Abbott and Costello Computer Support Group [Archive] - Glock Talk

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ERASER
09-16-2003, 18:31
ABBOTT: Computer Support Group. Can I help you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up a home office in the den, and I'm thinking of buying a computer.



ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name is Lou.



ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.



ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name is Lou.



ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Does it get stuffy?



ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What do I see when I look out the windows?



ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.



ABBOTT: Software that runs on Windows?
COSTELLO: No, on the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses. You know, run a business. What have you got?



ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?



ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?



ABBOTT: Recommended something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?



ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?



ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: Okay, what did you recommend for my office?



ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office.



ABBOTT: Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it already has windows! Let's say I'm sitting at my computer, and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?



ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: If I'm writing a proposal, I'm going to need lots of words. But what program do I load?



ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?



ABBOTT: The Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.



ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in "office for windows?"



ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue W.
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your big W if you don't give me a straight answer. Let's forget about words for a minute. What do I need if I want to watch a movie over the Internet?



ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real movie, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. But what do I need to watch it?



ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If it's a long movie I'll also want to watch reels two, three and four. Can I watch reel four?



ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great! With what?



ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: Okay, so I'm sitting at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?



ABBOTT: You click the blue 1.
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?



ABBOTT: The blue 1.
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue W?



ABBOTT: Of course it is. The blue 1 is Real One. The blue W is Word. COSTELLO: What word?



ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"



ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. COSTELLO: It is?



ABBOTT: Yes, although to be fair there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words.
COSTELLO: And that word is the real one?



ABBOTT: No. RealOne has nothing to do with Word. RealOne isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Never mind; I don't want to get started with that again. But I also need something for bank accounts, loans, and so on. What do you have to help me track my money?



ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?



ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?



ABBOTT: No, not really. It comes bundled with your computer. COSTELLO: What comes bundled with my computer?



ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes bundled with my computer?



ABBOTT: Exactly. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer at no extra charge? How much money do I get?



ABBOTT: Just one copy.
COSTELLO: I get a copy of money. Isn't that illegal?



ABBOTT: No. We have a license from Microsoft to make copies of Money. COSTELLO: Microsoft can license you to make money?



ABBOTT: Why not? They own it.
COSTELLO: Well, it's great that I'm going to get free money, but I'll still need to track it. Do you have anything for managing your money?



ABBOTT: Managing Your Money? That program disappeared years ago. COSTELLO: Well, what do you sell in its place?



ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: You sell money?



ABBOTT: Of course. But if you buy a computer from us, you get it for free.
COSTELLO: That's all very wonderful, but I'll be running a business. Do you have any software for, you know, accounting?



ABBOTT: Simply Accounting.
COSTELLO: Probably, but it might get a little complicated.



ABBOTT: If you don't want Simply Accounting, you might try M.Y.O.B. COSTELLO: M.Y.O.B.? What does that stand for?



ABBOTT: Mind Your Own Business.
COSTELLO: I beg your pardon?



ABBOTT: No, that would be I.B.Y.P. I said M.Y.O.B.
COSTELLO: Look, I just need to do some accounting for my home business. You know--accounting? You do it with money.



ABBOTT: Of course you can do accounting with Money. But you may need more.
COSTELLO: More money?



ABBOTT: More than Money. Money can't do everything.
COSTELLO: I don't need a sermon! Okay, let's forget about money for the moment. I'm worried that my computer might...what's the word? Crash. And if my computer crashes, what can I use to restore my data?



ABBOTT: Go Back.
COSTELLO: Okay. I'm worried about my computer smashing and I need something to restore my data. What do you recommend?



ABBOTT: Go Back.
COSTELLO: How many times do I have to repeat myself?



ABBOTT: I've never asked you to repeat yourself. All I said was Go Back.
COSTELLO: How can I go back if I haven't even been anywhere? Okay, I'll go back. What do I need to write a proposal?



ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: But I'll need lots of words to write a proposal.



ABBOTT: No, you only need one Word-the Word in Office for Windows. COSTELLO: But there's three words in...Oh, never mind.



ABBOTT: Hello? Hello? Customers! Why do they always hang up on me? Oh, well.
(ring, ring) Hello, Computer Support Group.........

scooterbear
09-16-2003, 20:20
^6

Bandito27
09-16-2003, 23:28
THAT is going aournd the office tomorrow!! LOL
;T ;U ^5 ^6 ~1 ~2

JennYe
09-17-2003, 05:09
Probably going to be going around to a lot of offices...

ERASER
09-17-2003, 17:45
Hehehehe

Eddie C.
09-17-2003, 19:42
Thanks ERASER. I'm gonna share that tomorrow too. That was GREAT!;i

okie
09-18-2003, 10:12
That was great thanks:cool:

ERASER
09-18-2003, 15:50
I wish I could take credit for it, but I'm not that imaginative! I DO believe that the original Abbott and Costello routine is the funniest stand-up skit ever.

I'm glad you guys liked it (I was hesitant to post it---it was so LONG!).

Okie: I look forward to ALL of your jokes. (p.s.: Did you steal Milton Berle's old joke-box?)

ERASER
09-28-2003, 07:48
Sorry for the typos in the original.....I think I got 'em all now.

09-28-2003, 13:39
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