If Santa answered his letters truthfully. (not little kid safe) [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Navy HMC
12-13-2006, 00:11
I am usually not one to steal anothers thread, but this one was in General Non-Glocking, posted by ATL Peach Girl and I just had to post it here as well. It was that good!!! The original thread: http://glocktalk.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=628008

(sorry Peachie, I had to)


I have cleaned these up a bit.......I think you will agree, they will have you howling........
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Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer.

Yer Friend,
Billy


Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How
about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell.

Santa


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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah


Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa


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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like
for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love, Teddy


Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to
your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love, Francis


Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays. I bet you're gay. I'll
set you up with a Barbie.
Santa

(My fave!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love, Susan


Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the "trots" and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a
bottle of Scotch.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy
making toys?
Your friend, Thomas


Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa


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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when
we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica


Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do.
I'm skipping your house.

Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please,
PLEASE, PLEASE
could I have one?
Love, Timmy


Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging crap may work with your folks, but that
crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our
home?
Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting
your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.
Sweet dreams,

Santa

WorrGlock
12-13-2006, 08:15
:shocked: Damn :holysheep:

StoneGiant
12-13-2006, 08:53
:rofl:

Loved the one about the babysitter...

Sharker
12-13-2006, 10:38
:rofl:
Pretty funny stuff there!

Glockdude1
12-16-2006, 21:54
:supergrin: :thumbsup: :laughabove: :animlol: :banana: