Funny ATC chatter

[GlueSniffinEd]

Dunno' if this is legit or not, but here's a site with some funny ATC dialogue that allegedly happened.

My favorite by far is this one:
Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."


http://www.businessballs.com/airtrafficcontrollersfunnyquotes.htm

[HammerG26]

OK - darn near pi$$ed myself... that was funny.

[Junkyard Dawg]

Just to refresh your memory.

http://www.glocktalk.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=207708

[GlueSniffinEd]

Just to refresh your memory. <P>Sorry, I wasn't a member here when that thread was posted back in 2003. There was some pretty funny stuff there though, thanks.

I really have to wonder if these are factual or not though, some seem a bit extreme.

[Tennessee Slim]

Coming into BNAshville one night, I overheard approach talking to a b-jet (I think it was a G-3) that he’d left too high, too long and was crowding his trail. The b-jet already had told ATC he was going down and slowing down as best he could when the controller asked, “Don’t you have speed brakes on that thing?”

His reply? “Yeah, but they’re for my mistakes, not yours.”

[CFII]

My grandfather did the same thing....

He was a B17 pilot in WW2, then flew for AOA then Pan Am. His first time in Germany, someone on the radio asked if he had ever been here. He said something polietly to the effect of..."Yea, but I was at about 27000 feet, and I turned around and went back to England"

[sopdan]

Here some good clips of a controller at BOS.

This one has him making frog sounds and hitting on some chick (http://www.liveatc.net/forum/files/classic_john_132.mp3)

Same guy hitting on an AirNet pilot, and having fun with other pilots as well (http://www.liveatc.net/forum/files/cyaaaaa_181.mp3)

And if you were wondering, MOCHA HaGoDTI is Cape Air's motto of "Make Our Customers Happy and Have a Good Time Doing It"

Hopefully the links work, if not you'd have to register for the site. There's another great clip of him trying to think of a new callsign for Air Wisconsin, but I can't find it yet.

Allegedly the German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They, it is alleged, not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign Speedbird 206. Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway." Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven." The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop. Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now." Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?" Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark,...... and I didn't land."

As funny as it is, this can not be true. British Airways do NOT fly Beoing 747's into European destinations. They only do direct long-haul flights.

It probably was said, just not a 747.

LC
:cool:

[jacquejet]

Some time ago (in the mid '70's), on or near Christmas eve, a C-141 was on approach to Frankfort/Rhein Main AB. They were landing 25's. If you haven't been there, the runways are 25L and 25R with considerable spacing between them with Taxiway C (Charlie) between them. Taxiway Charlie is almost as wide as either of the runways and just as long. The C-141 crew had been flying for some time and it was late in the night. Cleared to land on 25L, by mistake the crew landed on Charlie taxiway and on the roll out it was immediately apparent they had made a mistake. The conversation with Frankfort Tower was something like this:

Frankfort Tower, MAC XXXXX, We have landed on Taxiway Charlie by mistake.

MAC XXXXX, Frankfort Tower; You are correct. Turn left and contact Frankfort Ground, Merry Christmas!

[BadLight]

I was commanding a B52 on an air intercept sortie with a ANG F-106 bunch. Our job was to drone on boring holes in the sky while these "little flee's" came smoking past us on their intercept runs. There was one particularly obnoxious individual that had to do aileron rolls across our nose after ever past. On his last past, he swung back and parked himself just forward of our right wind tip. After verbally taunting us for a bit, he did a few aileron rolls and asked us to top that. Several moments of silence passed and I keyed the radio and said "OK, there, now top that!" Again a few moments of silence and then he keyed his radio and said "What did you do?" I replied "I just shut down 2 engines, got up and got a cup of coffee and took a piss, top that!"

[SlimlineGlock]

Originally posted by BadLight
After verbally taunting us for a bit, he did a few aileron rolls and asked us to top that. Several moments of silence passed and I keyed the radio and said "OK, there, now top that!" Again a few moments of silence and then he keyed his radio and said "What did you do?" I replied "I just shut down 2 engines, got up and got a cup of coffee and took a piss, top that!"

Sounds to me like the aileron rolls won!;f