Wish me luck [Archive] - Glock Talk

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seb
07-28-2004, 16:40
Well girls, the time has come for me to leave the old dog and move on with life. Keep your fingers crossed for the kids and I. Went to look at a house today for rent and I still need a job. I know that things will be difficult raising 2 sons on my own, but it's got to get better sometime. Say a little prayer that we'll get the house and i'll find a job soon.

Terrie

geminicricket
07-28-2004, 17:01
Really stick him, leave the boys to him.

I know a handsome 40-something man in Texas who's available and willing for a long term relationship with a woman who appreciates chiseled good looks and rippling muscles, fwiw.

LJB
07-28-2004, 17:05
Terrie:

Only you know if you are doing the right thing. I know that is of no comfort, but once the initial fear (and yes I mean fear) and concerns subside, your life will do nothing but get better.

Try not to waiver in your strength. That can be so very hard sometimes. Make time for yourself. Carrying the emotions of three is difficult at best.

If you ever need to :steamed:, I think the ladies here will surely listen. Try to remember that pride can sometimes be ones downfall. Get help where and when you need it, both financially and emotionally.

Just remember, *you will* make a better life for you and your sons. No none can deny you that.

LJB

seb
07-28-2004, 17:30
Originally posted by geminicricket
Really stick him, leave the boys to him.

I know a handsome 40-something man in Texas who's available and willing for a long term relationship with a woman who appreciates chiseled good looks and rippling muscles, fwiw.

Sorry gemini, I'm swearing off men for awhile.


Only you know if you are doing the right thing. I know that is of no comfort, but once the initial fear (and yes I mean fear) and concerns subside, your life will do nothing but get better.

Thanks for the advice LJB. The fear is a little overwhelming at times, due to the fact i've never been on my own.:( I know i'm doing the right thing, it's just a little scary out there.

Terrie

Jaegergirl
07-28-2004, 21:26
i was scared to death when i left my ex-husband (he was an abusive a** ***e). my son was only 2 1/2 at a time. we've been divorced since '97 and i've since remarried and have another child. it was tough at times but once i saw how good life could be, my only regret is that i didn't leave him sooner.

good luck to you. life does get better, you'll see. :) ;)

KennyC
07-29-2004, 05:06
Good Luck!
KAC

SouthernGal
07-29-2004, 11:42
Deep breath.

I've been where you are now. I can't imagine how it must be to have to take care of kids on your own. Thank goodness I never had any. It is scary thinking of taking care of yourself and finances and everything else without any assistance.

My advice is DON'T LOOK BACK. Keep moving forward. This too shall pass. My blood pressure is probably down and I'm sure I've extended my life expectancy just by leaving my husband, not to mention I feel so much better. It has made me a better person. I hope you find the same to be true.

You go girl!!!

MrsKitty
07-29-2004, 17:26
Hang in there!

You can do it ;)

It may not be easy, but it can be done!

seb
07-29-2004, 21:43
Thanks girls, for all the help.. I don't think i've ever been this scared, in my whole life. In my mind I keep playing the whole leaving over and over again. It's funny how you think you'll be married forever when your going down that aisle and than sh** starts happening and there it all goes.. Physically abusive he has never been, but that mental sh** really messes with you.. I'm so glad that you girls are here to talk to. Makes life alot easier.


Terrie

MrsKitty
07-29-2004, 22:08
In ways, mental abuse is worse than physical abuse.

Just hang in there. We are here if you need us ;)

seb
07-29-2004, 22:12
[QUOTE]Originally posted by misskitty5077
[B]In ways, mental abuse is worse than physical abuse.

It really is Kitty. When people look at him,ex(friends, family) they don't see it. Sometimes you think that they are wondering if you are making this up..

MrsKitty
07-29-2004, 22:18
Sometimes the victim wonders if it really happened too.

At least physical abuse leaves signs that people can see...I guess that is the only good thing it leaves.

seb
07-29-2004, 22:22
[QUOTE]Originally posted by misskitty5077
[B]Sometimes the victim wonders if it really happened too.

