Parents did I over react? Was I out of line? [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 13:10
So last night I get a call from a good friend and he's pretty lathered up. Well I find out why, it has to do with my 7yo step son and my 10 1/2mo daughter.

Apparently they were taking a bath together, normal really for siblings to do this. But he decided for some unknown reason to insert his fingers into my daughters whoo-whoo. From what I was told by both my friend first then later the mother, it was for a period of about 5 seconds. Of course I went into a lather and had a quite difficult time in maintaining control.

I told the boy that I was (and I have a call into my doctor for a recommended pediatrician) going to have her examined by a doctor and if it was found that she has been molested, I would remand him to the court system for processing. That was the threat I made to him.

Now, I understand kids are curious and they do some silly things BUT, this boy is pretty well educated on the differences of boys and girls. He has seen his mom naked and she has been very direct in answering his questions. He knows where babies come from and understands that it takes a mom and dad to make them. And this in my experience (I have 7 sisters and I don't ever remember at the age of 7 trying to stick things into their whoo-whoo's.) this is a bit odd for a 7yo.

Now a qualifier, I have a pretty good sense of people and their character. It's rare, very rare that I am wrong about a persons moral fiber and overall character. I have always been good a "reading" people and determining their motives and over all trust worthiness. This kid sends my slime-ball meter pinging. And I am not the only one. Several of my male friends have said similar things to me about how they perceive him. He has demonstrated a conniving aptitude in manipulating women with his good looks and charm. But I, and others have seen this behavior with pretty dark undertones. He still bullies his cousins and other children (even after an ass whipping by a bigger boy) something I have been working to eliminate.

The bottom line is my relationship with the mother is pretty much strained as she is taking his side, which is not unexpected. But she is saying that the fear I put into the boy was uncalled for and over the top.

So... was I out of line?

Mayhem like Me
11-27-2012, 13:25
The boy is 7?
Your friend was watching your two children?

At seven most states do not assign criminal intent to actions like this.

As a sex crime investigatior I find this behavior disturbing , and the age difference is too great for these two to be bathing together, (same sex siblings maybe)
The seven year old boy needs to be seen by a therapist/psychologist of your choosing to see what is up with this behavior.

Your behavior ,while maybe over the top sent a clear message that this new found game in the tub is not acceptable or tolerable behavior.

Neither one of you can change what has happened, now you need to understand why it happened , what exactly led to it , and where this behavior is heading.

You should have had a united front before dealing with this, now that you reacted, you both need to get together on the follow up or this will change your relationship for the worse.

Sneegrl
11-27-2012, 13:29
.....

nmk
11-27-2012, 13:36
So last night I get a call from a good friend and he's pretty lathered up. Well I find out why, it has to do with my 7yo step son and my 10 1/2mo daughter.

Apparently they were taking a bath together, normal really for siblings to do this.

I strongly disagree.

Steve0853
11-27-2012, 13:38
You were right to raise enough hell to make sure everyone knew that it was unacceptable and better never happen again.

However, as others have mentioned, 7 years old is too early to write someone off as a "slimeball". If you continue to have a strong relationship with this boy's mother, you will have a chance to eliminate those "slimeball tendencies". You will be his male role model.

You will have to decide if its "love the woman, love her son". If not you will always keep him at arms length. If that is the case, Mom will eventually get burned out from being torn between to two of you.

Edited to add: 7 year old male and 1 year old female bathing together is not OK.

Psychman
11-27-2012, 13:45
You should not be around the 7 year old. You scare me with your over reaction to your step sons behavior. I have to side with his mother on this one. I fear your relationship with his mother and him is headed for the toliet. I do agree that some counselling would be needed for the step son as well as yourself.

treeline
11-27-2012, 13:51
I don't think the boy did anything inherently wrong. No matter how much he's heard about women's bodies, he'll still be curious, especially about the differences. "What's in there and how the hell do they pee out of it?"

I have girls and they're just as bad. At age 6-7 things got wierd. Shoving fingers in various orifices was perfectly normal.

I can't comment on the other behaviour since I know too little. It sounds like you've got a good eye on him. The only comment would be not to assume his behaviour signifies something too dark. Given the age gap, I assume he was an only child? He might just be a slightly spoiled only child used to getting female attention from adults. He's too young to assume he will grow into a predator or adult bully. You can only keep an eye on him, which you're doing.

arclight610
11-27-2012, 13:52
Why didn't you just let him know that his actions were wrong, and spank him? He's 7... a 2nd grader. You were going to get the authorities involved over this?

