Senator Kerry's Response [Archive] - Glock Talk


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08-20-2004, 20:42
A new joke from my boss. He is a quiet ardent
democrat. I had to create a reply I sent back to him
attached below. It seemed to surprise him.

At Phoenix Sky Harbor airport yesterday, an individual
later discovered to be a public school teacher was
arrested trying to board a flight while in possession
of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a slide rule,
and a calculator. At a morning press conference,
Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the
man is a member of the notorious al-gebra movement. He
is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of
math instruction.

Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They
desire average solutions by means and extremes, and
sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute
value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
refer to themselves as 'unknowns', but we have
determined they belong to a common denominator of the
axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As
the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'there
are 3 sides to every triangle'."

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush
said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of
math instruction, He would have given us more fingers
and toes."

My original Senator Kerry's reply is as follows to my boss, maybe former boss...

Reporters asked Senator Kerry about the recent
apprehension of an alleged possessor of instruments of
Methematical Instruction. Senator Kerry commented he
had been to Europe to the very site where the peaceful
and respected ancients had begun the ancient sect of
al-gebra. The Senator had been humbled at the vast
history they observed. He had studied al-gebra and greek as a
youth and even applied Archimedes principles on
occasion when wearing his hunting hat and winning his
purple hearts. He had the highest regard for those
who practiced al-gebra in the true spirit the ancient
greeks had intended. He had himself studied
Archimedes and not abused the principles of al-gebra
and created illegal instruments of math instruction,
but rather used them to load and unload heavy objects
from his boat while in vietnam and cambodia once Christmas.

Senator Kerry expressed concern that america's
children didn't have the proper funding to buy legal
methods of math instruction and promised to increase
education funding with specific mention to provide
every teacher with an assistant to allow all the
children in america to count more fingers and toes.

Bill Powell
08-23-2004, 10:28
I'd hit him in the face with Pi, grab him by the radius, and march him square to the punishment circle. By God that would punish him.

Last week my granddaughter tried to sneak a little pair of plastic scissors on a plane, and had them promptly taken away. Security people in Houston are on their toes, too.