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scooterbear
11-27-2003, 15:06
BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE

Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff has had their
share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd
because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran
staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of
our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. It's hard to
beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey
on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"),
but some of these come pretty close.

WARNING: Do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real
incidents, true stories -- from the front lines!

~ Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the
Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua
jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried
pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the
dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the
Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the
cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!

~ Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to interfere
with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called
"TurkeyCentral" for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from
the 14th hole.

~ Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do
you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh
turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed.

~ Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian
woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to
host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time
for turkey tips.

~ Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to
comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more
important than the President. He can take the day off, but the
Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open
Thanksgiving Day, 6 am to 6 pm, CST.)

~ Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find
out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question,
the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman
responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside."

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to
know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.

~ White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to
extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the
Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she
was advised to dispose of the turkey.

~ A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting
advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked
what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl
paused, then replied, "Medium."

~ A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and
wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting.
Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded,
"Yes," then offered complete roasting directions.

~ Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at
the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She
asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy
replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

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pfrigm
12-01-2003, 13:46
Originally posted by scooterbear

* Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't
Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to
know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu.


Check it out: http://www.freshtofu.com/tofu_turkey.html

I friend's son wisely claimed a "family obligation" for turkey day to come to my place instead of his girlfriend's family where this "delicacy" was the main course.