Gallium
11-27-2012, 13:52
A 7YR old boy should not be in the shower with a pubescent or prepubescent 10yr old girl.

Problem started there.

I think you went over the top in the heat of the moment with the kid on the exam arena. Chances are, he's touched her there before. You need to have a calm conversation with your daughter.

RichJ
11-27-2012, 13:53
Were you out of line? No, but you shouldn't have threatened him with court. That makes him think you don't want him.

First things first, no more bath time together for the kids; they've obvioulsly outgrown that stage.

Secondly, you have every right to put your foot down and make it clear to him that this kind of thing isn't to be tolerated (but here's where we diverge a bit). Let him know that you'll absolutely put your foot in his ***** if he ever does anything like that again. Be angry and stern and make sure he understands the agreement.

But... make sure he understands you love him and care for him and that you are only looking after his well being and the well being of your daughter. Threatening to send him to court sends the message that you reject him and don't want him and don't love him. I don't mean to make any assumptions about your feeling towards the boy, but that is more than likely how he will interpret your words.

I could probably spend the rest of the day on this post because it hits so close to home with me, but I won't. I have two step-sons that have been in my life for 12 years. One of them has been hell almost since the beginning. I could see from any early age that he had the potential to be rotten to the core, but despite everything, I gave him all the love I could give him and tried my best to avoid the inevitable. My advise to you though is if you love this kid and want to be with his mom long-term, you have to love him regardless of the stupid stuff he inevitably will do.

arclight610
11-27-2012, 13:53
A 7YR old boy should not be in the shower with a pubescent or prepubescent 10yr old girl.

Problem started there.

I think you went over the top in the heat of the moment with the kid on the exam arena. Chances are, he's touched her there before. You need to have a calm conversation with your daughter.

It was 10 month old girl.

Gallium
11-27-2012, 13:54
To add, my sons are always shoving their bare butts in each others faces to smell (I think they got that from me. :embarassed:), always want to measure up with each other in a ***** measuring contest, and always need to take a piss at the same time - then piss on each other and find it hilarious.

My wife of course thinks they are hell spawn, like dad.

Gallium
11-27-2012, 13:55
It was 10 month old girl.

:wow::faint::wow:

Gallium
11-27-2012, 13:56
It was 10 month old girl.

A 7yr old boy has no business being in the shower with an infant, of any sex and particularly not a 7yr old who you think is on the way to getting a PhD in Slimeology

Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 14:00
A 7YR old boy should not be in the shower with a pubescent or prepubescent 10yr old girl.

Problem started there.

I think you went over the top in the heat of the moment with the kid on the exam arena. Chances are, he's touched her there before. You need to have a calm conversation with your daughter.

10 month old girl...

jtmac
11-27-2012, 14:03
I'm not sure that, at seven, the boy has enough understanding to grasp all the implications that you threatened him with. At seven, he had no real grasp on what he was doing. Something like this CANNOT be overlooked, but this is either very likely either childish curiosity that got WAY out of hand or it is the manifestation of something fairly sinister from his past.

Childhood experiences are formative. Your wife is prone to taking the boy's side. Both of these are things that call for a deft hand rather than a strong hand. You want to make it clear to the boy that what he did was wrong and make sure he never does it again... and that he forgets about the incident aside from the lesson learned. If you come the wrong way, he will dwell on it now and in the future (which you don't want screwing with his development) and his mother will be angry.

If the kid's giving off "slimeball" signals, either he has lacked discipline or he's had some experiences in his past that caused this sort of behavior. It would be unwise to assume the latter and it would be asking for trouble to start asking questions of your wife to determine if that was the case... but you need to make yourself aware of how to handle such cases.

7 year old male and 1 year old female bathing together is not OK.

It is not something I would do, but an enormous number of people in the world bathe kids together with no problems with kids even older than that. Even in western culture this wasn't unusual that long ago. Barring some sign of something being wrong, it's no big deal.

GRIMLET
11-27-2012, 14:05
Glock 20, I think you were in line with you talk with the boy. Momma may see her little boy as an angel but maybe thats what mommas do.
I would take the advice of Mayhem.

BTW, Mayhem, you and officers who do your job are my heroes! Carry on and good hunting.


