Three things you never want to hear in the Marines [Archive] - Glock Talk

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FLMarine
05-23-2004, 11:40
Three things you never want to hear in the Marines.

1. A Lance Corporal who yells out "Hey, watch this!"

2. A 2nd Lt who says, "It's been in my experience......."

3. A Major who says, "I've been thinking."


I told this joke to several of my instructor pilots while in flight and the one who thought it was the funniest was a Marine Major.

jm_usmc
05-23-2004, 13:52
;z ;z ^c

fade2black
05-23-2004, 18:51
That is SO true too!

Steve in PA
05-24-2004, 10:17
Definitely sends shivers down your spine!!

4TS&W
05-24-2004, 10:38
I thought it would be, "fix bayonets!"

RussP
05-24-2004, 11:29
From a Marine buddy:

"#4-A gunny saying, let's have some fun with those rust pickers!"

fade2black
05-24-2004, 12:11
Originally posted by 4TS&W
I thought it would be, "fix bayonets!"

No, we look forward to hearing that because it means we are about to GET SOME! ;f

NetNinja
05-24-2004, 15:06
WORD! True True!!

The jarhead principal.

AK_Stick
05-24-2004, 17:27
No, its best when the lifer gunny pushes back his helmet, puts his hands on his hips, chuckles and says now watch this ****....

kawalerzysta
05-26-2004, 06:15
It also true in the Army (just change name of the ranks). I would add that:
2nd Lt: I've got idea

Rob_0811
06-02-2004, 22:16
from a Gunny: I need a working party.;Q

kawalerzysta
06-03-2004, 17:54
Originally posted by Rob_0811
from a Gunny: I need a working party.;Q
We need 10 man detail;a

Cowgunner
06-04-2004, 15:43
or when he says "You, you and espeacialy you have just volunteered........."

subzerocop
06-06-2004, 16:17
Originally posted by kawalerzysta
2nd Lt: I've got idea

The most dangerous thing in the army: a 2nd Lt with a map and a plan!

Bonk
06-06-2004, 17:01
What's the difference between a pfc (E-2) and a 2nd Lt?

The pfc has been promoted...:)

BNSF
06-06-2004, 22:06
Or the Army is better than Marines!
Or that Lieutenant has plenty of experience as a former enlisted and he or she tells you he or she has and idea and you must follow it...

BNSF
06-06-2004, 22:07
Originally posted by Bonk
What's the difference between a pfc (E-2) and a 2nd Lt?

The pfc has been promoted...:)

That is so wrong....I better leave this alone...:(

kawalerzysta
06-06-2004, 22:23
Originally posted by BNSF
Or the Army is better than Marines!

Of course its better ;f

BNSF
06-07-2004, 07:53
I know it is, I am an Army Nurse :cool:

usmcmonty
06-07-2004, 09:52
My Corpsman can beat up your nurse.

BNSF
06-07-2004, 15:02
That would be considered assault.

Cowgunner
06-09-2004, 10:42
Originally posted by usmcmonty
My Corpsman can beat up your nurse.

;z

Cava3r4
06-10-2004, 17:56
"do you have a need to know?" from some pi$$willy (loser) officer. (some officers actually were very good!)

dlupini
06-10-2004, 18:56
Originally posted by kawalerzysta
It also true in the Army (just change name of the ranks). I would add that:
2nd Lt: I've got idea

there is just no 2nd lt love.. LOL

06-13-2004, 13:54
A 4th could be: A 90 day wonder asks "Are you going to salute me" and your an E6.

Phil306
06-13-2004, 15:22
After being a US Marine for 12 yrs, the thing which bothers me the most is when someone calls me a soldier. I can't stand that...

jwalk2515
06-13-2004, 18:02
Originally posted by Bonk
What's the difference between a pfc (E-2) and a 2nd Lt?

The pfc has been promoted...:)

and has 6-9 months experience.

06-13-2004, 19:00
Back in the late 60s after my 2nd tour I got nailed by a LJG for not saluting him. I had to go to Captains Mast for that, and I wasn't wearing my cover. I was an E6, and I guess I thought he needed to salute me. The Old Man told him he was lucky I didn't kick his ass and threw the whole thing out. He did have to warn me that when I was in the states I need to square it away just a little. I'm almost 60 now and I still don't have alot to say for the Navy. ;l
http://www.hunt101.com/img/165217.gif (http://www.hunt101.com/?p=165217&c=500&z=1)

GLockCowboy
06-13-2004, 20:22
Originally posted by Tonka
I'm almost 60 now and I still don't have alot to say for the Navy. ;l
Unless you missed it or have forgotten about it, the seal on your ID card and your pay checks read: Department of the Navy.

jwalk2515
06-13-2004, 20:43
Originally posted by GLockCowboy
Unless you missed it or have forgotted about it, the seal on your ID card and your pay checks read: Department of the Navy.

