40s and divorce...... [Archive] - Glock Talk

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BSA70
08-13-2012, 18:31
In my 20s, everyone around me was getting married. 30s it seemed everyone was having kids, buying a home and going forward.

I'm 42 and stunned at all the couples around me getting divorce. My wife and I counted 10 couples we know of split or splitting up. Some of the cases, it's the man acting crazy and just leaving his wife and kids for no solid reason.

Whats with turning 40?:crying:

CAcop
08-13-2012, 18:39
It happens around my work around that age. I think it is people thinking if they are going to try to do better they need to do it then because it ain't going to get easier later.

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certifiedfunds
08-13-2012, 18:51
I'm seeing it too. I hate it.

More often than not the man is after some strange.

MadMonkey
08-13-2012, 18:55
I don't know about the situation around there, but more and more people around my age (28) seem to want to get married because it's the "normal" thing to do, and not what they actually want or are ready for.

I don't want to get married.

vikingsoftpaw
08-13-2012, 19:39
Someone else in another thread termed it 'Middle Age Crazy'.

Strangequest is a common issue. I've had friends pull that crap. They don't realize that hot piece of strange isn't going visit them in the nursing home. They don't realize that their Ex is also capable to 'trading up' also.

I know too many younger guys that have a single theme to their mantra: "I don't regret having children. I regret who I had them with."

Also, I know many guys that have another theme to their mantra: "Shortly after marring my first wife, I realized the qualities that make for a good wife. I found those in my second wife."

Speaking from the male prospective, some guys allow themselves to be come the 'Army Mule' of the relationship. Their spouse loads them down with burden after burden until they breakdown. Then, they are carved up and eaten.

It can also be something a mundane, as a 180 change in life attitude that is not compatible with the other spouse. Like the case of my sister and Ex-BIL. After 20 years of marriage, he suddenly decides he wanted kids. She was then 43 years old and said NFW.

certifiedfunds
08-13-2012, 19:50
Someone else in another thread termed it 'Middle Age Crazy'.

Strangequest is a common issue. I've had friends pull that crap. They don't realize that hot piece of strange isn't going visit them in the nursing home. They don't realize that their Ex is also capable to 'trading up' also.

I know too many younger guys that have a single theme to their mantra: "I don't regret having children. I regret who I had them with."

Also, I know many guys that have another theme to their mantra: "Shortly after marring my first wife, I realized the qualities that make for a good wife. I found those in my second wife."

Speaking from the male prospective, some guys allow themselves to be come the 'Army Mule' of the relationship. Their spouse loads them down with burden after burden until they breakdown. Then, they are carved up and eaten.

It can also be something a mundane, as a 180 change in life attitude that is not compatible with the other spouse. Like the case of my sister and Ex-BIL. After 20 years of marriage, he suddenly decides he wanted kids. She was then 43 years old and said NFW.

What amazes me are the guys who walk away from their kids for the strange.

G17Jake
08-13-2012, 20:01
Sometimes people reach a point in life where in spite of having a comfortable life, they ask is this all there is.

Sometimes as stated already, the man is after some strange.

Averageman
08-13-2012, 20:27
Ive seen the other side too.
Being in my 50's I have seen Guy's break their backs in jobs they hate, put aside all potential happiness in life to make a home for ungrateful kids and a shrew for a wife.
You can't see every part of someone elses relationship, so who is to judge someone else?
Having played this game more than once I have no time for supporting someone who wont work. Someone who brings nothing but debt and kids to a relationship and then suffers from depression because she doesn't feel fullfilled.
Generally the advice I would give my Son is don't even consider getting married until you finish College and have a good job. At that point you can meet someone else who has made that choice and sacrifice and chance are the relationship will work. Probobly work out a lot better than knocking up the prom queen or someone you met at a bar.

Ummagumma
08-13-2012, 20:27
I see it around me too, although most are in their late 30s. A lot of crazy going on - a wife of a friend walked out on entire family, including kids the oldest being 8. No reason other than "she's tired of that life". I think many from my generation that grew up in 70s and 80s believe that the entire world was created for their enjoyment, and that one's life is supposed to be a never ending fun & joy. It's probably even worse with younger kids. Our parents weren't this way.

Gallium
08-13-2012, 20:34
What amazes me are the guys who walk away from their kids for the strange.

It is something one cannot explain. You have to have lived it to understand.

Snaps
08-13-2012, 20:35
all the couples I knew that got married in say early/mid 20's are divorced now in our early 30s.
Most of it was people who believed they were 'supposed to be married' by now.
And all those ones with kids the guys are getting screwed by divorce settlements, child support, all because the wife decided she 'just isn't happy anymore.'


other thing I've noticed, is those couples who were supposed to be married, have kids because they're supposed to have 'em. And as soon as they have kids their happy life/relationship/marriage changes and they're miserable most of the time.

I fully believe that having kids is the single worst thing a couple can do to have a happy life.

bigtimelarry
08-13-2012, 20:40
You ONLY reason to get married is if you want kids, if you dont want kids then there's NO reason to get married.

alitke15
08-13-2012, 20:46
It is what you make it. I was married at 23 now have a son and love it. Would not give him up for the world. Have made a lot of sacrifices and lived on what many people would call poverty wages. Having kids and a wife means putting yourself last. I remember when my wife took off 8 months after my son was born. Sold about 6 guns and just about everything else just to pay the bills on one income. You do what you have too to get by. There is no excuse short of cheating that requires you to leave your family.


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*ASH*
08-13-2012, 20:51
same here im 43 wife 44 , we got 4 couples we are friends with who separated and waiting for divorce just in 2 years . its crazy .

and a bud of mine i saw the other day at walmart ,what was weird was i always see him with family , hes 40 got 5 kids been married 15 years , i jokingly said you out without thefamily?? then he states wife just up and left him and kids , i was shocked . i just dont get it .