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glock30user
11-27-2012, 14:10
1. They should not be bathing together with that age difference
2. Criminal - I don't think so, but it is inappropriate behavior. 7 yr olds do things that grown adults know to be wrong

Just my two cents

glock30user
11-27-2012, 14:12
To follow on, you may have overreacted a little but I could see myself going down the exact same path.

el_jewapo
11-27-2012, 14:14
I think that's quite an age gap for baths together. I could be wrong.

RichJ
11-27-2012, 14:15
Btw... I am in the process of raising my second set of boys; the current crop is 4.5 and 3 years old.

All the behavior I thought was bizarre that the older boys did seems to have manifest itself into the younger boys so I wouldn't necessarily freak totally out at what has happened. I'm not saying it's at all normal or anything, but it seems to be a common occurance among my friends' kids as well as my own to play finger games in the bathtub. My kids think it's a real hoot to poke a finger into each others butt if they turn around and aren't paying attention. It's also quite funny for them to tug the wiener if one of them holds their head back in the water for too long.

I'm just saying, kids do stupid stuff sometimes and most of the time they have no idea what they are doing so don't worry about it too much.

LSUAdman
11-27-2012, 14:16
Glock - where was the other adult when this occured? Not to place blame, did he look away and then see it when he looked back, or was he just in shock for 5 seconds while it happened? How did he correct the child?

I'm conflicted over this - it would never have occured to me at 7 to do something like that (me and female cousins routinely bathed together at that age), and unlike some people that have responded to this thread, I can attest that there are some children that are...slightly broken in the head.

I dont know what "slimeball" actions this kid has taken in the past, but if you have to be around this child I would argue that a closer eye needs to be placed on this child from now on. Kids can and do stupid and cruel things - did the child do it with malice - most likely not; but a shrink would tell you that if he devalued his sister's body so much as to probe a "no-no spot," well you can see where I am going with this.

I doubt your daughter was harmed or traumatized by this and hope everything works out between you and the child's mother - something I think needs examining further.

gsotec
11-27-2012, 14:21
In NC at age 6 they cannot be held criminally responsible for an offense but at age 7 they can be petitioned into court and after age 11 can become a registered sex offender if found responsible for such an act and it seems like he may be well on his way. But I agree with the sex and age difference they should not have been bathing together, that sounds like a lack of supervision on someone's part.

Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 14:30
The mother was attending, she told the friends wife whom told her hubby whom told me. Mother corroborated the details so the translation was pretty accurate. I don't think I was on the property at the time, as I was at work... if I have the time correct.

Hawkeye16
11-27-2012, 14:33
Wow. Yeah. 7yr old definitely doesn't understand what exactly he was doing. And them bathing together is anything but normal. He is 7!!


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PBCounty
11-27-2012, 14:47
I don't know about the not knowing what he was doing at 7 thing. I was quite well aware of what I was doing when I was hangin' with the neighborhood girls of my same age - and they knew why I was doing it.

gjk5
11-27-2012, 14:49
they should not be bathing together at those ages. you may have overreacted but you have a reason to be concerned, but I would not write the kid off as a "slimeball".

DairyFresh
11-27-2012, 14:53
First, obviously it's time to split up bath time.

At age seven, I'm sure his thoughts on putting his fingers in a hole would be the same as if it was a hole in a fence, or in the ground. Merely "What's in there?" Type thoughts. I'd surely inform him in a way that he can understand that he shouldn't experiment on his sister, because he could hurt her, make her cry, etc, etc. If he can understand what he does/did could hurt her, and the activity stops, then chalk it up to the innocence of youth. If it happens again, after he understands he may injure his sister, then you can whup the tar outta him, like any father should do to a male child who would knowingly hurt a sibling. Continue discipline as necessary. He'll get the idea.

FCastle88
11-27-2012, 14:58
Without knowing more details about the boys previous behavior, you may have over-reacted a bit, though it's understandable under the circumstances. As others said, the age gap is rather large for different sex siblings to be bathing together. I kind of doubt the boy could actually be charged with anything at his age, if anything else did happen, though many kids his age do have some idea what that kind of behavior is. I do agree with you that you can definitely tell some kids just aren't right even at 7 years old. I've met a couple young children over the years who really creeped me out, usually very cold and manipulative, enjoyed being cruel to animals etc. As teenagers/adults they weren't any different, criminal records, rumors of rape accusations, animal torture, etc.