Understand that part, going through a little bit.. Right now he's being nice and I keep thinking that it might stay this way. (WRONG)

Jaegergirl
07-30-2004, 07:13
oh yeah, the mental crap is awful and just as bad, if not worse. broken bones and black eyes eventually go away but when someone messes with your head...that's a whole other nightmare.

unfortunately, i had both and i'm telling you, it took a long time for me to get my head on straight. i was a mess. luckily, i went to counseling and it really helped. my ex was one in a series of bad relationships so when i met my current husband, i was still in counseling and was able to form a "normal" relationship with him. now life is good.

hang in there and never look back. there's a wonderful world out there waiting for you.
:)

seb
08-12-2004, 05:14
Alright girls, i'm caving in here. Husband and I had a talk last night and he told me that I was running away from our marriage and our problems and he is trying and still loves me. He said, you can not come back if you leave. I asked, if he would stop the screaming and cussing and he informed me that probably would'nt happen. Out of anger on Sunday morning, he told the boys that he would be glad when they moved, instead of the older boys hearing it, the 9yr old did. I'm really feeling the guilt and anguish of leaving the relationship. Is this a guilt trip?? If you have tried for years and got nowhere with them, when do you stop??? Thanks for listening.

Terrie

SouthernGal
08-12-2004, 08:00
If you haven't gotten that book I talked about in the other thread, you really need to. This guy sounds like he's a lot of doublespeak, just like my ex. Saying that you WANT something to work out and then actually TRYING to make it work out are two different things. It takes TWO people working toward a good marriage to make it work. This book will help you learn when to stop and when enough is enough. I stayed on the fence for almost 3 years before I had enough.

Don't put up with the screaming and cussing and yelling. I know how hard it is to leave and draw the line in the sand, but I swear to you my health improved dramatically after I left. It is stressful on both you and your children every extra minute you stay and tolerate his behavior.

If he really wants to try, tell him that you're going to set up some marriage counseling with a Pastor, Minister, or Therapist for BOTH of you. See how he reacts to that. If he's willing to go and actually listen and learn I'd be surprised. If he does go, your marriage might be worth saving.

Jaegergirl
08-12-2004, 09:55
Husband and I had a talk last night and he told me that I was running away from our marriage and our problems and he is trying and still loves me.

I asked, if he would stop the screaming and cussing and he informed me that probably would'nt happen.

first he tells you he's trying and then he says he "probably" won't change. that right there tells me it's time for you to move on. i would suggest counseling for BOTH of you and if he if he's not willing to go, then there's nothing more you can do.

i put up with my husband's abuse for 3 1/2 years before i finally left. we tried counseling but he only did it to keep me under his control, not because he really wanted to change. leaving him was the hardest and scariest thing i ever did but once i started counseling and started getting my head on straight, i never looked back. and i wondered why the heck i put up with his crap for so long.

MrsKitty
08-12-2004, 10:45
I would leave if my children had heard that. When they get older, they are really going to wonder if he resented them even being born. I know because I went through something similiar.

He said that he doesn't plan on stopping the verbal and emotional abuse. You DESERVE better. Period.

Quit talking to him. If you can't, and can afford one, hire an attorney to do all the talking for you. You will be much better off without being subjected to him toying with your emotions and emotionally abusing you right now.

seb
08-12-2004, 14:52
Did it bother any of you girls at thoughts of your hubby being with someone else?? I wonder if everyone feels a little jealous when thinking of them moving on.

Jaegergirl
08-12-2004, 15:22
Originally posted by seb
Did it bother any of you girls at thoughts of your hubby being with someone else?? I wonder if everyone feels a little jealous when thinking of them moving on.

no, i can't say i was jealous. i loathed the even though of him for so long that when i finally left him and months afterward, when he tried to "flaunt" his new woman, i almost felt bad for her and wanted to warn her.

SouthernGal
08-13-2004, 06:44
Originally posted by seb
Did it bother any of you girls at thoughts of your hubby being with someone else?? I wonder if everyone feels a little jealous when thinking of them moving on.

No. It took me less time to find a guy or two than it did for him to find a girl. He was the jealous one.

If you can walk away and NOT be jealous or angry, then you know you are over it. I was over it. I'm more jealous of the fact that he still has money to take posh vacations while I have to save and save to do the same. I think sometimes I should have cleaned him out rather than taking nothing but it would have drawn the whole divorce process out.

I did feel like Jagergirl did though, I wanted to warn the next girl about what he was "really" like.

seb
08-13-2004, 20:52
[QUOTE]Originally posted by SouthernGal
[B]No. It took me less time to find a guy or two than it did for him to find a girl. He was the jealous one.

There is so many weird feelings happening.. Sadness, anger, regrets, a little jealousy and i'm a whole lot scared. I've been with him since I was 17 and i'm now 38.. This to shall pass...

SouthernGal
08-16-2004, 06:57
You'll get over the sadness and regret first, then the anger last. I suppose most of my sadness and regret came from ever having married him in the first place and wasting 7 years of my life for nothing.