If you look closer, it says Mens department

GLockCowboy
06-14-2004, 07:48
I see, they are allowing men in the Marines now. ;z

gunsite
06-14-2004, 07:54
i use to have a master sgt that would say...the most dangerous weapon in the world was a officer with a clip board and pen in his hand ;?

magsnubby
06-15-2004, 22:19
Had a 2nd LT that was a real jerk. I used to walk by him and snap a crisp one on 'im with my left hand. He knew something wasn't right but wasn't quite sure what. Our CO thought it was funny but warned me if the LT ever figured it out i would be in deep stuff.

Hey Phil306....what about "GI Jane"?

kawalerzysta
06-15-2004, 22:46
Originally posted by usmcmonty
My Corpsman can beat up your nurse.
My Medic can beat your corpsman;a

usmcmonty
06-16-2004, 06:20
Bring it sister ;)

The only thing that I really hated was Alpha inspections. Thats the Marine Corps green uniform for all those not up on Corps jargen

Thankfully I was a grunt and we only pulled those out for change of commands and such, which if we didn't like the outgoing command made it worth it.

KB4IFS
06-16-2004, 07:13
I was witness to a recruit going up to the DI and saying "I have a message for you". Then the DI exploded with three other DIs around this poor kid as they said in unison, "EWE EWE", do I look like a female sheep?" Then ALL HELL exploded. BTW, after the Corpsmen and Medic fight it out, the Dental Tech will be there to pick up the pieces;f

wade farley
06-22-2004, 09:48
:cool: Naval personnel are just a lower form of Marine life! Nuff Said!;z

GLockCowboy
06-22-2004, 19:54
Originally posted by wade farley
:cool: Naval personnel are just a lower form of Marine life! Nuff Said!;z Marines are part of the Department of the Navy, they are all under Secretary of the Navy Gordon England. So I guess you are saying Marines are low-lifes too!

jwalk2515
06-22-2004, 20:16
Originally posted by GLockCowboy
Marines are part of the Department of the Navy, they are all under Secretary of the Navy Gordon England. So I guess you are saying Marines are low-lifes too!

but to a Marine, Seamen is something that makes up a wetspot, in the Navy it's a promotion

fade2black
06-23-2004, 13:41
Originally posted by jwalk2515
but to a Marine, Seamen is something that makes up a wetspot, in the Navy it's a promotion

;z That was funny as hell!

GLockCowboy
06-23-2004, 20:11
Originally posted by jwalk2515
but to a Marine, Seamen is something that makes up a wetspot, in the Navy it's a promotion I guess they don't teach you how to spell in the Marine Corps. Isn't it "semen"? The only way Seamen can make up a wetspot is at some Marine's wife underwear while he is on a deployment. FMF widows anyone? ;z I'm sorry, I apologize, Marines' wives do not cheat while their husbands are on deployment.

RussP
06-24-2004, 20:38
Originally posted by GLockCowboy
Marines are part of the Department of the Navy, they are all under Secretary of the Navy Gordon England. So I guess you are saying Marines are low-lifes too!
Originally posted by jwalk2515
but to a Marine, Seamen is something that makes up a wetspot, in the Navy it's a promotion
Originally posted by fade2black
;z That was funny as hell!
Originally posted by GLockCowboy
I guess they don't teach you how to spell in the Marine Corps. Isn't it "semen"? The only way Seamen can make up a wetspot is at some Marine's wife underwear while he is on a deployment. FMF widows anyone? ;z I'm sorry, I apologize, Marines' wives do not cheat while their husbands are on deployment. Not funny, and inappropriate, no, very inappropriate for this Forum.

Eric
06-24-2004, 20:49
Guys, if you cannot conduct yourselves like adults here, you are going to find yourselves unwelcome on this site. Eric

Eric
06-24-2004, 21:19
I've been contacted by one of the people who posted a comment that precipitated my comments above, and the closing of this thread. He said he meant what he said as a joke and asked if it were possible if he could post a comment ot the thread, so that others wouldn't misconstrue his comments. This PM made me rethink my own actions.

