Talking to your dad

[habu3]

Unfortunately, unless your dad is ready to talk with you, or somebody else, there isn't much you can do. Your mom's reaction to some of the things your dad might have related to her is a natural reaction. Most people by nature are appalled by the things that are done by necessity in a combat situation. It is extremely difficult to understand what it was like for your dad without having been there.

My dad was in WWII, Korea and Vietnam. To this day there are lots of things he has never discussed with me even though we followed similar career paths. Even when he used to get together with some of his flight crewmembers they would begin to talk about things and all of a sudden all of them would get real quiet when they got too close to a painful topic. Even though I have been there, my dad will not discuss certain areas of the things he did, saw or heard about.

Although I would love for him to relate some of his stories, I know how incredibly painful some of them are for him to think about. Seeing your best friend die is something that sticks with you, forever. Having a fellow crewmember die beside you is something most people would prefer to not remember. Seeing an airplane, or a team, disappear beside you is not a fond memory.

The best advice I might give to you is to have patience with your dad and don't press to hard. If he is ready to talk with you he will, but that may never happen.

[USDefender]

This thread deserves to be bumped to the top of the list if not made into a 'sticky'.

Didn't get to know my dad very well after 'Nam. Like so many families effected by that war, he & my mom split up not long after he got back and while I was still very, very young (2years).

I got news that he had died of Leukimia when I was 15 (we suspect it was 'Agent Orange' related) a few years later & when I was old enough, joined the US Army as a Blackhawk Crewman/Chief to, at least, understand him a little bit better.

All I know is that I'd take my dad alive & not talking about his military experience over where he is now. Priorities. Love your family members while you can, you just don't know when they won't be there anymore.