Matchmaker [Archive] - Glock Talk

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okie
02-23-2007, 08:44
Avery, a confirmed bachelor, was visited by the neighborhood matchmaker.
"Mr. Avery," she counseled, "Don't leave it too long...you need a good woman to share your life, and do I have the girl for you!"
"I don't need a woman," Avery replied. "I have two sisters at home."
"But Mr. Avery, your sisters can't do for you the wonderful things that a loving, devoted wife can do," she smirked.
"I said they were sisters," he smirked back..."I did't say they were mine!"

Blitzer
02-23-2007, 10:09
Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.

"I'm ashamed to bring this up," he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants, he says, 'a sample'."

The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman!"

The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal...a sample."

She thought a minute.

Then she said, "He's a business man? So tell him I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him references."

Blitzer
02-23-2007, 10:13
The shidduch

A matchmaker goes to see a poor man and says, “I want to arrange a marriage for your son.”

The poor man replies, “I never interfere in my son’s life.”

The matchmaker responds, “But the girl is Steven Spielberg’s daughter.”

“Well, in that case … ”

Next, the matchmaker approaches Steven Spielberg. “I have a husband for your daughter.”

“But my daughter is too young to marry.”

“But this young man is already a vice president at the World Bank.”

“Ah, in that case … ”

Finally, the matchmaker goes to see the president of the World Bank.

“I have a young man to recommend to you as a vice president.”

“But I already have more vice presidents than I need.”

“But this young man is Steven Spielberg’s son-in-law.”

“Ah, in that case … ”