Asked a lady out. She said no... [Archive] - Glock Talk

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eracer
08-01-2012, 13:35
Back story:

She's a teller at my bank, and we've been friendly from the start. We chat about interests, and I think there's been a connection from the beginning. She did, however, let me know early on (about six months ago) that she had a boyfriend, and that they were moving in together.

I was in the bank yesterday, chatting her up and being my usual self, when she let it be known that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

I immediately asked her out on a date.

She seemed happy that I asked, but said "No." I think she said "Thanks, but I'm going to have to say no, right now..."

I said, "I understand, but just know that the offer is on the table," smiled and left.

I think she want's to get together with me, but it's too soon after her breakup, and she needs some time alone.

Question for you ladies: When should I ask her out again? Or should I propose a 'not-date' where we get together on the range (she likes to shoot) with no expectations of anything further - just two people who like each other doing something fun together?

I'm 53 years-old, and I don't date. I have a couple of women friends that I do fun things with, but she's the first woman in a long time that I've actually wanted to date, with the hope of developing a relationship.

(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)

BonnieB
08-01-2012, 13:49
I think it's a great idea to invite her out to the range a time or two and get to know each other. At minimum, you can make a new friend to shoot with.

She's smart in taking a 'time out', not jumping right into a new relationship. It might take her as much as 2-3 months to get her head together. That's a good thing, to give it time. And remember, the she could very well go back to the former boyfriend, and you don't want to get mixed up in a rebound relationship.

Just be friendly and pleasant (I know you will), make sure she knows you're still interested, and make sure to say 'no pressure, whenever you're ready'.

And congratulations on being man enough to stand up to the trolls snarky remarks. Real men don't insult women. Actually, they don't insult anyone. Manners count, always.

whoflungdo
08-01-2012, 14:00
Back story:

She's a teller at my bank, and we've been friendly from the start. We chat about interests, and I think there's been a connection from the beginning. She did, however, let me know early on (about six months ago) that she had a boyfriend, and that they were moving in together.

I was in the bank yesterday, chatting her up and being my usual self, when she let it be known that she had just broken up with her boyfriend.

I immediately asked her out on a date.

She seemed happy that I asked, but said "No." I think she said "Thanks, but I'm going to have to say no, right now..."

I said, "I understand, but just know that the offer is on the table," smiled and left.

I think she want's to get together with me, but it's too soon after her breakup, and she needs some time alone.

Question for you ladies: When should I ask her out again? Or should I propose a 'not-date' where we get together on the range (she likes to shoot) with no expectations of anything further - just two people who like each other doing something fun together?

I'm 53 years-old, and I don't date. I have a couple of women friends that I do fun things with, but she's the first woman in a long time that I've actually wanted to date, with the hope of developing a relationship.

(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)

I've found being too eager or having too open a schedule is a turn off for the ladies. Continue to be friendly and wait a month or so. Next time you ask her out, have a definite date, time, and activity planned. For example, we should go shooting on Saturday at 2:00 P.M. Here's my number, we can meet there. Be interested, confident, and polite. Find out if she drinks coffee. Setup a date to meet for coffee. A specific time, date, location. Be flexible enough to change, but not like you have nothing else to do or going on in your life.

Good luck.

wmodavis
08-01-2012, 14:40
Doesn't this belong on the Dear Abby forum? Discussions here should be of a higher caliber.

JBnTX
08-02-2012, 13:17
deleted. wrong forum.

eracer
08-02-2012, 13:56
Thanks ladies. I knew I could count on you for some solid advice.

eracer
08-02-2012, 13:57
Doesn't this belong on the Dear Abby forum? Discussions here should be of a higher caliber.Sorry hon, but .45/70 is as big as I get.:wavey:

BonnieB
08-02-2012, 14:49
Good one, Eracer ! .45/70 indeed !

You had a good question in the first place, and clearly came to the right place to ask it.

B

fx77
08-02-2012, 15:33
No is No
No woman's worth crawling on the earth...walk like a man...

PEC-Memphis
08-02-2012, 15:55
(I'm sure I'm opening myself to a bunch of sarcastic comments from the guys trolling this thread - so be it. I'd really like to get a woman's perspective on this.)



And congratulations on being man enough to stand up to the trolls snarky remarks. Real men don't insult women. Actually, they don't insult anyone. Manners count, always.


No is No
No woman's worth crawling on the earth...walk like a man...

Just in case you were going to be disappointed.... :)

Bow Commander
08-02-2012, 21:52
Oh wait... You're not Eurodriver.

Never mind. Carry on :supergrin:

sourdough44
08-03-2012, 07:02
Build your account to as high a level as possible, move money in, whatever. After you have it high stop by the bank at times & line up her window to cash a check. You keep doing this once every 10 days or so. The idea being she may find a 'man of means' attractive.

GRIMLET
08-03-2012, 07:23
Listen to the Smiths song, How Soon Is Now over and over and over.
Then get over it.
Chicks dig confidence, a good sense of humor and respect.

Good luck.

PEC-Memphis
08-03-2012, 07:49
Build your account to as high a level as possible, move money in, whatever. After you have it high stop by the bank at times & line up her window to cash a check. You keep doing this once every 10 days or so. The idea being she may find a 'man of means' attractive.

Go to another bank and borrow somewhere between $8M and $14M. Deposit it in your checking account. Go to her window and make a $10k withdrawal. She is sure to ask about your account - tell her it is your "mad money" for impulsive purchases.

Then ask her out. If she agrees then - RUN AWAY.

Just1More
08-03-2012, 09:41
Maybe she's saw your bank account balance? Who goes inside a bank anymore?

eracer
08-03-2012, 11:45
It amazes me that internet advice is often given by people who apparently never read the original post. Or at the very least seem to be simply talking to themselves.

Bow Commander
08-03-2012, 17:18
It amazes me that internet advice is often given by people who apparently never read the original post. Or at the very least seem to be simply talking to themselves.

That amazes you? You should be amazed if you get anything MORE than that on a forum. Let alone a gun forum.

Either way, good luck with your situation :supergrin:

DaleGribble
08-04-2012, 12:37
Here's my advice.

Don't ask her out again. You put yourself out there, her reason for rejecting you is irrelevant simply because that reason was enough to over come any kind of interest or attraction she possibly has for you. Just be polite like you have been in the past and don't mention it to her again. If she changes her mind she knows where to find you!

And kudos for being a man and asking her out when the opportunity presented itself. A lot of guys would have chickened out!

DaleGribble
08-04-2012, 12:39
Almost forgot, why don't you date more? At 53 you still have some good years left in front of you and finding a mate can greatly enhance those years!

BonnieB
08-04-2012, 13:03
Dale's right !

The Holy Trinity! Men over 50 who are "single, straight and solvent" seem real scarce to single women over 50! Looks matter a lot less than they did in high school, believe me. Being clean and presentable does count.

I'm sure you have your reasons not to date much, but some lady out there is praying for your arrival. Just try to pick someone reasonably in your age group and income bracket.

Good luck and Happy Hunting! :ladiesman:

ZO6Vettever
08-04-2012, 13:47
I'm 65 and been married to my High School sweetheart for 44 years. If something were to happen I think I would be to far gone to make a good female friend let alone a genuine girl friend! I would become a hermit livin' in a house that smelled like a gas station bathroom. My hat's off to you buddy and she'll be happy when she dates you!

uhlawpup
08-05-2012, 08:20
Maybe she's saw your bank account balance??

Could be...

I got chatted up at one of my banks yesterday by a thirtysomething, hinting about a party, and she had just seen mine. And I'm married! And twice her age...

Boot Stomper
08-05-2012, 13:49
Don't give up. If you ask enough women, one is bound to say yes.

