must be taken when storing.

One should always store bullets either lead up, or lead down, but NEVER under any circumstances should one store ammunition on its side.

Two terrible things may result.

One, the bullets stored on their sides will place too much pressure on one side of the barrel and cause the bullet to miss on the opposite barrel side of the target. (Please see illustration below.)

If you have ammo stored on its side now, a quick fix for aiming is to use what's called, "Kentucky Windage." NOTE: This is not legal in all States, so before utilizing such a drastic measure as Kentucky Windage, you must be a permanent resident in the State where it is legal to be used. (Although probably not necessary to mention, I'll add that native residents of Kentucky are wholly exempt from any and ALL federal statutes concerning this stratagem. Please see US Federal Court vs. D. Boone, 1815 A.D..)

OTOH, a common loop hole most shooters use and you may want to try, if you're not a resident in a State where using the infamous Kentucky Windage is legal, is to simply move the rear sight on your firearm to compensate for the pressure differences during the round's travel inside the barrel. Just be sure to move the rear sight towards the same side as the powder has collected inside the bullet.)

Two, too much surface area of the powered will receive detonation from the primer all at once and the entire gun will blow to pieces along with your hand. NOTE: If this happens, it won't matter what side the rear sight is moved to as the round will probably not make it to the target.

To safely store ammunition, one must first understand that the powder in all bullets is specifically measured and placed in the case in such a way as to allow the proper burning of it by always starting this burn from the rear, or back, of the bullet.


http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x262/PhotoKeith/sidestoredbullets.jpg

Glockdude1
09-11-2012, 06:11
When it comes to ammunition, or bullets if you will, care must be taken when storing.

One should always store bullets either lead up, or lead down, but NEVER under any circumstances should one store ammunition on its side.

Two terrible things may result.

One, the bullets stored on their sides will place too much pressure on one side of the barrel and cause the bullet to miss on the opposite barrel side of the target. (Please see illustration below.)

If you have ammo stored on its side now, a quick fix for aiming is to use what's called, "Kentucky Windage." NOTE: This is not legal in all States, so before utilizing such a drastic measure as Kentucky Windage, you must be a permanent resident in the State where it is legal to be used. (Although probably not necessary to mention, I'll add that native residents of Kentucky are wholly exempt from any and ALL federal statutes concerning this stratagem. Please see US Federal Court vs. D. Boone, 1815 A.D..)

OTOH, a common loop hole most shooters use and you may want to try, if you're not a resident in a State where using the infamous Kentucky Windage is legal, is to simply move the rear sight on your firearm to compensate for the pressure differences during the round's travel inside the barrel. Just be sure to move the rear sight towards the same side as the powder has collected inside the bullet.)

Two, too much surface area of the powered will receive detonation from the primer all at once and the entire gun will blow to pieces along with your hand. NOTE: If this happens, it won't matter what side the rear sight is moved to as the round will probably not make it to the target.

To safely store ammunition, one must first understand that the powder in all bullets is specifically measured and placed in the case in such a way as to allow the proper burning of it by always starting this burn from the rear, or back, of the bullet.


http://i180.photobucket.com/albums/x262/PhotoKeith/sidestoredbullets.jpg

:rofl:

Never Nervous
09-11-2012, 06:52
The toilet seat was invented in1500. It wasn't until the 1800's that someone decided to cut a hole in it.

NN

Outdoor Hub mobile, the outdoor information engine

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 08:49
Felix Gunderson, a falsely maligned American Patriot and lover of M&Ms, was today finally honored for his tireless work in actually penning the first ever lyrics to the most well known bugle arrangement of all time. Mr. Gunderson today received a presidential citation for his decade long work with Reveille.

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 08:51
Okay, I have it all except, ... pardonner Gunderson de la mousse? :headscratch:

Felix Gunderson - American hero. :patriot:

:supergrin:
forgiving Felix for his work with moss???

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 09:15
ozzy ozborne, the ever so modest front man for the band, black-sabbath, said today that had it not been for b-s' opening acts, such as stars like van halen, or van hagar, and bands like Abba or The Bee Gees to mention a couple, ozzy stated unequivocally that black sabbath would not have realized the billion upon billions of records sales it did around the world.

JimmyN
09-11-2012, 10:53
Poland suffered the worst air disaster in it's history early this morning, when a small 2 seat Cessna aircraft crashed into a cemetery just outside Warsaw. 184 bodies have already been recovered, and that number is expected to increase as digging continues into the afternoon.

Peace Warrior
09-11-2012, 11:44
The world's last known, manbearpig, died in captivity today after being attacked by the vicious, cowcalfllama. The caretaker mistakenly allowed the cowcalfllama too close to the manbearpig. Although no one suspected this predatory behavior towards manbearpigs, most folks realize that cowcalfllamas are pretty benign and benevolent when it comes to being in close proximity to people and especially children.

A zoo spokesman said while too early to state what exactly happened, the zoo had already begun retraining maintenance workers on the importance of correctly hanging signs above the animals' stalls and cages.

tous
09-11-2012, 16:39
forgiving Felix for his work with moss???

Ah! Bien sûr! :wavey:

All hail the Gunderson! :elephant:

tous
09-17-2012, 06:07
On February 29th, 2015, the people paying for the retirement of everyone else officially ran out of money.

Retired folk demand that the gubmint print more money, pay the workers so the workers can pay them.

SC Tiger
09-17-2012, 06:54
The world's last known, manbearpig, died in captivity today after being attacked by the vicious, cowcalfllama. The caretaker mistakenly allowed the cowcalfllama too close to the manbearpig. Although no one suspected this predatory behavior towards manbearpigs, most folks realize that cowcalfllamas are pretty benign and benevolent when it comes to being in close proximity to people and especially children.

A zoo spokesman said while too early to state what exactly happened, the zoo had already begun retraining maintenance workers on the importance of correctly hanging signs above the animals' stalls and cages.

The Cowcalfllama was later eaten by another creature, the Crocadatscund. The result of years of experiments in plastic surgery, the Crocadatscund - named Sammy - is most famous for defeating the vicious hybrid Siberian Wolf in the first International Dogfighting Championships, held in Moscow. Championship dog fighter and veteran of both the NFL and US Penal system Michael Vick said "That dog (the Crocadatscund) was vicious. I don't know where they found that thing or what they did to it but, after seeing it fight I got out of dogfighting completely. I just couldn't put one of my beloved dogs in the pit with that, knowing they had no chance of winning or even surviving the fight."

The Crocadatscund is not expected to be punished. As one of it's trainers (no one is sure of it's gender as everyone is afraid to check) that's just "Sammy being Sammy."

SouthpawG26
09-17-2012, 11:30
(Excerpt from Wikipedia)

"Richard swinging contests",

initially rather harmlessly shortened to "Dick swinging contests",

were all the rage in the south in the 20's. It all started in the summer of 1919 in New Orleans as Richard Douglas (10, at the time) and his friend Richard Smith (8, at the time), made a match out of who could propel himself the highest on the old wooden swing on the front lawn.

This little match, watched on by neighbors, quickly caught on and became a rage throughout the suburbs, quickly spreading throughout the entire south in the early 20s, for a brief moment displacing cow tipping as the pastime of choice.

With its huge popularity, Dick swinging contests were soon regulated under the now defunct SDSCA, the Southern Dick Swinging Contests Association.

By 1924, the entire sport of Dick swinging sadly fell into disrepute with accusation of widespread steroid abuse, resulting in a Congressional Hearing in August of the same year and the disbanding of the SDSCA, and all it's activities, by November of 1924.

To add insult to injury, the term "dick swinging" later became associated with the practice of males measuring their genitals as a way of asserting their manliness.

The term's negative connotation was only further cemented with an on-stage phenomenon termed "The Helicopter" as popularized by the punk/rock band The Red Hot Chilly Peppers in the mid 80s (graphic reference, discription and photograph removed by Wikipedia).

On his deathbed in September of 2009, Richard Douglas was reportedly overheard to say, "if only we weren't both called Richard, this crap would have never turned out the way it did..."

Peace Warrior
09-17-2012, 19:07
The owner of the only undefeated animal in world dog fighting history, Crocadatscund, said services for his beloved champion will be closed to immediate family members, trainers, and those betting whales, orcas, and dolphins that came to be known as Crocadatscund's Memphis Mafia.

Investigators into this tragedy advises that no one may ever know how a diamondmouthed, cottonbacked rattlemoccasin snake gained entrance into Crocadatscund's sleeping area, but the bite from this deadly serpent was too much for him and he quickly succumb to the poison's effect.

Peace Warrior
09-30-2012, 22:34
Another Thesaurus fossil has been found in Pensacola, Florida.

Mr. Darrel Roget Johnson, the leader of the recovery expedition, advises that the remains of the fossil, a Thesauria according to experts at the dig site, will take at least 15 years to recover. :wavey:

They could actually get it out in two weeks, but since it is a government project, they have decided it will take over a decade to free the discovered bones.

Lone_Wolfe
10-01-2012, 00:45
Through the ground-breaking work of Felix Gunderson and his dedicated team of tireless researchers, it has been conclusively proven that a rolling Lone_Wolfe gathers no moss.

This astonishing conclusion required over a decade of careful experimentation. It was delayed because Lone_Wolfe was occasionally reluctant to roll down a mossy hill. And then there was the whole, "I won't roll unless my dressing room has exactly 37 red M&Ms at all times."

There were also incidents where Lone_Wolfe insisted on being called lobo solitario and when asked to commence the experiment, growled, "No mas!"

For their work, Gunderson and his team were allowed to keep the M&Ms that weren't red.

Science is hard.

Only 37 M&M's??? The hell with that!

tous
10-01-2012, 04:50
Don't be greedy.

:wavey:

Lone_Wolfe
10-01-2012, 14:26
Don't be greedy.

:wavey:

:poke:

:wavey:

UtahIrishman
10-01-2012, 19:30
A recent study shows a direct link between squeezin the Charmin and Rutabega tea.

77 Accountants were given Rutabega tea 27 times a day over the course of 3.8 months. The accountants were then asked to work their hands with hand grips to check for grip strength.

The accountants quickly destroyed the hand grips with excessive hand-wringing. In an attempt to calm down the remaining 66 subjects each was given a roll of Charmin to squeeze 44 to 68 times per day.

While no direct correlation was seen, there was casual observation that the accountants squeezed the neck of their captors...err technicians 17 less times a day.

Further observation indicated that the mortality rate of the technicians was reduced by half after squeezin the Charmin ensued. (However results are inconclusive because the size of the technician sample was reduced by 87%)

Further studies are needed and a new grant proposal is being written by the remainders of the team.

Peace Warrior
10-02-2012, 01:34
The state department announced that Rupert T. Beckendish III, a horologist, outspoken nudist, and former streaker from the 70's, has left America today for the country of Iran.

