Understanding Engineers [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Hank Jr
09-10-2003, 16:18
Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where
did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding
my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you
want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably
wouldn't have fit."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I
don't know, but I've never seen such
ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."

"Hi, George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters
who lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think
I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer
reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. Finally, at the end of the day, he
marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular component of the machine and
said, "This is where your problem is."

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded
an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1; Knowing where to put it
$49,999. It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic
waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."

Understanding Engineers - Take Eight

An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid
foundation for an enduring relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion
and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, "I like both."

"Both?" they asked.

Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and
get some work done."

Understanding Engineers - Take Nine

An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke
up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess,
I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Steve Koski
09-10-2003, 16:28
I love that list every time I see it!

Hank Jr
09-10-2003, 16:45
The really sad thing is how many apply!

Hank

Steve Koski
09-10-2003, 18:01
That's why I love it!!! It reminds me of me, especially the overdesigned glass.

trcubed
09-10-2003, 22:17
I didn't see a SINGLE FUNNY thing on that list.

Whatr'yall going to do when all us enginerds unite? We'll shut off the electricity, water, and make all your commodes flush INTO the bathroom!




Yeah!

Whattaya say NOW?


Huh??

JHS
09-11-2003, 06:22
trcubed, are you trying to become a politician? ;f

Mav22
09-11-2003, 17:05
Any fellow Electrical Engineering students out there? Go Gators!

--Mav22

trcubed
09-11-2003, 17:12
Originally posted by JHS
trcubed, are you trying to become a politician? ;f

No way...that ain't happening...

I'd go back to school and study ELECTRICAL engineering before I'd become a politician!;f ;f ;f

Crazy John
09-11-2003, 17:16
Can't spell Geek without an EE

Hank Jr
09-11-2003, 18:27
Originally posted by Crazy John
Can't spell Geek without an EE

Hey! I represent that remark!

Hank