I don't know how your relationship with the boys mother is, but given that you were the third person to find out, and the mother wasn't the one to tell you, I can't help but wonder if maybe she left something out to protect her son. At the very least I'd be a bit concerned that she may be overlooking some inappropriate behavior as being harmless, or isn't properly keeping an eye on the children together after this happened.

SRS
11-27-2012, 15:18
I'm not a parent or a psychologist and, thus, don't have much to offer. I would, however, caution getting doctors and the police involved at this stage. This could really spiral out of your control given the right confluence of events.

ETA - By doctors, I meant medical doctors (like the one to look for signs of molestation) and not psychologists or psychiatrists.

2bgop
11-27-2012, 15:22
What did you possibly think the police were going to do with a 7 year old? Take him away in cuffs and charge him with a crime?

BSA70
11-27-2012, 15:29
I don't think it is normal for a 7 yo and another child to be bathing together.....

tsmo1066
11-27-2012, 15:36
My wife has 13 years of Child Protective Service Investigation work under her belt and is currently working on her second Masters in Social Work (LCSW), so I definitely consider her opinions on such issues to be about as experienced and professional as they come.

Here's her take:

A 7 year old boy has no business being naked in a tub with a 10 month old girl. 6-10 year old kids "play doctor", a lot, and it is normal for them to explore. It's not really a sexual thing as they have a long while to go before puberty kicks in, but it's still not something you want to open the door to with a 10 month old baby. (Short version - don't put something in a bathtub with a naked 7 year old that you don't want getting felt up!)

As for the "slime" aspect of the 7 year-old, if this manipulative and/or deviant behavior is something that you can see and that your friends who have contact with the boy are commenting on, look at getting some form of initial assessment from a mental health professional who specializes in working with children. DO NOT keep telling the 7 year-old that he will go to jail or threatening him like you did. If he has real issues, that sort of behavior will likely make them worse. Talk to a professional and get their advise.

Hope that helps!

:wavey:

BigChuck73
11-27-2012, 15:49
Well if the kid wasn't headed towards being messed up on his own, you're certainly pushing him there...

I'm sure he feels loved and safe right now. You've done more damage to his psyche than his actions called for.

First the mother is 100% to blame for putting kids in the tub at that age difference. You're a bad parent by not taking this opportunity to teach your step son about appropriate contact with opposite sex. Instead you chose to shame and threaten him.

That kid needs therapy now...

Just_plinking
11-27-2012, 15:51
My wife has 13 years of Child Protective Service Investigation work under her belt and is currently working on her second Masters in Social Work (LCSW), so I definitely consider her opinions on such issues to be about as experienced and professional as they come.

Here's her take:

A 7 year old boy has no business being naked in a tub with a 10 month old girl. 6-10 year old kids "play doctor", a lot,and it is normal for them to explore. It's not really a sexual thing as they have a long while to go before puberty kicks in, but it's still not something you want to open the door to with a 10 month old baby. (Short version - don't put something in a bathtub with a naked 7 year old that you don't want getting felt up!)

As for the "slime" aspect of the 7 year-old, if this manipulative and/or deviant behavior is something that you can see and that your friends who have contact with the boy are commenting on, look at getting some form of initial assessment from a mental health professional who specializes in working with children. DO NOT keep telling the 7 year-old that he will go to jail or threatening him like you did. If he has real issues, that sort of behavior will likely make them worse. Talk to a professional and get their advise.

Hope that helps!

:wavey:

^I'm with him

Disclaimer:!!!

I am not a parent!

I'm also not trying to flame the op!!!

With that said, take a step back and look at your part in this whole thing!

First of all, they should never have been in the bath together. I'm pretty sure when I was seven If I walked into a room where someone was changing a kids diaper I would have walked out because I knew It was inappropriate. Could just be me? You have a responsibility in setting those boundaries, and teaching what is appropriate or not. Putting them in the bath together is not going in the right direction.

Secondly, you have this 7 year old pegged as a slime ball?
He's 7 and has every opportunity to grow up to be a great man, or a real slime ball. That is where you come in. In marrying his mom, you took him into your life also.

You have a chance to love him, teach him, and be a great real life hero to him. Think about it.

JMS
11-27-2012, 15:57
So last night I get a call from a good friend and he's pretty lathered up. Well I find out why, it has to do with my 7yo step son and my 10 1/2mo daughter.

