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okie
01-30-2006, 02:54
Ted Kennedy Causes Liquor Crisis in NYC on New Year's Eve
Written by Jeremy Rob.

NEW YORK, New York --- Ted Kennedy caused a major liquor crisis in New York City on New Year's Eve when he made an unannounced visit to the city to celebrate the new year. Mayor Bloomberg was forced to call in the National Guard to help deliver alcohol from surrounding states to prevent violence. President Bush declared a brief state of emergency until the alcohol was safely delivered.

"This was a horrifying situation," said a NYC official. "Calls started coming in at noon yesterday that the entire city was running low on alcohol. When I heard a news report that 37 bars were closing down for New Year's Eve in Massachusetts, I put two and two together. Teddy must be here. We immediately called in the National Guard and called the Presidential Emergency Hotline. No alcohol on New Year's Eve in New York City is a severe danger. We tried to find Senator Kennedy to send him back home, but we couldn't locate him. I tried to reach Mary Jo Kopechne to see if she knew where he might be, but she never got back to us. Fortunately, truckloads of alcohol from neighboring states arrived just in time to avoid mayhem. We really need to put a GPS on Kennedy or something to avoid these situations in the future."