Mr. Beckendish advised the state department, when applying for a visa, that he is accepting Iran's invitation in order to assist them with their atomic clock program; however, recent revelations of the growing popularity of people streaking in Iran is thought to be the real reason for Mr. Beckendish's travel to the country.

A TSA staff member, who spoke on condition of anonymity, advised that while going through Mr. Beckendish's luggage at the airport, he found but one suit along with two, latex Richard Nixon masks and 12 pairs of tennis shoes. Notably, 6 pair of the tennis shoes were sized 13EEE, which just happens to be the exact size of mahmoud ahmadinejad's feet.

When reached for comment, mahmoud ahmadinejad, instead of commenting, simply kept smiling as the reporter had forgotten to bring along a translator.

Never Nervous
10-04-2012, 16:26
In an effort to solve all of the concerns about the Generation 4 Glocks, Gaston Glock assigned several employees to research the problem. They proceeded by taking a NIB Glock and stuck it in the mud by a pond for a week. When the gun was retrieved it fired without any flaws.

They then took the gun and tied it to the rear bumper of a truck and drove for 20 miles. At the end of the trip, they racked the slide and the gun fired flawlessly.

The next step was to take the gun onto a helicopter and dropped it from a thousand feet. Once again, the gun fired without fault.

Finally out of frustration, they field stripped the gun and replaced all of the OEM parts with aftermarket parts. The results were FTF, FTE, FTRB, and the dreaded "Brass to the head." After a piece of brass fell behind a testers glasses and burned his cheek, he was last seen heading for the furnace mumbling something about a pig nose.

In an effort to satisfy disgruntled customers, Glock will began importing the G25, G28 and a 13 round G36 starting January, 2013. This information can be seen on Glocks newly updated web site.

NN

Peace Warrior
10-05-2012, 22:26
delete

Rick C
10-06-2012, 17:14
The Big Bang Theory and the Infield Fly Rule are one in the same.

tous
10-06-2012, 18:03
The disputed play in the Cardinals ( :cheerleader: ) and Braves ( :upeyes: ) was not as it appeared to the fans, the TV audience or the witless announcers.

When Simmons popped the ball up toward short and as Kozma and Holliday were closing in, a man in the year 2145, who was an antique firearm collector, fired his vintage Glock 20 at a dinosaur. At that exact instant, in 1951, Bobby Thompson smacked a Ralph Branca fastball deep into left field.

What folk in both ball games could not know is that the Bobby Thompson homerun ball was sucked into a space-time rupture caused by the Glock 20 fired in 2145 and the Simmons popup fell into a small singularity caused by the same shot heard around the space-time continuum.

Both Cardinal players momentarily lost sight of the vanished ball when gravity increased to 10e6 times normal. They reacted when the Bobby Thompson homerun ball appeared over their heads, but alas, to late to catch it. That is why the Thompson homerun ball has never been seen since that moment in 1951. It's in 2012.

The Simmons popup will appear in the final game of any World Series that the Chicago Cubs win - or never, whichever comes first.

The dinosaur escaped without injury.

Lone_Wolfe
10-06-2012, 23:30
The Big Bang Theory and the Infield Fly Rule are one in the same.

They both had the same end result. :steamed:

Peace Warrior
10-06-2012, 23:34
The disputed play in the Cardinals ( :cheerleader: ) and Braves ( :upeyes: ) was not as it appeared to the fans, the TV audience or the witless announcers.

When Simmons popped the ball up toward short and as Kozma and Holliday were closing in, a man in the year 2145, who was an antique firearm collector, fired his vintage Glock 20 at a dinosaur. At that exact instant, in 1951, Bobby Thompson smacked a Ralph Branca fastball deep into left field. ...
OMG! Hippies are dying! :rofl: :rofl :rofl: :rofl :rofl: :rofl:

Peace Warrior
10-06-2012, 23:36
The disputed play in the Cardinals ( :cheerleader: ) and Braves ( :upeyes: ) was not as it appeared to the fans, the TV audience or the witless announcers.

When Simmons popped the ball up toward short and as Kozma and Holliday were closing in, a man in the year 2145, who was an antique firearm collector, fired his vintage Glock 20 at a dinosaur. At that exact instant, in 1951, Bobby Thompson smacked a Ralph Branca fastball deep into left field.

What folk in both ball games could not know is that the Bobby Thompson homerun ball was sucked into a space-time rupture caused by the Glock 20 fired in 2145 and the Simmons popup fell into a small singularity caused by the same shot heard around the space-time continuum.

Both Cardinal players momentarily lost sight of the vanished ball when gravity increased to 10e6 times normal. They reacted when the Bobby Thompson homerun ball appeared over their heads, but alas, to late to catch it. That is why the Thompson homerun ball has never been seen since that moment in 1951. It's in 2012.

The Simmons popup will appear in the final game of any World Series that the Chicago Cubs win - or never, whichever comes first.

The dinosaur escaped without injury.
Whew....

Thanks for the laff Tous! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

samurairabbi
10-07-2012, 10:31
The disputed play in the Cardinals ( :cheerleader: ) and Braves ( :upeyes: ) was not as it appeared to the fans, the TV audience or the witless announcers.

When Simmons popped the ball up toward short and as Kozma and Holliday were closing in, a man in the year 2145, who was an antique firearm collector, fired his vintage Glock 20 at a dinosaur.

The dinosaur escaped without injury.
The enraged dinosaur, sobered by his close brush with 10mm death, undertook the assassination of Gaston Glock. Due to financial restrictions, he could not afford decent people for the attempt. The subsequent attempt to kill Gaston by hammer strikes on a parking garage was a total fiasco.

tous
10-07-2012, 10:43
The enraged dinosaur, sobered by his close brush with 10mm death, undertook the assassination of Gaston Glock. Due to financial restrictions, he could not afford decent people for the attempt. The subsequent attempt to kill Gaston by hammer strikes on a parking garage was a total fiasco.

However, the incident frightened the usually sober, unflappable Glock. Dodging hammer blows and fetid dinosaur breath, he promised the annoyed reptile that he would never manufacture a single stack pistol or a carbine.

The dinosaur agreed and subsequently, was cast as an extra in Jurrasic Park I through XXIV. The dinosaur lives a comfortable life in West Hollywood and has yet to marry Jennifer Aniston. It just seem as thoygh everyone else in California has.

M&P Shooter
10-07-2012, 11:21
Obama has been crowned king of America and the constitution was burned on the white house lawn as Michelle laughed and said "Now I am for real proud of America"

fallenangelhim
10-07-2012, 11:32
Obama was the first black president. Truth is Abe Lincoln was first black president and that was why he was shot.

Also, JFK has a hidden sex tape with Marilyn Monroe lodged in the White House.

Sent from my Android

samurairabbi
10-09-2012, 15:07
However, the incident frightened the usually sober, unflappable Glock. Dodging hammer blows and fetid dinosaur breath, he promised the annoyed reptile that he would never manufacture a single stack pistol or a carbine.

The dinosaur agreed and subsequently, was cast as an extra in Jurrasic Park I through XXIV. The dinosaur lives a comfortable life in West Hollywood and has yet to marry Jennifer Aniston. It just seem as thoygh everyone else in California has.

There's a little known footnote to the Gaston/dinosaur rapprochement. The dinosaur's movie career is actually a cover story. The Dino gets a kickback of 35 cents on every American civilian Glock sale, payable weekly into his Cayman Island account. It adds up to significant moolah over the years.

dango
10-09-2012, 16:15
LBJ-All tne way.............! 2012.....!

tous
10-09-2012, 19:42
There's a little known footnote to the Gaston/dinosaur rapprochement. The dinosaur's movie career is actually a cover story. The Dino gets a kickback of 35 cents on every American civilian Glock sale, payable weekly into his Cayman Island account. It adds up to significant moolah over the years.

Dinosaurs don't have pockets, thus, they have no use for money and even if they did, they have no place to carry it.

So, there!

:tongueout:

tous
10-09-2012, 19:44
LBJ-All tne way.............! 2012.....!

I suppose of dead hippie socialists can vote in Chicago, dead socialist ex-Presidents can run for the office. :upeyes:

If his name was Pedro Johnson, he'd be able to vote for himself 26 times.

samurairabbi
10-09-2012, 19:57
Dinosaurs don't have pockets, thus, they have no use for money and even if they did, they have no place to carry it.

So, there!

:tongueout:

Your observation, while accurate, is not applicable to this point of contention. Dinosaurs also lacked opposable thumbs, yet still managed to rule the earth for hundreds of millions of years. Perhaps this particular dinosaur simply chose to outsource his currency manipulations to a trustworthy kangaroo.

tous
10-09-2012, 20:14
Your observation, while accurate, is not applicable to this point of contention. Dinosaurs also lacked opposable thumbs, yet still managed to rule the earth for hundreds of millions of years. Perhaps this particular dinosaur simply chose to outsource his currency manipulations to a trustworthy kangaroo.

I must concur.
You have me, sir. :patriot:

Except ........
Where does one locate a trustworthy kangaroo?
They are a nefarious breed, well-know for swiping everybody's stuff. One would as soon trust their money and valuables to the gub'mint as a larcenous Macropus rufus.

UtahIrishman
10-09-2012, 21:06
I must concur.
You have me, sir. :patriot:

Except ........
Where does one locate a trustworthy kangaroo?
They are a nefarious breed, well-know for swiping everybody's stuff. One would as soon trust their money and valuables to the gub'mint as a larcenous Macropus rufus.

Last I heard they were hiding in the 33rd Dimension...

dango
10-09-2012, 22:04
Tous , I've never seen so many words from you , Thee man of not so many words ?

And,.......if his name were Pedro.......make that 36 times .
And to whom-ever , Concur , I gave that up years ago ,
don't know how to spell agree , auhgrea , agreegh , whatever , do you ...?

Further more , your hypothesis of this PBJ vs LBJ is only speculation......! LBJ didint need to vote at all , got to like that perspective.......!

tous
10-09-2012, 22:20
Last I heard they were hiding in the 33rd Dimension...

That 'splains why Samuai rabbit is pimpin' them thievin' marsupials in our innocent dimension. :miff:

Off with their tails, I say!

samurairabbi
10-09-2012, 23:18
I must concur.
You have me, sir. :patriot:

Except ........
Where does one locate a trustworthy kangaroo?
They are a nefarious breed, well-know for swiping everybody's stuff. One would as soon trust their money and valuables to the gub'mint as a larcenous Macropus rufus.

You underestimate the resources of those who regularly participate in this thread. ALL kangaroos worship Crocodile Dundee; his action convincing the blowhard city boys that a kangaroo was shooting out their spotlights will live forever in the pantheon of kangaroo legend, even leadimg them to something as unbelievable as being honest in financial transactions.

Crocodile Dundee is a member of our staff. We have the situation covered.