*ASH*
08-13-2012, 20:54
You ONLY reason to get married is if you want kids, if you dont want kids then there's NO reason to get married.

thats a load , but whatever .


i see marriage as a bond between 2 people and under god . it also helps to be married when problems like death , wills , and trusts , and any legal crap arises . also taxes .


marriage is a wonderful thing

HollowHead
08-13-2012, 20:57
Marry when you're both over thirty and you'll be happy for the rest of your life. HH

arclight610
08-13-2012, 21:01
That's why its prudent to choose your mate wisely. I hope I never get divorced.

tsmo1066
08-13-2012, 21:06
Men aren't the only ones going after 'strange' by any means. This is the age of the 'cougar' and I see plenty of couple in their 40s who are falling apart, not because the man is cheating, but because the wife is doing so.

A good friend of mine is going through a devastating divorce right now. After 15 years of marriage, his 42 year-old wife left him and their two children to run off with her 26 year-old Pilades instructor.

sciolist
08-13-2012, 21:07
You ONLY reason to get married is if you want kids, if you dont want kids then there's NO reason to get married.

That's even dumber than dry firing with stuff balanced on the end of your gun and the magic police grip/stance training concept.

Snaps
08-13-2012, 21:13
don't really get what getting married has to do with because you want kids.. but hey.


It's actually so common that one of our old friends just went back to school to become a divorce attorney after the 3rd, maybe 4th guy we knew got crushed in a divorce.

jame
08-13-2012, 21:16
I've never understood it.

You gather people around you, and you promise in a ceremony to friends, family, and (if so inclined) to God.

In 15 to 20 years you break that promise to everyone.

Two people that were once in love, somewhere along the way, forgot why they fell in love in the first place. They make up a term they call "grew apart". It really means "quit trying".

Very sad……..

stevelyn
08-13-2012, 21:16
People marry too young. Humans didn't evolve by staying with one partner. That didn't occur until well after the invention of religion.

Snaps
08-13-2012, 21:22
In 15 to 20 years you break that promise to everyone.


15-20? that'd be a lifetime commitment compared to most of the marriages I've seen. Only one that's broken the 10yr mark is one nobody thought would.

GlockinNJ
08-13-2012, 21:22
It's just the way it is. Trying to understand it without living through it is tough.

After 20-25 years of marriage and raising kids, any relationship flaws (and we all have them) can grow into huge cracks that often can't be repaired. It takes a special couple to make it till the end and actually be happy at that point.

fairtomidland
08-13-2012, 21:27
I have seen this epidemic also, In more cases than not it was the woman who had a "Mid-Life Crisis". I started wondering if there was something in the water!!

Louisville Glocker
08-13-2012, 21:28
Got married at 34, made it five years, got married again at 42, made it only two years. Got back together with the second girl, had another kid, but things are still rocky.

No more marriages for me.

Modern life is pretty complicated, and finding the right person who you really want to spend a lifetime with isn't so easy. With extended families spread out all over the country (and even all over the world) it becomes harder to take care of the children (traditionally, grandparents helped out a lot). Modern economics means both parents are often working, often long hours.

But for me, it comes down to not wanting to be in an unhappy relationship. Not for years and years. Nobody has a crystal ball, and you don't really know how your spouse is going to change over time, and how they're going to react to different hurdles in life. Sometimes you do truly grow apart. I know I've changed over the years. Heck, I didn't even shoot guns when I was younger

You only live once. I've got three great boys, two of whom I live with and the third sleeps over twice a week. Not perfect, but for me a lot of the relationship decisions come down to what is best for the kids.

4Rules
08-13-2012, 21:29
Jerry Lee Lewis - Middle Aged Crazy - YouTube

HollowHead
08-13-2012, 21:32
You ONLY reason to get married is if you want kids, if you dont want kids then there's NO reason to get married.

This may win as the stupidest post of the year, and it's only August. HH

fairtomidland
08-13-2012, 21:38
Got married at 34, made it five years, got married again at 42, made it only two years. Got back together with the second girl, had another kid, but things are still rocky.

No more marriages for me.

Modern life is pretty complicated, and finding the right person who you really want to spend a lifetime with isn't so easy. With extended families spread out all over the country (and even all over the world) it becomes harder to take care of the children (traditionally, grandparents helped out a lot). Modern economics means both parents are often working, often long hours.

But for me, it comes down to not wanting to be in an unhappy relationship. Not for years and years. Nobody has a crystal ball, and you don't really know how your spouse is going to change over time, and how they're going to react to different hurdles in life. Sometimes you do truly grow apart. I know I've changed over the years. Heck, I didn't even shoot guns when I was younger

You only live once. I've got three great boys, two of whom I live with and the third sleeps over twice a week. Not perfect, but for me a lot of the relationship decisions come down to what is best for the kids.
Well said...

Snaps
08-13-2012, 22:05
This may win as the stupidest post of the year, and it's only August. HH

awh hell, it's 2/3 of the way through the year.

janice6
08-13-2012, 22:11
Some people don't take getting old to easy. They worry about what they might have missed, then find out they had it all the time.

My Mother was driven out of our family, when I was 12, by my father being so jealous that she was younger. My three sisters were younger then I was.

I have been married for 54 years now. Right or wrong, I took an oath and made a promise. Your word has to stand for something.

CAcop
08-13-2012, 22:13
Men aren't the only ones going after 'strange' by any means. This is the age of the 'cougar' and I see plenty of couple in their 40s who are falling apart, not because the man is cheating, but because the wife is doing so.

A good friend of mine is going through a devastating divorce right now. After 15 years of marriage, his 42 year-old wife left him and their two children to run off with her 26 year-old Pilades instructor.

She ran off with a gay guy?

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KommieforniaGlocker
08-13-2012, 22:32
Seems that both men and women see infidelity as no big deal, feel entitled, and take no responsibility for their actions. I think it is a symptom of a bigger issue in this country socially, culturally, and morally. A by product of the change in times, support me, take care of me, feed me, it's not my fault, what do you want me to do about it? Why shod marriage be any different then all other aspects, human behavior is human behavior.

akbluz
08-13-2012, 22:36
47 years ago my wife and I stood up before God, our family and friends and said that we'd love, honor, and cherish one another 'til death do us part. We took that as a sacred promise. It doesn't mean that we haven't had problems since then but we never let those problems separate us.
After all this time, she is having fun shooting her .38Spl

tsmo1066
08-13-2012, 22:39
She ran off with a gay guy?