Chipping away at the fear you feel now is going to be difficult. The first step is filing for separation/divorce and then moving out. That's one of the biggest steps you can take--a step towards your own independence. You've got to believe that you can do this, that you can take care of yourself, pay the bills, and take care of the kids too. I wish I could give you a shot of self-confidence.

KennyC
08-16-2004, 07:54
One of the biggest helps is to know that others have done it. You can too!

KAC

tinagrrl
08-16-2004, 11:02
There is an old saying: "Look at what he DOES, NOT what he says."

The "I'm trying line" can be translated to mean "I'm not doing.".

If you want something to work, you DO, you don't just "try".

Someone who says "I'm trying" then doesn't change a bit, really expects you to do ALL the changing. He really thinks he is totally right. Unless you want to see this escalate -- either get him in counseling or LEAVE -- as hard as that can be.

It's the fear and uncertainty that get you.

Heck, you can even get accustomed to hell -- at least you know what's coming.

TammiJ
08-18-2004, 00:06
Originally posted by seb
Sorry gemini, I'm swearing off men for awhile.


Only you know if you are doing the right thing. I know that is of no comfort, but once the initial fear (and yes I mean fear) and concerns subside, your life will do nothing but get better.

Terrie

You'll be ok Terrie. I've lived with the kids/by myself for the last 20 years.I now have a house, a paid off car,a good job, and my boys are grown (27 and 28).It wasn't easy sometimes but it does get better. Lol, as far as swearing off men, I've done it many times but it never lasts. Hang in there...you'll be fine. Tammi :)

seb
08-24-2004, 05:40
Good Morning, I'm back from the semi-dead. We are all moved into our new place. It's really scary and things seem so weird, but I don't regret doing it. Hubby has been over about every 2-3 days and we have been talking. The kids are doing great and they seem very happy in their new rooms. Thank you all for being there when I needed you,if I can ever return the favor, please let me know.

Terrie

KennyC
08-24-2004, 05:57
Yes! Hang in there. You're doing the right thing and it sounds like all is headed the right direction.

Best Wishes!
KAC

Jaegergirl
08-24-2004, 11:12
glad to hear things are going well. i've been wondering how you've been.

MrsKitty
08-24-2004, 21:06
Hang in there! It will work out for the best in the end :)

Mitchigun
08-24-2004, 21:10
Originally posted by seb
Keep your fingers crossed for the kids and I. Went to look at a house today for rent and I still need a job.....Say a little prayer that we'll get the house and i'll find a job soon.
Terrie

Terrie,
Fingers are crossed and prayers are with you. Been through it myself, and that was WITHOUT kids.
You have the inner strength and courage to do well. You are making a better life for yourself and especially the kids.
Best wishes...
Marilyn

SouthernGal
08-25-2004, 15:07
Originally posted by seb
Good Morning, I'm back from the semi-dead. We are all moved into our new place. It's really scary and things seem so weird, but I don't regret doing it. Hubby has been over about every 2-3 days and we have been talking. The kids are doing great and they seem very happy in their new rooms. Thank you all for being there when I needed you,if I can ever return the favor, please let me know.

Terrie

Tough it out, the worst is over with. Getting out and getting packed and moved is one of the hardest parts of splitting. Step 2 is getting that divorce. I actually thought that part was easier than the actual leaving and moving. I spent very little time with an attorney as my divorce was not contested.

See if you can find yourself a new circle of friends in the area you can depend and lean on. Get to know your neighbors as they can be of great assistance (they certainly were for me).

seb
09-07-2004, 10:22
Hello Everyone! I'm back on the GT and have missed everyone. Things are going pretty good. The new house is coming into shape, the kids are settling into their new schools. I have a little job, nothing to brag about about, but it will do. Going for another Interview today. Husband is selling our house to get us out from the debt of it. I must say that he sure is changing alot and it's nice to see that he is at least coming around. My oldest son and hubby is moving to the same small town as the boys and I so they can be closer for more visiting. So far there has been no fighting and we are talking more than we did for 20yrs. Well,just thought I would give you a run down and say thanks for all your support.. Love you all.
Terrie

KennyC
09-07-2004, 10:32
:)

KAC

MrsKitty
09-07-2004, 10:43
Some couples become best friends AFTER a divorce :)

Hang in there!

Jaegergirl
09-07-2004, 17:18
glad to hear things are going so well for you and your boys. it's nice to hear you and the hubby are getting along.

thanks for the update.