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okie
08-25-2004, 01:19
THE DILLARD'S THIEF-- in San Antonio, Texas

This is too funny! This must be true, you can't make this stuff
up.

Clutching their Dillard's shopping bags, Ellen and Kay woefully
gazed
down at a dead cat in the mall parking lot. Obviously a recent
hit---no
flies, no smell. "What business could that poor kitty have had
here?"
murmured Ellen. "Come on, Ellen, let's just go..." But Ellen had
already
grabbed her shopping bag and was explaining,"I'll just put my things
in
your bag, and then I'll take the tissue." She dumped her purchases
into
Kay's bag and then used the tissue paper to cradle and lower the
former
feline into her own Dillard's bag and cover it.

They continued the short trek to the car in silence, stashing
their
goods in the trunk. But it occurred to both of them that if they
left
Ellen's burial bag in the trunk, warmed by the Texas sunshine while
they
ate, Kay's Lumina would soon lose that new-car smell. They decided
to
leave the bag on top of the trunk, and they headed over to Luby's
Cafeteria.

After they cleared the serving line and sat down at a window
table,
they had a view of Kay's Chevy with
the
Dillard's bag still on the trunk.
BUT not for long. As they ate, they noticed a huge black woman in a
red
gingham shirt stroll by their car, look quickly this way and that,
and
then hook the Dillard's bag without breaking stride. She quickly
walked
out
of their line of vision. Kay and Ellen shot each other a wide-eyed
look of
amazement. It all happened so fast that neither of them could think
how
to respond. "Can you imagine?" sputtered Ellen. "The nerve of that
woman!"
Kay sympathized with Ellen, but inwardly a laugh was building as she
thought about the grand surprise awaiting the red-gingham thief.

Just when she thought she'd have to giggle into her napkin, she
noticed
Ellen's eyes freeze in the direction of the serving line. Following
her
gaze, Kay recognized with a shock the black woman with the Dillard's
bag,
THE Dillard's bag, hanging from her arm, brazenly pushing her tray
toward
the cashier.

Helplessly they watched the scene unfold: After clearing the
register,
the woman settled at a table across from theirs, put the bag on an
empty
chair and began to eat. After a few bites of baked whitefish and
green
beans, she casually lifted the bag into her lap to survey her
treasure.
Looking from side to side, but not far enough to notice her rapt
audience
three tables over, she pulled out the tissue paper and peered into
the
bag.
Her eyes widened, and she began to make a sort of gasping noise.
The
noise
grew. The bag slid from her lap as she sank to the floor, wheezing
and
clutching her upper chest. The beverage cart attendant quickly
recognized
a customer in trouble and sent the busboy to call 911, while she
administered the Heimlich maneuver.

A crowd quickly gathered that did not include Ellen and Kay, who
remained riveted to their chairs for seven whole minutes until the
ambulance arrived. In a matter of minutes the woman emerged from
the
crowd, still gasping, strapped securely on a gurney. Two
well-trained
EMS
volunteers steered her to the waiting ambulance, while a third
scooped
up
her belongings.

The last they saw of the distressed cat-burglar, she disappeared
behind
the ambulance doors, the Dillard's bag perched on her stomach.

Flashpoint
08-25-2004, 10:09
;f ;a ;f ;z

okie
08-25-2004, 11:27
I would have paid money to see that~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1 ~1

VANMAN
08-25-2004, 14:36
I would have paid money to see that

Me too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
;f ;z ;D ;+ ;Y ;V ^5 ~1 ;W

9jeeps
08-26-2004, 13:27
Indeed it is a good story and it circulated in the 70's in mid-Ohio.
Of course there were different stores and embellishments but never the less it is an urban legend and has been covered on tv shows of that ilk, several times.

sorry

:)

StoneGiant
08-26-2004, 18:54
Originally posted by 9jeeps
Indeed it is a good story and it circulated in the 70's in mid-Ohio.
Of course there were different stores and embellishments but never the less it is an urban legend and has been covered on tv shows of that ilk, several times.

sorry

:)

9jeeps is correct:

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/gruesome/deadcat.htm

Aquanewt
08-26-2004, 23:15
Still sounds good

9jeeps
08-27-2004, 16:36
You betcha.

I read it all the way through too.;P

gizmo
09-05-2004, 20:39
Are you sure you can open my apartment door without damaging the lock?

Oh, no prob, mate. I used to be a cat-burgler you know.

REAALLY?!

Oh sure. I got a swiss bank acount wif' 2,000 bloody cats in it.
:joker: