Funniest things said by End Users [Archive] - Glock Talk

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SouthernGal
10-28-2004, 13:31
I've been in the tech industry now for 10 years. My first 4 were spent in a worldwide call center for an integrated point of sale and inventory software company.

I now work at a hospital and we're in the process of installing a multi-million dollar system. Today I got a call from an end user who said:

"I'm getting an error at the novel login screen."

I said "huh?" (trying not to laugh)

"Uh, that'd be NOVELL login screen..."

Sometimes I have to hold my breath just to keep from laughing. I don't want anyone to be offended, but I've heard some funny ones over the years.

lomfs24
10-29-2004, 09:17
I worked for an ISP at one time. I didn't actually field this call but I heard about it later.

A local GM dealership had our service and they were having trouble connecting to their servers in Dertroit, or where ever. Through out tech support and the tech support in Detroit we located the problem as being a virus. They would clean their server and the problem would be back the next day. Could have been a million reasons why, they weren't cleaning all their machines, it was on someones backup disk,....who knows. Any way, the tech support in Detroit suggested that the virus was residing in the cableing at their location. ;Q ;P


Just think, these are the same people who build the cars you drive.

HerrGlock
10-29-2004, 09:38
Time for some BOFH! ;f ;j

http://members.iinet.net.au/~bofh/
The Original Bastard Menu From Hell

The electronic rights of the original BOFH are owned by DATAMATION magazine.
All other rights are retained by Simon Travaglia.

* Genesis (Striped Irregular Bucket #1)
* The Birth of BOFH - Striped Irregular Bucket #5
* Still Birthing the Bastard Operator.. (Bored #3)
* The Bastard Operator From Hell #1
* BOFH #2
* BOFH #3
* BOFH #4
* BOFH #5
* BOFH #6
* BOFH #7
* BOFH #8
* BOFH #9
* BOFH #10
* BOFH #11
* BOFH #12
* BOFH #13
* The Bastard System Manager From Hell #1
* The Bastard System Manager From Hell #2
* BOFH #14
* BOFH #15
* The Bastard Operator From Britain #1
* The Bastard Operator From Britain #2
* The Last Bastard Operator From Hell

But wait there's more!!!

* The Bastard returns briefly
* The Bastard is back
* The Bastard goes to the Trade Show
* The Bastard's still about
* ...The Bastard Celebrates Christmas 95...

* The PreHistory of BOFH / The BOFH FAQ

The New Bastard Menu From Hell

The electronic rights of the new BOFH are owned by NETWORK WEEK magazine.
All other rights are retained by Simon Travaglia.

* The B.O.F.H. is back ...
* The B.O.F.H. trips up ...
* The B.O.F.H. gives advice ...
* The B.O.F.H. gets a non-PC ...
* The B.O.F.H. is on a buying mission ...
* The B.O.F.H. wreaks his revenge ...
* The B.O.F.H. gets a new boss ...
* The B.O.F.H. defines his territory ...
* The B.O.F.H. and 'budget contstraints' ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the 'C' word ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the engineer ...
* The B.O.F.H. seeks sweet revenge ...
* The B.O.F.H. retaliates ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the wheelchair ...
* The B.O.F.H. spreads peace and good will ...
* The B.O.F.H. sees in the New Year ...
* The B.O.F.H. has an appraisal ...
* The B.O.F.H. educates a PFY ...
* The B.O.F.H. almost meets his match ...
* The B.O.F.H., the user and the printer ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the salesman ...
* The B.O.F.H., the boss and the bribe ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the ioniser ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the cruise control ...
* The B.O.F.H.'s Black Wednesday ...
* The B.O.F.H. seeks more revenge ...
* The B.O.F.H. has a counselling session ...
* The B.O.F.H.'s boss has an 'accident' ...
* The B.O.F.H. wants to re-cable ...
* The B.O.F.H. does some Future Planning ...
* The B.O.F.H. averts a takeover ...
* The B.O.F.H. meets an unexpected guest ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the CEO's pet project ...
* The B.O.F.H. and the PFY's raise ...
* The B.O.F.H. puts in for an award ...
* The B.O.F.H. wins the day in France ...
* The B.O.F.H. joins an agency ...
* The B.O.F.H. plays safe ...
* The B.O.F.H. suffers from phone trouble ...
* The B.O.F.H. has heated exchange with the boss ...
* The B.O.F.H. becomes a contract killer ...
* The B.O.F.H. explains, dummies don't grow on trees ...
* The B.O.F.H. attempts some artistic expenses ...
* The B.O.F.H. puts a price tag on user access ...
* The B.O.F.H. puts in a day on the helpdesk ...
* The B.O.F.H. and his pimply sidekick spread their network of misery ...
* The B.O.F.H. brings the anoraks back to earth ...
* The B.O.F.H. avoids a team-building weekend ...
* The PFY battles it out with the B.O.F.H. ...
* Beancounter central takes vehement action ...
* The B.O.F.H. bides his time to unravel a mess ...
* Don't let the Boss set up a network ...
* Infiltration of the e-mail system ...
* The B.O.F.H. engages in some underhand practices ...
* Ever tempted to play computer games at work?
* Encryption is forced on the Bastard ...
* The PFY falls under a spell ...
* Where do you find a new PFY when you want one?

The Bastard '97

* A visit from the auditors ...
* A little light fraud ...
* The bean counters try to get sneaky ...
* The B.O.F.H. masters the world of personalisation ...
* The Boss gets all safety-minded ...
* The B.O.F.H. puts in a week on the Helldesk ...
* The B.O.F.H. won't 'wear' the Boss's ideas ...
* The B.O.F.H. is labelled Politically Unsound ...
* The B.O.F.H. and PFY go on some site visits ...
* The B.O.F.H. and PFY help sort out a rival's PSIC problems ...
* The B.O.F.H. wins an award from his peer group ...
* It really hits the fan as the tables turn ...
* The Bastard puts his newest protege though a rather nasty baptism ...
* Who said management was easy? ...
* A burnt server gets things off to a good start ...
* The Bastard goes along to do some, err ... research ...
* The Bastard Operator From Hell is off to the movies ...
* The PFY is hardly the life and soul ...
* Members of the new stripy shirt brigade are full of beans and raring to go ...
* Local culinary delights with the Bastard ...
* The Bastard Operator From Hell and the Paintball session ...
* The PFY takes the 'how to be a Bastard Operator From Hell' test ...
* The B.O.F.H. is given lessons in how to be a shiny happy IT manager ...
* A little sabotage is in the offing ...
* The B.O.F.H. goes on a trade show outing ...
* The PFY is forced to dip into the favour bank ...
* The disaster recovery budget proves to be a sore point ...
* The PFY has accumulated a number of complaints in his new role ...
* The boss tries to out-bastard the Bastard ...
* The boss tries to oust the BOFH and the PFY again ...
* The PFY shows compassion to a user ...
* The PFY comes to the rescue with a cunning plan ...
* The scent of restructuring is in the air ...
* A run-in with the company cafeteria leaves the BOFH porcelain bound ...
* The boss has been 'encouraged' to relocate to Tonga ...
* The new boss discovers that sometimes learning can be painful ...
* The Bastard takes a trip out of town ...
* While the Bastard's away ...
* The BOFH and the new purchasing system ...
* The BOFH in the season of Good Will ...

The Bastard '98

* The BOFH is visited by the ghost of Christmas past ...
* There is still love and compassion in the world of network management ...
* A visitor from the past is impressed by modern standards of bastardly behaviour ...
* How a career in modelling leads to an executive position ...
* The boss needs to track down two mysterious contractors ...
* The BOFH shows corporate spirit in a team-building event ...
* The BOFH stays cool while a stocktaking session gets hot ...
* The BOFH Has a cunning plan to knock the helldesk down to size ...
* Shape up or face budget cuts - what will the BOFH do?
* The users are away from the office... and the BOFH and PFY miss them?
* While the PFY plays Tunnel-Monkey, the BOFH has other fish to fry ...
* The presence of the company architect inspires a bit of bastardly trickery ...
* Why would anyone leave the BOFH and the PFY out of games day?
* A US buyout results in a visit stateside and plenty of new kit...all expensives paid
* Translating engineer excuses into non-fiction can be a difficult task ...
* The boss and the PFY both suffer from computer acronym dependence ...
* The PFY is displaying signs of geekism. Can he be saved?
* The BOFH explains his new 'Management Stack Theory' to the PFY ...
* A turncoat beancounter and a computing audit get in the way ...
* There’s nothing better than a contractor still wet behind the ears ...
* There's nothing the BOFH and PFY love more than a challenge ...
* A spot of humiliation serves the Boss right ...
* The millennium bomb has nothing on BOFH’s boss on the strength of just one pint ...
* The BOFH is on course for some tequila in the sun ...
* The BOFH volunteers to man the Helldesk to escape the boredom of routine ...
* Will the BOFH use Roboboss again in this year's gladiatorial clash with the R&D boys?
* While the PFY's holding a torch for Carole, someone's torching the Welsh office ...
* The BOFH and PFY attend a 'bored' meeting ...
* The building is repainted in the lurid colour scheme of 'Teletubby Land' ...
* The disappearing telecomms manager, his lawnmower and his 'grass-widow' ...
* The BOFH steps in to help with a staff identity crisis ...
* Making a bit on the side by renting out "surplus" desktop capacity ...
* Hypochondria in the office is all the rage, but when a psychiatrist is called in it's only a means to an end ...
* The BOFH comes to grips with the remote working boom ...
* The BOFH and the PFY are asked to account for their time ...
* The BOFH is feeling the worse for wear after messing with the teatime continuum ...
* Try telling a hospitalised boss why safety procedures have been ignored ...
* The BOFH is not conned by a bogus computer range ...
* It's not just the BOFH who thinks the boss's credit card'll do nicely ...
* The eye on the wall has seen all - it's time for desperate measures ...
* The BOFH can't resist the cry for help from a fellow bastard in Wales ...
* Free association has its dangers in the company therapy sessions ...
* The BOFH leaves the boss shell-shocked with a Minesweeper depth-charge ...
* The music-loving BOFH sends the boss a message - load and clear
* There's a new Bastard in town ...
* The Bastard's devised a handy new utility called the BSD ...

Cinic
10-29-2004, 09:59
I put a new keyboard and mouse on my parent's computer a month ago. As I was finishing the 2 minute job, my mom asked, "Will all my fonts still be on there?"

I tried not to laugh...

NetNinja
10-29-2004, 11:30
I had a customer once who would start speaking technical jargon to me and then in my mind I am following her down the rabbit hole then BLAM! I hit a dead end.

After about 2 months of her calling me up for all sorts of problems I told her we needed to get a business divorce.

The time that it took to fix her problems were not worth the agrivation of trying to figure out what she was trying to tell me.

Also her company was too lazy to hire a tech guy to handle thier business so she used to call me for free tech advice.

Luke77
10-29-2004, 11:39
user: how do I access psychconsult (a program we use)
me: okay, look at the desktop and there should be an icon.
user: *long pause*....i dont see it
me: okay, what do you have open?
user: my email
me: okay, close your email and look at your desktop
user: *long pause* I dont see it.
me: what do you see?
user: my coffee, a few pens, my speakers, etc.


I had to hang up cause I was laughing so hard!

Luke77
10-29-2004, 11:45
Okay, this is along the same lines and with the same user.

user: I need to open Terminal Server
me: okay, hit your start button, then go to programs, then there should be an icon that says Terminal Services Client
user: Wheres the start button?
me: at the bottom left had of your screen
user: hhhmmmm....I cant seem to find it
me: are you looking at the bottom of your screen?
user: yes....but I dont see it.

now I can here her moving the phone around on her face like she is struggling to move around

me: okay...can you see the taskbar?
user: whats a taskbar?
me: nevermind...take your finger, point to the bottom left side of the screen, what button do you see?
user: lets see, they say Store, R, G, B, then there is one that has a sun on it and another that has a moon.

Yeah, Im not kidding...that is the type of users I deal with!

Roger C
10-29-2004, 11:54
Years ago I invited the CEO to sit in the call center and get a first hand look at what my support team had to deal with. I sat in with him while he tried to help one of our users struggle with running a report. After a few questions it finally became clear that the user was pressing the buttons on printer, instead of following the menu on his computer screen. The boss never forgot that one.... ;g

SouthernGal
10-29-2004, 11:56
I used to work for Kronos. In case you've never heard of them, they sell automated time and attendance products. You've probably seen our timeclocks ("Timekeeper Terminals") before. They are square and red with black buttons.

Anyway, when I started, the company was still supporting several types of Timekeeper Terminals. One series was the 55--they were made of metal and had square buttons and weigh in at about 15 pounds a piece. The newer ones were the 400 series which are square with round buttons on the keypad. They weigh about 7 pounds a piece.

Customer calls one day and I'm trying to figure out what he's got, so I ask "Do you have 55 clocks?"

Customer says "No, I only have 2."

After that I stuck to asking "metal or plastic?" "what shape are the buttons?"