While I was in the army we had a guy that looked like the missing link:dunno:. (big head, arms longer than his legs) The (link)guy and a buddy of his went to a whore house in Frankfurt, Germany. The woman at the door looked at the two guys and said, "You can come in, but your friend, He's got to go.":crying: Of course the other guy came back and told the story to the whole company.:embarassed:

jpa
08-06-2012, 09:44
Could be...

I got chatted up at one of my banks yesterday by a thirtysomething, hinting about a party, and she had just seen mine. And I'm married! And twice her age...

I was making a 6-figure deposit at my bank and the teller cracked a joke asking "and how do I get on your Christmas list?" I just smiled and said "it's harder than you think" and continued our business. She still smiles at me once in a while when I go in.

The no is a no. You shouldn't have "left the offer on the table" as you put it. Once she says no, leave it at that and don't leave it as an open-ended invite. It makes you look desperate IMHO. Like you don't have anything else going on and puts all the power in her court.

GRIMLET
08-06-2012, 10:29
I was making a 6-figure deposit at my bank and the teller cracked a joke asking "and how do I get on your Christmas list?

The only 6 figure deposits into my account is the monthly paycheck.
$.
I'm a broke ass!
Hahahahaha

jhoagland
08-06-2012, 17:15
Build your account to as high a level as possible, move money in, whatever. After you have it high stop by the bank at times & line up her window to cash a check. You keep doing this once every 10 days or so. The idea being she may find a 'man of means' attractive.

Then be mad as HELL when it ain't true.

BonnieB
08-06-2012, 17:55
Not all women are motivated by a man's money. Women make good money themselves these days, maybe not bank tellers, but many make as much or more than you do. Please try to move on from the 1950's, when women were looking to be supported.

I think women want a man to have a steady job, without a lot of debt and gambling habits. But, when you think about it, you'd want the same from her, no?

sourdough44
08-06-2012, 19:20
Hey, I just wanted to add a little levity to the situation. There may be a hint of truth in there somewhere though.

Lone_Wolfe
08-08-2012, 04:59
Hey, I just wanted to add a little levity to the situation. There may be a hint of truth in there somewhere though.

Sure, therr's a thruth there there, but some of us ladies would find you laughable. I care about the man inside.

The man I love most in this world has nothing to offer me financially, or otherwise, but what's inside makes him a gem that can never be replaced.

bush pilot
08-08-2012, 09:38
Just be pleasant when you talk to her and give it time. In a month or two her situation may be more clear. If it's meant to be it will happen. FWIW, I have a friend that is a branch manager of a bank and they have an unwritten policy discouraging employees from dating customers.

fwm
08-09-2012, 09:41
Who goes inside a bank anymore?

I do.
The rest deleted as not really related to the OPs question.

Just, I wish him luck.

Beretta92guy
08-12-2012, 15:07
i just kinda fell into this fourm by accident....

did not even know we had a "ladies" forum.....and this is the first thread i saw......

good advice here OP.....

and one thing i will also add, when asking a woman out on a date (now im no Hugh Hefner or Brad Pitt Play-boy expert on ladies), but i don't have any problems asking women out and getting dates......

i have found it best to ask a woman out, but NOT acting like you are asking her out......

for example: i never say "would you like to go out with me", "would you go to a movie with me", or anything like that.....

i usually say "hey, im going shooting (or to a concert, park, show, etc) next saturday and you should go with me, you can meet me there if you like or i could pick you up...

putting it across like im going ANYWAY kind of takes the edge off the "asking her out" question, IMO, and the girls usually respond favorably to that......

as far as your situation, you have asked her out, Kudos, and she declined........i WOULD NOT ask her out again.....that would be "chasing" IMO, and opens up a whole world of things that is not good for the male species.....LOL......she knows your interested, and if she wants to hook up with you, will give you some signals she wants to hook up, or even she might ask YOU out :)

just my two-cents........and l could write a book on what NOT to do around women, but after 44 years, think i have finally figured out what does not work, and what does :)

Bow Commander
08-13-2012, 14:20
I was making a 6-figure deposit at my bank and the teller cracked a joke asking "and how do I get on your Christmas list?" I just smiled and said "it's harder than you think" and continued our business. She still smiles at me once in a while when I go in.

The no is a no. You shouldn't have "left the offer on the table" as you put it. Once she says no, leave it at that and don't leave it as an open-ended invite. It makes you look desperate IMHO. Like you don't have anything else going on and puts all the power in her court.

^ This guy knows what he's doing.

scccdoc
08-13-2012, 14:40
Wait a month, keep friendly contact, let her readjust. When you do ask her, make a lunch date on a day off. Keep things light,she's probably a little gun shy. I know you don't like me from previous conversations, but I think this is good solid advice. Good luck............. DOC

series1811
08-13-2012, 14:48
My current girlfriend is a bank teller. She says they get hit on a lot. I didn't meet her at the bank, and probably would have got shot down if I had, and had asked her out. I met her at a business function.

Kind of like waitresses and strippers. If you want to date them, you have to meet them off duty. :supergrin:

sputnik767
08-13-2012, 21:02
It amazes me that internet advice is often given by people who apparently never read the original post. Or at the very least seem to be simply talking to themselves.

I did read the OP, and the OP clearly stated that she said "no." Whatever qualifier she used at the end (such as not right now) is unfortunately meaningless in most cases. Could it be that this is a different case and she really just needs more time? Possibly, but the odds are definitely against you.

My suggestion is to keep hanging around, but definitely keep looking. Never fixate on one person, especially when she already said no. You can try to invite her out to things that you are doing with a group of friends to make it seem less like a date, but in my experience, even if she agrees, you'll still be left disappointed in the end. Sorry to tell you this, and I am sure that this is not what you want to hear, but the chance of something happening here is slim. I have never ended up dating a girl who initially told me "no" (and also "not right now.") Probably, "not right now" means that she already has someone in mind, and if that's the case, then needless to say it's not you.

sputnik767
08-13-2012, 21:05
i have found it best to ask a woman out, but NOT acting like you are asking her out......

for example: i never say "would you like to go out with me", "would you go to a movie with me", or anything like that.....

i usually say "hey, im going shooting (or to a concert, park, show, etc) next saturday and you should go with me, you can meet me there if you like or i could pick you up...



This is exactly what I did with my present GF, and we've been together for well over a year now. I think it's excellent advice, and I completely agree that actually asking a woman using the examples you provided out will generally not work. Took me a little while to figure that out.

MKEgal
08-13-2012, 22:44
If she said "not right now", I'd take her at her word.
That's a 'maybe' in my book.
Leave her alone, other than to smile & do the usual social chitchat if you happen to get her when you do business there.
Eventually she'll decide if she's ready to take you up on the offer.
The more polite & non-creepy you are, the more likely she'll eventually say 'yes'.

I don't think it would be out of line to bring her a lighthearted friendly "thinking of you" type valentine card if you're still interested in her in Feb.

SPIN2010
08-13-2012, 22:55
As stated earlier in the thread don't beg, ask once and be a man. Next time you are in the bank, go to the other teller (even if you have to wait). Don't waste your time with the expectation that she "Will come around".

It is alot like when in a relationship that someone says: I need my space (thats code for I am sick you being here, get lost) ... build them a rocket ship and blast them off. There is plenty of stars in the galaxy folks.

sputnik767
08-14-2012, 06:01
If she said "not right now", I'd take her at her word.
That's a 'maybe' in my book.
Leave her alone, other than to smile & do the usual social chitchat if you happen to get her when you do business there.
Eventually she'll decide if she's ready to take you up on the offer.
The more polite & non-creepy you are, the more likely she'll eventually say 'yes'.

I don't think it would be out of line to bring her a lighthearted friendly "thinking of you" type valentine card if you're still interested in her in Feb.

