Mor Irish jokes [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Nowhere Man
03-08-2007, 09:07
>>Only the Irish have Jokes Like These
>>
>>Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy,
>>
>>looking like he'd just been run over by a train.
>>
>>His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
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>>his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp
>>
>>"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
>>
>>" Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
>>
>>"That little *****e, O'Conner," says Sean,
>>
>>"He couldn't do that to you,
>>
>>he must have had something in his hand."
>>
>>"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had,
>>
>>and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
>>
>>"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
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>>didn't you have something in your hand?"
>>
>>That I did," said Paddy.
>>
>>"Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of
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>>beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
>>
>>
>>
>>**************************************************************************
>>******************
>>**************
>>
>>An Irishman who had a little too much to drink
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>>is driving home from the city one night and,
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>>of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
>>
>>
>>A cop pulls him over.
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>>"So," says the cop to the driver,
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>>where have ya been?"
>>
>>"Why, I've been to the pub of course,"
>>
>>slurs the drunk.
>>
>>"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite
>>
>>a few to drink this evening."
>>
>>"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
>>
>>"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
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>>folding his arms across his chest,
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>>"that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
>>
>>"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk.
>>
>>"For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
>>
>>
>>
>>**************************************************************************
>>*********************************
>>
>>Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
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>>when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
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>>"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks.
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>>"I've somethin' to tell ya".
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>>"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim.
>>
>>But where's my husband?"
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>>"That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda."
>>
>>There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery..."
>>
>>"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your
>>husband Shamus
>>
>>is dead and gone. I'm sorry.
>>
>>Finally, she looked up at Tim.
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>>"How did it happen, Tim?"
>>
>>
>>"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat
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>>of Guinness Stout and drowned."
>>
>>
>>"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim.
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>>Did he at least go quickly?"
>>
>>"Well, Brenda... no. In fact,
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>>he got out three times to pee."
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>**************************************************************************
>>**********************************
>>
>>
>>Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady af ter
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>>his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
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>>He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
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>>She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news.
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>>My husband passed away last night."
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>>The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible.
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>>Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
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>>She says, "That he did, Father."
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>>The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary? "
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>>She says, He said,
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>>'Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
>>
>>
>>
>>**************************************************************************
>>*******************************
>>
>>
>>AND THE BEST FOR LAST
>>
>>
>>
>>A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church,
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>>enters a co nfessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.
>>
>>The Priest coughs a few times to get his
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>>attention but the drunk continues to sit there.
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>>Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.
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>>The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin,
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>>there's no paper on this side either!"
>>
>>
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