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You'd think as much. Apparently so did her soon-to-be-ex husband.

I guess if you're a straight guy who is into the "stealth approach", being a Pilades instructor is a perfect cover for someone interested in picking up middle-aged cougars.

SPIN2010
08-13-2012, 22:43
Redd Foxx said: You should always marry an ugly woman.

Because when she leaves you, you'll be happy! :supergrin:

NEOH212
08-14-2012, 01:45
Whats with turning 40?:crying:

I'll let you know in a few years!

:wavey:

NEOH212
08-14-2012, 01:45
Redd Foxx said: You should always marry an ugly woman.

Because when she leaves you, you'll be happy! :supergrin:

:rofl:

Psychman
08-14-2012, 04:49
People change as they grow older. They mature, pick up other interests and finally decide that the person they married is not the person they want to spend the rest of their life with. As for children, there is no reason why you can't give your children the love and attention they need if you divorce. People end up calling it quits in their 40s alot because problems build to the breaking point and POOF its over.

hdman30
08-14-2012, 05:01
Let's face it. If you want companionship, buy a dog.

BSA70
08-14-2012, 05:20
This is an extreme case. But currently I have a friend, 44, that has left his wife, son, and daughter for a skank. Years ago he took a job that took him out of the state often. I never thought it would be good for his marriage but they seemed like old married folk and strong.

He left everything for this divorcee. His wife is so nice and would take him back right now even though he's been hitting the strange for 6 mths now. He shacks up in the same neighborhood where is house with family is located and his daughter will walk down the street to see if daddy is with the woman.

Talking to him is like talking to a brick wall. His parents and friends have turned against him. He's going to do what he wants to do!:steamed:

Combatcomm
08-14-2012, 05:49
That's even dumber than dry firing with stuff balanced on the end of your gun and the magic police grip/stance training concept.

:rofl:
LOL, should make this my signature line.

sourdough44
08-14-2012, 05:56
Then one day the 'strange' becomes familiar & you are back where you started. Then one asks if it's worth it, maybe, maybe not.

GreenDrake
08-14-2012, 06:09
Love Louis CK's bit on divorce "Divorce....is always GOOD news"

BuckeyePPC
08-14-2012, 06:15
It happens around my work around that age. I think it is people thinking if they are going to try to do better they need to do it then because it ain't going to get easier later.


That's what happened to me. I was a very successful network engineer contractor. After 9/11 and the tech field collapse, wife decided if we had to start over, she wanted to start over with someone else. We were in our mid to late 40s.

GlockinNJ
08-14-2012, 15:20
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your wife
So for my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Jimmy Soul Lyrics - YouTube

Hef
08-14-2012, 16:09
If she'll cheat WITH you, she'll cheat ON you.

NDCent
08-14-2012, 16:36
Then one day the 'strange' becomes familiar & you are back where you started. Then one asks if it's worth it, maybe, maybe not.

My wife told me if I had 2 more inches I could find some strange, or new stuff, at home. :crying:

The Dying Gaul
08-14-2012, 16:44
There comes a time in many men's lives when they look in the mirror and realize they are not young anymore and their life is slipping away. That can be a really bad day.

I have always felt young, always seen myself as a young man, until one day earlier this year. I looked in the mirror, saw all the grey hair, but something else even worse, something was missing, hard to explain, like the twinkle in my eye was gone.

My initial impulse was to leave it all behind and seek something else. Couldn't do it though, I love my wife and children way to much to ever abandon them.

Jay9928
08-14-2012, 19:19
Denis Leary said it the best. Cannot post it here. :whistling:

Hauptmann6
08-14-2012, 19:35
Sometimes as stated already, the man is after some strange.

You would be surprised. I know more women that go out and get some than men. Men are just worse liars and are more likely to get caught.

4516
08-14-2012, 20:34
I am in the Real Estate business. I have seen this trend for some time. The wife looks at her Agent friend driving a nice car, wearing nice clothes, going to lunch etc.

Soon she gets in the business, if she starts making a little money, she starts to play around. Then she gets divorced.
Many I know are married and divorced 2-5 times.

Put this in any field. The women get to feel independent and quickly dump the man in her life for whatever reason she fancies.

You don't find many men getting divorced in this business at the rate women do.

Never Nervous
08-14-2012, 20:44
I'm a two time loser. I left one when I was young, one left me when we were young. I married my third wife in 1983. We are still together and have 5 grand children. We fussed an argued all the time, and then one day we both noticed that we didn't argue and fuss anymore. It is a beautiful thing.

I don't try to chase the strange, but I still look. You may not be able to cut the mustard but you can still lick the jar.

NN

BSA70
08-16-2012, 04:31
I am in the Real Estate business. I have seen this trend for some time. The wife looks at her Agent friend driving a nice car, wearing nice clothes, going to lunch etc.

Soon she gets in the business, if she starts making a little money, she starts to play around. Then she gets divorced.
Many I know are married and divorced 2-5 times.

Put this in any field. The women get to feel independent and quickly dump the man in her life for whatever reason she fancies.

You don't find many men getting divorced in this business at the rate women do.

I'm in law enforcement. Divorce is rampant in this field:crying:

jason10mm
08-16-2012, 14:22
I think a lot of it relates to who a woman feels validated and useful in our society. A housewife is viewed as "worthless and a sucker" by working women, maybe because they are actually jealous, maybe because they know they will get dumped by their man and have to be self-sufficient.

Men are SURROUNDED by sex, it is everywhere. Makes it hard to go home everytime to a tired woman you know so well you can pick her out of a crowd based on touch alone. Add in lots of women in the workforce and temptation is just a cubicle away.

Folks also have TERRIBLE mate selection skills. They pick based on how fun they are at a party, not how well they can manage money or carry a conversation at dinner.

