View Full Version : Irish Humor
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said,"Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up Irish Whiskey"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."
"Can I have five bucks to buy a guinea pig?" a boy asked his Irish grandfather.
"Here's a 20," said the grandfather. "Go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman are sitting at a pub having a pint of Guiness.
Three flies come into the bar and each cup has one land in it.
The Englishman looks down, sees the fly and waves to bartender, "Barkeep, there is fly in my Guiness. Please pour me another." He then pours out the Guiness.
The Scotsman looks down, see the fly, shrugs and continues to drink his stout.
The Irishman looks down, sees the fly swimming in his Guiness, grabs the fly by the wings, shakes the fly and begins shouting, "SPIT IT OUT YOU LIL' BASTARD!! SPIT IT OUT!!!!!"
An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport.
"I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years".
"Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American.
"I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time".
"I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American.
"Of course he will," said the Irishman. "Sure, an' I haven't been away at all".
An Irishman walks into a bar. He has a steering wheel stuck between his legs. He walks up to the bar and orders a drink. The bartender
pours the Irishman the drink and says "Hey, you have a steering wheel stuck between your legs." The Irishman then says, "Aye, it drives me nuts!"
Two Irishmen, already plastered out of their skulls, sit at the bar and order a pint of Guiness. One looks at the other and says, "Good evening sir."
He replies, "Good evening, I'm Paddy."
The other says, "REALLY! I have a brother named Paddy! My name is Thomas."
Paddy says, "Same as my brother! What is your mother's name? Mine is Anne."
Thomas replies, "SO IS MINE!! What high school did ye graduate from?" After Paddy replies, Thomas says, "So did I! What year? I graduated in '87."
Paddy says, "Me too! We were in the same class!"
A man walking into the bar heard the loud talking and asked the bartender what the noise was all about. The bartender replied, "The O'Brien twins are drunk again."
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