How interested in your hubby or long-term SO in certain female matters? [Archive] - Glock Talk

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MB-G26
06-18-2007, 21:57
Example, you have your annual gyn check up scheduled.

Is you hubby or long-term/serious SO/boyfriend interested in the results, in knowing whether everything is ok (tests, results, physical exam re any cysts, breast lumps, etc.)?

If not, does this bother you in any way?

What if it has been than 10-15 years since you have had any gyn medical attention, including pap smears, age-mandatory mammograms, etc.? What if you have current, and have had ongoing, problems in this area, or are perimenopausal, have wonky and difficult monthlies, significant PMS or PMDD?

What would run through your mind if you were told not to further mention any 'girly' details relative to attending that appointment? What would you think was meant by that?

c-mama
06-19-2007, 05:07
Having gone through 7 pregnancies, I am currently avoiding the gyn like the plague. ;)

Last year I was dealing with painful cycles. Hubby encouraged me (more like stood over me until I made the call) to make an appointment with the gyn.

I don't like doctors. I always feel looked down on when I go. So, when it's time to do something like that, I procrastinate.

But hubby does encourage me. And he wanted to know what the doctor said after the visit.

If I don't say anything is bothering me, though, he doesn't ask. But he is concerned about me if I bring something up to let him know that something is wrong.

Make sense?

Mrs. VR
06-19-2007, 11:01
Mel, if my Jay said that to me, I'd take it to mean "GET OFF YOUR BUTT AND GET SOMETHING DONE ABOUT IT, DARN IT!!!" I think they get frustrated when they can't "fix" whatever it is, and maybe it makes them anxious to talk about things they can't control? I know with my Jay's illness, I've wanted to talk everything to death, and he has NOT WANTED TO. :rollingeyes: I really think that's a lot to do with it. I think he's worried about you, and wants you to do what you have to to make sure you're ok.

GET THEE TO A DOC! :hugs:

kygungirl
06-19-2007, 11:50
I hate doctors but my boyfriend not only tells me I have to go to the doc but he makes the appointment and then he takes me just to be sure that I go. And if I want him to he would go back there with me. He's great and he takes care of me.

He is a lot better than my Ex husband who when he found out a couple of years ago that I had cervial cancer he told me not to worry that I could be replaced if I died and that he would find our daughter a new mom. he was a jerk.

My new guy is a keeper.

sweetatergal
06-19-2007, 15:53
I usually don't share results unless anything is wrong. As long as everything comes out normal, eh, I don't mention it. But if something was to be wrong, I can tell him and he would be supportive and make sure that I get something done about it. When he thinks something is wrong, he will usually speak up and insist that I go to the doc and get it checked out. :supergrin:

Mel, I hope everything is ok!!!!! :hugs: :hugs: :hearts: :hearts:

MB-G26
06-19-2007, 17:35
I'm not exactly sure what was meant by 'girly details'.

It's not like I intended to later describe, step by step, the actual exam and such! Jeez......

Oh! kygungirl!! I think the ex you mentioned, and my ex, may be related :upeyes: :hugs: :hugs:

I guess I'm just not sure what to make of his statement. The appt isn't until tommorrow afternoon, and even then, it won't be a situation where a mammo w/be done the same day and such. *Groan* like I'm looking forward to being 'referred to' here, there, and everywhere for mammo and any other tests.

Maybe my more insecure, vulnerable side would have just felt better hearing something that, on its face, sounded a bit more supportive. I've put off such an appt. literally for more than a decade, originally because of two successive losses of insurance - which meant I couldn't go to the female ob/gyn I'd seen since I was pregnant w/kiddo (18-odd yrs. ago). Just picking some stranger's name off a stupid HMO list, especially when I couldn't even pronounce most of the names listed!, just didn't cut it.

So I just stopped thinking about it and didn't go, for all this time.

As I stare 50 in the face, I just KNOW I'm going to hear a bunch of 'you need to this, and you need that tested, and you need to call and find your old mammo films and drive all over town in the heat to pick them up and bring them to a mammo appt...blah...blah'.

As bad as my fibro is today (heck, I'm only just now out of bed, was supposed to take the car BACK to the repair shop again today and it ain't gonna get done) maybe I'll just have to cancel the appt. and worry about it some other time.

Plegh.

Zonny
06-19-2007, 20:40
:fist: If you cancel that appt. I'm gonna drag your scrawny little butt in there myself!!! :wavey:

Don't you DARE!!!