Peace Warrior
10-10-2012, 08:52
LBJ-All tne way.............! 2012.....!
lbj, otherwise jokingly known around Texas elections circles as "Landslide lyndon," and not so well publicly known as "Lying lyndon" behind the doors of the Texas State legislature, has a substantial crowd of people gathered at his graveside.

Known by locals as those "&*%#$@!& dope smoking apple beggars," the crowd formed at lbj's graveside are telling local reporters they were recently "gathered" in and around the Mt. Saint Helen's volcano area, but do the mj shortage near the mountain, they decided to leave, but with no where to go, they were all arrested for hanging out at an interstate rest area in Arizona. After being released in Arizona, and after begging some apples from a tourist that were wrapped in Texas newspaper clippings, one of the group read about rumblings coming from the lbj grave site, and they all decided to come to the cemetery, hang around, and see what all the commotion is about.

When asked why they were holding vigil, the spokesperson for the group, one Miss Dawn Fawn Megillicutti-Prescott-Johnson-Roget, stated in part, "Well, obviously there is plenty of mj around here, and hey, that's always a groovy thing right? Matter of fact, there is so much mj that we ran out of money buying apples to make those neat apple pipe, joint hitter bongs. Second, around here, people are really gracious about giving us apples we need when we ask for them. Third, wait, what was I talking about? Why was I saying third? Hey, you're kind of cute, you wanna take a bath with me and one of my friends?"

..

Peace Warrior
10-10-2012, 09:01
Marinated Marsupial Tails, served with a side of al dente cooked grits, will be tonight's featured item on Iron Chefs of the 33rd Dimension.

The chefs will have only a head of lettuce, a loaf of bread, and bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce as added ingredients.

Peace Warrior
10-11-2012, 02:02
Glock and Kimber Lady, a GT'er and the only CEO in America's history that was able to successfully turn the entire State of Idaho into the country's largest Bed, Bath, and Beyond store, has today announced the possibility of layoffs if barry soetoro is reelected in the upcoming election.

When reached for comment, the current POTUS advised, "She didn't build that Bed bath and Beyond outlet! Matter of fact, somebody else built Idaho too!" The first lady, Mrs. Soetoro added, "I am for real real proud of my husband today!"

spikedzombies
10-11-2012, 02:42
Today the United States has announced that Apple has purchased the entire state of California for the estimated amount of what is about 1 iphone 8 per United States Citizen. This announcement follows last year's announcement of Microsoft purchasing Washington State.





"Sent via a teleportation device"

mike g35
10-11-2012, 03:15
Today the United States has announced that Apple has purchased the entire state of California for the estimated amount of what is about 1 iphone 8 per United States Citizen. This announcement follows last year's announcement of Microsoft purchasing Washington State.

The state will be ran by the worlds first cyborg.....Steve Jobs. As we listen to the iTunes blaring out of his metallic butt and swipe his eyes from color to color Mr. Jobs has garaunteed a iPhone in every home and an iPad for every student.....at normal cost of course.



"Sent via a teleportation device"




Outdoor Hub mobile, the outdoor information engine

tous
10-11-2012, 05:12
:supergrin:

samurairabbi
10-17-2012, 22:22
Marinated Marsupial Tails, served with a side of al dente cooked grits, will be tonight's featured item on Iron Chefs of the 33rd Dimension.

The chefs will have only a head of lettuce, a loaf of bread, and bottle of Louisiana Hot Sauce as added ingredients.
Perimeter security for the dinner will be provided by the Crack Suicide Squad Of The Judean People's Front. We are trying to avoid a reprise of the incident of the Crocodile Dundee-trained kangaroos shooting out the lighting.

Peace Warrior
10-19-2012, 00:24
Perimeter security for the dinner will be provided by the Crack Suicide Squad Of The Judean People's Front. We are trying to avoid a reprise of the incident of the Crocodile Dundee-trained kangaroos shooting out the lighting.
Even though it categorically answered once and for all the important question of how many terrorist kangaroos it takes to screw in a light bulb during a formal dinner, the terrifying incident, back in the 00's (i.e., 2000's), of kangaroos recklessly shooting their AK-47s will not be repeated.

tous
10-19-2012, 04:01
Ah, yee gullible, yee. :upeyes:

Crocodile Dundee-trained kangaroos were not responsible for the shooting out the lighting incident. Those were ninja wombats, a team of specially-trained Diprotodontia from the 33rd dimension. Though wombats and kangaroos are indeed both marsupials and yes, the ninja wombats are masters of disguise, those alert and attentive during formal dinners that have the lighting shot out will immediately know that kangaroos are not responsible.

okie has been retained by the Crocodile Dundee-trained kangaroos as legal counsel.

Beware the ninja wombats, for they seek to deceive!

Blast
10-19-2012, 04:17
Little known fact... we had dinos at D-day.

There were several special units. It was all hush-hush stuff.




Only surviving clip of Sgt. T-Rex coming ashore.
https://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/12/9/4/goYr-WLldkemo6yqT19TqQ2.gif

tous
10-19-2012, 04:30
That, sir, is a 33rd dimension ninja wombat cleverly disguised as a dinosaur.
Samurai Rabbit knows the truth because he dispatched said ninja wombats to that period of time. Rumor has it he did it to win a bet with Ming The Merciless.

:wavey:

Peace Warrior
10-20-2012, 08:41
Ming the Merciless had a voracious sweet tooth. His homemade recipe for midnight snack are today more commonly known as M & M's. The red ones are especially sought after by those with impeccable taste buds.

sheriff733
10-20-2012, 09:26
Hmm... Let me see... I got it!

"This thread has been cool since day one."

:whistling:

samurairabbi
10-20-2012, 10:01
Ming the Merciless had a voracious sweet tooth. His homemade recipe for midnight snack are today more commonly known as M & M's. The red ones are especially sought after by those with impeccable taste buds.

A little known bit of trivia: he was Ming The Wimp for the early part of his reign. He then acquired a 10mm Glock, and his subjects gave him the better known title.

UtahIrishman
10-20-2012, 12:28
It was announced today that the apparent rumblings around the grave of lbj were actually underground vibrations from the lost grave of Allan Quartermain in Africa.

When the head witch doctor in Africa who oversaw Quartermain's funeral was asked to comment he only shrugged and mumbled something about Kangaroos and dimensional shifts.

dino1
10-20-2012, 13:56
Judas Priest cassettes were mixed in the studio to sound their best in a car with t-tops and a 14 year old boy in the passenger seat.

Peace Warrior
10-20-2012, 14:09
A little known bit of trivia: he was Ming The Wimp for the early part of his reign. He then acquired a 10mm Glock, and his subjects gave him the better known title.
An even lesser well known bit of trivia: Ming the Wimp was G. Glock's red headed step nephew and he created The Mighty 10mm to help the boy along with getting some dates during Sat night square dancing around the fire.

SpectreRider
10-20-2012, 14:22
In 2004, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney introduced a bill to outlaw assault weapons, personally cast all of the votes to move the bill through comittee and then cast all of the votes in both the Mass. House and Senate to send the bill to his desk where he signed it eight times, forward, backwards, right side up, up side down, front side and back.

Afterward, he moved throughout the state conducting no knock searches of homes, personally removing thousands of weapons and saving tens of thousands of lives.

Barack Obama, on the other hand, has done nothing as President to restrict gun rights.

tous
10-20-2012, 18:12
After B-rock was re-elected in 2012 and Eric Holder declared that presidential elections disenranchised minorties and outlawed them, B-rock served until 2022 as the leader of the free world.

Free is the operative word. Keeping his promise for social justice via redistribution of wealth, by 2015, 137% of the population derived their sole income from a goverment entitlement program. B-rock received the Nobel Prize for Economics in 2014 for determining that future generations were entitled to 'a fair shot' with other people's money.

Thus, by 2015, no one was producing income because no one had a job, money was being paid to welfare recipients yet unborn and even the Chinese finally threw their hands up in disgust, write off the 20 trillion owed them and stopped lending the United States money.

Little noted in the history of the time as written by Valerie Jarrett, Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana and Arkansas left the union and formed the Lone Star Republic, part deux. okie went from Mayor of Glock Talk to becoem the first President of the Republic and guided the new country through the formative years by serving 4 consecutive terms. The very successful Lone Star Republic annexed Northern Mexico in 2017 and became the sole location in North America were people actually work for a living, own guns, eat cows, drive pick up trucks and like it that way.

wjv
10-20-2012, 21:23
After the 2012 election, Ron Paul tried to stage a coup, but his follower misunderstood and showed up in a bunch of 1970s era coupe devilles instead. . . .

Several of them were quoted as saying: "We thought that this was going to be like that Occupy thing, except with Cadillacs instead of tents. . ."

tous
10-21-2012, 04:02
:supergrin:

Navin
10-22-2012, 14:49
Seriously folks, cutting down trees in the rain forests located near the Earth's equator results in faster planetary rotation - much the same way an ice skater spins faster when pulling their arms closer to their body. It's only a matter of time before Earth spins off its axis and we hurtle uncontrollably through space.
-Al Gore

wjv
10-22-2012, 15:46
Seriously folks, cutting down trees in the rain forests located near the Earth's equator results in faster planetary rotation - much the same way an ice skater spins faster when pulling their arms closer to their body. It's only a matter of time before Earth spins off its axis and we hurtle uncontrollably through space.
-Al Gore

The title if this thread is: MAKE UP a historical fact. . . . Not: Dumb things Al Gore actually said. . . :tongueout:

domin8ss
10-23-2012, 01:21
Seriously folks, cutting down trees in the rain forests located near the Earth's equator results in faster planetary rotation - much the same way an ice skater spins faster when pulling their arms closer to their body. It's only a matter of time before Earth spins off its axis and we hurtle uncontrollably through space.
-Al Gore

I find it interesting how a guy that claims to have researched climbing temperatures can't account for ”Global Cooling” in the 1970s. Not even the graphs he uses reflect that data. The answer back then? Sprinkle coal dust on the polar caps in order to attract more heat.

Btw, here's my made up historical fact. Years after Obama leaves the White House people have time to reflect on what type of president he was. Overwhelmingly, people decide he was the best president ever.

Glockdude1
10-23-2012, 05:30
January 21, 2013 President Romney took the oath of office, for the president of the United States.

:cool:

SC Tiger
10-23-2012, 06:57
I find it interesting how a guy that claims to have researched climbing temperatures can't account for ”Global Cooling” in the 1970s. Not even the graphs he uses reflect that data. The answer back then? Sprinkle coal dust on the polar caps in order to attract more heat.

Btw, here's my made up historical fact. Years after Obama leaves the White House people have time to reflect on what type of president he was. Overwhelmingly, people decide he was the best president ever.

Global cooling is the effect of three phenomena

1) Solar panels sucking up the sun's energy, leaving less for heat
2) Wind farms increasing wind, thereby cooling the earth off
3) The increased use of air conditioning.