Since this forum openned, there have been a number of people ere who have started trouble, or attempted to bend the pupose of this forum to their own ends. I am a vet and I want good things for this forum. It has disappointed me a good deal, to see some misuse it. This could be a valuable resource for all vets, if it is allowed to become so. I didn't create this place to harbor partisan infighting between branches of the US armed forces, or to fighting between armed forces vets of the US and other nations. This forum was put here to bring people together, not push them further apart. If people who have served their country don't can't find enough common ground to accept each other, the future of a site like this is in trouble.

I want people to get along here. I don't want people arguing about petty differences or using this forum as a soapbox to ***** about politics, or attack others that they don't agree with. If anyone does try to use it this way, I hope people here will let me know.

I apologize for acting precipitously, in closing this thread. I try hard to be consistent and fair, in my administration of this site, but the number of knuckleheads I have had to deal with lately have worn my skin pretty thin, I guess. Anyway, I am going to re-open this thread. I ask that everyone not argue with each other here, or take cheap shots at each other. If you are going to make a joke or poke fun at someone/something, please do so in good taste and with some consideration for others. Please take care to let others know you are joking, as well. We are at a disandvantage communicating by written word. We cannot use body language and expressions and extra care needs to be taken, to make sure that miscommunications don't occur. Eric

jwalk2515
06-24-2004, 21:31
As one of the offenders I asked Eric to reopen the thread so I could post this:

I'm sorry if I offended anyone. I thought most anyone in the veterans forum would know that we were kidding with each other as guys from different branches always do. I have heard and told the same jokes at the american legion and VFW.

I come from a family full of men in uniform both past and present, representing I think everything except the Coast Guard. I respect each branch for the mission they serve and the time that each person dedicated to serving their country.

However I'll never back down on my believing the Marine Corps to be the finest service on the planet and I hope everyone has the same amount of pride in their respective branch.

Semper Fi,

James

BNSF
06-24-2004, 21:45
This is an awesome forum. It is so civil. I frequent another forum (model trains), and the crow in there is ridiculous out of hand that the board has been shut down a few times. Lets keep things in the good side.

:cool:

Glockdude1
06-24-2004, 21:58
Originally posted by NetNinja
WORD! True True!!

The jarhead principal.

It is now a FACT, you cannot call a marine a JARHEAD. You can actually put something IN A JAR!!!

;N

Glockdude1
06-24-2004, 22:07
"USMC AND NAVY RULES FOR GUNFIGHTING"


USMC Rules For Gunfighting

1. Bring a gun. Preferably, bring at least two guns. Bring all of your friends who have guns.

2. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

3. Only hits count.

4. If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough nor using cover correctly.

5. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movements are preferred.)

6. If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a long gun and a friend with a long gun.

7. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

8. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running.

9. Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting standards will be more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the gun.

10. Use a gun that works EVERY TIME.

11. Someday someone may try to kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.

12. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

13. Have a plan.

14. Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work.

15. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

16. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

17. Don't drop your guard.

18. Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees.

19. Watch their hands. Hands kill.

20. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.

21. The faster you finish the fight, the less shot up you will get.

22. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

23. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

24. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun, the caliber of which does not start with a "4."

Navy Rules for Gunfighting

1. Go to Sea

2. Send the Marines

3. Drink coffee

;N

Glockdude1
06-24-2004, 22:09
"Marine Entrance Exam"

"Marine Entrance Exam"
Time Limit: 3 WKS (or longer if needed)
Name: _____________________________

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- give the first name of Cher.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
___ (a) build a bridge
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (D) WRITE A PLAY!!!!

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
___ (a) Jewish
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Hindu
___ (d) Polish
___ (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far north called?
___ (a) Westerners
___ (b) Southerners
___ (c) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter, and Clinton
Bush: __________________________________________
Carter: _________________________________________
Clinton: _________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Macy's
___ (b) a 7-11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of America produces the most oranges?
___ (a) New York
___ (b) Florida
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) Wisconsin

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Corporation) stand for?

20. The Cornell University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
___ (a) B.C.
___ (b) A.D.

* You must correctly answer three or more questions to qualify

* If you are stuck on any questions, you may ask the monitor for help.


