New stock market terms [Archive] - Glock Talk


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04-17-2003, 15:15
CEO ... Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO ... Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET ... A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET ... An extended period when kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING ... The art of buying low, and selling lower.
P/E RATIO ... The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market goes lower.
BROKER ... What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR ... My life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST ... Idiot who just downgraded my stock.
STOCK SPLIT ... When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets between them.
FINANCIAL PLANNER ... A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION ... The day after I buy stocks.
CASH FLOW ... The movement my money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO ... What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker.
WINDOWS 2000 ... What you jump out of when you are the poor sucker above.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR ... Last year's investor who is now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT ... an archaic word, no longer in use.
401K ... now known as only a 201K.