Peace Warrior
10-24-2012, 06:25
Seriously folks, cutting down trees in the rain forests located near the Earth's equator results in faster planetary rotation - much the same way an ice skater spins faster when pulling their arms closer to their body. It's only a matter of time before Earth spins off its axis and we hurtle uncontrollably through space.
-Al Gore
:rofl:


"OH MY GOD! We're gonna lose the moon!!!" - Al "let's all give the Earth an aspirin" Gore

Peace Warrior
10-24-2012, 06:39
Hyperion, formerly known as the world record holder of being the world's tallest tree, has today been stripped of its title by the United States Anti-Doping Agency due to testing positive for Miracle Grow.

The 379.1 feet tall tree, which bested the previous world record record by over 8 feet, is now going to be cut down by those two infamous Canadian loggers, Hanz and Franz, and will never been seen again except as assorted pieces of lumber on wood decks or siding.

Thx-1138
10-24-2012, 12:33
Lincoln Shot First.

Thx-1138
10-24-2012, 12:37
Lee Harvey Oswald was innocent.

Sirhan Sirhan fired a single shot from a 10mm, which, after killing RFK, travelled backwards through time to kill JFK. The bullet approached the Grassy Knoll, which is on a straight line from The Ambassador Hotel in Los Angeles to Dealey Plaza in Dallas, TX.

Peace Warrior
11-05-2012, 02:12
At the close of its annual meeting last week, Spanky, the reigning president of the "He-Man Wimmens Hater's Club," officially announced that after a closed, members only ballot and voting process, the club has for the first time in its entire, 70 plus year history allowed a woman to become a club member.

Spanky went on to note that with two certain restrictions, this first ever woman member would be afforded all the privileges that were commonly afforded to the club's other male members. According to Spanky, there will be an adjustment period, and for the time being, the new member will not be given access to the club's outhouse right away due to girls having so many cooties, but will instead have to go to the drugstore around the corner and make use of those facilities. Spanky advised that the possibilities of building a new wimmens only outhouse will be explored after carefully reviewing the dues payments received in the upcoming year. He also stated that at the present time, the newest member would not be afforded any tree fort meeting privileges in her first year as a member. Spanky said that this may change in lieu of a members' only vote held at the next annual meeting.

In a related note, Darla Mae, formerly incarcerated for a serious felony domestic violence charge, was awarded a bail reduction by Judge Judy. Judge Judy advised that Dalra Mae had never before been arrested prior to this event and therefore she was shown a little leniency.

At her initial arraignment, Darla Mae was held over without bail after the judge found out that attending Emergency Room physicians were able to briefly revive her long term husband, Alfalfa, in order to give a statement to the police.

Previously, Alfalfa had been in an induced coma state due to the severe extent of his injuries. According to Darla Mae's attorney, Buckwheat, shortly after the close of the club's annual meeting, an argument ensued at the home of Alfalfa and Darla Mae after the latter had found out that she was not the one awarded the first female membership to the club.

According to Alfalfa's statement to police today, it is believed that immediately after Alfalfa advised Darla Mae that Condoleezza Rice had been elected the newest member of the Our Gang's club and not her, a violent altercation ensued with Alfalfa being admitted toi the hospital and Darla Mae going to jail.

Dr. Ding Ling Cho, now a world famous neurosurgeon, native of Sweden, and who by happenstance was just leaving a nearby Mayo Clinic located in Texas, was called in to help. After taking over care of the patient, Dr. Cho advised that during Alfalfa's initial treatment in the emergency room, it was a nerve racking, touch and go process that initially never had a better than a 50/50 chance for survival due to the extent of Alfalfa's head injuries and subsequent brainswelling.

However, Dr. Cho stated that once he observed that the tweety birds had stopped chirping and flying around Alfalfa's head, he felt his patient had a good chance for survival and revised the odds to be better than 80/20.

As his condition improves, Alfalfa is expected to be available to possibly make a formal statement later in the week.

UtahIrishman
11-05-2012, 19:36
Hangin Chad aka Florida geezer aka Chad Elliott was found not guilty by reason of insanity following an early trial on early voting fraud.

It was determined that a 10mm may have shifted time enough that the hanging chad didn't stand a chance in this early election.

More news yesterday on this later

ojabog
11-05-2012, 19:57
George W Bush was admitted into Yale University because of academic record.


Dick Cheaney is actually Mr Burns from the Simpsons

Peace Warrior
11-06-2012, 05:55
... Dick Cheaney is actually Mr Burns from the Simpsons
:laughabove: :supergrin:

Glockdude1
11-06-2012, 06:00
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/nj1015.com/files/2012/10/552570_330559737041755_117961235_n.jpg

:cool:

fallenangelhim
12-08-2012, 19:22
Obama was the first black US President.


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tous
12-08-2012, 19:30
Welcome back, oh glorious thread ye!

:snoopy:

UtahIrishman
12-08-2012, 19:59
The world will NOT end on Dec 21 as the Mayans predicted. Instead it will fold in on itself and re-emerge with the magnetic poles reversed.

A side effect of this strange phenomena all left-handed people will be right-handed and all right-handed people will become left-handed. Thus a left-hand dominated world will reign for better or worse.

It is also rumored that Democrats will become Republicans and Republican's will become Democrats. In spite of these mirror imaging rumors it has been pointed out that Libertarian's won't change one bit. Analysis has revealed the lack of the bi-polar gene in Libertarians that will lead to reversals everywhere else.

tous
12-09-2012, 00:55
Now that nine states have declared same-sex marriage to be legal, the next hurtle is gain equal protection for bi-polar genes.

Of course, Libertarians don't care as they have no proverbial dog in the hypothetical fight.

Which causes the largest mystery to come to our collective attention. In what verse of Proverbs is that dog? :headscratch:

I have, for the past few weeks, been pondering the title of a popular television program
(or, programme if'n yer English. ) The production is named Unsolved Mysteries and I cannot escape the fact that if the mystery is solved, it is no longer a mystery, thus, the title is either a tautology, redundant or just plain dumb. Or, maybe the title is so clever and subtle that not even my keen intellect can fathom its meaning.


<--- knows what 'proverb' means, joke won't work if we consider that :supergrin:

Peace Warrior
12-09-2012, 06:50
The democrats in the US Senate, who are soon to be republicans after the world folds in on itself and has its magnetic poles reversed, which causes the strange phenomena of also reversing all right handed to left handed, and all left handed to right handed, though not necessarily in that order, have drafted Senate bill #FU12212012, and are calling for an up or down vote before the Senate's closes for their Christmas Holiday break.

Although the bill has several "pork barrel" riders, primarily, Senate bill #FU12212012 calls for a change in terms when referring to all former right handed people. The bill, if it passes, will have all the newly left hand dominant individuals referred to as Wrong Handed, if they live in the contiguous 48 States, and anti-Right Handed, if they live in Alaska or Hawaii.

When advised of the bill, Libertarians released the following statement, "We don't really care as long as we can still call goofy-footed surfers goofy-footed."

Peace Warrior
12-09-2012, 06:53
...I have, for the past few weeks, been pondering the title of a popular television program
(or, programme if'n yer English. )

The production is named Unsolved Mysteries and I cannot escape the fact that if the mystery is solved, it is no longer a mystery, thus, the title is either a tautology, redundant or just plain dumb. Or, maybe the title is so clever and subtle that not even my keen intellect can fathom its meaning. ...
:rofl:

:notworthy:

Peace Warrior
12-09-2012, 07:12
Dear Abby Landers,


First let me say that we have never met. Let me add that I realize that you're simply someone that gets paid to write a column giving advice from the newspaper. I also realize you've never had any professional training, education as a counselor, or even any job experiences while working for an actual psychiatrist.

Please know that these are just three reasons I cannot believe I am writing to you for advice. Well, another reason would be there is no guarantee that you will choose to answer my letter at all.

You know what, instead I think I'll close this letter and go talk to my family, friends, and neighbors about the personal problem I am having at the present time.


I think you're wasted ink in my newspaper,

Signed,

Better off without you.
:whistling:

UtahIrishman
12-09-2012, 11:22
And in other news Uruguay's potent patent on bi-polar genes is being challenged by both Apple and Levi Strauss. Apple contends that it has patented bi-polar since the beginning of time and Levi's patent on genes in all forms is well known, including Gene Autry

Whether this is before or after the world folds in on itself was not mentioned

tous
12-09-2012, 14:22
And in other news Uruguay's potent patent on bi-polar genes is being challenged by both Apple and Levi Strauss. Apple contends that it has patented bi-polar since the beginning of time and Levi's patent on genes in all forms is well known, including Gene Autry

Whether this is before or after the world folds in on itself was not mentioned

The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers hold their annual conference and convention on Mars. Not only can they afford to go there, they bought the planet and still have money left over for a victim-of-mesothelioma, you-deserve-compenation commercial every second of the day, every day, on each and every television and radio channel in perpetuity.

These commercials will now be beamed toward the center of the Milky Way galaxy just in case there are asbestos victims there.

Even many light-years away, they deserve compensation.

nostalgiaguy
12-09-2012, 19:46
" Honey. This is the same pistol I have had for years now. No it is not new"

UtahIrishman
12-09-2012, 20:24
yesterday NASA's Mars Rover reported back no viable meaningful life has been found on the surface of Mars.

The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers objected to this finding but were booed down by large numbers of Deja-Thoris fans.

Speculation exists that when the Earth folds in on itself Barsoom will emerge victorious.

tous
12-10-2012, 02:58
Thuvia of Ptarth, shortly after being freed from slavery, visited Earth on several occasions. Unfotunately, she miscalculated her location and ended up at the annual convention of The International Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers, was so frightened of the evil creatures she discovered there that she reported back that Earth had no intelligent life and was infested by voracious creatures that gobbled up everything in their path.

Mars has declared Earth off limits to the sentient beings of the Galaxy.

Blast
12-10-2012, 04:35
Monsanto reveals results of new research.

Shig or peep?:dunno:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_bWHT2Q2gdiA/S9C-6ARYR0I/AAAAAAAAAeo/QFA97lEJ73o/s1600/sheepPIG.jpg

railfancwb
12-10-2012, 04:41
The University of Alabama, after defeating The University of Tennessee for the BCS National Championship, the defeated the Tennessee Titans in the Super Bowl.


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Peace Warrior
12-11-2012, 01:11
timothy franz geithner declared that green is blue, black is white, and orange is red. He added added that if anyone from the federal reserve ever states that all is well, then yes, you can trust that all is actually well. When asked about the so called "fiscal cliff," geithner stated, "I know there is a cliff, but where miles and miles away from the edge."

geithner declined comment when a reporter asked him if the rumor was true that a cobbler named Gepetto kept his nose looking normal.

samurairabbi
12-11-2012, 01:33
The University of Alabama, after defeating The University of Tennessee for the BCS National Championship, the defeated the Tennessee Titans in the Super Bowl. ]

A federal district court judge has declared the new four team BCS football playoff setup to be unconstitutional. He holds that it unfairly discriminates against the fifth place SEC team.

tous
12-11-2012, 17:16
A careful examination of records in the year 2017 prove that Samurai Rabbit, in addition to being a dungeon schmuck, is a first cousin to the famous and universally loved animated actor, Ricochet Rabbit.