Apparently they were taking a bath together, normal really for siblings to do this. But he decided for some unknown reason to insert his fingers into my daughters whoo-whoo. From what I was told by both my friend first then later the mother, it was for a period of about 5 seconds. Of course I went into a lather and had a quite difficult time in maintaining control.

I told the boy that I was (and I have a call into my doctor for a recommended pediatrician) going to have her examined by a doctor and if it was found that she has been molested, I would remand him to the court system for processing. That was the threat I made to him.

Now, I understand kids are curious and they do some silly things BUT, this boy is pretty well educated on the differences of boys and girls. He has seen his mom naked and she has been very direct in answering his questions. He knows where babies come from and understands that it takes a mom and dad to make them. And this in my experience (I have 7 sisters and I don't ever remember at the age of 7 trying to stick things into their whoo-whoo's.) this is a bit odd for a 7yo.

Now a qualifier, I have a pretty good sense of people and their character. It's rare, very rare that I am wrong about a persons moral fiber and overall character. I have always been good a "reading" people and determining their motives and over all trust worthiness. This kid sends my slime-ball meter pinging. And I am not the only one. Several of my male friends have said similar things to me about how they perceive him. He has demonstrated a conniving aptitude in manipulating women with his good looks and charm. But I, and others have seen this behavior with pretty dark undertones. He still bullies his cousins and other children (even after an ass whipping by a bigger boy) something I have been working to eliminate.

The bottom line is my relationship with the mother is pretty much strained as she is taking his side, which is not unexpected. But she is saying that the fear I put into the boy was uncalled for and over the top.

So... was I out of line?

Why is your friend bathing your children?

It sounds like you are taking your strained relationship out on a 7 year old boy.

Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 16:01
My wife has 13 years of Child Protective Service Investigation work under her belt and is currently working on her second Masters in Social Work (LCSW), so I definitely consider her opinions on such issues to be about as experienced and professional as they come.

Here's her take:

A 7 year old boy has no business being naked in a tub with a 10 month old girl. 6-10 year old kids "play doctor", a lot, and it is normal for them to explore. It's not really a sexual thing as they have a long while to go before puberty kicks in, but it's still not something you want to open the door to with a 10 month old baby. (Short version - don't put something in a bathtub with a naked 7 year old that you don't want getting felt up!)

As for the "slime" aspect of the 7 year-old, if this manipulative and/or deviant behavior is something that you can see and that your friends who have contact with the boy are commenting on, look at getting some form of initial assessment from a mental health professional who specializes in working with children. DO NOT keep telling the 7 year-old that he will go to jail or threatening him like you did. If he has real issues, that sort of behavior will likely make them worse. Talk to a professional and get their advise.

Hope that helps!

:wavey:

Thank you for your wifes input, it's greatly valued and I will use the advice accordingly. Although I think the relationship is over... things aren't looking so good for me. And I have none to blame but myself.

But on that note I will defend myself with this, my gut has rarely ever been wrong about a person or situation. It has saved my bacon more times than I can count and so when it gives me an indication something is wrong... I listen. But sadly I listen to well and in this case I may have made a big mess that I won't be able to clean up.

The next few days will be telling...

For all that have piped up, thank you for the sanity check. It's greatly appreciated.

Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 16:06
Why is your friend bathing your children?

It sounds like you are taking your strained relationship out on a 7 year old boy.

Friend wasn't... I answered this a couple posts back but the mother was there, she told the friends wife who told my friend who called me. The mother never brought it up to me, and had she then I know things would have transpired a bit differently.

Also I realize (hindsight sucks...) that I should have addressed the mother first on this issue. I failed in that so I will take the hit for it.

A parting note, I did have a much calmer discussion with the boy later. And I covered what it means to be a big brother and how it's his job to look out for his sister. And that what he did was disrespectful to her as a person. The conversation was a lot deeper than I want to get into right now (gee, have to actually work now...) but we did end it with a fist bump and another couple of pages from Jack London's White Fang.

RedTop
11-27-2012, 16:12
Wow. Yeah. 7yr old definitely doesn't understand what exactly he was doing. And them bathing together is anything but normal. He is 7!!


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Agreed. The 7 year old didn't have any idea that he was doing, and bathing with a 10 month-old is a stupid idea in my honest opinion.