Trent
08-16-2012, 14:32
http://www.divorce-lawyer-source.com/faq/emotional/who-initiates-divorce-men-or-women.html

As seen in the link above. Women initiate the vast majority of divorces. Further studies reveal that abuse as reasons for divorce are a tiny fraction of the reasons provided, and neither is adultery the reason; at least, not due to the husband.

Despite perceptions of many men "running off" or "getting strange", it simply isn't happening. Some do, and the outrage of several tends to make certain people believe it to be "everywhere" lately.

As alluded to in other posts, look at who has most to lose and most to gain in divorce.

390ish
08-16-2012, 15:03
I think that as women age their concept of happiness becomes much more personal than a man's. Family is not going to make a lot of them happy. Marriage is not going to make a lot of them happy. Chances are if your wife was not happy with exactly who she was at the time you got married, she is going to want to leave at some time. If a guy is the source of his wife's happiness at the time of marriage, he is going to have it rough after about 10 years.

wprebeck
08-16-2012, 15:04
thats a load , but whatever .


i see marriage as a bond between 2 people and under god . it also helps to be married when problems like death , wills , and trusts , and any legal crap arises . also taxes .


marriage is a wonderful thing

This doesn't happened often, if ever...but I am in total agreement with your post.


Marriage, like most things in today's world, has become disposable. Oh and if you think you're doing the best for your kids by being a weekend or every other weekend dad - you're not. I'm the product of a nasty divorce, and my wife has shown me what true family is, and how they act. Getting divorced, and then saying **** like "I'm doing what's right for the kids" isn't right. If that offends some, oh well. The truth often does

Kurly
08-18-2012, 08:47
I waited until I was 40 before I got married. Found a hot woman, 7 years my junior, financially stable but didn't earn much (teacher) and when we dated was the most agreeable and fun woman to be with. 14 months later we separated.

She turned out to be the most entitled, controlling, critical, self-centered person I've known. She put on a great game while we were dating (too short of a courtship looking back) but once that ring was on her hand, she demanded more and more.

Bought her a 2.25ct center diamond which later said that we'll need to upgrade that to 3-3.5ct center at 5 years. Demanded that I buy her 1ct diamond earings for our 1 year anniversary. Would never cook, OCD about cleaning so there was ALWAYS something that was wrong, critical about everything I did and while she demanded I listen to her about the problems she had with me, would not reciprocate.

I'm at a point where kids aren't really part of my future. Therefore I don't think I'll want to remarry. I lost over $60k in less than 14 months -- and she wanted to try and take 1/2 of my investments and small inheritance too. Even our marriage counselor said that maybe we shouldn't be married.

While I'll be happy to have a long-term girlfriend, I don't think that in today's society, women are willing to pull their fair share and put up with life's ups and downs, but all too willing to use the courts to their advantage. And they have too many.

TBO
08-18-2012, 09:43
Can't live with them, can't live without them. :tbo:

Sent from the toe of my jack boot using Tapatalk 2.

BSA70
08-18-2012, 12:08
"I'm at a point where kids aren't really part of my future. Therefore I don't think I'll want to remarry. I lost over $60k in less than 14 months -- and she wanted to try and take 1/2 of my investments and small inheritance too. Even our marriage counselor said that maybe we shouldn't be married."

How in the world did you lose so much money for such a short marriage? I know they are entitled to some money based on the length of the marriage. But that much!!!!!:wow:

Averageman
08-18-2012, 13:28
"I'm at a point where kids aren't really part of my future. Therefore I don't think I'll want to remarry. I lost over $60k in less than 14 months -- and she wanted to try and take 1/2 of my investments and small inheritance too. Even our marriage counselor said that maybe we shouldn't be married."

How in the world did you lose so much money for such a short marriage? I know they are entitled to some money based on the length of the marriage. But that much!!!!!:wow:
I have a friend that lost somewhere in the range of 250K in about the same amount of time.
Saying "love is blind" is pretty true in this case, by the time he figured out what was happening he was penniless and she had his Son and was on her way out of State.
Wanna talk about a broken man..
I was a wittness at the divorce and custody hearing as I found him stumbling in the yard after she had nearly knocked him out with an old school rotary phone to the forehead.

BSA70
08-18-2012, 15:13
I found him stumbling in the yard after she had nearly knocked him out with an old school rotary phone to the forehead.


:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

RMTactical
08-18-2012, 16:41
Married my wife when I was 22 and she was 21. Best decision I ever made. We are in our mid 30's now, got a 4th child on the way... I'm happy and so is my wife.

If you marry a good woman and try to be a good man, I think the odds are in your favor.

Kurly
08-18-2012, 17:51
"I'm at a point where kids aren't really part of my future. Therefore I don't think I'll want to remarry. I lost over $60k in less than 14 months -- and she wanted to try and take 1/2 of my investments and small inheritance too. Even our marriage counselor said that maybe we shouldn't be married."

How in the world did you lose so much money for such a short marriage? I know they are entitled to some money based on the length of the marriage. But that much!!!!!:wow:

$16,500 engagement ring, $1k wedding band, $4,800 honeymoon, $3,400 car loan payoff, $2,300 credit card debt paid off, $5,000 IRA contribution for her, $8,300 new furniture (which she kept), $15k loss on sale of house (sold for $15k more one year later -- she demanded that I sell it so we could 'move forward), $2,400 new clothes, $7,200 new teeth (no Bravia comments please -- she had one discolored which meant she needed all the front and lower ones done). Then there's just the odds and ends of upgrading things for her that I left without. That's actually over $60k but I consider I got off lucky. She was wanting me to buy a $420k house and naturally would want her name on it. In NC, that would've been considered a gift even though she wouldn't have paid one cent into it.

And some women continue to claim that they aren't gold diggers. Ha!

Aurora
08-18-2012, 21:01
If you marry a good woman and try to be a good man, I think the odds are in your favor.

This is my sentiment as well. I'll agree with the earlier post stating that people have trouble picking someone worthwhile.

I'll also disagree with those who are critical of people who say that there is no reason to get married if you don't want kids. This IS a rational decision in the modern world.