Attendants of the dungeon have been confuzzled for years and have never been able to trace the faint, barely audible sounds of, "Ping, ping, ping!" oft heard by the staff. This new information may explain those creepy nocturnal noises.

Ricochet Rabbit, retired for many years from the stage and screen, could not be reached for comment.

Kingarthurhk
12-11-2012, 18:37
In 2016 the Obama Libarary was turned into a large public gas station restroom.

samurairabbi
12-11-2012, 20:24
A careful examination of records in the year 2017 prove that Samurai Rabbit, in addition to being a dungeon schmuck, is a first cousin to the famous and universally loved animated actor, Ricochet Rabbit.

Attendants of the dungeon have been confuzzled for years and have never been able to trace the faint, barely audible sounds of, "Ping, ping, ping!" oft heard by the staff. This new information may explain those creepy nocturnal noises.

Ricochet Rabbit, retired for many years from the stage and screen, could not be reached for comment.

Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.

UtahIrishman
12-11-2012, 20:36
When Carl Sagan looked through his Cosmic Lens and saw the horde of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers on Mars he quickly shifted his focus to the more peaceful past time of witnessing far off suns explode.

gjk5
12-11-2012, 21:06
On this day in 1888 Chester P. Rosentaint was named the International Crotchboxing Champion, it was his fifth time attaining the title. He was awarded the coveted Goldensack Cup which will take it's place of honor on the wall of his home training turf, the Notchapound Gym.

tous
12-12-2012, 07:11
Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.

Nay, good sir.

The Internatiomnal Association of Patent-suit and Mesothelioma Lawyers, Mars chapter, does not recognize self-proclaimed proper nouns unless and until a large fee is paid them.

You may labor under the delusion that dungeon schmuck is a proper noun and deserves the honor of capitalization, but the lawyers have not made money and until lawyers make money, nothing is real.

Note well that your cousin, Ricochet Rabbit, had the good sense to enrich lawyers and get his name deemed a proper noun. You would do well to heed his example.

As always, I remain your humble and obedient servant.

professorpinki
12-12-2012, 08:31
Herodotus wrote the screenplay for 300 after traveling through time to the present and entering into a love triangle with the Bushs.

samurairabbi
12-12-2012, 09:58
Herodotus wrote the screenplay for 300 after traveling through time to the present and entering into a love triangle with the Bushs.

Which Bushs?

JAS104
12-12-2012, 10:52
When Tantrix was finally spoiled for impersonating a police officer, he was in face working for the FBIs internal affairs looking for himself.

tous
12-12-2012, 13:46
When Tantrix was finally spoiled for impersonating a police officer, he was in face working for the FBIs internal affairs looking for himself.

Don't keep us in suspense.

Did tantrix arrest himself, Mirandize himself, cuff himself and stuff himself ino the back of a low-budget, FBI sedan? Did he accidentally push himself down the stairs?

Is there any iPhone video?

Peace Warrior
12-14-2012, 19:55
Permit me the temerity to quibble over a point of protocol.

Dungeon Schmuck can be considered a proper noun. It should therefore be capitalized.

Your attention to this matter would be appropriate.
While I 110% agree with your critique of the GT member Tous, I am inescapably fraught with the need to delineate to you that subsequent to the most obvious "obvious fact" about Frenchmen, and do please note my usage of a capital -f-, is the fact that they have less than a 50/50 shot as being correct when it comes to English grammar rules in the united States of America.

Your correction, of said Tous, is not so much based on temerity, my good Sir, but rather it is based on commonsense and good logic with regards to a Frenchman trying to correct ANYONE, I repeat, ANYONE, when it comes to the proper usage of English grammar rules.

ETA: For the record, I have no proverbial Dog in this fight. ;)

Peace Warrior
12-14-2012, 20:00
Don't keep us in suspense.

Did tantrix arrest himself, Mirandize himself, cuff himself and stuff himself ino the back of a low-budget, FBI sedan? Did he accidentally push himself down the stairs?

Is there any iPhone video?
He said he was in face. Hello...? Does this not explain the entire conundrum to you sufficiently? :whistling:

tous
12-14-2012, 20:25
While I 110% agree with your critique of the GT member Tous, I am inescapably fraught with the need to delineate to you that subsequent to the most obvious "obvious fact" about Frenchmen, and do please note my usage of a capital -f-, is the fact that they have less than a 50/50 shot as being correct when it comes to English grammar rules in the united States of America.

Your correction, of said Tous, is not so much based on temerity, my good Sir, but rather it is based on commonsense and good logic with regards to a Frenchman trying to correct ANYONE, I repeat, ANYONE, when it comes to the proper usage of English grammar rules.

ETA: For the record, I have no proverbial Dog in this fight. ;)

I feel that I must apologize to men of good will and women of good hips for your torturing of the facts and complete avoidance of the truth of this matter, good sir. One suspects that you are a better dancer than Fred Astaire to so adroitly (a french word) mambo you way around what is obvious to the least educated among us.

I anticipate your excuse will be to blame it on the Bossa Nova, with its magic spell as most succinctly described in the 1963 Eydie Gormé tune of the same name.

Rather than rebuke, I must pity you, sir. Your intellect appears to be a house of mirrors as you seem competely unaware of what is true and what is a macabre reflection of your own fevered imagination.

I remain, as always, you humble and obedient servant ...

PS. Perhaps it would bring you more seemingly ephemeral moments of lucidity if you simply blame the Samurai Rabbit, mount an escape goat and flee the realm of learned men.

:supergrin:

NB: I have copies of letters passed between Jefferson, Madison, Adams and others of the era. They managed to call each other every name in the book, but with the greatest courtesy and aplomb and always ended the letters with, 'Your humble and obedient servant,' or something similar. Those fellers knew the art of the insult. :supergrin:

Peace Warrior
12-14-2012, 20:39
I feel that I must apologize to men of good will and women of good hips for your torturing of the facts and complete avoidance of the truth of this matter, good sir. One suspects that you are a better dancer than Fred Astaire to so adroitly (a french word) mambo you way around what is obvious to the least educated among us.

I anticipate your excuse will be to blame it on the Bossa Nova, with its magic spell as most succinctly described in the 1963 Eydie Gormé tune of the same name.

Rather than rebuke, I must pity you, sir. Your intellect appears to be a house of mirrors as you seem competely unaware of what is true and what is a macabre reflection of your own fevered imagination.

I remain, as always, you humble and obedient servant ...

PS. Perhaps it would bring you more seemingly ephemeral moments of lucidity if you simply blame the Samurai Rabbit, mount an escape goat and flee the realm of learned men.

:supergrin:

NB: I have copies of letters passed between Jefferson, Madison, Adams and others of the era. They managed to call each other every name in the book, but with the greatest courtesy and aplomb and always ended the letters with, 'Your humble and obedient servant,' or something similar. Those fellers knew the art of the insult. :supergrin:
Dear Tous,

Anyone, and allow me to first repeat, and again emphasize, and then allow me to both again RE-repeat and reemphasize, that anyone, including yourself Sir, who would first properly use the word, -aplomb-, within an internet posting, and then so recklessly misspell such a common word as is -completely-, is someone whom I will not, I repeat Sir, I will not argue with over such an obviously inconsequential matter as is this subject of one's intellect.

:whistling: :supergrin: :tongueout:

Huaco Kid
12-14-2012, 20:42
Dear Tous,

Anyone, and allow me to first repeat, and again emphasize, and then allow me to both again repeat and reemphasize, that anyone, including yourself Sir, who would first properly use the word, -aplomb-, within an internet posting, and then so recklessly misspell such a common word as is -completely-, is someone whom I will not, I repeat Sir, I will not argue with over such an obviously inconsequential matter as is this subject of one's intellect.

:whistling: :supergrin: :tongueout:

Don't be so superfluous.

Peace Warrior
12-14-2012, 21:17
Don't be so superfluous.
Exactly!!!


WB HK! :wavey:

Huaco Kid
12-14-2012, 23:06
I invented shoelaces.

Back then, I called them "Leather Footwear Retainers".

That Dr. Scholl guy totally ripped me off.

tous
12-15-2012, 05:50
Dear Tous,

Anyone, and allow me to first repeat, and again emphasize, and then allow me to both again RE-repeat and reemphasize, that anyone, including yourself Sir, who would first properly use the word, -aplomb-, within an internet posting, and then so recklessly misspell such a common word as is -completely-, is someone whom I will not, I repeat Sir, I will not argue with over such an obviously inconsequential matter as is this subject of one's intellect.

:whistling: :supergrin: :tongueout:

I am innocent of this misspelling, my good sir. A thorough examination of my keyboard by the most distinguished men of science presents undeniable evidence that the Huaco Kid sneaked into my keyboard under darkness of night when no man of good breeding is about and swiped the letter 'l' in question.

A can only conclude that such a craven act was intended to cause the greater public to hold me in ridicule and besmirch, nay, blacken my spotless reputation.

This shall not go unanswered.

:supergrin:
:wavey:

samurairabbi
12-15-2012, 10:56
Tous, I salute your vehemence in declaring that this shall not go unanswered.
.
.
.
.
Do you remember the question?

Rick C
12-15-2012, 14:17
Until further notice, uppity obedient servants will continue to be whipped until morale improves.
Humble is a different topic, altogether.

tous
12-15-2012, 16:04
Tous, I salute your vehemence in declaring that this shall not go unanswered.
.
.
.
.
Do you remember the question?

I assure you that my mental faculties are in perfect working order and as sharp, nay, honed to a fine razor's edge, as when I was a mere stripling.

I humbly suggest that you are confusing the insidious larceny of letters from my remarkably cogent writings as a sign of dementia customarily associated with old age.

Now, if you will kindly excuse me, I need prune juice and a nap.

:supergrin:

Rick C
12-15-2012, 16:21
Now, if you will kindly excuse me, I need prune juice and a nap.

:supergrin:

Let it Loose, Sister.
Exile on Main Street predicted this in the '70's.

samurairabbi
12-16-2012, 12:00
In 2052, Lindsey Lohan will violate her parole with her obnoxious behavior in reaction to info that displeases her at a Social Security office.

Peace Warrior
12-17-2012, 06:25
Marcus "Old Slippery" Splatchcock: While stationed in Alaska, Marcus used his off time invent Moon Tan Oil. He was sure the product would take off in his locale, but he could never get enough interest. He finished a successful, 23 year career in the Air Force.



The Huaco Kid: After the invention of leather footwear, and over a decade of research and development, HK was able to invent a product he called Leather Footwear Retainers. However, prior to HK patenting his invention, Dr. Scholl's introduced a product called Shoelaces to the market place, which Dr Scholl's Shoelaces effectively pulled the rug out from under Leather Footwear Retainers. HK went on to serve an uneventful career as a mercenary sniper, for various law enforcement agencies' SWAT Teams around the US, until the infamous "Old Navy Incident," in which an innocent bystander was mistakenly killed.


Monsieur Tous: This sagacious sage and possessor of a keenly shrewd intellect invented the Anti-Key Theft Computer Keyboard Device. However, Tous' Anti-Key Theft Computer Keyboard Device was so overly complicated to install that only those possessing the talent to finish putting together gas grills in less than an hour could actually install the device. Undeterred, and in order to create a crack Anti-Key Theft Computer Keyboard Device Geek Squad, Monsieur Tous hired a headhunter company to search the country for the finest Lawn & Garden employees Wal-Mart had to offer.

However, due to an unnoticed spellchecker-misspeak in the headhunter's email solicitations, Monsieur Tous' newly formed Anti-Key Theft Computer Keyboard Device company ended up with an overly talented Glee Squad, which was comprised solely of those eternally positive and forever smiling door greeters. A member of the Glee Squad cheerfully pointed out that an easier solution, to stop the rampant -I- key theft going on in the world, would be by first simply removing the -I- key, and then placing a drop of super glue under the key before reinstalling the key.

Currently, Monsieur Tous is a highly sought after public speaker traveling the world giving lectures about the importance of knowing the differences between a case and casing.

tous
12-17-2012, 06:42
:supergrin:

You failed to mention that I am a recognized connoisseur of quadrupedal ruminants of the ovis aries species. :miff:

And I suspect, though I cannot conclusively prove at this time, that the Huaco Kid swiped my 'l' from a previous post in order to promote his Leather Footwear Retainer business. Such villainy knows no bounds and shall not go unpunished. :fist:

And, may I take this opportunity to direct your attention to my latest invention. Though the details must remain abstruse until politicians have been purchased or rented, consider a system of numbers that is so simple, even one such as Samurai Rabbit can easily perform the most amazing feats of computation without aid of a calculating device.

Coming soon to a WalMart near you.

Peace Warrior
12-17-2012, 19:02
:supergrin:

You failed to mention that I am a recognized connoisseur of quadrupedal ruminants of the ovis aries species. :miff:

And I suspect, though I cannot conclusively prove at this time, that the Huaco Kid swiped my 'l' from a previous post in order to promote his Leather Footwear Retainer business. Such villainy knows no bounds and shall not go unpunished. :fist:

And, may I take this opportunity to direct your attention to my latest invention. Though the details must remain abstruse until politicians have been purchased or rented, consider a system of numbers that is so simple, even one such as Samurai Rabbit can easily perform the most amazing feats of computation without aid of a calculating device.

Coming soon to a WalMart near you.
cannot beg n to fathom the depths at wh ch you would go n order to even a score; however, before one such as yourself goes on your merry l ttle way so as to create a new nvent on, and others would humbly asked that you f rst work out the "bugs" w th regards to your prev ous nvent on.

W th as much hum l ty as can muster,

PW

Post Scr pt: Bes des, no one can nvent anyth ng so s mple as to allow an mmed ate prof c ency of use for such an one as Samura Rabb t.

samurairabbi
12-17-2012, 20:48
I'm way ahead of ALL you guys! I get a kickback every time a vowel is used in this thread.

tous
12-18-2012, 10:28
cannot beg n to fathom the depths at wh ch you would go n order to even a score; however, before one such as yourself goes on your merry l ttle way so as to create a new nvent on, and others would humbly asked that you f rst work out the "bugs" w th regards to your prev ous nvent on.

W th as much hum l ty as can muster,

PW

Post Scr pt: Bes des, no one can nvent anyth ng so s mple as to allow an mmed ate prof c ency of use for such an one as Samura Rabb t.

I am eager to inform you that due to the success of my many ventures, I am in a position to offer you all of the i you can possibly desire for a most advantageous price.

Please find enclosed a small sample of the quality of my product.

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Awaiting your order and remittance by bank cheque.

tous
12-18-2012, 10:40
I'm way ahead of ALL you guys! I get a kickback every time a vowel is used in this thread.

Just who do you imagine is paying you the small pittance that you claim as a kickback? I purchase vowels by the shipload from a manufacturer in China and even after shipping and storage costs and giving you a mere fraction, I still make a 25 kazillion percent profit on each item.

Once I sell the remaining inventory of i to Peace Warrior I shall be in the enviable position of being able to purchase a small island that I have had my eye one for some time. I believe the natives call it Australia.*

Silly Rabbit.

If you would kindly purchase my astounding new mathematics system based on only one number, even one such as you can quickly, easily and accurately calculate the folly of your ways.

May I add a kindly caution to beware the Huaco Kid, for he is known to profit by chicanery and subterfuge and silly rabbits are his most delectable victim.

* Historic footnote. Known as Australia in the ancient world, the land mass known as tousutopia is today known as a refuge for Samurai Rabbits and the meager population represents the last know examples of the species.

janice6
12-18-2012, 10:43
The United states used to have amendments to it's Constitution, before they had to be removed for the citizens protection.

railfancwb
12-18-2012, 11:03
In fact, the(se) United States once had a Constitution...


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samurairabbi
12-18-2012, 11:33
* Historic footnote. Known as Australia in the ancient world, the land mass known as tousutopia is today known as a refuge for Samurai Rabbits and the meager population represents the last know examples of the species.

... and we'll take over Tousutopia just like the first rabbit wave did!

tous
12-18-2012, 11:57
... and we'll take over Tousutopia just like the first rabbit wave did!

May I congratulate you and your kind, sir, for the most impressive statue of Bugs Bunny you have erected in the capital square. :thumbsup:

May I humbly suggest Overture, Curtains, Lights as an anthem?

samurairabbi
12-18-2012, 12:48
May I congratulate you and your kind, sir, for the most impressive statue of Bugs Bunny you have erected in the capital square. :thumbsup:

May I humbly suggest Overture, Curtains, Lights as an anthem?

The strategically placed carrot is a notable statue feature.

tous
12-20-2012, 10:02
Attention, fellow scholars.

It has come to my attention that due to my advanced age and enormous store of facts and wisdom that daily threaten to overflow my enviable brain, I may appear, to some, to be absent-minded.

I assure you, my friends, that nothing could be further from the truth -- well, almost nothing. For example, Cincinatti is further from the truth, but I digress. When I leave a room or building, I egress. When I don my clothing each morn, I get dressed, which can be condensed to a simple 'gress.' Thus, digress has a different meaning. 'di' meaning two and 'gress' meaning to don clothing.

You may wonder why am I wearing Don's clothing and why, based on the recently discovered meaning for digress as a perfectly useful substitute for get dressed, if, in my case, I am putting on Don's clothes twice or putting on clothing from two Don's once.

I shall leave the most obvious conclusion to the razor-sharp and ever-reliable ratiocination prevalent amongst the associates of and and contributors to this most excellent thread.

Which brings us to the purpose of this entry: just where is the carrot in the Bugs Bunny statue?

I remain your humble servant.

itisbruno
12-20-2012, 10:37
Youse guys crack me up

:supergrin:

tous
12-20-2012, 10:50
Youse guys crack me up

:supergrin:

Duck Tape and Bondo will fix ya right up, amigo.

Which causes one to wonder, if itisbruno can be cracked up, what other vectors are available for the cracking event? Can he be cracked down? Cracked to either side? Perhaps he can be cracked in place with no direction, simply a magnitude.

My fellows, I propose an experiment. We capture itisbruno, place him a controlled enviroment, thoroughly instrument him and attempt to crack him in a direction other than up.

I shall, as always, bring the chili dogs as a break-from-cracking-itisbruno snack. It will likely be a long night. That leaves someone else to bring the SPAM, Fritos and lemonade.

samurairabbi
12-20-2012, 11:03
hich rings us to the purpose of this entry: just where is the carrot in the Bugs Bunny statue?

I remain your humble servant.

To find the carrot in the statue, you must develop a "feel" for it.

tous
12-20-2012, 11:33
May I beg your kind and generous leave to send Peace Warrior in to test this posit?
If there are kersplosions or the sudden appearance of sharp, pointy things I would prefer to observe remotely.

Peace Warrior
12-20-2012, 20:54
May I beg your kind and generous leave to send Peace Warrior in to test this posit?
If there are kersplosions or the sudden appearance of sharp, pointy things I would prefer to observe remotely.
Those things can take your eye out if you're not careful.


Equipped with Craftsman eye protection, and after diligently searching the entire area down under, I was only able to locate a bunch of costumes, which notably had a bunch of rabbit fur inside them, and something that resembled a rose bud, but nary a carrot my good man.

With this unsolved mystery properly divined and now forthwith an unriddle, I must take my leave in order to both squeeze some fresh lemonade and finish my haberdasher work before it gets too dark outside.

.

janice6
12-20-2012, 21:06
Lincoln Shot First.




This is the best! :rofl:

Peace Warrior
12-26-2012, 01:21
Sources confirm that a man in Colorado has been officially and formally reprimanded by his workplace supervisor for acts of flatulence (i.e., farting) while in the work place.

Records indicate that co-workers have been lodging complaints about the gaseous filled worker ever since he started with the company. After 29 years of offending co-workers at the office, the employee has been formally reprimanded this week.

When reached for comment, the supervisor initiating the reprimand, who had just been promoted to the higher position within the last week, advised that something finally had to be done about an employee whom had caused years upon years of disturbance at their workplace.

When ask to elaborate, the supervisor advised that the employee was made aware that no one would have cared about the common, loud iron skillet farts that can occur in any typical office setting, but some of his farts sounded like they were echoing off cast iron man hole covers.

Moreover, it was made known to the employee that everyone understands that a bullet-fart will creep into the workplace now and again, but then quickly dissipate; however, his numerous burnt clutch plate farts, and burning brake farts have forced the staff into only using artificial plants near his cubicle.

Additionally, I told the employee that even management understood a Popcorn Machine fart or two during the day, but due to the echo effect from the work place cubicles, both his Arkansas Barking Spider farts and his Chinese Firecracker farts makes all the veterans in the office jump for cover or hit the floor thinking they are once again being ambushed by insurgents firing multiple AK-47s.

Lastly, I reminded him that his idea of bringing a fan to the office only exasperated the problem. Also, his continued excuses, such as "playing the buttocks bassoon," "floating an air biscuit," "getting expelled from stool," "killing a canary," "letting Freddy out of jail," "roaring from the rear," "stepping on a duck," "tooting my own horn" and or "just following orders from Colonel Bowel" were not the proper way to deal with a serious problem.