RedTop
11-27-2012, 16:15
A parting note, I did have a much calmer discussion with the boy later. And I covered what it means to be a big brother and how it's his job to look out for his sister. And that what he did was disrespectful to her as a person. The conversation was a lot deeper than I want to get into right now (gee, have to actually work now...) but we did end it with a fist bump and another couple of pages from Jack London's White Fang.

Nevermind... Wasn't sure what that meant.

RedTop
11-27-2012, 16:19
I don't know about the not knowing what he was doing at 7 thing. I was quite well aware of what I was doing when I was hangin' with the neighborhood girls of my same age - and they knew why I was doing it.

Have you been hanging out with Eurodriver?:rofl:

eaglefrq
11-27-2012, 16:23
It sounds like you were able to have a good talk with him later that was positive.

Don't beat yourself up or MMQB this too much. You can could, should and would this to death, but you reacted the same way a lot of people would have reacted.

Good luck with this situation, it sounds like you are going to need it.

concretefuzzynuts
11-27-2012, 16:27
Keep them separated when not in your sight. Have the boy go to counseling. If the mother has a problem, remember the innocence of your daughter. That trumps everything.

rednoved
11-27-2012, 17:31
I don't know how much you can blame a 7 year old for that. That's a pretty young age to really know what he did outside of his curiosity. The real mistake was bathing them together and putting him a situation where he could do that. I would be upset about it too. 7 years old is too old to share a bath IMO, unless you are trying to conserve water?

Glock20 10mm
11-27-2012, 17:44
I don't know how much you can blame a 7 year old for that. That's a pretty young age to really know what he did outside of his curiosity. The real mistake was bathing them together and putting him a situation where he could do that. I would be upset about it too. 7 years old is too old to share a bath IMO, unless you are trying to conserve water?

Not conserve water but propane to heat the water. I haven't got the wood stove hooked to the hot water yet (may not get that chance either...) so we rely on propane to heat the hot water. In case you didn't know (not being snide just informing you) we live off grid so power and fuel are two commodities we have to be conservative with. BUT that being said, I agree there is no real reason to bath the two together I just haven't made an issue of it because until now... I had no real reason to.

Gallium
11-27-2012, 17:55
Glock20,

Even if you're right there, bathside with them, a 7yr old can accidentally hurt a 10 month old faster than the time in which you can intervene.

Last, if you have a 10mth old, and a 7yr old stepson, and you feel this way about the kid (and I assume you knew how the kid was 18 months ago...) you got serious problems with both mom and your son.

You've been on GT long enough to know the deal with crazy wimmens.

Last, and I may be completely wrong, but a 7yr old has already built up some immunity to things a 10mth old has not yet had a chance to. Yeah you want em close, but not bath water close.

MikeLadner
11-27-2012, 21:50
Yeah you overreacted. If you don't have enough common sense to understand that he's a naturally curious child, and bring up things like molestation and cops/court.... well, I dunno what to tell you.

Rabbi
11-27-2012, 22:01
I'm not a parent or a psychologist and, thus, don't have much to offer. I would, however, caution getting doctors and the police involved at this stage. This could really spiral out of your control given the right confluence of events.

ETA - By doctors, I meant medical doctors (like the one to look for signs of molestation) and not psychologists or psychiatrists.

Psychiatrists are medical doctors.

Foxterriermom
11-27-2012, 22:02
I don't know how much you can blame a 7 year old for that. That's a pretty young age to really know what he did outside of his curiosity.

I think I have to disagree with this. When I was 7 years old, I knew that this was something I should not do in spite of whatever curiosity I had. If the step son was 3 or so, I could understand it. But by 7, any child should already know that you don't allow anyone else to touch your own private parts and that in itself should be enough for them to realize that it extents to them not touching the private parts of someone else.

I think the initial reaction to the child was harsh - maybe it should have been discussed the the mother first - but since you can't take it back, I think what you have discussed with your step-son since then is on the right track.

I sincerely hope you are able to work this out with the mother of your little girl,although I am having a difficult time understanding that if the bath time was being adequately supervised how this could have occurred in the first place.

SRS
11-27-2012, 22:13
Psychiatrists are medical doctors.

Yes. I articulated poorly my intended message.

certifiedfunds
11-27-2012, 22:16
Not conserve water but propane to heat the water. I haven't got the wood stove hooked to the hot water yet (may not get that chance either...) so we rely on propane to heat the hot water. In case you didn't know (not being snide just informing you) we live off grid so power and fuel are two commodities we have to be conservative with. BUT that being said, I agree there is no real reason to bath the two together I just haven't made an issue of it because until now... I had no real reason to.