When you marry someone you're going into business with them, forming a partnership if you will. It changes the whole mindset.

V.

HollowHead
08-18-2012, 21:39
$16,500 engagement ring...

With all due respect, this was the beginning of the end. HH

Averageman
08-18-2012, 22:17
This is my sentiment as well. I'll agree with the earlier post stating that people have trouble picking someone worthwhile.

I'll also disagree with those who are critical of people who say that there is no reason to get married if you don't want kids. This IS a rational decision in the modern world.

When you marry someone you're going into business with them, forming a partnership if you will. It changes the whole mindset.

V.
It is a partnership and in any partnership you have to ask; just what are you bringing to the table that will make my life better?
I would rather have a partner who can bring the same to the relationship that I do, however I don't find that most Women can do that.
I really don't want to be eating cat food in my old age just so I can enjoy someones company on the other side of the cat food can.
If you have nothing to add to a relationship other than sex and an occasional home cooked meal; I think I will get a Hooker and a pizza and skip all of the drama.

Aurora
08-19-2012, 04:01
It is a partnership and in any partnership you have to ask; just what are you bringing to the table that will make my life better?

It's true.

Once you start thinking like that it changes the whole dynamic.



V.

sourdough44
08-19-2012, 06:40
Just the thought of all the baggage that comes with the 40-ish divorcee, from either side, keeps me out of it.

Averageman
08-19-2012, 07:38
It's true.

Once you start thinking like that it changes the whole dynamic.



V.
Well you dont have to hit me in the forehead with an old school rotary phone for me to get the message.

Ironbar
08-19-2012, 07:51
It can be a number of reasons, but I suspect that a big factor in the man-leaving-woman scenario is because at age 40, women have a tendency to just give up.

By that I mean, they don't wear as much (or any) makeup, they don't eat as well, they get fat, they get lazy, they don't seem as interested in sex, etc., etc.

I know this is true because my wife is going through it right now.

callihan_44
08-19-2012, 08:49
It can be a number of reasons, but I suspect that a big factor in the man-leaving-woman scenario is because at age 40, women have a tendency to just give up.

By that I mean, they don't wear as much (or any) makeup, they don't eat as well, they get fat, they get lazy, they don't seem as interested in sex, etc., etc.
.

most women I know at age 40 are sex crazed and cant get enough lol... My marriage ended due to financial disagreements.....I waited till I was 30 to get married, she was fun and we got along great during the dating phase. Got married after 5 months of dating and slowly learned she LOVED spending money and ignored living costs. It drove me crazy, bank account always tapped out so she turned to credit cards. We only lasted 2yrs and the divorce went through right before getting deployed to Iraq.

I still would like to get remarried, but dating at 40 is tough...people have ALOT of baggage at this age, been there done that. I can see why some people never get remarried, single life isnt so bad if you can deal with the lonely part but the trade off is you are in full control of everything.

brisk21
08-19-2012, 20:03
Im 30, so Im not really young and Im not really old. I can't imagine going back to being single. I have been married for 6 years (today, actually) and have 2 kids age 2 and 4. Divorce and "child visitation" would be horrible. "Strange" sounds nice sometimes, but its the biggest misconception out there. Its soooooo not worth it. 20 minutes of fun to ruin the rest of your life? No thanks.

janice6
08-19-2012, 20:13
My wife told me if I had 2 more inches I could find some strange, or new stuff, at home. :crying:



Sooooooo, you're not very tall?

boby
08-19-2012, 20:21
NEVER marry an American woman.

Fanner50
08-19-2012, 21:00
With all due respect, this was the beginning of the end. HH

I totally agree.

cowboywannabe
08-19-2012, 21:10
women are like cow pies, the older they get the easier it is to pick them up..................

THEPOPE
08-19-2012, 21:19
Wife # 1 produced two kids...wonderful...she gets hots for other...years go by we get divorced..., she gets married and widowed and re-married, and divorced ( again) , then passes away earlier this year...yikes, lotta history there.

I marry the same woman ( wife # 2 ) ....twice, yup....a friend reminds me that spoiled milk just doesn't become fresher even if you re-refrigerate it .

Now............................menopause....triple yikes.


He was right. lol.

Eye-mout...:cool:

cowboywannabe
08-19-2012, 21:29
Wife # 1 produced two kids...wonderful...she gets hots for other...years go by we get divorced..., she gets married and widowed and re-married, and divorced ( again) , then passes away earlier this year...yikes, lotta history there.

I marry the same woman ( wife # 2 ) ....twice, yup....a friend reminds me that spoiled milk just doesn't become fresher even if you re-refrigerate it .

Now............................menopause....triple yikes.


He was right. lol.

Eye-mout...:cool:

fool me once shame on you......

HollowHead
08-19-2012, 21:51
NEVER marry an American woman.

Not to hijack, but every guy I know who married a mail-order foreigner has more faults than the California mountains. HH

Snaps
08-19-2012, 21:56
Not to hijack, but every guy I know who married a mail-order foreigner has more faults than the California mountains. HH
I always thought the mail order bride thing was a joke.

HollowHead
08-19-2012, 22:07
I always thought the mail order bride thing was a joke.

It's no joke. You should see some of the screaming banshees these guys bring home from Siberia, Serbia, Manilla, Jakarta, etc. Hotter than an electric grill with a shorted-out cord, but my god...abject misery to be around. HH

boby
08-19-2012, 22:18
Not to hijack, but every guy I know who married a mail-order foreigner has more faults than the California mountains. HH

Well yeah. I'm not saying to marry a mail order bride. Just don't marry a spoiled brat American woman.

Billua
08-19-2012, 23:14
I waited until I was 40 to get married...

dabigguns357
08-20-2012, 02:31
Lack of communication leads to lack of marriage plain and simple.

Not only do you have to talk before you get married but keep talkin afterwards.It also helps to have some common ground on which to stand,and No sex is not common ground for anything but a one night stand.

I tell my wife everything and she does the same for me.We don't have hidden passwords and secrets.She buys things and so do I and we don't hide it.

BSA70
08-21-2012, 19:23
women are like cow pies, the older they get the easier it is to pick them up..................

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

BSA70
09-16-2012, 06:44
Just found out another friend left his wife and infant baby for a co worker. He owns a nice home out in the country, a smart wife with a good job working on her masters degree. A baby.

The girl is a skank:steamed:

Ironbar
09-16-2012, 08:40
Just found out another friend left his wife and infant baby for a co worker. He owns a nice home out in the country, a smart wife with a good job working on her masters degree. A baby.

The girl is a skank:steamed:

He wouldn't be MY friend after doing something like that.

wprebeck
09-16-2012, 08:55
Lack of communication leads to lack of marriage plain and simple.

Not only do you have to talk before you get married but keep talkin afterwards.It also helps to have some common ground on which to stand,and No sex is not common ground for anything but a one night stand.

I tell my wife everything and she does the same for me.We don't have hidden passwords and secrets.She buys things and so do I and we don't hide it.

Yep...

BSA70
10-01-2012, 21:12
Just found out one of my best friends, like a brother too me....
Him and his wife are in their late 40's. She met this dude on line, left him and the two kids and moved to the grand canyon with this freak! She had just talked him into building a huge house:steamed:

Geko45
10-01-2012, 21:36
She had just talked him into building a huge house :steamed:

This sort of thing is a huge warning sign. She was searching for what would make her happy and just hadn't found it yet. Married folks, pay attention!

Geko45
10-01-2012, 21:36
never marry an american woman.

qtf...

(but never marry a Colombian either...)

JuneyBooney
10-02-2012, 08:59
In my 20s, everyone around me was getting married. 30s it seemed everyone was having kids, buying a home and going forward.

I'm 42 and stunned at all the couples around me getting divorce. My wife and I counted 10 couples we know of split or splitting up. Some of the cases, it's the man acting crazy and just leaving his wife and kids for no solid reason.

Whats with turning 40?:crying:


In the old times 40 would be ancient. What I see are to many people who get married because they want kids even if they don't love the partner. Then they grow apart because they forget about lust and gte complacent. Ask your friends how many of them don't even have sex once a week..it is a lot. I have had women tell me that they have not had sex with their husbands in nine months..:wow:There is no reason to ask why they are getting divorced if they are not "wrestling". :whistling:

devildog2067
10-02-2012, 09:16
You ONLY reason to get married is if you want kids, if you dont want kids then there's NO reason to get married.

Maybe that's your only reason. Don't presume to dictate to others whether they have valid reasons that are different from yours.

badge315
10-02-2012, 09:37
My wife and I have not had sex in over a year, but I still can't bring myself to leave her. Every time one of us goes on the road for work, I miss the hell out of her. And she has nothing to fear as far as me stepping out on her...I'm completely isolated at work the vast majority of the time, and I have zero game when it comes to meeting/picking up women.

Thank goodness for internet porn. :whistling:

certifiedfunds
10-02-2012, 09:56
It's no joke. You should see some of the screaming banshees these guys bring home from Siberia, Serbia, Manilla, Jakarta, etc. Hotter than an electric grill with a shorted-out cord, but my god...abject misery to be around. HH

2 desperate people with different cultural values and few options. What could go wrong?

ChuteTheMall
10-02-2012, 10:04
women are like cow pies, the older they get the easier it is to pick them up..................

Do you prefer warm or cold?

:whistling:

JuneyBooney
10-02-2012, 11:51
My wife and I have not had sex in over a year, but I still can't bring myself to leave her. Every time one of us goes on the road for work, I miss the hell out of her. And she has nothing to fear as far as me stepping out on her...I'm completely isolated at work the vast majority of the time, and I have zero game when it comes to meeting/picking up women.

Thank goodness for internet porn. :whistling:

My gf has withheld sex for extended periods of time. I don't think women realize that men have different needs than women but when men love the women they become like a pet that you love. :faint:When I asked the cashier lady at the grocery about her and her husband after she heard me whining she said it had been nine months for her..:wow: So I mentioned "internet porn" and "side action" for her husband probably. :rofl:It ha[[ens in most relationships. I do understand about loving them and missing them.

ChuteTheMall
10-02-2012, 12:07
When I asked the cashier lady at the grocery about her and her husband after she heard me whining she said it had been nine months for her..:wow: So I mentioned "internet porn" and "side action" for her husband probably. :rofl:.

Get a room you two, you're holding up the line.:impatient:

lonewolf01
10-02-2012, 12:15
I have seen several cases recently where some women, with kids, leave their husband for another woman! What's up with that? It seems like an epidemic.

JuneyBooney
10-02-2012, 12:30
I have seen several cases recently where some women, with kids, leave their husband for another woman! What's up with that? It seems like an epidemic.

I think that is drug usage. :whistling: The women I have seen do that are users of illicit drugs from what I have seen. Women sometimes claim that they are all a little "lesbian" because from a little girl they go to the bathroom together. :rofl:

But I have seen what you are talking about.

RC-RAMIE
10-02-2012, 12:33
I think that is drug usage. :whistling: The women I have seen do that are users of illicit drugs from what I have seen. Women sometimes claim that they are all a little "lesbian" because from a little girl they go to the bathroom together. :rofl:

But I have seen what you are talking about.

Drugs turned them gay?

GlockinNJ
10-02-2012, 12:51
My wife and I have not had sex in over a year, but I still can't bring myself to leave her. Every time one of us goes on the road for work, I miss the hell out of her. And she has nothing to fear as far as me stepping out on her...I'm completely isolated at work the vast majority of the time, and I have zero game when it comes to meeting/picking up women.

Thank goodness for internet porn. :whistling:

This is probably the saddest, most pathetic post I ever read. Sounds like she has no respect for you. You've just handed your manhood over to her for safe-keeping and you're okay with that?

Maybe it's not *her* that you love, but it's the companionship. Leave the woman and find companionship (and sex) elsewhere. Don't give up!

badge315
10-02-2012, 15:53
This is probably the saddest, most pathetic post I ever read.

