Eric
08-12-2004, 16:10
When I was in the Army, my company area had two dry-erase boards, called Snivel Boards. One was in my platoon area, in the hall, and the other was up front, by the CQ desk. These boards could be used by anyone in the unit, to say pretty much anything he wanted, about anything. You could insult anyone, *****, yell, gripe, complain. Whatever you wanted to do. These boards were great ideas, in my opinion, for a couple of reasons: One, the were an important safety valve, for us troops. We could blow off steam there, when the crap got too deep. Two, the Snivel Boards were important sounding boards, for the company's leadership. They gave them valuable insight, into the state of morale of the unit and let them know what was bugging people.
My poetry reached its zenith, on those boards. I had the singular distinction of getting both boards taken down, in seperate incidents, but before I get to that, I want to share with you one of my favorite poison pen poems, that I wrote.
This poem was aimed at my squad leader. He was a goofy, dumpy, over-bearing troll, that made everyone's life miserable. He was sacked and transferred from my unti, after a year or so. Anyway, I wrote the folowing poem about him and posted it on my platoon snivel board one year, on Christmas eve. As a point of clarification, he looked very much like 'The Adam's Family's' Uncle Fester, and that was his mickname:
<b>Christmas time
I here fester shout
Raising hell and spazzing about
The Christmas spirit is lost on him
His thoughts are worthless
His wit is dim
He is a scrooge
Of this I'm sure
He slings more ****
Than I can endure
He kills the spirit of this happy time
and as an E-6, he's not worth a dime
Christmastime should be filled with bliss
How can it be, with leaders like this? --- Eric Powell, 1986</b>
About two months after this, I posted another poem that got the board taken down. There was a guy in my platoon from Wyoming, named Steele. We really didn't like each other. I commonly referred to him as Steele Wool, referring to his state of origin. He was our company barber, among other things, and one day he really butchered my haircut. I was pretty mad about it, but I thought it was an accident, until I heard him bragging about it. I posted the following poem that night. A quick bit of background: As I mentioned, Steele was from Wyoming, and he had a bad habit of hitting on others' wives:
<b>Some say Steele is not a man
He seldom has a date
But when he finds some virgin wool
He always stays up late
He takes the creature to his room
And spreads those lambchops wide
As the sheep bleats in utter doom
He slides his dork inside
When he's done, the sheep will run
Greatful for its life
The only thing that Steele loves more
Is ****ing someone's wife. --- Eric, 1987</b>
I made him cry and my platoon Sqt made me remove the board.
The following Christmas, I got the main board taken down as well. Our 1st Sgt had the bright idea that year, to make our yearly Christmas party manditory. This action was wildly unpopular with everyone and the poor little guy caught hell, on the snivel board. I walked past it one day, as he was wiping that day's collection of snipes off, cursing under his breath, all the while. Our CO asked him something and he turned around to answer. While his back was turned, I wrote on the board, "Have a Merry Christmas... That's an order!" He turned back around, as I was finishing. He made an inarticulate cry of anger and physically ripped the board off of the wall. This thing was mounted with four thirty-pound butterfly anchors, behind plaster and lathe (Not drywall), and he ripped it right off the wall. My company commander climbed him like a tree and shared some fairly memorable observations of his attitude and general appearance, for several minutes. After that, I was that guy's pet goat. Every time a **** detail came along, I was the guy who 'volunteered'. It was worth it though. There aren't many times in life, that a lowly E-4 can give an E-8 a sharp poke in the ribs publicly and live to tell about it. Eric
My poetry reached its zenith, on those boards. I had the singular distinction of getting both boards taken down, in seperate incidents, but before I get to that, I want to share with you one of my favorite poison pen poems, that I wrote.
This poem was aimed at my squad leader. He was a goofy, dumpy, over-bearing troll, that made everyone's life miserable. He was sacked and transferred from my unti, after a year or so. Anyway, I wrote the folowing poem about him and posted it on my platoon snivel board one year, on Christmas eve. As a point of clarification, he looked very much like 'The Adam's Family's' Uncle Fester, and that was his mickname:
<b>Christmas time
I here fester shout
Raising hell and spazzing about
The Christmas spirit is lost on him
His thoughts are worthless
His wit is dim
He is a scrooge
Of this I'm sure
He slings more ****
Than I can endure
He kills the spirit of this happy time
and as an E-6, he's not worth a dime
Christmastime should be filled with bliss
How can it be, with leaders like this? --- Eric Powell, 1986</b>
About two months after this, I posted another poem that got the board taken down. There was a guy in my platoon from Wyoming, named Steele. We really didn't like each other. I commonly referred to him as Steele Wool, referring to his state of origin. He was our company barber, among other things, and one day he really butchered my haircut. I was pretty mad about it, but I thought it was an accident, until I heard him bragging about it. I posted the following poem that night. A quick bit of background: As I mentioned, Steele was from Wyoming, and he had a bad habit of hitting on others' wives:
<b>Some say Steele is not a man
He seldom has a date
But when he finds some virgin wool
He always stays up late
He takes the creature to his room
And spreads those lambchops wide
As the sheep bleats in utter doom
He slides his dork inside
When he's done, the sheep will run
Greatful for its life
The only thing that Steele loves more
Is ****ing someone's wife. --- Eric, 1987</b>
I made him cry and my platoon Sqt made me remove the board.
The following Christmas, I got the main board taken down as well. Our 1st Sgt had the bright idea that year, to make our yearly Christmas party manditory. This action was wildly unpopular with everyone and the poor little guy caught hell, on the snivel board. I walked past it one day, as he was wiping that day's collection of snipes off, cursing under his breath, all the while. Our CO asked him something and he turned around to answer. While his back was turned, I wrote on the board, "Have a Merry Christmas... That's an order!" He turned back around, as I was finishing. He made an inarticulate cry of anger and physically ripped the board off of the wall. This thing was mounted with four thirty-pound butterfly anchors, behind plaster and lathe (Not drywall), and he ripped it right off the wall. My company commander climbed him like a tree and shared some fairly memorable observations of his attitude and general appearance, for several minutes. After that, I was that guy's pet goat. Every time a **** detail came along, I was the guy who 'volunteered'. It was worth it though. There aren't many times in life, that a lowly E-4 can give an E-8 a sharp poke in the ribs publicly and live to tell about it. Eric