Bathe the infant first, then the boy. Same warm water. Infants don't exactly leave a ring around the tub.

Triple7
11-27-2012, 22:20
1. You most likely screwed the boy more than anything. What the hell were you thinking? Now he has to live with the pain that his "dad" thinks he is a child molester. I can't even post here what I think of you.
2. I'm sure the boy had no clue what he was doing he had never seen one and isn't sexualized. at that age .... unless he has been molested himself.

Naelbis
11-27-2012, 23:13
You threatened a 7 yo with calling the cops and having him arrested????? Thanks for starting him down the path of fearing us at an age where he should be learning respect and trust instead. That said, as a parent I think you screwed the pooch here and overreacted a bit. Should have never gone farther than a talk about good and bad touching and separating bath times. At worst you just give him the talk and get an evaluation done.

Detectorist
11-27-2012, 23:52
Everyone I know who thinks they are a great judge of character, isn't.

What is a whoo whoo? Front or back?

Something I haven't seen addressed here is that kids learn a lot by watching other kids, TV, and adults. That must be taken into consideration. Maybe this is learned behavior.

Get the boy evaluated by a child psychologist, not a Social Worker. I've seen very few good social workers in my time. That's another story, though.

Would you have reacted so strongly if it were your own son and not a step son?

Hawaiiglock
11-28-2012, 02:55
Not trying to tell you how to raise your kids but it's kind of stupid to let a 10 month old bath unsupervised (with a 7 yr old is not supervision), if she slipped under the water she could possibly drown.

lunarspeak
11-28-2012, 03:01
do you think the wife would have told you about it if you hadnt confronted her ?????

Santa CruZin
11-28-2012, 05:49
The only opinion I have in all of this is that you used some pretty adult language and concepts to make your point to the boy. Dunno if I would have taken it down that road, but I wasn't there.

The first responder to your thread made a very good point: You adults need to approach this from a united front. Consistency is crucial in how the boy is treated over this.

wvtarheel
11-28-2012, 07:19
This seems more like a problem with the mother than the kids

1. 7 YO and 10 MO should never be in the bath together anyway

2. Am I correct that she didn't tell you and you heard about it through the grapevine?

All around F'd up behavior from the mother, thats where you need to put some work in on getting your relationship with her straightened out and making sure she has an understanding of how this sort of thing will be handled. You two should have talked about it before you spoke to the kid. You seem to have your head on straight, but you were put in an oddball situation here and maybe reacted in a way that could have been better.

Good luck man!

Ironbar
11-28-2012, 09:13
Now, I understand kids are curious and they do some silly things BUT, this boy is pretty well educated on the differences of boys and girls. He has seen his mom naked and she has been very direct in answering his questions. He knows where babies come from and understands that it takes a mom and dad to make them. And this in my experience (I have 7 sisters and I don't ever remember at the age of 7 trying to stick things into their whoo-whoo's.) this is a bit odd for a 7yo.

It is normal for siblings to take a bath together- WHEN THEY'RE TODDLERS OR YOUNGER- NOT WHEN A KID IS 7 YEARS OLD! Especially not one who's "pretty well educated on the differences of boys and girls." Whoever's idea THAT was is the one to blame. Anyone willing to blow this off as "just one of those things" shouldn't be raising kids.

stk10767
11-28-2012, 09:50
First, I wouldn't post this on the internet, but that's just me. Second, an infant and 7y/o should not be in a tub together, for the simple fact that it is dangerous for the infant. 7y/o boys are rough and do not fully comprehend consequences yet. Typically that age is on the cusp of being able to develop a cause/effect thought process. Third, yes I think you over reacted. Young boys and girls are curious and I can't see a 7y/o having any ill intent.

Solution- don't let them take baths together and speak to your son about respecting other peoples personal space.

Paul53
11-28-2012, 17:58
IMHO: You are right to be upset. It is wrong for them to bath together with the age difference. My suggestion is that they now bathe separately, and that you display no distress to the children. Something happened that was probably harmless normal curiosity. Making a big deal of it in front of the children is like adding an exclamation mark, and will reinforce the 7 year olds curiosity. If there is any lingering negative consequences, all should seek counseling. Frequently, the most sensitive person shows up at the counselors, not the person with the real problem.