The supervisor went on to add that now he now has 14 days in which to seek a medical evaluation in order to have the reprimand removed from his file.

Peace Warrior
01-07-2013, 23:24
Bud Haggart, who was Dodge Motors' chief research and development mechanic during the 70's, whom some long term Dodge executives also say was instrumental in winning Dodge Motors the coveted Drive Train of the Year award one year in a row over the period of 1976 to 1976, is still missing after parachuting out of a Goodyear blimp over the New Year's football weekend.

Once being highly applauded for his inventing the technologically advanced "Turbo Incabulator," he later lived as a recluse only coming outside for skydiving junkets or to collect his mail. Although the Turbo Incabulator never sold too well in the united States to the general public, the US Military awarded Dodge Motors a multibillion dollar contract for use of the device in almost all of its vehicles overseas which also required the utilization of Dodge's nover trunnions.

Many people do not know that Bud also successfully sued the C. W. Post cereal company for false advertising in 1979. He did so based on the fact that the company's much touted Grape Nuts Cereal, which he had eaten for years since a child, contains neither grapes, nor nuts in the box.

Bud, as his friends called him, or Mr. Haggart, as he demanded his subordinates call him, was a long time and avid skydiver. He is credited with making numerous skydives wearing only tennis shoes and a top hat.

Due to an onset of photophobia later in his life, there are no current graphic images available of Mr. Haggart; however, the Police have been distributing his old Dodge Motor's commercial to the public in hope of some help in finding him safe.


"Turbo Encabulator" the Original - YouTube


If you see this man, do NOT try to apprehend him, but please just call 1-555-555-5555.

Peace Warrior
02-18-2013, 16:11
Tous has discovered that Mrs. VR. did not actually get her big internet start in porn, but in fact, she became an online debutante by way of an upstart website known as S&WTalk.com., which a lot of people who had recently been discharged from A.O.L. errantly thought had porn site implications.

tous
02-18-2013, 16:30
Tous has discovered that Mrs. VR. did not actually get her big internet start in porn, but in fact, she became an online debutante by way of an upstart website known as S&WTalk.com., which a lot of people who had recently been discharged from A.O.L. errantly thought had porn site implications.

Science is oft imprecise and messy.
As long as the truth comes out eventually, those toes that may have been accidentally trod upon need to stop crying, "Wee! Weee! Weee!" all the way home and be proud that they are the metatarsals that contributed to the total of knowledge.

Toes, I salute you! :patriot:

As for Mrs. VR, I first encountered the titian-haired goddess on an early web site dedicated to recording annual snowfall in the greater Washington, D.C. area. Her work is still considered ground-breaking.

Peace Warrior
02-18-2013, 16:57
Science is oft imprecise and messy.
As long as the truth comes out eventually, those toes that may have been accidentally trod upon need to stop crying, "Wee! Weee! Weee!" all the way home and be proud that they are the metatarsals that contributed to the total of knowledge.

Toes, I salute you! :patriot:

As for Mrs. VR, I first encountered the titian-haired goddess on an early web site dedicated to recording annual snowfall in the greater Washington, D.C. area. Her work is still considered ground-breaking.
Tous, you left me hanging on the other thread there butt-wipe! .... :miff:

tous
02-18-2013, 17:02
It's all Samurai Rabbit's fault.
I am innocent! :innocent:

Peace Warrior
02-18-2013, 17:04
It's all Samurai Rabbit's fault.
I am innocent! :innocent:
Those dang samurai rabbits! :rant:

tous
02-18-2013, 17:12
We should hunt them rabbits down and make good luck charms outta the lot of them! :fist:

Let's see 'em cause trouble with no feet!

samurairabbi
02-18-2013, 17:34
We should hunt them rabbits down and make good luck charms outta the lot of them! :fist:

Let's see 'em cause trouble with no feet!

Brings back memories of the first Muppet Movie, with its French Home For Legless Frogs. Oh, the cruelty!

tous
02-18-2013, 18:32
Having to choose between footless rabbits and legless frogs is daunting.
Perhaps a toss of the coin is warranted.

tous
02-18-2013, 19:18
After some careful ponderment, I propose a dancing content between the footless rabbits and legless frogs to determine, once and for all, is the more pitiable creature.

Nominations for the contest music are now open.

G29Reload
02-18-2013, 20:06
Coca Cola was originally green.

samurairabbi
02-18-2013, 20:54
After some careful ponderment, I propose a dancing content between the footless rabbits and legless frogs to determine, once and for all, is the more pitiable creature.

Nominations for the contest music are now open.

I suggest Bobby McFerrin's "Don't worry, be happy!"

Peace Warrior
02-19-2013, 00:20
I suggest Bobby McFerrin's "Don't worry, be happy!"
It's become painfully obvious that you've never attended any of Tous' lectures as far as knowing the differences between casing and a case as well as never having been part of an audience during any one of his world renowned symposia on understanding the major differences between the pine cone and the PIN code.

My good man, please educate yourself.

Peace Warrior
02-19-2013, 00:30
Not only did Danika Patrick win the pole for the 2013 Daytona 500, but she was also voted the best looking NASCAR driver in a bikini.

Although her car's owner, Tony "smoke" Stewart, has never won a Daytona 500 race, from his rookie year up till now he had always won the "best looking NASCAR driver in a bikini" contest. When reached for comment, smoke commented, "I hated that title and that's part of the reason I brought her to this team. The other part is that she drives better than me too."

:whistling:

samurairabbi
02-19-2013, 00:31
My good man, please educate yourself.

If I were to educate myself, and therefore achieve competence, then people would just dump more work on me. I prefer my current status.

Peace Warrior
02-19-2013, 00:34
After some careful ponderment, I propose a dancing [contest] between the footless rabbits and legless frogs to determine, once and for all, is the more pitiable creature. ...
:supergrin:

Peace Warrior
02-19-2013, 00:40
If I were to educate myself, and therefore achieve competence, then people would just dump more work on me. I prefer my current status.
Your pillory derived from achieving competence is merely another part of your lot in life being a marsupial; however, if the aforementioned competence were achieved, it might supplement your apple-polishing ways with regards to your employer. :tongueout:

tous
02-19-2013, 06:44
If I were to educate myself, and therefore achieve competence, then people would just dump more work on me. I prefer my current status.

Fear not, good sir.

Despite that we oft disgaree and you are, on rare occasion, a danged numpty, I would never stoop to accusing you of competence.

There are things that a gentleman just doesn't do.

samurairabbi
02-19-2013, 07:50
Fear not, good sir.

Despite that we oft disgaree and you are, on rare occasion, a danged numpty, I would never stoop to accusing you of competence.

There are things that a gentleman just doesn't do.

I shall trot out an old standby.

Someone said you weren't fit for pigs, but I defended you. I said you WERE!

Peace Warrior
02-20-2013, 19:57
Fear not, good sir.

Despite that we oft disgaree and you are, on rare occasion, a danged numpty, I would never stoop to accusing you of competence.

There are things that a gentleman just doesn't do.
:rofl: :notworthy:

I shall trot out an old standby.

Someone said you weren't fit for pigs, but I defended you. I said you WERE!
:rofl: :notworthy:



(I learn so much from ewe too. :whistling:)

railfancwb
02-21-2013, 17:16
Back to the Apollo start of this thread...

The shuttles which took the walkers to the moon surface were actually landed by dropping an anchor and reeling in the cable. At the same time they were unreeling a cable connecting the lander to the Apollo capsule which was in geosynchronous orbit above the landing site. When it was time to return the lander to the Apollo, they simply cranked it back up.


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Peace Warrior
02-23-2013, 18:58
Back to the Apollo start of this thread...

The shuttles which took the walkers to the moon surface were actually landed by dropping an anchor and reeling in the cable. At the same time they were unreeling a cable connecting the lander to the Apollo capsule which was in geosynchronous orbit above the landing site. When it was time to return the lander to the Apollo, they simply cranked it back up.


Posted using Outdoor Hub Campfire (http://www.outdoorhub.com/mobile/)
Look pal, this is MAKE up a fact, not tell the truth about the Apollo missions thread.

You see, I in fact worked for Zebco during the late 50's and early 60's, you know, Zebco, the same company that invented the the devices that cranked the lunar lander down and up.

Although I don't like to brag, I will say that I solved some very unique challenges with respect to the setting the correct drag amount on the cranking devices so as to not compromise the specially created snap swivel connected to the Command Module.

Matter of fact, if it weren't for the Apollo program, I dare say we wouldn't have the stainless steel, ball bearing snap swivels that are so common nowadays.

tous
02-23-2013, 19:57
Look pal, this is MAKE up a fact, not tell the truth about the Apollo missions thread.

You see, I in fact worked for Zebco during the late 50's and early 60's, you know, Zebco, the same company that invented the the devices that cranked the lunar lander down and up.



So the truth will out.
Peace Warrior is older than Dragoon44. :shocked:

In fact, everyone knows of Zebco's contribution to the manned space program. It is a commonly-known fact that as a contingency if the lunar module engine did not fire, Michael Collins had a Zebco reel on a big ol' pole that he would have used to cast down to the lunar surface, hook the lander and reel them in.

samurairabbi
02-23-2013, 20:19
Zebco stole all its GOOD ideas from Ronco!

itisbruno
02-23-2013, 21:36
So the truth will out.
Peace Warrior is older than Dragoon44. :shocked:

In fact, everyone knows of Zebco's contribution to the manned space program. It is a commonly-known fact that as a contingency if the lunar module engine did not fire, Michael Collins had a Zebco reel on a big ol' pole that he would have used to cast down to the lunar surface, hook the lander and reel them in.


http://twistedsifter.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/guinness-brilliant.jpg

railfancwb
02-23-2013, 21:39
See, I didn't know any others who frequent this thread knew the truth about the landers. I thought I could tell the truth in such a manner that it seemed a lie. But I was found out...


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samurairabbi
02-23-2013, 22:07
See, I didn't know any others who frequent this thread knew the truth about the landers. I thought I could tell the truth in such a manner that it seemed a lie. But I was found out...


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It was a worthy effort. Now, if you can tell a lie in such a manner that it seems a truth, you will have hit the perfecta!

4095fanatic
02-23-2013, 23:17
Scientists predict it will be possible to crossbreed bacon and potatoes by 2017


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tous
02-24-2013, 12:07
Scientists predict it will be possible to crossbreed bacon and potatoes by 2017


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:shocked:

There is a God. :notworthy:

:supergrin:

Speaking of vegetables and tubers, what can we call them little cabbages if they don't come from Brussels? Displaced sprouts? Immigrant sprouts? Little round green refugee thingies? :dunno:

:wavey:

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 19:08
So the truth will out.
Peace Warrior is older than Dragoon44. :shocked: ...
No sir, no one is that old. I just happen to possess several, shall we say, compromising photographs of a couple of time travelers, which affords me great latitude with respect to the past's future.

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 19:14
See, I didn't know any others who frequent this thread knew the truth about the landers. I thought I could tell the truth in such a manner that it seemed a lie. But I was found out...


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Were it not for time traveling marsupials, all of history's future would be a lie.

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 19:19
:shocked:

There is a God. :notworthy:

:supergrin:

Speaking of vegetables and tubers, what can we call them little cabbages if they don't come from Brussels? Displaced sprouts? Immigrant sprouts? Little round green refugee thingies? :dunno:

:wavey:
One thing is for sure, Amy Vanderbilt's Complete Book of Etiquette, on page 77, indicates that one should NEVER address mud-bugs as "midget ocean roaches." This terminology is considered crass and disrespectful. The much preferred moniker is "little lobsters."

Page 78 has some great recipes nonetheless.

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 19:23
Climb Mount Kurobegorō was naval General Yamamato's first choice when trying to decide on a cryptic message to indicate the attack on Pearl Harbor had caught the island's defenses unaware, but pressure from his staff, due to the difficulty in spelling Kurobegorō, had him ultimately change the message to climb Mount Tinaka.

samurairabbi
02-25-2013, 19:40
Climb Mount Kurobegorō was naval General Yamamato's first choice when trying to decide on a cryptic message to indicate the attack on Pearl Harbor had caught the island's defenses unaware, but pressure from his staff, due to the difficulty in spelling Kurobegorō, had him ultimately change the message to climb Mount Tinaka.

... and to compound the foulup, a dyslexic crypto clerk preparing the message garbled it down to "Climb Mount Nitaka".

This transformation almost directed the Japanese fleet to attack Coney Island.

tous
02-25-2013, 20:02
... and to compound the foulup, a dyslexic crypto clerk preparing the message garbled it down to "Climb Mount Nitaka".

This transformation almost directed the Japanese fleet to attack Coney Island.

Tell the entire truth, ya danged numpty. :miff:

The Empire of Japan did indeed attack Coney Island in the spring of 1941.

However, the invasion force was distracted by the Nathan's Famous hot dog stand and as the US Ambassador to Japan had handed out free tickets for a ride on the Wonder Wheel, the entire invasion force was disabled with indigestion and vertigo.

Adding to the difficulty was the blatant rudeness of the native New Yorkers. When informed that they were surrounded and must surrender, most of them, male and female, young and old, grabbed their crotch and challenged, "Surrender this!"

The Imperial Japanese Navy decided to attack Pearl Harbor, Hawaii instead. Admiral Yamamoto's staff concluded that there were no New Yorkers, hot dogs or Ferris wheels on the islands, but the deciding factor was, oddly, the ukulele.

Long-secret documents only recently released indicate that the Japanese had determined that the ukulele and the flowered shirt signalled the end of civilization and the Imperial Navy was determined to stop both before they spread and doomed all humanity.

A sneaky rabbit from the 23rd century was spotted smuggling ukuleles and flowered shirts to Wyoming shortly before the attack.

M&P Shooter
02-25-2013, 20:05
Breaking news........today a liberal listened to reason and thought before speaking:whistling:

tous
02-25-2013, 20:05
Breaking news........today a liberal listened to reason and thought before speaking:whistling:

Unpossible.

samurairabbi
02-25-2013, 20:16
One consequence of that little known spring 1941 attack. By an unbelievable coincidence, the attack fell on the very day of the annual Nathan"s hot dog eating contest. Admiral Yamamoto, observing the "carnage", made his famous observation: You cannot invade Americal - there would be a rifle behind every wiener!

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 20:19
A Kansas DOT snow-plow driver has found two snowflakes that are exactly alike.

Peace Warrior
02-25-2013, 20:23
Ed "Catch You On The Flip Flop" Parkins, a 25 year veteran of Kansas' DOT, was reported to have found two snowflakes that were exactly alike; however, after submitting the specimens to a local university, it was discovered that the DOT worker had inadvertently altered the snowflakes himself while standing just off the highway he was plowing in order to conduct a 10-100.

The professors at the college advised they first suspected something was awry upon opening the samples and finding them yellow in color.

Peace Warrior
02-26-2013, 14:48
Tous and PW decided to have a coffee break and met up at the local six bucks (i.e., star bucks) coffee shop in Plain Old, Texas. .

Upon seeing Tous' facial expression, PW inquired, "My good man, I perceive you've had a really long day?" Amazed at how uneducated PW seemed, Tous replied, "No sir, not at all, all my days are 24 hours long."


(Much grass to GT's cybercowboy)

tous
02-26-2013, 16:25
As a scientist and an engineer, I would never have used such a gross approximation. :miff:

For the record, my actual response was, "No sir, not at all, all my days, if we are referring to sidereal days, are 23 hours, 56 minutes and 3 seconds long. If we are talking about solar days, that would depend on which hemisphere we're in and what season it is. However, the mean solar day is about 24 hours, so I will stipulate that all my days are 24 hours long."

:tongueout:

NB: having coffee with Peace Warrior was even better than sharing a milkshake with Ming the Merciless and Dale Arden. As she is wont to do, Dale escaped from Ming shortly thereafter, but Ming had become pragmatic. He knew that he would have her in his clutches yet again in the next serial. And I did ask him if Darth Vader was really his grandson. His reponse was an enigmatic smile and a nude photograph of Aura.

Peace Warrior
02-27-2013, 07:16
Extended coverage: After a liberal listened to reason and thought before speaking, when he did speak, he sounded exactly like a liberal would sound after listening to reason and thinking liberal thoughts before speaking, which is not too much different than a republican, whom is strikingly similar to a democrat nowadays.

In other news, researchers from several universities here in the united States have found that republicans and democrats are really hardcore independents at heart, but since having watched to much fox, ccn, and msnbc, they are now incapable of thinking for themselves.

tous
02-27-2013, 08:49
In related news, several members of Congress were discovered to be completely mute for more than 13 hours on Tuesday. Witnesses were astonished at the condition of the legislators who usually begin speaking from the moment they wake, talk in their sleep and commence a new barrage of rhetoric upon waking. The condition appears to have also spread to the talking heads that frequently appear on news programs. A spokesperson for MSNBC denied that the station was off the air for six hours because none of the on-air personalities could utter a word.

Update: muteness explained. It appears that the Democratic National Committee was late in distributing the list of daily talking points to Democrat members of Congress and their minions. Apparently, without the official copy, no Democrat could think of a thing to say.

railfancwb
03-05-2013, 18:21
Hasn't DNC moved its talking points list to the web...yet?


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Peace Warrior
04-22-2013, 21:07
Much in similarity as to how the term, jambog, was coined by the members at the website, GlockTalk.com, in the last few years, so too the term, bogart, was coined in the 50's by those who hung around and or knew the GT member, Dragoon44.

The word bogart, as it is known today, refers to an individual of either gender that keeps inhaling the smoke from a marijuana cigarette while at the same time refusing to pass it around to others.

When reached for comment, Draggoon44 said nothing, so it is believed the etymology of "bogart" had an initial derivation around the time when drive-in theaters were popular amongst teenagers and younger adults as was huge buckets of buttered popcorn. It is known that Draggoon44 was working as a drive-in movie theater ticket-taker, was also nicknamed Bogart, and had a HUGE affinity for buckets of buttery popcorn.

Although needing additional citation, it is believed that those individuals whom refused to share the buttery popcorn buckets with other movie goers were known as Bogart's in reference to the actions of Dragoon44.

In his 35 years as a ticket taker at the drive-in theater, it is believed that not one individual was able to make into the theater, for free, by hiding in the trunk.

RJ's Guns
04-22-2013, 23:37
Barack Hussein Obama has been the brightest and best president in the history of the United States and he deserves to be made Emperor of the World.

Lone_Wolfe
04-23-2013, 02:22
Barack Hussein Obama has been the brightest and best president in the history of the United States and he deserves to be made Emperor of the World.

:puking:

eccho
04-23-2013, 04:41
[Breaking news!] Piers Morgan was fired from CNN today, for being "full of crap".

CNN has also promised to maybe talk about guns like they might actually not be the root of all evil in society once in awhile.

Meanwhile in California, Glenn Beck and Rachel Maddow were caught by paparazzi making out on top of a Ferris wheel.

railfancwb
05-01-2013, 02:23
Since its participants have solved all the nations problems but one, Glock Talk will add a dating service forum to deal with that last problem.


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Peace Warrior
05-01-2013, 03:54
In other news, GlockTalk-dot-com's dating service has been sued by some of its members for not being a 70 plus friendly site.

Peace Warrior
05-01-2013, 03:55
...Meanwhile in California, Glenn Beck and Rachel Maddow were caught by paparazzi making out on top of a Ferris wheel.
HILARIOUS!!! :rofl:

RJ's Guns
05-01-2013, 21:21
Michelle Obama won the Aphrodite/Mountain Gorilla award for being the most beautiful creature on earth. Runner-up, Coco, the hand-signing gorilla, signed, that although they were a lot alike, both having ancestors inAfrica, Coco thought that Michelle deserved to win because she was better looking.

Hope and Change, Forward.

Michelle Obama/Hillary Clinton for President

Zeebra724
05-01-2013, 23:14
Congress just passed a $10 tax on every lie that Obama and other elected government officials have told since he has been in office. One congressman, speaking under condition of anonymity since he is a democrat who voted for the measure, said that the national deficit should be taken care of by 2016, though the majority of casual observers agree that $10 more was added to paying off the deficit with his statement.

Peace Warrior
05-02-2013, 10:41
NASA officials have previously advised that the two Mars rovers, Spirit and Opportunity, have outlasted their originally expected mission times by a substantial margin. Most officials have always applauded those professionals involved with creating and operating the rovers as the reason for the extended missions times; however, a recently fired NASA employee, Arnold P. Tweedledee, has today alleged that the mission times were always grossly under estimated due to the classified parts of the rover missions.

Mr. Tweedledee states that the real reason we sent the Mars rovers was to grow some of the best marijuana in the solar system. Although complicated, the two rovers have been plowing and plowing and planting and planting a potent, space station cultured marijuana variety all over Mars' surface. It is excepted that by the time manned missions begin to arrive, the potent, home grown Mars marijuana will help the astronauts cope with surviving their time away from the Earth.

Instead of denying the allegations from Mr. Tweedledee, a NASA's spokesperson for the classified extension, Mrs. Sunny Fawn Angleheart, actually confirmed what Mr. Tweedledde has alleged.

Mrs. Angelheart also added that when appropriate, the public was to be made known about the extension parameters of the original missions as well as announcing a contest, between Public School students, for a chance to be able to name the new and potent Mars weed.

When reached for comment, the astronauts training for the first ever, manned missions to Mars stated, quote, "Ummmmmm, you mean those cats with the ties and white suits were serious? Where going to Mars to actually harvest a crop of powerful weed man?!? Wow, dude. Totally."