MB-G26
06-19-2007, 21:51
Originally posted by Arizonny
:fist: If you cancel that appt. I'm gonna drag your scrawny little butt in there myself!!! :wavey:

Don't you DARE!!!

Well.....in further developments, got any good ideas how I can drive the Esquirt to the appt with the teliot taped to my butt? IOW, w/in the last 2 hrs. I think I discovered why I woke up feeling worse than if the driver of the truck that hit me had also scraped me up from underneath the wheels & kicked me to the side.

Have I mentioned recently that chronic colitis is really the pitz? :upeyes:

Glockgirl26
06-20-2007, 07:25
Damn Mel...I hope you get feeling better and it goes all right.:hugs: Sorry to hear that you're feeling poorly.

Referencing the original question, my SO is a talker by nature so he's always 'encouraging' me to talk to him more than I do. If I had a problem or a concern he would certainly listen and be supportive, he usually is when I'm having a health issue. Though he knows some of them I'm just uncomfortable having to discuss in too much detail, he just wants to know that I'm all right.

SouthernGal
06-20-2007, 09:05
Originally posted by MB-G26
Have I mentioned recently that chronic colitis is really the pitz? :upeyes:

I do believe that you and I have had more than our fair share of experience with this issue. Thank God in my case it was only in caring for someone with it, rather than having it myself. The stuff is a nightmare!

I feel pretty confident in saying that if the SO knew I was having issues, he'd be down my throat for me to find out what was going on, even if he had drag me to the doctor himself.

kcb
06-20-2007, 09:30
My husband is more than supportive. He knows me well and knows when something is wrong. Even if I try to let it go, he is very observant and questions me.

He has gone with me and had "Come to God" talks with doctors when they don't seem to listen to me. He has always been right there and
WANTS to know.

He knows, if I feel something, they ALWAYS find something wrong. I've shocked doctors several times! Thank God, it's never been anything serious or life threatening!

Yes, my husband is interested. He is definitely a keeper!

:hearts:

Mel! Go to your appointment, Sweetie! You can't afford NOT to go!!!
Early detection and preventive medicine is your best medical care!!!

:hugs:

Mrs. VR
06-20-2007, 14:40
ugh, Mel, Im hoping you recover quickly :hugs:

On the original topic, I think sometimes we're just wired differently. You need support, you got it here, sweetie. :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

MrsKitty
06-20-2007, 19:45
:hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

You OK, mama? :)

MB-G26
06-20-2007, 22:27
I actually made it to the appt.

GG26 - LOL! I read this as "my SO is a stalker by nature" TWICE! :rofl: Someday when I win the damn lottery, I'll get new bi-focals! :supergrin:

No masses palpated, nurse practitioner was a bit surprised when I predicted a swap would immediately test positive for yeast. :upeyes: It's a never-ending battle, that - more oh-so-enjoyable characteristics of fibro. ::groan::

So, wait a wk, get a call, call some mystery series of Secret Squirrel numbers and get the pap results. Oh hum.

She did write a referral/order for a mammo.... but that can wait for a bit until my calendar clears up.

A certain someone asked on the phone today about the appt., wanting to know basically 'how things went'. I laughed and told him I hadn't intended on making him suffer through a detailed description of the exam! :animlol:

Next time I'm feeling low about something medical, I guess I'll just demand, "I need some warm fuzzies now, damnit!" :tongueout:

fnfalman
06-21-2007, 00:48
A non-physician man shouldn't need to know about the particulars of various female problems. It does neither the woman nor the man good for him to know about pap smears, speculums and other female hygiene related stuff. Trust me, you DO NOT want us to know. Because we'd be repulsed and turn ghey.

Zonny
06-21-2007, 09:27
Glad you made it Mel. Half of the battle is making the appt. :thumbsup:

Don't wait too long to schedule the mammo. The place I go is about 3 months out. Go figure. :wavey:

Glockgirl26
06-21-2007, 10:39
Originally posted by MB-G26

GG26 - LOL! I read this as "my SO is a stalker by nature" TWICE! :rofl: Someday when I win the damn lottery, I'll get new bi-focals! :supergrin:


Well, I have referred to him as my #1 Stalker in the past, so you weren't too far off...
:rofl:

MB-G26
06-22-2007, 01:17
Originally posted by fnfalman
A non-physician man shouldn't need to know about the particulars of various female problems. It does neither the woman nor the man good for him to know about pap smears, speculums and other female hygiene related stuff. Trust me, you DO NOT want us to know. Because we'd be repulsed and turn ghey.