To me, "maybe" means only one thing. It says that "I'm going to string him along until someone better comes around." There are plenty of women who crave attention, and I've fallen into that kind of trap myself in the past. Life is too short to chase women who play games. Generally, when a woman uses terms like maybe, not now, I need some space, etc, she is either tired of you or not interested, as another poster here stated. But I can't think of any situation in the initial dating stage where "maybe" should be looked at as a positive thing.

Mrs.Cicero
08-15-2012, 19:33
If she said "not right now", I'd take her at her word.
That's a 'maybe' in my book.


"Not right now" is female politespeak for "Maybe, when hell freezes over."

Mrs.Cicero

4949shooter
08-19-2012, 19:10
"Not right now" is female politespeak for "Maybe, when hell freezes over."

Mrs.Cicero

And there's the answer.

Silent_Runner
08-19-2012, 20:46
"Not right now" is female politespeak for "Maybe, when hell freezes over."

Mrs.Cicero
I disagree with you. I might say that to a man if I needed more time to get over a recently failed relationship.

4TS&W
08-19-2012, 20:57
The guys really just wanna know if she might have jacked up teeth and a sony bravia. :)

cowboywannabe
08-19-2012, 21:13
shes not ready to date or interested in you.

youre ready to date, dont waste your time on somebody who isnt sure....ask somebody else...

if she changes her mind she will let you know, but dont sit around waiting for a possible never.

LASTRESORT20
08-19-2012, 21:36
Not all women are motivated by a man's money. Women make good money themselves these days, maybe not bank tellers, but many make as much or more than you do. Please try to move on from the 1950's, when women were looking to be supported.

I think women want a man to have a steady job, without a lot of debt and gambling habits. But, when you think about it, you'd want the same from her, no?


Nicely Put Bonnie....and I agree.

Mrs.Cicero
08-19-2012, 21:38
I disagree with you. I might say that to a man if I needed more time to get over a recently failed relationship.

If you were in need of more time to get over a recently failed relationship, wouldn't you include that information after the "Not right now," statement? Something along the lines of "Now is not a good time, because..." If I don't give a reason for "Not right now" it is because I'm trying to be polite in rejection, without lying. If later would really be better, I'd give the reason for the delay, and a timeframe. Or I would simply tell him positively that I would call him when the time was right, thus relieving me of the stress of making repeated rejections, since he shouldn't ask me again before I am over whatever I need to be over.

Mrs.Cicero

4949shooter
08-20-2012, 19:26
If you were in need of more time to get over a recently failed relationship, wouldn't you include that information after the "Not right now," statement? Something along the lines of "Now is not a good time, because..." If I don't give a reason for "Not right now" it is because I'm trying to be polite in rejection, without lying. If later would really be better, I'd give the reason for the delay, and a timeframe. Or I would simply tell him positively that I would call him when the time was right, thus relieving me of the stress of making repeated rejections, since he shouldn't ask me again before I am over whatever I need to be over.

Mrs.Cicero

I guess some things are meant to be and some aren't.

Lone_Wolfe
08-20-2012, 20:39
If you were in need of more time to get over a recently failed relationship, wouldn't you include that information after the "Not right now," statement? Something along the lines of "Now is not a good time, because..." If I don't give a reason for "Not right now" it is because I'm trying to be polite in rejection, without lying. If later would really be better, I'd give the reason for the delay, and a timeframe. Or I would simply tell him positively that I would call him when the time was right, thus relieving me of the stress of making repeated rejections, since he shouldn't ask me again before I am over whatever I need to be over.

Mrs.Cicero

I can't speak for her, but I may or may not. In this case, the OP said he already knew the lady had just broken up with someone, so I might not think to state what he already knows with my "Not right now". And I'd also mean exactly what I said. If the answer was No, I'd say that.

JackMac
08-21-2012, 19:12
well you can bait the hook and try again or fish another hole. Sooner or later you'll catch one.

packsaddle
08-21-2012, 19:31
the absolute best way to get a woman interested in you is to quit looking.

and/or get married.

rhikdavis
08-21-2012, 19:59
:needspics: