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SouthernGal
05-07-2007, 10:21
If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?

jazzmanDK
05-07-2007, 10:29
If you demand to be the center of our mutual universe, if you are an emotional black hole, if you are a financial black hole, then you are the quintessence of high maintenance. But after reading your 'resume' and your thoughts, I would classify you as Low Maintenance and Highly Desireable.

Trouble is, I'm 72, and She Who Must Be Obeyed won't let me have another wife, (or girlfriend, even) dang it!

Zip

CCMO
05-07-2007, 10:33
"A person who requires me to spend so much time and/or effort catering to that person's needs, desires (bad), and whims (worse) that I resent it."

I'm not saying that my resentment is necessarily justified, as everyone has a different threshold. But once that level is exceeded and the resentment exists, the other person is "officialy" high maintenance. :rofl:

If you're not expecting someone else to pay for it, getting a pedicure at your own expense is absolutely NOT a "high maintenance" activity in my book. I can only be HM if I'm requiring someone else to "support my extravagences."

SouthernGal
05-07-2007, 10:40
Originally posted by CCMO

I can only be HM if I'm requiring someone else to "support my extravagences."

I guess I must have been raised to enjoy the finer things in life but to work my can off to have those things on my own. I sure as hell never expected another person to finance that type of lifestyle FOR me.

Perhaps that's why I'm divorced :rofl:

CCMO
05-07-2007, 10:55
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I guess I must have been raised to enjoy the finer things in life but to work my can off to have those things on my own. I sure as hell never expected another person to finance that type of lifestyle FOR me.

Absolutely, and more power to you! It sounds like you are about as far from "high maintenance" as it's possible to get. :hugs: I love the finer things too, but I finance them myself. Or not, depending on my budget... :animlol:

EdTracker
05-07-2007, 11:20
I have always thought of maintenance as a time based function, not exactly money. How much time is required to make the other happy?

Did someone say you were high maintenance?

I would compare high versus low maintenance as owning a ducati with desmo valve train (say a 999S) to a toyota corolla.

Put oil and gas in the Toyota and every 40 000 miles buy new tires, you are set. Drive for 180,000 miles before major problems begin. The car doesn't car whether you drive like a g-ma or shogun wannabe. Corolla is functional.

The Ducati requires value adjustments every 6k, new tires every 3k miles (if you ride nice and not play hard), oil change, clutch adjustment... it can easily take every other weekend of your time if you ride hard every day. To be fair it gets easier once you know time-saver tricks and feeling for exactly when you need to adjust the valves. It all depends on how hard you ride. Ducati is sexy!

High maintenance women want all your time and since time equates to money a large portion of that too.

Can you find things that make you happy without anyone else? Can you entertain yourself without requiring someone else to listen and comment back?

SouthernGal
05-07-2007, 13:08
Originally posted by EdTracker
Can you find things that make you happy without anyone else? Can you entertain yourself without requiring someone else to listen and comment back?

I do all the time (I have a dog, she doesn't comment back). It isn't that I don't enjoy the company of men or that I don't WANT a partner...need and want are two different things.

SouthernGal
05-07-2007, 13:47
Originally posted by jazzmanDK
If you demand to be the center of our mutual universe, if you are an emotional black hole, if you are a financial black hole, then you are the quintessence of high maintenance. But after reading your 'resume' and your thoughts, I would classify you as Low Maintenance and Highly Desireable.

Trouble is, I'm 72, and She Who Must Be Obeyed won't let me have another wife, (or girlfriend, even) dang it!

Zip

Let's just hope "She Who Must Be Obeyed" didn't get the last good guy out there. :)

Glockgirl26
05-08-2007, 08:17
SouthernGal requires NO MAN to dance attendance on her. Not in financial ways, nor when it comes to time or attention.

She said it best...big difference between want and need. Sure she likes nice things, what girl doesn't? She's also perfectly capable of providing herself with those things.

Any man who doesn't think a girl should be interested in the girlie things here and there, should perhaps be looking for another man instead. Unless he's just another case of pot calling kettle and has his own habits to fund.

;)

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 08:38
Originally posted by Glockgirl26
Unless he's just another case of pot calling kettle and has his own habits to fund.

;)

Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark :supergrin:

dgg9
05-08-2007, 08:45
Originally posted by SouthernGal
So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?

HM = emotional neediness; need for constant reassurance; need to change plans all the time; finding a way to kink the guy's plans; "what are you thinking?" 100x a day; need to be phoned at work a lot; subtle manipulativeness; sometimes drama queen is one form.

Usually, "HM" is not a term men use wrt finances, but rather time and emotional-neediness.

It doesn't sound as if you are HM in the slightest, so by definition you must live 1,000 miles away from me (a zoning requirement, I think).

ETA: one pernicious form of HM is the trick question, asked in order to elicit the "wrong answer" which then prompts either an argument of a reprimand, or designed to reveal your insentitive, selfish nature and then act hurt and put-upon ....such that conversation becomes a minefield.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 10:25
Originally posted by dgg9

ETA: one pernicious form of HM is the trick question, asked in order to elicit the "wrong answer" which then prompts either an argument of a reprimand, or designed to reveal your insentitive, selfish nature and then act hurt and put-upon ....such that conversation becomes a minefield.

You're the SECOND guy who's said this same thing. The other guy who told me this said so in a PM (you know who you are if you're reading this).

dgg9
05-08-2007, 10:39
Originally posted by SouthernGal
You're the SECOND guy who's said this same thing. The other guy who told me this said so in a PM (you know who you are if you're reading this).

One of the telling hallmarks of dating a HM woman is that you seem to be in arguments all the time, but you can never remember anything resembling a real reason, and in these arguments, you're always explaining/defending yourself.

dgg9
05-08-2007, 10:54
Interesting...the subtle POV difference about what constitutes HM, between men and women here in this thread, and more widely in my general experience.

Women see HM as defined in terms of materialism and looks-obsession, but men see HM in terms of neediness, controlling behavior, manipulation. For men, the concept of "gold digging" and "professional daters" is a distinct subset, separate from "high maintenance." ETA: men aren't too concerned about the first group, since they're easy to spot, and nowhere near as emotionally exhausting as the needy/controlling version of HM.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 12:03
Originally posted by dgg9
Interesting...the subtle POV difference about what constitutes HM, between men and women here in this thread, and more widely in my general experience.

Women see HM as defined in terms of materialism and looks-obsession, but men see HM in terms of neediness, controlling behavior, manipulation. For men, the concept of "gold digging" and "professional daters" is a distinct subset, separate from "high maintenance." ETA: men aren't too concerned about the first group, since they're easy to spot, and nowhere near as emotionally exhausting as the needy/controlling version of HM.

As I stated earlier...need and want are two different things.

I want and enjoy the company of men, however, I only need a man for two things. Picking up heavy objects is the OTHER one.

:supergrin:

dgg9
05-08-2007, 12:07
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I want and enjoy the company of men, however, I only need a man for two things. Picking up heavy objects is the OTHER one.

Of course, if you have a lot of heavy objects lying around, you could still be HM...

The starting point of the gender dating divide is that NO WOMAN thinks she is high maintenance, although of course many are.

lcarreau
05-08-2007, 12:16
Wow, its hard to believe someone would think SG high maintenance. To me, maintenance is the perceived effort that you have to put into maintaining the relationship. I say "perceived" because, often, in good relationships, you do a lot of things that don't seem like effort that might be considered effort if the relationship was not better. It is not just about money, though it could be a component in certain situations I suppose. A high maintenance woman is one that you have to do a lot of PITA stuff just to keep the relationship going. It could be in the form of spending lots of money or just always doing the stuff she likes to do, but that you hate doing. Sometimes one partner in a relationship wants more togather time than the other. Typically, the one that wants more togather time might be considered high maintenance by the other party.

Just MHO.

-Lonnie

AZ DBLTRBL
05-08-2007, 12:18
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?


You are NOT high maintenance! You are a woman that takes responsibility for her life and handles her own....any man would be blessed to have such a well rounded, adjusted partner.

Glockgirl26
05-08-2007, 13:06
Originally posted by dgg9
The starting point of the gender dating divide is that NO WOMAN thinks she is high maintenance, although of course many are.

My best friend is high maintenance...is fully aware of it, and takes a lot of pride in it. In both ways, the financial / materialistic sense AND the emotional sense.
:animlol:

And believe me, SouthernGal is nothing like her.

Larry J. Howard
05-08-2007, 13:11
I'm 58 years old so I've been around a bit. Based on how you describe yourself I'd have to opine you are Not high maintenance at all. In fact I'd say quite the contrary. Don't let low-browed, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathers get you down. They (like the aliens in X-files), are out there )!

lcarreau
05-08-2007, 13:34
Originally posted by Glockgirl26
My best friend is high maintenance...is fully aware of it, and takes a lot of pride in it. In both ways, the financial / materialistic sense AND the emotional sense.
:animlol:

And believe me, SouthernGal is nothing like her.

I find gals that brag about being high maintenance really annoying.

speedracer815
05-08-2007, 13:38
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I do all the time (I have a dog, she doesn't comment back). It isn't that I don't enjoy the company of men or that I don't WANT a partner...need and want are two different things.

My wife and I are in agreement on most things and this is one:

It is far better to be wanted, than needed.

Strive to be your own person and independant. Find someone you truly WANT to be with, but always maintain enough of your "self" to never need.

Conversley, if they need you: run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

You sound like a very desireable partner to me and certainly not high maintenance.

Glockgirl26
05-08-2007, 13:38
Originally posted by lcarreau
I find gals that brag about being high maintenance really annoying.

Yep, my friend is quite the drama queen, and she baffles me almost as much as I love her.
;)

We have virtually nothing in common, so sometimes it's a mystery why we get along so well as we do.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 14:18
Originally posted by lcarreau
Wow, its hard to believe someone would think SG high maintenance. To me, maintenance is the perceived effort that you have to put into maintaining the relationship. I say "perceived" because, often, in good relationships, you do a lot of things that don't seem like effort that might be considered effort if the relationship was not better. It is not just about money, though it could be a component in certain situations I suppose. A high maintenance woman is one that you have to do a lot of PITA stuff just to keep the relationship going. It could be in the form of spending lots of money or just always doing the stuff she likes to do, but that you hate doing. Sometimes one partner in a relationship wants more togather time than the other. Typically, the one that wants more togather time might be considered high maintenance by the other party.

Just MHO.

-Lonnie

I'm not sure why I'm being hit with the "high maintenance" tag Lonnie. I've seen women who kept such a tight hold on their men you'd think they were human lampreys or something, and I've seen women who needed the silver spoon pried out of their mouths. I never really thought I fit in either of these categories.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 14:19
Originally posted by speedracer815

Conversley, if they need you: run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.



ugh...I can't stand to be smothered :upeyes:

dgg9
05-08-2007, 14:31
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I'm not sure why I'm being hit with the "high maintenance" tag Lonnie.

Not by anyone here. We're just having a general discussion.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 14:37
Originally posted by dgg9
Not by anyone here. We're just having a general discussion.

I'm being given **** offline about it...

:upeyes:

AZ DBLTRBL
05-08-2007, 14:54
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I'm being given **** offline about it...

:upeyes:

Are you SERIOUS?!?


I've got an acquaintance that is a high maintenance woman....trust me, you do NOT even come close.

SouthernGal
05-08-2007, 15:05
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
Are you SERIOUS?!?


I've got an acquaintance that is a high maintenance woman....trust me, you do NOT even come close.

Yep, I'm serious. Everytime it gets brought up I just roll my eyes.

Where I live is full of families that have had money for years and years. The females in these families still have "coming out" parties at such at places like the Peabody Hotel and they go on to be "Junior League" girls. Needless to say, I've never seen ANY of those girls pushing a lawnmower (could be because most of them don't know how to crank one). For that matter, they don't do much that might endanger one of their fingernails!

windplex
05-08-2007, 15:11
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?

I do not use the term myself but I suggest you can ignore it when you hear the term in the future; it does not fit you.

cassandra
05-08-2007, 15:38
That first definition of HM threw me for a loop but dgg9 nailed it and so did a few others IMO.

Some people just always seem to have a lot of problems--complaints, scenes, dramas, ultimatums, confrontations, imaginary illnesses. Things blow over and then soon something else comes up. It's hard on friends and family too. We all know someone like that. Avoid 'em like the plague.

That said, I think some dudes like that sort of thing in a woman, or at least they do if she's hot.

speedracer815
05-09-2007, 07:23
Originally posted by cassandra
That said, I think some dudes like that sort of thing in a woman, or at least they do if she's hot.

No matter how hot she is, somewhere there's a guy that's tired of putting up with her.

Mrs. VR
05-09-2007, 17:48
Ok..to ME, "High maintenence" is someone who only thinks about themselves, and how everything around them affects THEM. You know the type, no matter what it is that's going on, somehow it becomes about THEM. They are also generally petty, selfish, hold grudges about things that don't even exist, and can't rise above their own pettiness to do the right thing when it's called for. This can be man or woman. (in fact, I truly suspect the numbers are equal among genders) Those things to me are HIGHLY undesireable in a mate, friend, family member (and boy do i have a few) or even passing acquaintance.

One thing I'd like to point out, being able to support yourself is a wonderful thing, and very empowering, but don't let that make you think that being part of a couple makes you somehow weaker or "less than". I know we've had this conversation before, and I know this isn't what you meant, SG, so please don't think this is aimed at you, but I don't work outside the home, and I enjoy a pedicure as much as the next woman. I don't feel for one moment that I'm "mooching" or high maintence because of it. I work just as hard as VR does, just not for financial gain, it's for FAMILY gain instead. We're a team. I doubt if he cares one way or another if my toes are pretty, but it's a small thing I do for myself every once in awhile. When we got married, it became what's ours is ours. I know that doesnt work for EVERYONE, but it's certainly worked for many people for many centuries, across many cultures.

I was listening to someone on the radio yesterday talking about "feminism" and she was saying that she felt she was sort of a feminist because she thought men and women should be equal, and she was out earning money, etc. Her friend told her that she couldn't POSSIBLY be a feminist because she had just been talking about having "work done", and that was selfish and vain. This, in addition to an interesting conversation I had with another baseball mom last weekend about breastfeeding, really got me thinking for awhile. I think that the TRUE meaning of "feminism" or "equality" is that we even HAVE the choice to do what we believe is right for our families. What's right for MY family, may not be right for someone elses, and who am I to judge?

I have found that the older I get the less judgemental I am about other peoples choices, and I am much more likely to try to put myself in their shoes before making any kind of judgement about if they're "High Maintence" or whatever. I also try really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in the end, people generally reveal their true nature. If you know in your heart that you're NOT HM, then who cares what people say about you? Just keep on keeping on!

I posted this in the OAF, but H called me the other day to tell me she saw a bumper sticker that says "I used to care, but now I take a pill for that" :supergrin: I really DONT care so much anymore what people think about me, and it's made my life a lot easier overall. You don't need anyone to validate you, except YOU.

wow, that got longer than I meant it to, sorry. :embarassed:

Patricia
05-09-2007, 19:38
Originally posted by Mrs. VR
Ok..to ME, "High maintenence" is someone who only thinks about themselves, and how everything around them affects THEM. You know the type, no matter what it is that's going on, somehow it becomes about THEM. They are also generally petty, selfish, hold grudges about things that don't even exist, and can't rise above their own pettiness to do the right thing when it's called for. This can be man or woman. (in fact, I truly suspect the numbers are equal among genders) Those things to me are HIGHLY undesireable in a mate, friend, family member (and boy do i have a few) or even passing acquaintance.

One thing I'd like to point out, being able to support yourself is a wonderful thing, and very empowering, but don't let that make you think that being part of a couple makes you somehow weaker or "less than". I know we've had this conversation before, and I know this isn't what you meant, SG, so please don't think this is aimed at you, but I don't work outside the home, and I enjoy a pedicure as much as the next woman. I don't feel for one moment that I'm "mooching" or high maintence because of it. I work just as hard as VR does, just not for financial gain, it's for FAMILY gain instead. We're a team. I doubt if he cares one way or another if my toes are pretty, but it's a small thing I do for myself every once in awhile. When we got married, it became what's ours is ours. I know that doesnt work for EVERYONE, but it's certainly worked for many people for many centuries, across many cultures.

I was listening to someone on the radio yesterday talking about "feminism" and she was saying that she felt she was sort of a feminist because she thought men and women should be equal, and she was out earning money, etc. Her friend told her that she couldn't POSSIBLY be a feminist because she had just been talking about having "work done", and that was selfish and vain. This, in addition to an interesting conversation I had with another baseball mom last weekend about breastfeeding, really got me thinking for awhile. I think that the TRUE meaning of "feminism" or "equality" is that we even HAVE the choice to do what we believe is right for our families. What's right for MY family, may not be right for someone elses, and who am I to judge?

I have found that the older I get the less judgemental I am about other peoples choices, and I am much more likely to try to put myself in their shoes before making any kind of judgement about if they're "High Maintence" or whatever. I also try really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in the end, people generally reveal their true nature. If you know in your heart that you're NOT HM, then who cares what people say about you? Just keep on keeping on!

I posted this in the OAF, but H called me the other day to tell me she saw a bumper sticker that says "I used to care, but now I take a pill for that" :supergrin: I really DONT care so much anymore what people think about me, and it's made my life a lot easier overall. You don't need anyone to validate you, except YOU.

wow, that got longer than I meant it to, sorry. :embarassed:

So well said that I had to quote it so we could all read it again. :supergrin: :hugs:

boomcat
05-09-2007, 19:48
Please define "high maintenance"?

A high maintenance person is one who asks, "Please define 'high maintenance.'"

Batesmotel
05-09-2007, 20:08
HM = ME ME ME TAKE TAKE TAKE. Never us, you or give.

AZ DBLTRBL
05-09-2007, 23:37
Originally posted by boomcat
Please define "high maintenance"?

A high maintenance person is one who asks, "Please define 'high maintenance.'"



I so disagree....

SouthernGal
05-10-2007, 07:45
Originally posted by boomcat
Please define "high maintenance"?

A high maintenance person is one who asks, "Please define 'high maintenance.'"

That's so deep you must have thought of it yourself.

SouthernGal
05-10-2007, 08:05
Originally posted by Mrs. VR
Ok..to ME, "High maintenence" is someone who only thinks about themselves, and how everything around them affects THEM. You know the type, no matter what it is that's going on, somehow it becomes about THEM. They are also generally petty, selfish, hold grudges about things that don't even exist, and can't rise above their own pettiness to do the right thing when it's called for. This can be man or woman. (in fact, I truly suspect the numbers are equal among genders) Those things to me are HIGHLY undesireable in a mate, friend, family member (and boy do i have a few) or even passing acquaintance.

One thing I'd like to point out, being able to support yourself is a wonderful thing, and very empowering, but don't let that make you think that being part of a couple makes you somehow weaker or "less than". I know we've had this conversation before, and I know this isn't what you meant, SG, so please don't think this is aimed at you, but I don't work outside the home, and I enjoy a pedicure as much as the next woman. I don't feel for one moment that I'm "mooching" or high maintence because of it. I work just as hard as VR does, just not for financial gain, it's for FAMILY gain instead. We're a team. I doubt if he cares one way or another if my toes are pretty, but it's a small thing I do for myself every once in awhile. When we got married, it became what's ours is ours. I know that doesnt work for EVERYONE, but it's certainly worked for many people for many centuries, across many cultures.

I was listening to someone on the radio yesterday talking about "feminism" and she was saying that she felt she was sort of a feminist because she thought men and women should be equal, and she was out earning money, etc. Her friend told her that she couldn't POSSIBLY be a feminist because she had just been talking about having "work done", and that was selfish and vain. This, in addition to an interesting conversation I had with another baseball mom last weekend about breastfeeding, really got me thinking for awhile. I think that the TRUE meaning of "feminism" or "equality" is that we even HAVE the choice to do what we believe is right for our families. What's right for MY family, may not be right for someone elses, and who am I to judge?

I have found that the older I get the less judgemental I am about other peoples choices, and I am much more likely to try to put myself in their shoes before making any kind of judgement about if they're "High Maintence" or whatever. I also try really hard to give everyone the benefit of the doubt, but in the end, people generally reveal their true nature. If you know in your heart that you're NOT HM, then who cares what people say about you? Just keep on keeping on!

I posted this in the OAF, but H called me the other day to tell me she saw a bumper sticker that says "I used to care, but now I take a pill for that" :supergrin: I really DONT care so much anymore what people think about me, and it's made my life a lot easier overall. You don't need anyone to validate you, except YOU.

wow, that got longer than I meant it to, sorry. :embarassed:

I have several EX relatives that could be hit with the high maintenance tag as you've defined it. Let's just say not every marriage has the "team" or "partnership" approach and maybe that's why these folks are "ex" this and thats.

There's not much in this world that makes me feel less "feminine" than pushing around a lawnmower or swinging a weedeater and having grass thrown all in my hair and having it stick to my legs (okay, cleaning toilets is on that list somewhere, but...). Scarlett's hands didn't look so hot after pulling turnips either. So, having someone else pamper me is a treat (and one that I don't do often enough if you ask me.) At least it makes me feel like a woman again until it has to be taken care of again.

So if I like my expensive handbags and bling and someone else wants to raise a fuss over it, they'll just have to get over it...or go "pound sand" as some would say. :)

Nephilim
05-10-2007, 11:58
I don't think money has anything to do with being "high maintenance"

I had an ex girlfriend who was independently wealthy.... like Paris Hilton wealthy. Obviously I didn't need to worry about spending money on her.

She was one of the most high maintenance people I've ever known however. I literally had to invest just about every waking moment of my life making sure her emotional needs were taken care of. Tending to our relationship, in hindsight, was like tending to an emotionally disturbed child.

-That's- high maintenance. Not a woman who spends alot on her hair or nails or whatever... its when -you- personally have to invest way more time than you should into that woman because she's emotional or clingy or whatever the problem might be.

My wife is the opposite of high maintenance. Sure she likes snuggles and attention as much as the next woman but she requires very little of me and respects times when I'm extremely busy with a project or work and just can't drop everything for some couple time. This is the same woman that took me to the range for our first wedding anniversary. :)

c-mama
05-10-2007, 13:00
I agree with Neph.

High Maintenance = Insecurity

Or, I guess one could say that insecure people are often high maintenance because they are constantly wanting people to tell them that there is nothing wrong with how they are doing things, etc. They need constant attention.

It's definitely an emotional/mental state rather than a money thing. It also has nothing to do with whether you work on your own lawn/clean your house/cook for yourself.

If someone called you high maintenance because you like to spend money on quality things and yourself, they simply do not understand the meaning of the term - High Maintenance.

I have a friend who is high maintenance. She's more of an acquaintance, because of that, actually. If I don't say hello immediately upon her entering a room, she assumes that I am upset with her. If I tell my kids not to sit by her kids (because her kids are out of control and I want my kids to calm down a bit), she assumes that I am upset with her. It's sometimes such a burden to have to deal with her. I don't give in completely to this, but I make sure I smile and say hello when I see her. As for her thinking I'm upset with her about other things, it's her deal, not mine.

I would also liken it to GT. If someone posts a thread and doesn't get answered in the first, say, 5 minutes, they will respond and say, "Gee, I guess I'm on everyone's ignore list or something" and get huffy about the lack of attention they think they should receive.

fnfalman
05-10-2007, 17:48
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?

It sounds like high SELF-maintenance, which is a good thing.

To me a high maintenance woman is one that is always emotionally in need of praises, flatteries...who throws tantrums and fits - an attention whore in another word. Or one who expects gifts all the times, or keeping up with the Jones's - a self-annointed princess.

USAret
05-10-2007, 18:13
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If I hear this term one more time, ugh....

I'm 36, well-educated, got a good paying job (I make as much if not more than most men around here), cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard and have no kids. When I get done working on the weekends I'll usually treat myself.

True enough, I have a large collection of nice handbags. I also have nice collections of lingerie and jewelry, all of which I purchased MYSELF.

I went the other day for a pedicure after I finished with cutting the grass and doing the weedeating and planting and weeding the flowerbeds. To some, this makes me "high maintenance". To me, it doesn't. It's only high maintenance if I come to expect it AND if I want someone else to pay for it. To me, high maintenance is how much attention (time) and money you require to sustain the lifestyle you've come to expect. I expect NOBODY else to fund my excursions to shop, have a pedicure, or anything else.

So what say you men? What is the definition of "high maintenance"?


According to your description you are very low to NO maintenance. My definition of high maintenance is someone who demands ALL YOUR TIME. Like calling in sick just cuz you happen to have a day off, like going to the ER because you worked late for the past week. Getting mysterious ailments when you have plans for a day with your friends, esp. when that plan involves a shooting range. Basically a Drama Queen.

But I donít know squat about women. Iíve only been married to my present wife for 20 years, and I only had one bad one, the first; she was about medium maintenance.

Edited to add: a friend of mine who is a psychologist had a simple saying for this kind of thing. Two HALF-people canít join and make a WHOLE. If he/she isnít whole to begin with chances are slim to none.

dgg9
05-10-2007, 18:31
Originally posted by USAret
According to your description you are very low to NO maintenance. My definition of high maintenance is someone who demands ALL YOUR TIME.

Indeed. Again:

HM in a female has nothing to do with how, or on what, she spends HER time, attention, and money.

HM has to do with how she extorts YOUR time and attention, and to a lesser degree, money.

Mr V
05-10-2007, 20:44
Sooutherngal.. you are not HM!!!
Sometimes HM is percieved. I work for a company that has divisons in two areas. Washington state and Louisina. The head bean counter (CFO)is located in Louisina. She makes it up to our location about twice a year. On a scale of 1 to 10 she is a 9.5 (bean couters shouldn't be allowed to be that good looking). She dresses the part(really sharp and nicely). Everybody believes she is HM. (its the looks and the clothing).
Knowing her you find out she is LM.
Men (and I stand gulity of it) just assume that if you are really good looking and dress well then you must be HM.
I am just soooo glad my wife is LM!!!!

Nephilim
05-11-2007, 01:57
I decided to add something to my above description of what constitutes someone being high maintenance.

I think it ultimately comes down to whether or not your behavior, lifestyle, etc. imposes burdens on people or not.

All the girls I've known in my life that I would call high maintenance behave in such a way, and have lifestyles that are such... that ultimately the people around them have to invest time, money, emotional energy, etc. into those high maintenance women that they shouldn't have to. It isn't about appearances or purchaes or personal needs... it's about when those things negatively impact the people around them and when the person in question becomes the center of those peoples energies and lives.

another okie
05-11-2007, 15:49
It seems like we have two different ideas about what the term means.

One is a man or woman (I don't see why it should be limited to women) who spends a lot of time on hair, appearance, clothes, and so on. When I see a woman with big hair, long nails, and a lot of makeup, I assume it takes a lot of time to do all that. In other words, that is a person who does a lot of maintenance on themselves and takes a lot of time to do it. This is only a problem for others if the HM person doesn't budget their time well, which is a problem they may or may not have.

The other idea is a man or woman who demands lots of time and effort from others. Clingy, insecure, possessive, always needing to be in the presence of others. In other words, a person who requires a lot of maintenance from others.

I have always assumed the first meaning was what people meant, so this is an interesting thread to me.

ATL Peach Girl
05-13-2007, 03:28
whoa!!!

So I need to ask:

WHAT ABOUT *MY* NEEDS?????
























Hiya all!!! :wavey: :supergrin:
I just saw this thread.......I await a report of your trip Southern Gal.........heh!!!

Alan Antopol
05-13-2007, 15:41
Folks,


IMO, and my definition may be a function of the fact that I'm a man from NYC, a high maintenance person (HMP) is someone to whom you have to devote a lot of time and effort - someone who expects you to cater to them. HMP's are sellfish, want what they want, when they want it, and expect you to make it so for them.

Example: Many years ago took a woman to dinner. "Alan", she says, "We can't eat in this restaurant!" "Why not?", I ask. "The light is too red!", she replied. Definite HMP.

An HMP will blow into town with little or no notice, but will expect you to drop everything to get together with them. Agree with Another Okie that an HMP can be male or female, and can be young or old. If they stay at your home, expect you to have their brand of liquor/wine/beer waiting.

By spending a lot - definitions of "a lot" can vary widely, and often women and men have different definitions - of time on her appearance, a woman might lead you to believe, that she is high maintenance, at least at first blush. Your first impression might be inaccurate, though.


Alan

Desert_Scorpion
05-15-2007, 04:53
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I make as much if not more than most men around here, cook, clean, cut and weedeat my own yard

I can think of a celebrity who makes more money than most men here, and does some farm work on her TV show. Is she considered low maintenance?

Here's my litmus test:

Let's say your SO takes you on a weekend getaway (Las Vegas, for example). If you fly coach (instead of first class), are you upset? When you get to the hotel, you find out that you're not staying in the Presidential Suite, but instead in a room the size of the Janitor's closet. Is that a problem? When he takes you out to dinner, are you paying attention to him, or are you sending text messages to your friends back home? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then in my book, you are high maintenance. If you answered "No" to all of them, then you are medium maintenance. I will argue that a low maintenance woman is probably about as common as a Unicorn.

WIG19
05-15-2007, 10:33
Originally posted by jazzmanDK
If you demand to be the center of our mutual universe, if you are an emotional black hole, if you are a financial black hole, then you are the quintessence of high maintenance. But after reading your 'resume' and your thoughts, I would classify you as Low Maintenance and Highly Desireable.Yep, I'm with him outta the gate; except that SouthernGal appears (and noting her civility in past posts) to be the type of person about whom I wouldn't give a thought as to what degree of maintenance she is.

This is a management-by-exception type thing. One doesn't usually hear of someone complaining to a friend, "Wow, Frank I'm really worried; SouthernGal is really low-maintenance. What should I do?" It's the other way around. Kinda like art. You may not know how to describe it accurately to everyone, but know it when you see it. Perhaps the question could be turned around; are men who see most women as high-maint simply uncomfortable in their own skin?

Caveat: I do concur with the existence of the 'trick-question-as-trap' type though - they do exist in the wild.

:patriot:

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 10:35
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
Here's my litmus test:

Let's say your SO takes you on a weekend getaway (Las Vegas, for example). If you fly coach (instead of first class), are you upset?


Only if I have to sit beside a screaming kid the entire flight.
:supergrin:

When you get to the hotel, you find out that you're not staying in the Presidential Suite, but instead in a room the size of the Janitor's closet. Is that a problem?


Seeing as how I once spent the night in a bathtub any place with a bed usually works for me. It works even better when I'm kept company.

When he takes you out to dinner, are you paying attention to him, or are you sending text messages to your friends back home?

Humm...would a "low maintenance" guy demand your attention 100% of the time? I think not...so I guess believing there is a such thing as a low maintenance man is about as common as believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus.

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 10:42
Originally posted by fnfalman
It sounds like high SELF-maintenance, which is a good thing.

To me a high maintenance woman is one that is always emotionally in need of praises, flatteries...who throws tantrums and fits - an attention whore in another word. Or one who expects gifts all the times, or keeping up with the Jones's - a self-annointed princess.

You crack me up.
We call them Divas around here :)

Glockgirl26
05-15-2007, 10:58
Originally posted by SouthernGal
Humm...would a "low maintenance" guy demand your attention 100% of the time? I think not...so I guess believing there is a such thing as a low maintenance man is about as common as believing in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. [/B]

"low maintenance guy"???!!!

Get out of here...there is no such thing!

Desert_Scorpion
05-15-2007, 12:12
Originally posted by SouthernGal

I only need a man for two things. Picking up heavy objects is the OTHER one.

:supergrin:

What is the main thing? Spending countless hours telling you that you're not high maintenance? :rofl:

WIG19
05-15-2007, 12:37
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
What is the main thing? Spending countless hours telling you that you're not high maintenance? :rofl: SouthernGal cracks me up; one of the reasons I stop by here from time to time. Apparently low-maintenance humor doesn't have a razor's edge, 'cause we all know it'll just roll over under pressure. I'd say she has what I call on a knife a 'working' edge.

So... SouthernGal; do you think you got your definition yet, ma'am?

:patriot:

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 12:51
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
What is the main thing? Spending countless hours telling you that you're not high maintenance? :rofl:

If you must know, I like men who know how to fold underwear too.
:rofl:

WIG19
05-15-2007, 13:20
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If you must know, I like men who know how to fold underwear too.
:rofl: What a nice thing to say; but I'm spoken for.:hearts:

I'm up for a trip to the range though! :supergrin:

Desert_Scorpion
05-15-2007, 13:20
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If you must know, I like men who know how to fold underwear too.
:rofl:

Not that you were interested, but I'm definitely not qualified. In fact, it might be tough for you to find such a man. We are taught in "Man School" to be low-maintenance; that means throwing all your laundry (clean or dirty) into a pile, and then at a later date, using smell to determine if it is clean, dirty, or marginal.

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 13:54
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
Not that you were interested, but I'm definitely not qualified. In fact, it might be tough for you to find such a man. We are taught in "Man School" to be low-maintenance; that means throwing all your laundry (clean or dirty) into a pile, and then at a later date, using smell to determine if it is clean, dirty, or marginal.

You're taught to be low maintenance? Must have been a lesson most didn't study or fell asleep during...or maybe I'm bumping into every whiny crybaby who wants a nurse, cook and maid (READ: MOMMY) instead of a wife or partner.

Ewww...smell tests! That's just wrong on so many levels. Thank God I'm more organized and disciplined than that. Some of the girls here have seen my place and know how I am about a clean house (somewhere at a desk Peach is saying "anal"). I prefer to NOT live in chaos and those who can't hang with that are booted off the island.

WIG19
05-15-2007, 14:01
Originally posted by SouthernGal
You're taught to be low maintenance? Must have been a lesson most didn't study or fell asleep during...Now, now, don't generalize. Many of us spent enough time in the service in close proximity to others who wouldn't tolerate such things to begin with. Besides, I'm a victim of plain-old W Texas upbringing & public schools. No fancy frat-house type curriculum for me. I had a step-son who seemed to have attended that school; he got booted off my island for awhile too.
:thumbsup:


:patriot:

WIG19
05-15-2007, 14:06
not getting over this way very often thought I'd ask how the Central & Southern States shoot thing went? (The one in your sigline.)

:patriot:

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 14:21
Originally posted by WIG19
not getting over this way very often thought I'd ask how the Central & Southern States shoot thing went? (The one in your sigline.)

:patriot:

It went great. The pictures were posted all over GNG and OAF. We shot outdoors at my parent's property (about 80 acres) in the county just south of where I live so it was pretty much anything goes. I have multiple mb of pictures from the event. It started out as a get together for us girls (myself, GG26 and ATL Peach) and it just grew from there. We also had some regional food and I tried my best to show what true Southern hospitality is really like...right down to the sweet tea.

I can handle a little bit of "messy" but I can't stand a slob any more than I can stand someone who's a morning person :supergrin:

WIG19
05-15-2007, 14:30
Originally posted by SouthernGal
It went great.Glad to hear it! :thumbsup:

In about 109 days I'm eligible to tell Uncle that 38yrs is enough; then I'd like to get a couple buddies and go on a multi-week road-cruise, hit some GSSF matches and get down in your neck of the woods. I suppose it'd need to be a good sized vehicle 'cause we'll probably rely on a few clothes and laundromats, but need the space to haul toys along from emptying out the safes. Sounds like you had a great time!

:patriot:

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 14:46
Here are my three of my favorites from that weekend:

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q173/ratchinator/DSCN0988.jpg

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q173/ratchinator/DSCN0826.jpg

http://i136.photobucket.com/albums/q173/ratchinator/Keely_Malinda_me.jpg

sweetatergal
05-15-2007, 14:59
Originally posted by SouthernGal
I can handle a little bit of "messy" but I can't stand a slob any more than I can stand someone who's a morning person :supergrin:

Gee, I wonder why we get along so well? :tongueout:

SouthernGal
05-15-2007, 15:03
Originally posted by sweetatergal
Gee, I wonder why we get along so well? :tongueout:

You know my rules on waking up early :rofl:

sweetatergal
05-15-2007, 15:10
Unfortunatley I do. :rofl: :rofl:

ATL Peach Girl
05-15-2007, 15:42
Originally posted by SouthernGal
Some of the girls here have seen my place and know how I am about a clean house (somewhere at a desk Peach is saying "anal"). I prefer to NOT live in chaos and those who can't hang with that are booted off the island.
Yup!!! when I was there in "Miss-us-sip" she doesn't know it, but I did the white glove test and it came back cleaner AFTER I did the test. I was eating off her floor in fact.

;)

sweetatergal
05-15-2007, 15:55
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
What is the main thing? Spending countless hours telling you that you're not high maintenance? :rofl:


:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :eyebrow:

You should have to ask? :tongueout:

ATL Peach Girl
05-16-2007, 04:15
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
I can think of a celebrity who makes more money than most men here, and does some farm work on her TV show. Is she considered low maintenance?

Here's my litmus test:

Let's say your SO takes you on a weekend getaway (Las Vegas, for example). If you fly coach (instead of first class), are you upset? When you get to the hotel, you find out that you're not staying in the Presidential Suite, but instead in a room the size of the Janitor's closet. Is that a problem? When he takes you out to dinner, are you paying attention to him, or are you sending text messages to your friends back home? If you answered "Yes" to any of these questions, then in my book, you are high maintenance. If you answered "No" to all of them, then you are medium maintenance. I will argue that a low maintenance woman is probably about as common as a Unicorn.
:bunny:









:whistling:

SouthernGal
05-16-2007, 10:53
Originally posted by ATL Peach Girl
Yup!!! when I was there in "Miss-us-sip" she doesn't know it, but I did the white glove test and it came back cleaner AFTER I did the test. I was eating off her floor in fact.

;)

If it got dropped on the floor, SRD got it.

SRD wants all you guys to come back. She enjoyed all the stuff you guys dropped...inadvertently of course. ;)

MB-G26
05-17-2007, 22:58
Originally posted by SouthernGal
If you must know, I like men who know how to fold underwear too.
:rofl:

"Whose underwear? "

:tongueout:

Nephilim
05-17-2007, 23:06
Originally posted by MB-G26
"Whose underwear? "

:tongueout:

One time I was at work and I realized I wasn't wearing my pants. I was wearing pants, they just weren't -mine-.

As you can imagine it was rather alarming. Right in front of a client I exclaimed...

"Jesus Christ these aren't -my- pants!"

Client: "Whose pants are they?"
Me: "I have no idea."
Client: "Well how did you get them?"
Me: "I picked them up off my floor this morning."
Client: "Might want to have a chat with the Misses about that."

Turns out they were my brothers that he'd left at my house when he'd visited the weekend before. I wear a 30x32 and he wears a 32x30. Same brand that I own and everything... but yeah. Not my pants.

Glockgirl26
05-18-2007, 06:49
Originally posted by Nephilim
Turns out they were my brothers that he'd left at my house when he'd visited the weekend before. I wear a 30x32 and he wears a 32x30. Same brand that I own and everything... but yeah. Not my pants.

I buy men's pants occasionally, and the SO and I have some that are the same but for the size...I wear a 32x36 and he wears a 36x32. Have to look at tags carefully...
;)

Nephilim
05-18-2007, 07:03
Originally posted by Glockgirl26
I buy men's pants occasionally, and the SO and I have some that are the same but for the size...I wear a 32x36 and he wears a 36x32. Have to look at tags carefully...
;)

Yeah... you just don't expect to pick up pants off your own floor and have them be someone elses! :) That was almost as bad as the time I wore one of my wife's shirts. We both have a crapload of black undershirts, both of them are pretty form fitting, etc. I get to work and my shirt just feels -weird- finally I say to a coworker "dude look at the tag on my shirt." he looks and says "Congrats, you're a size 8." D'oh. I knew it didn't fit right in the bust.

Glockgirl26
05-18-2007, 07:19
Originally posted by Nephilim
I knew it didn't fit right in the bust.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I wear a women's vest (body armor) that was made to fit a 36DD chest...the SO put it on one time and said, "WTF??? Oh, I guess you would fill this out..."

SouthernGal
05-18-2007, 07:28
Originally posted by Nephilim
One time I was at work and I realized I wasn't wearing my pants. I was wearing pants, they just weren't -mine-.

As you can imagine it was rather alarming. Right in front of a client I exclaimed...

"Jesus Christ these aren't -my- pants!"

Client: "Whose pants are they?"
Me: "I have no idea."
Client: "Well how did you get them?"
Me: "I picked them up off my floor this morning."
Client: "Might want to have a chat with the Misses about that."

Turns out they were my brothers that he'd left at my house when he'd visited the weekend before. I wear a 30x32 and he wears a 32x30. Same brand that I own and everything... but yeah. Not my pants.

STG is out today, so I can talk about her behind her back :supergrin:

Her H has come out wearing HER jeans before and wondered why they were squeezing him a little hard!

:rofl:

sweetatergal
05-23-2007, 15:22
Originally posted by SouthernGal
STG is out today, so I can talk about her behind her back :supergrin:

Her H has come out wearing HER jeans before and wondered why they were squeezing him a little hard!

:rofl:

Some how I knew that this would probably come up. :rofl:

fnfalman
05-24-2007, 09:06
Could we put some names to the ladies' faces in the photos?

Singlemalt
05-24-2007, 11:24
Originally posted by SouthernGal
STG is out today, so I can talk about her behind her back :supergrin:

Her H has come out wearing HER jeans before and wondered why they were squeezing him a little hard!

:rofl:

Ouch! That is way too tight on the mcnuggets!:shocked:

sweetatergal
05-24-2007, 13:33
Originally posted by fnfalman
Could we put some names to the ladies' faces in the photos?

In the avatar? SouthernGal is the one in the black T shirt and that is myself, sweetater, in the pink T shirt and hair in ponytail.

MisterLady27
05-24-2007, 14:26
Howdy All,

1. And I thought the Lady was tending toward high maintenance--- I reckon I'm big wrong on that regard--- The definition of HM as postulated here is nothing like the Beloved!!

2. My initial thoughts were-- she don't clean her own Glocks (or Kimber either), she tells me we don't go to the range enough, she's tired of us borrowing Glocks from other folks and told me what model she needs next, and the list goes on and on and on!:hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

3. Probably need to re-evaluate!

4. The Lady and the MisterLady! A Team! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

ML27

Mrs. VR
05-24-2007, 16:08
pssst, I found out VR would be a VERY TALL size 8. :rofl:

SouthernGal
05-25-2007, 13:21
Originally posted by MisterLady27
Howdy All,

1. And I thought the Lady was tending toward high maintenance--- I reckon I'm big wrong on that regard--- The definition of HM as postulated here is nothing like the Beloved!!

2. My initial thoughts were-- she don't clean her own Glocks (or Kimber either), she tells me we don't go to the range enough, she's tired of us borrowing Glocks from other folks and told me what model she needs next, and the list goes on and on and on!:hearts: :hearts: :hearts:

3. Probably need to re-evaluate!

4. The Lady and the MisterLady! A Team! :thumbsup: :thumbsup:

ML27

Ha Ha! You're now a bit more thankful than you were, right? :)
Even I've been reduced to only being "medium maintenance" now.

fnfalman
05-29-2007, 18:15
Originally posted by sweetatergal
In the avatar? SouthernGal is the one in the black T shirt and that is myself, sweetater, in the pink T shirt and hair in ponytail.

Thank you kindly. What about the three ladies in the other picture?

SouthernGal
05-30-2007, 07:48
Originally posted by fnfalman
Thank you kindly. What about the three ladies in the other picture?

That is Keely (ATL Peach), GG26 and myself. We're standing in front of the Mississippi River at the Tunica River Museum.

RottnJP
06-04-2007, 19:12
Well, just ran across this.... HM has been well defined, I think, but maybe I can shed a little light here... Someone who is calling you "HM" is actually finding you "threatening" but clearly doesn't know such big words. I have a dear friend who is intelligent, well-spoken, independent, etc. and some/many guys are threatened by that. For some men, their own sense of "normalcy" and self-worth is up-ended by a woman who doesn't fit a mold of needing him a certain amount.

So, I would posit that, if anything, you may be the *opposite* of High-maintanance, to the degree that a man needs to be self-assured enough that he doesn't feel threatened. Heck, my wife mows the lawn, paints the shed, etc., etc., etc. It's a good thing I make the money (mind you, she could if she wanted, but she chooses the stay-at-home Mommy route) and I cook, or I might as well be a cucumber! :supergrin:

So the funny thing, I think, and why I took the time to add my thoughts here, is that IMO any man calling you HM is actually the one who is HM/insecure. The challenge to such a person is for them to figure out what it is about a secure woman that threatens their own sense of self-worth, but in my experience they're also not the type to challenge their feelings/assumptions/fears. So, you might as well tell 'em to pound sand and find someone worth talking to! :animlol:

Armed&Feminine
06-05-2007, 14:33
Originally posted by Desert_Scorpion
When he takes you out to dinner, are you paying attention to him, or are you sending text messages to your friends back home?

OMG - on a date this irritates me beyond all belief. I just want to walk out so the person can call whoever they've been texting and go hang out with them as they obviously don't want to spend time with me.

When hanging out with friends it isn't so bad as long as it doesn't distract from whatever else is going on.