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frizz
10-09-2012, 07:06
I'm not going to throw my personal details out, but this may be in my near future.


A lot of it depends on how a conversation I'll be having with her today goes. I don't want this, but there are some things that just can't work.

This is a big part of why I've been jerky (or extra jerky) as of late. No excuse, but please consider it.

FiremanMike
10-09-2012, 08:55
Very sorry to hear that. Just remember, in sickness and in health, good times and bad.. You should fight to your core for your marriage. Not judging, just trying to encourage you.

Glock30Eric
10-09-2012, 09:03
Divorce is not worth it. Try save your marriage and have both parties to give their shares into the marriage.

scccdoc
10-09-2012, 09:21
I was divorced about 8 years ago, though I begged my wife to understand our differences and work on them including counseling. She was content with our "separate" lives while we were married, I wasn't. I divorced her. After 3 years, we came to an understanding and we have been remarried for 5 years now. Do everything in your power to stay married, in the end there is less pain.As my father used to say "It takes two to make a bargain" I wish you the best.............DOC

rockapede
10-09-2012, 09:27
I'm not going to throw my personal details out, but this may be in my near future.


A lot of it depends on how a conversation I'll be having with her today goes. I don't want this, but there are some things that just can't work.

This is a big part of why I've been jerky (or extra jerky) as of late. No excuse, but please consider it.

Maybe log out from here and "log in" at home?

PaulMason
10-09-2012, 09:30
I'm not going to throw my personal details out, but this may be in my near future.


A lot of it depends on how a conversation I'll be having with her today goes. I don't want this, but there are some things that just can't work.

This is a big part of why I've been jerky (or extra jerky) as of late. No excuse, but please consider it.

Children?

What are the big issues/stumbling blocks to getting out?

Short answer- marriage isn't a suicide pact - get it over and done with ASAP and out of your life. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't let it fester, it only gets worse.

PrecisionRifleman
10-09-2012, 09:40
Its cheaper to keep them. Make it work. If no kids are involved and its just not working, and you were wise enough to get a prenup. then end it. Run a cost benefit analysis and then you will know your options.

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Chesafreak
10-09-2012, 09:47
Its cheaper to keep them.

Not in every case. Even after paying child support and alimony, I have hundreds left over after bills every month. When I was married, I was broke just days after every payday and we bounced checks just before payday as well. I survived 21 years of that before I threw in the towel.

frizz
10-09-2012, 10:07
Thank you all for the kind words of support. I have had one divorce, and it nearly killed me.

I do want to save this. We have no kids, and we met and married in our 30s.

jeepinbandit
10-09-2012, 10:36
I was married once. Screw that noise I've never been happier and will not be getting married again.

Grab ahold of that yellow and black loop and pull my friend.

http://www.ejection-history.org.uk/PROJECT/Martin_Baker/hawkseattest.jpg

frizz
10-09-2012, 10:41
I was married once. Screw that noise I've never been happier and will not be getting married again.

Grab ahold of that yellow and black loop and pull my friend.


To each his own. Don't forget that ejection seats usually cause injuries. Even the best outcomes leave the aviator about an inch shorter!

frizz
10-09-2012, 10:42
Maybe log out from here and "log in" at home?
Astute observation, but it is actually the other way around.

PaulMason
10-09-2012, 10:50
To each his own. Don't forget that ejection seats usually cause injuries. Even the best outcomes leave the aviator about an inch shorter!

Certain death (stay in the plane) versus a chance for life and happiness?

Gee, let me think about that one.

frizz
10-09-2012, 11:02
Certain death (stay in the plane) versus a chance for life and happiness?

Gee, let me think about that one.
Let me clarify. Ejection has its own risks, so you have to weigh the options. By way of metaphor, my engine is wonky, and an airport is in range. My rudder and elevators aren't jammed from a SAM hit.

Beware Owner
10-09-2012, 11:25
Sometimes separation makes the decision easier to come about to.

scccdoc
10-09-2012, 11:29
Growing old by myself is not very appealing. Besides, who's gonna feed the cat? DOC

collim1
10-09-2012, 13:51
I have a co-worker and close friend in the same boat. They have two small children and an a teenage step-daughter. They are both good people, just cant work it out. Neither one could afford the home they live in on ther individual salary, and my buddy would be beaten to death on child support and alimony.

I am begging him to stick it out, but he is ready to give up.

Luckily me and my wife have a good relationship despite the job. I was doing this when we met so we didn't have the stress of a career change into LE.

PaulMason
10-09-2012, 14:02
Growing old by myself is not very appealing. Besides, who's gonna feed the cat? DOC

Get a Monkey.

http://urngarden.com/images/blog/monkey.jpg

PaulMason
10-09-2012, 14:06
Let me clarify. Ejection has its own risks, so you have to weigh the options. By way of metaphor, my engine is wonky, and an airport is in range. My rudder and elevators aren't jammed from a SAM hit.