:upeyes: :chatter: :notlistening:

AZ DBLTRBL
06-26-2007, 13:50
Originally posted by MB-G26
Example, you have your annual gyn check up scheduled.

Is you hubby or long-term/serious SO/boyfriend interested in the results, in knowing whether everything is ok (tests, results, physical exam re any cysts, breast lumps, etc.)?

If not, does this bother you in any way?

What if it has been than 10-15 years since you have had any gyn medical attention, including pap smears, age-mandatory mammograms, etc.? What if you have current, and have had ongoing, problems in this area, or are perimenopausal, have wonky and difficult monthlies, significant PMS or PMDD?

What would run through your mind if you were told not to further mention any 'girly' details relative to attending that appointment? What would you think was meant by that?

My hubby is pretty good about not asking about my appts. If I say nothing, he assumes nothing is wrong. 3 yrs ago I had my annual "squish my boob into pancake form" test and the radiologist called me back and let me know I had "what he thought" was cancer in both breasts and that I needed a double biopsy. He just scared the beejesus out of me. I drove from my appt to Ken's work and the moment he saw me he knew something was wrong. Now, he never had asked me before how all my "girly" appts went....but this time he was my hero. I told him what the radiologist said and I was doing all I could not to cry...he just took over. He called my Gyn and got a referral to a breast surgeon, scheduled me for the double biopsies, just basically took my problem over.

Long story short, both biopsies came back fine. The thing that still gets me is I TOLD my Dr. (the surgeon) that I wanted to be called DIRECTLY with my results....and he told her "NO you call ME with the results first..." so he was the first one she called. When I phoned him he just said "I know baby, you're just fine...."
I think he was too afraid to let anyone else tell me any bad news...he determined to be the one if it came to that.


LISTEN - It's not OK if someone you deeply love is not involved in your health. When you sign up for the "total comittment package" that comes with it. Look at Mrs. VR and what they are going thru....do you think for one moment she would NOT want to be involved with what her husband is going thru?!? Comittment costs - don't sign up if you don't have the funds....

What would run through your mind if you were told not to further mention any 'girly' details relative to attending that appointment? What would you think was meant by that? [/QUOTE]

I would have to wonder why I am with this person who can't be bothered by the realities of my life...you deserve someone who is involved with EVERY aspect of your life. I hope I am not offending you by saying this....

AZ DBLTRBL
06-26-2007, 14:05
And let me tell you what....after my little 34B boobies scared me that bad I just threw down the gauntlet.....damn you boobies! You want to give me this much damn grief, then I am going to do something I have always wanted to do and upgrade. ....I guess I felt like, if someday I may loose them, I want to enjoy them while I'm still an owner....;)

SouthernGal
06-26-2007, 14:57
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
Comittment costs - don't sign up if you don't have the funds....


This is the most insightful thing I've read on GT all day long.

another okie
06-26-2007, 15:00
It sounds you're asking us to say it's OK to be mad at your husband.

People are what they are. Most men are not even interested in their own health, let alone someone else's. Find a girlfriend to talk about your exams with.

I suspect by "no further details" he meant that he didn't want to hear about the stirrups, or how it hurt to have your breasts squeezed for the x-ray. If there's a problem, let him know. If he shares what it's like to have the doctor tell him to drop his pants and bend over, then you have the the right to demand he listen to your details.

Mrs. VR
06-27-2007, 06:18
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
When you sign up for the "total comittment package" that comes with it. Look at Mrs. VR and what they are going thru....do you think for one moment she would NOT want to be involved with what her husband is going thru?!? Comittment costs - don't sign up if you don't have the funds....

you better BELIEVE it, and you have no idea how much I've been repeating "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" over and over again. :rollingeyes:

April
06-27-2007, 11:36
Originally posted by Mrs. VR
you better BELIEVE it, and you have no idea how much I've been repeating "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health" over and over again. :rollingeyes:


until you get mad, then you recall the " 'til death do us part" :rofl:



Mel.. my husband is interested as far as it concerns my overall health. He doesn't care about the details of a specific appointment unless it's something noteworthy, like how much weight I've gained with the baby. It would seem that's the case for most men. It's not that they don't care, it's that they'd rather not hear about stuff they can't "fix". So long as they know things are being taken care of for us to be healthy, they don't need the details.

I don't doubt your Jay cares, he's just being a typical man. If you have things you need to share I'd say you have the support you need here. :hugs:

MB-G26
06-27-2007, 16:41
Originally posted by another okie
[B]It sounds you're asking us to say it's OK to be mad at your husband.

Um......No. Oh, and "mad" had nothing to do with it.

And, if the person in question was my husband, I wouldn't be asking public permission to be "mad" at him. :thumbsup:

Find a girlfriend to talk about your exams with.

After double checking, I confirmed that I did post the subject matter inquiry in Womens' Issues ;)

If he shares what it's like to have the doctor tell him to drop his pants and bend over, then you have the the right to demand he listen to your details.

Um........ "demand" never entered my mind, nor would it.
;)

MB-G26
06-27-2007, 16:43
:supergrin: :hugs: :hugs:

Sounds to me like your hubby rocks! especially when the 'going gets rough' :angel:

MrsKitty
06-27-2007, 21:03
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
And let me tell you what....after my little 34B boobies scared me that bad I just threw down the gauntlet.....damn you boobies! You want to give me this much damn grief, then I am going to do something I have always wanted to do and upgrade. ....I guess I felt like, if someday I may loose them, I want to enjoy them while I'm still an owner....;)

You upgrade and I wanna downgrade. Too bad I couldn't pass my extra along :rofl:

MB-G26
06-28-2007, 03:08
I don't really want a volume upgrade myself, but I would LOVE an 'altitude upgrade' :animlol:

Glockgirl26
06-28-2007, 06:48
Originally posted by misskitty5077
You upgrade and I wanna downgrade. Too bad I couldn't pass my extra along :rofl:

+ a gazillion!

AZ DBLTRBL
06-28-2007, 10:15
Originally posted by misskitty5077
You upgrade and I wanna downgrade. Too bad I couldn't pass my extra along :rofl:


Wouldn't that be nice? Never seems to fail that the gals that are well endowed would love to be a bit smaller, and us not endowed gals want to be bigger....;)

AZ DBLTRBL
06-28-2007, 10:17
Originally posted by MB-G26
:supergrin: :hugs: :hugs:

Sounds to me like your hubby rocks! especially when the 'going gets rough' :angel:

He is! In a crisis he is S-O-L-I-D......now if I could just get him to replace the toilet paper rolls!:animlol:

another okie
06-28-2007, 12:29
Original post:

”If not, does this bother you in any way?”

Later post attacking my post:

“Um......No. Oh, and "mad" had nothing to do with it.”



Original post:

Is you hubby or long-term/serious SO/boyfriend….”

Later post attacking my post:

“And, if the person in question was my husband, I wouldn't be asking public permission to be "mad" at him.”



“After double checking, I confirmed that I did post the subject matter inquiry in Womens' Issues…”

I never said you shouldn’t post it here. I’m willing to listen to your problems and I hope you get better. I just said not every man is equipped for empathy about other people’s health problems.


And the forum is called “Women’s Issues,” not “For Women Only.”


Let us know how you're doing. We do care about you.

MrsKitty
06-28-2007, 15:35
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
Wouldn't that be nice? Never seems to fail that the gals that are well endowed would love to be a bit smaller, and us not endowed gals want to be bigger....;)

Eh, that just goes back to that principle of you always want that that isn't yours... :)

Mrs. VR
06-29-2007, 06:32
Originally posted by MB-G26
I don't really want a volume upgrade myself, but I would LOVE an 'altitude upgrade' :animlol: Mel, I've had TWO of my kids as toddlers tell me how LONG mine are...Im so getting a lift someday! :animlol:


And Another Okie, Mel wasn't attacking you, she was stating her positions. Big difference, but thanks for offering another perspective. :)

kcb
06-29-2007, 21:31
Regarding talking about female matters with your hubby or your SO, I can talk about things with him, and he does care.

BUT I have a very dear friend and I've only known her for a couple of years, but we just "clicked" when we met. We've yet to find anything that we can't talk about to the finest of detail without feeling judged for it.

We can be serious, cry, or laugh hysterically about anything and everything. We share the same faith, the same values, the same hopes and dreams.

My wish for every woman is that she has a girlfriend just like that
to share every secret with and ask the most difficult questions about
life, love, your body, sex and sexuality without feeling it will go any further than the two of you!

Talking to your man is awesome, but having that kind of girlfriend that understands so much is pricelss!