;N

jwalk2515
06-24-2004, 22:31
I remember the entrance exam to be 4 things:
1. Full name
2. SSN
3. H.S. diploma
4. 4 pullups

and the recruiter could fix any 3 of the 4 that you couldn't pass

Cowgunner
06-25-2004, 16:32
Originally posted by jwalk2515
I remember the entrance exam to be 4 things:
1. Full name
2. SSN
3. H.S. diploma
4. 4 pullups

and the recruiter could fix any 3 of the 4 that you couldn't pass


They tacked on a 1.5 mile run and at least 44 crunches.....

wade farley
06-26-2004, 02:41
:cool: My logo should say it all! I like to joke. I respect anyone who has ever worn a uniform of the U.S.A., and served honorably. BTW I Served U.S. Army 1969 to 1971 and USMC 1979 to 1983
I have 26 months combat time, and I can't lose, the "Army Navy" Game!! Tee! Hee! Have fun and Stay Safe!;f

FLMarine
06-26-2004, 10:48
Since I started this thread I figured I'd put my two cents in. I belive most of us here that are vets or currently active are pretty thick skinned and it takes a lot to offend us. Officially I've never been in the "Red" zone or even the "yellow" zone, lol. Those currently active will understand what I'm talking about. Most of us love to poke fun at other branches, but we're just having fun. I wrote this thread to poke fun at myself and let you guys know I have a sense of humor. I'm currently under a Navy command for helo flight school and I'm surrounded by Navy, Marines, and Coast Guard personal. That makes for a never ending jokes between each other. So if you're getting offended by the little punches thrown at each other's branches then I'm going to say what most Marines would say, toughen up. Though when it gets personal on the boards is when it is counter productive to this forum so let's just make fun of each other's branches. You can say any joke about the Marines and odds are I'll think it's funny, but be prepared for a joke back. Keep the funny jokes and good discussion up.

-Semper Fi

Glockdude1
06-27-2004, 18:12
HOO RAH!!!! SEMPER FI, CARRY ON!!!!!

;N

on target
07-15-2004, 16:51
Haven't logged on recently, sorry cause this stuff is funny as hell

the major
07-22-2004, 22:20
SHORT ROUND!!

Steak and eggs this morning(You FMF Marines will know what that means!)

williegee
07-23-2004, 14:43
#Re: Three things you never want to hear in the Marines...

#4. Wog Day, Don't worry about it ,It will be fun!

mwelch8404
07-30-2004, 10:19
Originally posted by subzerocop
The most dangerous thing in the army: a 2nd Lt with a map and a plan!

Close. The only thing more dangerous than a 2LT with a map and compass?

A 2LT with a map and compass, and a PLT SGT standing right behind him saying yes sir, all the way sir...

I guess I took all of the above as traditional. I was a Corpsman that spent four years with the grunts.

After college, I went into the Army...

I can remember:

Navy vs Marines... Until the Army or junior bird men showd up...

But if someone from another country showed up it was all "red, white and blue."

Grim Jackal
08-03-2004, 00:54
No, no, no. The most dangerous thing is when your a Pvt. on float and get promoted to PFC. Your looking at roughly two thousand Marines distributed between three ships; and roughly one-thousand, nine-hundred and ninety of them are LCpl and above just looking to kick your smart-*** into next week. My Cpl. made sure I got on every helo flying between ships that day and was flown to all three ships just so I could get my cheverons "Tacked" on properly. Well, when I came to on the third ship I couldn't move my arms anymore and my cammies were blood soaked around the collars from those damn pins on the cheverons. Man, those are some fond memories...

sacluded
08-03-2004, 16:54
I just got out of the navy in may after a little over 7 years, 5 years of which were at sea. My first ship was a gator freighter. I love the cannon fodder, I mean marines....

Why are we called squids? Because we float on top of the water and **** on the marine life.

Grim Jackal
08-06-2004, 04:33
I always thought it was because squids don't have a back bone.

sacluded
08-06-2004, 09:13
See! Learn something new everyday!

Trent0341
08-29-2004, 12:47
hilarious thread, As a former Marine and a current soldier I have a pretty thick skin. I was training soldiers getting ready to be deployed and we started a standard police call, having all the soldiers get on line when I look over and a 2nd Lt is in the line. I thought that was funny as hell.

FLMarine
08-30-2004, 22:25
Told this joke to yet another Marine Major who was instructing me during my helo flight today and he laughed his ass off today. He also told me he was going to have to use that in a brief of his coming up soon. I have yet to have a Major not think that it isn't funny. I always try to say a joke or two every day to different people. Always perks everyone's day up when you say something funny or make fun of yourself.

mark836
09-06-2004, 13:45
AWESOME! Semper Fi

fxntime
09-19-2004, 09:45
Jeez, you all forgot the old "were marines and can kick everyones a-- in this bar". As was an MP I can say with honesty, NO YOU CAN'T. And you can't whip a dogs butt either when k9 shows up. Kudos to all who have or are serving!!!!!!