Well, I wasn't trying to win an award or anything. I was just offering up one possible reason why men bail out of their marriages in their 40s. :wavey:

The fact that I haven't left my wife because of it doesn't mean I've handed over my manhood...I can still kick her ass. :tongueout:

Rabbi
10-02-2012, 15:58
Well, I wasn't trying to win an award or anything. I was just offering up one possible reason why men bail out of their marriages in their 40s. :wavey:

The fact that I haven't left my wife because of it doesn't mean I've handed over my manhood...I can still kick her ass. :tongueout:

It is sad though. I feel for you.

I would tell my wife..."I am having sex, you are welcome to be the person I am doing it with..."

I married a much younger woman. I worry about being able to keep up, I figure that is the direction you want that problem to be in.

fnfalman
10-02-2012, 16:15
No marriage = no divorce.

unit1069
10-02-2012, 17:27
The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation.

Henry David Thoreau, Walden

badge315
10-02-2012, 17:28
It is sad though. I feel for you.

Yeah, well, life's full of disappointments, isn't it?

I would tell my wife..."I am having sex, you are welcome to be the person I am doing it with..."

Unfortunately, that would not be a credible assertion in my case.

vikingsoftpaw
10-02-2012, 19:21
I have seen several cases recently where some women, with kids, leave their husband for another woman! What's up with that? It seems like an epidemic.

I'm in my late 40's. Back in the day homosexuality carried a much greater stigma than it does today. There was a heavy social pressure to be straight.

Another issue, not a small one, having someone pay child support. 90% of the lesbians that I know were in involved heterosexually at one time, just to knock out a kid or two. Sperm bank inseminations will collect no cash or prizes.

DowntimeLA
10-03-2012, 08:55
Yeah, well, life's full of disappointments, isn't it?



Unfortunately, that would not be a credible assertion in my case.

try the local strip joint or classifieds

truthfully, after the year i've had i would be better off going without sex :whistling:

fnfalman
10-03-2012, 09:13
try the local strip joint or classifieds

truthfully, after the year i've had i would be better off going without sex :whistling:

That's why it's better to rent than to buy. You pay them to go away afterward.

As House, MD had said to his house call hookers, "I didn't pay for you to talk."

lonewolf01
10-03-2012, 09:25
I married a much younger woman. I worry about being able to keep up, I figure that is the direction you want that problem to be in.

That could lead to issues later on for her! Keep your eyes open Rabbi.

DowntimeLA
10-03-2012, 09:32
That's why it's better to rent than to buy. You pay them to go away afterward.

As House, MD had said to his house call hookers, "I didn't pay for you to talk."

never paid for it....i've just "helped" with groceries, misc bills, car repairs, clothes, rent/hotel, tuition, party favors, trips "home", casino chips, etc... :supergrin:

there is no free lunch

Rabbi
10-03-2012, 09:51
That could lead to issues later on for her! Keep your eyes open Rabbi.

Any and all things could lead to "issues."

I still choose to play the game. Qui audet adipiscitur.

muscogee
10-03-2012, 11:45
perimenopause http://www.womentowomen.com/menopause/perimenopause.aspx

Symptoms of hormonal imbalance in perimenopause
Some of the most common symptoms include:

Hot flashes
Fatigue
Irritability
Depressed mood
Weight gain
Fuzzy thinking
Anxiety
Headaches

You never know which woman you will wake up with or come home to. Women eventually get over it, but it can be a rough few years.

gjk5
10-03-2012, 12:12
of the couples I know personally that have divorced less than half was due to infidelity and of those they were about equally split on who was doing the dirty deed.

The HUGE majority of divorces I am seeing (I am in my early 40's) are simply of the "I am sick of this crap and will not finish out my life like this" variety.

I honestly had a come to Jesus with my wife a couple of years ago when we went to a counselor and I told her I had been changing and compromising for well over a decade to make her happy, if she didn't agree to do the same to make me happy I was going to be out sooner or later. I want to continue to love my wife into our old age, not hate and resent her like so many I see (her parents specifically).

And if we WERE to divorce or she died, there is no way in hell I'd remarry. I lover her but it's hard work being married. I'd just hire hookers.

GlockinNJ
10-03-2012, 12:52
Any and all things could lead to "issues."

I still choose to play the game. Qui audet adipiscitur.

You got that right, Rabbi. There's a game being played. You either play, or you lose. The game goes on either way.

I don't think everyone realizes that.

M1a65
10-04-2012, 03:07
Just went thru the whole 40's divorce thing myself. I'm 46 the ex is 44. We were married for 23 years and married in out early 20's. We have 2 kids in their early teens who are most awesome. She was Brittish (never became a US citizen) and her family/friends played a huge role in sabotaging. It wasn't about infidility thou that did go on for both of us. She grew up with money being handed to her, I grew up poor but appreciated what I had. I've got a pretty good job working for the airlines and she worked (mostly) but the main reason it didn't work was a gradual loss of respect for each other. I worked my ass off to provide for the family while she expected me to take care of her and be there for her every moment of the day never appreciating anything. She put children family, and friends before me at all times (children I can understand). Rarely sided with me on any issue and often had to check my facts with friends to see if I was BSing her on issues!!!! WTF! Her family was constantly nipping at our heals and wanting her to come "home" to England, they hated me for giving her a better life in America. My family loved her and still treat her as family. She accused me of having a mid life crisis wanting to relive my youth but it was anything but. What sane man wants to give up half his life savings, house and 401k not to mention drop 20k EACH in useless lawyer fee's. Pay $1500 a month child support/alimony for the next 6 years and the worst part only get to see his children every other weekend? It was that bad... Sex for me was a good barometer of our relationship. At first it was 4-5 times a week, by the end it was a forced once every 3 months! A hooker would have been more warm in the sack. Since the divorce I am more at ease, less resentfull and stressed. I still can't stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice but am cordial for the kids sake. Just venting really but wanted to say to all the fella's continplating marrige go ask a divorced friend first before popping the question... The man really takes it in the corn hole during and after the whole process.

On a side note: I'm dating a very sweet 35 y.o. divorced ballerina (husband left her after 10 years for a stripper)! She knows I have no plans on remarring ever but feels the same way about marriage. We're gonna do the Kurt and Goldie thing till we kick or it becomes no fun anymore. I'll let ya know how thats working for me in 6 mos.!

DaleGribble
10-04-2012, 04:51
What amazes me are the guys who walk away from their kids for the strange.

This!

I got married at 27, divorced at 35, no kids involved. The very day my ex-wife moved out I basically went on a humping binge and was getting chicks like a straight up pimp with a very strong hand. Met the woman of my dreams, told her the truth about my conquests prior to meeting her, married her and had a kid at the ripe old age of 38.

I know what getting strange is like, I know what getting bored at home is like and I know what being with my child every day is like and there is no gash in the world worth wrecking my relationship with my wife and child. It would be fun to go through the excitement of a new conquest but the pain it would cause would be ten times worse. I can't imagine not being an active part of my child's life on a daily basis and I don't understand how any man could give that up for *****.

vtducrider
10-04-2012, 22:24
$7500 worth of therapy later, the conclusion is: paths cross and paths diverge, Life goes on.

Random
10-05-2012, 00:12
An $8 Billy Joel cd in the bargain bin woulda told you "Life is a series of hellos and goodbyes. I'm afraid it's time for goodbye again".

Music will always be my therapist. I haven't been in a situation yet that someone hasn't already written a song about. And if I ever am, I'll just write a song about it and hope the next guy can benefit from it.

BSA70
10-05-2012, 07:29
Just went thru the whole 40's divorce thing myself. I'm 46 the ex is 44. We were married for 23 years and married in out early 20's. We have 2 kids in their early teens who are most awesome. She was Brittish (never became a US citizen) and her family/friends played a huge role in sabotaging. It wasn't about infidility thou that did go on for both of us. She grew up with money being handed to her, I grew up poor but appreciated what I had. I've got a pretty good job working for the airlines and she worked (mostly) but the main reason it didn't work was a gradual loss of respect for each other. I worked my ass off to provide for the family while she expected me to take care of her and be there for her every moment of the day never appreciating anything. She put children family, and friends before me at all times (children I can understand). Rarely sided with me on any issue and often had to check my facts with friends to see if I was BSing her on issues!!!! WTF! Her family was constantly nipping at our heals and wanting her to come "home" to England, they hated me for giving her a better life in America. My family loved her and still treat her as family. She accused me of having a mid life crisis wanting to relive my youth but it was anything but. What sane man wants to give up half his life savings, house and 401k not to mention drop 20k EACH in useless lawyer fee's. Pay $1500 a month child support/alimony for the next 6 years and the worst part only get to see his children every other weekend? It was that bad... Sex for me was a good barometer of our relationship. At first it was 4-5 times a week, by the end it was a forced once every 3 months! A hooker would have been more warm in the sack. Since the divorce I am more at ease, less resentfull and stressed. I still can't stand the sight of her or the sound of her voice but am cordial for the kids sake. Just venting really but wanted to say to all the fella's continplating marrige go ask a divorced friend first before popping the question... The man really takes it in the corn hole during and after the whole process.

On a side note: I'm dating a very sweet 35 y.o. divorced ballerina (husband left her after 10 years for a stripper)! She knows I have no plans on remarring ever but feels the same way about marriage. We're gonna do the Kurt and Goldie thing till we kick or it becomes no fun anymore. I'll let ya know how thats working for me in 6 mos.!


"It wasn't about infidility thou that did go on for both of us."

How could that not be an issue, did you have an open marriage? That's a serious question, That's another thing I come across more and more is open marriages and "swinging".

I can't for the life of me wrap my mind around the concept. Maybe a couple gets bored with life and has way too much material investments to walk away......

I personally know a few couples locally, that have the family life on the outside, nice house, kids, boats, nice cars but having sex with each other spouses:dunno:

mgs
10-05-2012, 08:18
I've been married 30 years now and the mid 40's for my wife was tough.....plenty of crazy hormone stuff. I've seen great marriages fall apart at this point. I found the less I said and more I listened, the better things went. Sex was never an issue and it's even better now. Harsh words are like bullets.....you can't take them back are can be deadly to a relationship. I've seen women pick up and leave everything behind. There are always two sides of the story and I know plenty of men that are jerks and plenty of women who should be water-boarded for their mind-games they play on men. I would probably just drown them. Having a wife as your best friend and having space for each others hobbies and sharing some hobbies is great. It would be no fun growing old alone.

BSA70
10-07-2012, 08:56
A co-worker, retired 30 yrs law enforcement, stayed married his career and then decided to split when he retired.:upeyes:

Anyway, with child support, expenses, possible alimony, he will pay close to 5k a month. He cannot afford to live on his own, lives with mom and dad. Sad situation when you are 50:crying:

smokeross
10-07-2012, 11:40
I have recently met 2 different women in their early 40's who recently got divorced after being married to hubby #2 for only about a year. That'll make you think about it a little.

19sandyman
10-07-2012, 12:45
I have seen several cases recently where some women, with kids, leave their husband for another woman! What's up with that? It seems like an epidemic.

I just learned of 2 of these happening this summer. I know both families and it is a d@MN shame. The youngest child is 3.

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mike from st pe
10-07-2012, 14:31
Thirty years, no kids and in our mid fifties DW left for some guy she had just met like three months before. DexW said I was boring, now she is supporting a near sixty hippie fired from his job as a clerk in a big box hardware store, who is adopting his grandkid because his daughter is a junkie and got busted in a pill mill raid.
I have the house free and clear, no more walking on eggs to keep from setting off an argument. And no more DRAMA.
All the women in the area my age look at me as "Damaged Goods".

Billua
10-07-2012, 15:10
I have recently met 2 different women in their early 40's who recently got divorced after being married to hubby #2 for only about a year. That'll make you think about it a little.

Those woman are what's known as whack jobs.


I suggest everyone read The Predatory Female regardless of your age or status in life..