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waltlb
12-15-2006, 14:19
Writing a holiday song ain’t easy. Not just everybody is a Sammy Cahn or Irving Berlin - or Gene Autry. For instance, several of my kinfolks have tried over the years to get on the billboard charts by writing ballads of holiday cheer. But it seems they were always just a little off the mark. These prospective ditties just never quite made it, despite having the germ of an idea:

YULETIDE SONGS THEY NEVER PUBLISHED


Rudolph, The Large Testicled Reindeer (Had A Very High Drag Coefficient).

Santa Claus Is Coming To Town – (If The Ack-Ack Ain’t Too Bad).

Jolly Old St. Nicholas (Or, Who Drank Up All The Rum Punch?)

Jingle Bells (The Salvation Army Siege At Wal-Mart).

All I Want . . . Ith Two New Front Teeth (Girl With Lisp Would Rather Have Boob Job).

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus (Big Presents If I Don’t Tell).

Let It Snow (Somewhere Else).

Good King Wins-a-lot (Makes A Stop In Vegas).

Here Comes Santa Claus (There Goes My Bonus).


(What the heck is “figgy pudding,” anyway?)