TV and Movies [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Nowhere Man
09-06-2004, 20:16
Things We Know Because of TV & Movies....

1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

2. Beds have strange L-shaped top sheets that reach up to
armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man
lying beside her.

3. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of
French bread.

4. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is
someone in the control tower to talk you down.

5. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off -
even while scuba diving.

6. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding
place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and
you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.

7. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you
make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your
sweetheart back home.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German
officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language.
A German accent will do.

9. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any
building in Paris.

10. People on TV never finish their drinks.

11. A man will show no pain while taking the most
ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries
to clean his wounds.

12. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you
take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over.
It will always be the exact fare.

13. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm
to grow by 15cm.

14. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering
a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door
and use that light instead.

15. During all police investigations, it will be necessary
to visit a strip club at least once.

16. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their
family every morning, even though the husband and children
never have time to eat them.

17. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always
burst into flames.

18. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room
the size of a football stadium.

19. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him.
Just relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright
and pant.

22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is
necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left
to right every few moments.

23. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of
killing them all than 20 men firing at one.

24. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored
by frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"

25. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings -
especially if any of their family or friends has died in a
strange boating accident.

26. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a
fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently
to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening
manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.

27. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing
the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand
behind them and talk to their back.

28. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in
your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

29. Dogs always know how to spot villains and will bark at
them and no one else.

30. Police departments give their officers personality tests
to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who
is their total opposite.

31. When they are alone, all foreigners somehow prefer to
speak English to each other.

32. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and
phone lines in the vicinity.

33. There's always a chainsaw around when you need one.

34. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill
their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses,
pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks
that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

35. All bombs are fitted with helpful electronic timing devices
that have large red readouts so you know exactly when
they're going to go off.

36. It is always possible to park directly outside the building
you are visiting.

37. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

38. A detective can only solve a case once he has been
suspended from duty.

39. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone
you bump into will know all the steps.

...and what about
'You'll always open a phone directory to the exact page
you want first time'?