OK. I still say, eject and don't get in another plane.

More then 50% of first marriages end in divorce.

Second marriage 60%

http://www.divorcerate.org/

Beware Owner
10-09-2012, 14:10
Try separating for a little bit, it helps.

scccdoc
10-09-2012, 14:50
Get a Monkey.

http://urngarden.com/images/blog/monkey.jpg

Beginning to understand why your relationships don't work

cowboywannabe
10-09-2012, 15:13
sometimes you have to cut your loses....knowing if things have gone too far will help with that decision. somethings can not be gotten over.

Glock Holliday
10-09-2012, 15:14
Not in every case. Even after paying child support and alimony, I have hundreds left over after bills every month. When I was married, I was broke just days after every payday and we bounced checks just before payday as well. I survived 21 years of that before I threw in the towel.

I've been there a couple times. I think I took put up with more crap off of the second one because I knew how painful (and expensive) another divorce would be but after 20 years or so of a declining relationship I threw in the towel too. In retrospect the only real regret I have is not divorcing her sooner.

cowboywannabe
10-09-2012, 15:24
life is too short to waste it with somebody who doesnt adore you.

janice6
10-09-2012, 15:27
Didn't see if you had kids.

My father and mother were divorced when I was 12. After listening to the night long fights and cold treatments during the days, the distrust and suspicion, I think the divorce for my parents was the right thing. My father was great to us kids after the divorce, but he was hell for my mother to live with while married.

Maybe you have a case, only you know.

packsaddle
10-09-2012, 16:03
have you asked God what to do?

has she?

Kingarthurhk
10-09-2012, 16:08
I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Also, I hadn't realized you had been a jerk lately. I guess I missed that part, or glossed over it. Either way, not a big deal.

Family is more important than the job. Have you considered picking up the movie "Fireproof"? It might help.

jakebrake
10-09-2012, 16:18
i'll skip the details....

if she needs to log in at home, have you considered...(allright...screw the cute analogy)

sit down and talk to her. maybe the both of you need a reminder why you got married in the first damn place!. try a weekend away. hell, try actually just talking. subject doesn't matter (politics...probably not good) and take it from there. if there is anything left to salvage, maybe you need to initiate finding it. if she's not willing to take a step towards fixing it, you have your answer, but, at the end of the day, you better damn well be able to look in the mirror and know you did ALL that you could.

just sayin'

frizz
10-09-2012, 16:21
Didn't see if you had kids.

No kids. I am a carrier for a birth defect, and she has cardiac issues.

Chesafreak
10-09-2012, 17:06
I hope you find happiness, whether that be with or without her.

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wprebeck
10-09-2012, 17:25
have you asked God what to do?

has she?

This. At the risk of sounding preachy, I was/am in the same situation. Life is better every day, but only because I started renewing my relationship with God. That has created a lot of changes in me, many of which my wife needed to happen. I was looking down the barrel of a divorce a month ago, and now we are getting a weekend without the kids together. That's about as rare as a unicorn crapping skittles, for the record.

Point is, even though things have a long way to go before we're what we used to be, they're s lot better because I got back to church.

I am sorry to hear of your difficulties. Also, I hadn't realized you had been a jerk lately. I guess I missed that part, or glossed over it. Either way, not a big deal.

Family is more important than the job. Have you considered picking up the movie "Fireproof"? It might help.

On the recommendation of a good friend, I bought "The Love Dare", which is the book featured in that movie. I credit the lessons I learned thus far for helping save my marriage.

glock_collector
10-09-2012, 17:54
Bag er and tag er danno...anyone seen my beer?

IndyGunFreak
10-09-2012, 18:28
Man, some of you guys act like it's purely a financial decision on whether to end a marriage or not and throwing the towel in is as easy as taking out the trash.

OP, I can't really empathize with your situation, as I'm not there, but I wish you the very best in whatever you decide. Given the tone of your posts, I'd suspect you can separate the good advice from the ridiculous advice in this thread.

redbeamer
10-09-2012, 18:49
This. At the risk of sounding preachy, I was/am in the same situation. Life is better every day, but only because I started renewing my relationship with God. That has created a lot of changes in me, many of which my wife needed to happen. I was looking down the barrel of a divorce a month ago, and now we are getting a weekend without the kids together. That's about as rare as a unicorn crapping skittles, for the record.

Point is, even though things have a long way to go before we're what we used to be, they're s lot better because I got back to church.



On the recommendation of a good friend, I bought "The Love Dare", which is the book featured in that movie. I credit the lessons I learned thus far for helping save my marriage.

I couldn't agree with this more. About 8 months ago, I came really close to losing my wife and daughter. I was miserable and so I made them both miserable. She finally reached a breaking point and asked for a separation. It was the worst time of my life. I turned to the big guy (mostly because I had no where else to turn) and he saved my marriage and probably my life.

I also watched fire proof and read the love dare and I would recommend them.

Good luck, and I pray it works out however you want it to.

Cochese
10-09-2012, 18:59
Get a Monkey.

http://urngarden.com/images/blog/monkey.jpg

That address isn't valid. My check was returned.

:steamed:

jbglock
10-09-2012, 19:35
Get a Monkey.

http://urngarden.com/images/blog/monkey.jpg

The good old days. :)

Personally I look at marriage the same as getting stabbed. Yeah I lived through it and it was one of those life experiences but I don't want to go through either again.

frizz
10-09-2012, 23:40
have you asked God what to do?

has she?
It's about time I did. Thanks for the reminder.


Question is, why did I need a reminder?

scottydl
10-09-2012, 23:44
We all need reminders sometimes. As far as Christianity goes, that's why church and regular fellowship with other Christians is important... it keeps you coming back. Otherwise us humans have proven time and time again that without reminders to stay on the right track, we'll wander off and eventually manage to screw everything up trying to figure things out on our own. ;)

frizz
10-09-2012, 23:45
The good old days. :)

Personally I look at marriage the same as getting stabbed. Yeah I lived through it and it was one of those life experiences but I don't want to go through either again.

My experience has been, overall, positive. We have supported each other through serious illnesses, including cancer.

It takes the right match, and I'm sorry yours was stab-like. I can't blame you for not wanting to do it again.

Once burnt (stabbed) twice shy.

frizz
10-09-2012, 23:48
Again, thanks for the replies from both sides of the spectrum.

The crisis that prompted me to post this thread was a miscommunication by my wife's friend. It was unintentional, and she was very sorry.

It still threw me for a loop, and I'm still jumpy.

frizz
10-10-2012, 00:00
That address isn't valid. My check was returned.

:steamed:

:laughabove:

Just as well. I'm told they are very disobedient, and you have to spank them frequently.

indigent
10-10-2012, 02:43
:laughabove:

Just as well. I'm told they are very disobedient, and you have to spank them frequently.

Cheezy has a hell of a case of Carpal Tunnel as it is......


Don't encourage him.

Glock Holliday
10-10-2012, 04:25
... As far as Christianity goes, that's why church and regular fellowship with other Christians is important... it keeps you coming back. Otherwise us humans have proven time and time again that without reminders to stay on the right track, we'll wander off and eventually manage to screw everything up trying to figure things out on our own. ;)

I am a Christian, but you'll really find out who your friends are if you go through a divorce... the Christian church really does shoot it's wounded. (This is in no way an indictment of the Lord Jesus Christ, just some of the shallow people that frequent His sanctuary.)

I broke the cycle and am now married to the finest Christian woman I've ever known (and she has survived her share of tribulations as well).

Ironically, I don't believe in divorce and I dealt with a lot of guilt because of this, but it's hard to go on (especially in a job as demanding as ours) when you're unevenly yoked.

fx77
10-10-2012, 06:25
Divorce is not the end of the world..life goes on..be optomistic, free, and happy...
Eliminate the source of pain...

merlynusn
10-10-2012, 06:35
Wes, glad to hear things are working out and going better for you. Keep the faith!

scottydl
10-10-2012, 07:47
... the Christian church really does shoot it's wounded.

I think that depends on your church. Ours certainly discourages divorce in every way and has marriage counseling resources available, but there are also support groups for divorce, grief (death or dying loved ones), single moms, abortions, drug abuse/recovery, and just about every other vice you can think of.

just some of the shallow people that frequent His sanctuary.

Exactly, PEOPLE are the ones that screw it up when things are screwed up.

wprebeck
10-10-2012, 09:03
Wes, glad to hear things are working out and going better for you. Keep the faith!

I'm trying, but it's very difficult at times. Not long after I typed my reply above, we had another nice argument. Yay.

Everything seems to be back to normal this morning, but man - it's hard to do this. Thanks for the support.

Glock30Eric
10-10-2012, 09:41
I'm trying, but it's very difficult at times. Not long after I typed my reply above, we had another nice argument. Yay.

Everything seems to be back to normal this morning, but man - it's hard to do this. Thanks for the support.

I don't know your situation but I have been there for thousands of time. My situation is probably worse than yours. My wife is living 3k miles away from me and we haven't spoke to each other in a meaniful way for almost three months. I really don't know what to do at this time but to pray and hope for the better.

I strongly encourage you to read this book, "Love and Respect". It helped me to understand my wife better and I am praying that it isn't too late to save my marriage.

So, you will need to hang on and try not to argue with her at everytime. It was my mistake to argue with my wife over many issues and too long. Sometime I had to shut up and let her to run over me. Maybe one day she'll realize she was doing it wrong then she will come back with a better relationship. It happened few times.