"Awww, man! These cookies taste like S***!!!" [Archive] - Glock Talk

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The Pontificator
01-25-2004, 06:18
(courtesy AFU Urban Legend web site)

warning-many of you may not want to read this!

this is the recipe for little gator's famous "deep s*** cookies"

there are two flavors-chocolate(dark brown), and gingerbread(light brown)

i seldom measure carefully so amounts may need adjustment, especially on flavoring. the cookies are dense and not very sweet, this is necesssary so that they will keep their shape during baking. if you use white flour or sugar they may be tastier but they won't look like s***.

chocolate ingredients:

1/2 cup honey
2/3 cup (1 and 1/3 stick) butter, margarine, or lard 1 egg
1 tsp vanilla or peppermint extract
2 cups whole wheat flour
1/3 cup cocoa powder
grape-nuts(tm) cereal

gingerbread ingredients:

1/4 cup honey
1/4 cup molasses
2/3 cup(1 and 1/3 stick) butter or margarine, or lard 1 egg
2 and 1/3 cups whole wheat flour
spices-ginger, cinnamon, cloves to taste(maybe 1/2 tsp each) grape-nuts(tm) cereal

mix-ins:

coconut(tapeworms)
chocolate chips
butterscotch chips
peanut butter chips
cooked spagetti or ramen noodles(roundworms) corn
peanuts
"those puffy pastel things you find at chinese restaurants (to look like the cat ate styrofoam packing pellets-i haven't tried this)

to make:
microwave the honey till it bubbles(about 1 minute). add the butter,(i've been told using lard makes for a more realistic texture and softer cookie) and the molasses, if any. add the egg, mix well, then mix in all the other stuff. add mix-ins of your choice to some or all of the batter.

chill 1 hour in the freezer or several hours in the fridge. roll dough logs of random length and the diameter of cat poops. roll logs in grapenuts and bake at 350 degrees till done(maybe 10 to 15 minutes but with my flaky oven you never know).

serve in a disposable cat litter box on a bed of grapenuts, with a cat litter scoop. i hear you get lovely effects by decorating the box and scoop with melted chocolate or pudding. i imagine brown sugar might work as a substitute for the new clumping litters, but i havent tried it.

this recipe worked especially well at the halloween party where the table was already decorated with plastic flies.

;f ;f ;f

Glockerel
01-26-2004, 18:28
I used to order from a bakery for one of my accounts. When people turned 50, secretaries would order a *****t cake.
It was a pile shaped chocolate cake that had pieces of toilet paper stuck here and there. It also has little plastic flies and pieces of corn plastered to it. Funny as hell , but really tasty too!