:hugs:

MB-G26
06-30-2007, 17:20
Karen, I envy having a 'best girlfriend', I really do.

I'm trying to think back.... I'm not sure I have had one since high school (and that was eons ago!).

Usually, my friendships formed with people I worked with and/or other, neighborhood mothers when kiddo was in elementary school. I still "know" those people, but we don't have anything in common since our kids have gotten so much older (and I haven't been able to work at a job in a long time). So, I really don't have any 'girlfriends' from daily life - only people I've come to know first online and then later in 'real life' - Patricia is a good example.

Life seems constantly so busy and hectic for everybody - it can be really difficult to meet other people/women, much less spend time in common and develop relationships that exist beyond the same workplace or group.

Mrs. VR
07-01-2007, 07:25
Mel, :hugs: I know what you mean. Im so busy with the kids, homeschooling, sports, etc it's hard to find time in the OUTSIDE world to really DO anything with friends. Im blassed to have a small group of friends i've had for more than 20 years, but I don't talk to them every day either. I talk more to friends I've made here! You are always free to talk about stuff here, and you know I'll do my darndest to keep this a safe and comfortable haven. :hugs:

Cat91
07-01-2007, 12:00
Originally posted by AZ DBLTRBL
Wouldn't that be nice? Never seems to fail that the gals that are well endowed would love to be a bit smaller, and us not endowed gals want to be bigger....;)

Hah! I heard that! I'm flatter than a two week old beer. :upeyes: I'd kill for a little more in that department!

Miao, Cat

kcb
07-01-2007, 22:37
Originally posted by MB-G26
Karen, I envy having a 'best girlfriend', I really do.

I'm trying to think back.... I'm not sure I have had one since high school (and that was eons ago!).

Usually, my friendships formed with people I worked with and/or other, neighborhood mothers when kiddo was in elementary school. I still "know" those people, but we don't have anything in common since our kids have gotten so much older (and I haven't been able to work at a job in a long time). So, I really don't have any 'girlfriends' from daily life - only people I've come to know first online and then later in 'real life' - Patricia is a good example.

Life seems constantly so busy and hectic for everybody - it can be really difficult to meet other people/women, much less spend time in common and develop relationships that exist beyond the same workplace or group.



Originally posted by Mrs. VR
Mel, :hugs: I know what you mean. Im so busy with the kids, homeschooling, sports, etc it's hard to find time in the OUTSIDE world to really DO anything with friends. Im blassed to have a small group of friends i've had for more than 20 years, but I don't talk to them every day either. I talk more to friends I've made here! You are always free to talk about stuff here, and you know I'll do my darndest to keep this a safe and comfortable haven. :hugs:


It is hard while we are raising our kids. My husband always worked such awful hours when my girls were little, there were many times that we BOTH felt like single parents. But I was blessed with a girlfriend that had a daughter and HER husband worked awful hours, too. The both often worked weekends. SO, we did a lot of things together, and took our daughters places that we normally might have gone as families if our husbands had normal schedules.

She is still a one of my best friends; I always make new friends, and have a new friend thatI relate to well for this phase of my life.

We just clicked and have an awesome time together, too!

It's something we have to make a point of to get together. But both of those friends, our daughters, and one son, are grown now, and it's easier. Our time is more Our time now!

I was never easy, but it was something we made a priority!

:hugs: It's been very worthwhile! But I understand what both of you are saying!

:grouphug:

:thumbsup:

MB-G26
07-02-2007, 17:14
It might have something to do with what area of the country a person lives in, too. Although, this may have been changing over the recent years. Example: AZ, especially Phx and surrounding areas, is and has for a long time been very transient.

But, compare to "back east" (and mid-west) where it used to be the norm to grow up in one neighborhood and stay there one's entire life, through school and perhaps even college (or return there after college), families having the same friends (parents and kids), a more of a close and closed community type scenario.

But, anymore, life is so busy, so hectic, some many changes in the economy and job force over the recent years - maybe every place is more transient than it used to be?

SouthernGal
07-03-2007, 09:16
Originally posted by MB-G26
But, compare to "back east" (and mid-west) where it used to be the norm to grow up in one neighborhood and stay there one's entire life, through school and perhaps even college (or return there after college), families having the same friends (parents and kids), a more of a close and closed community type scenario.

But, anymore, life is so busy, so hectic, some many changes in the economy and job force over the recent years - maybe every place is more transient than it used to be?

There's nothing about where I live that is transient. I've had the same best friend now for 25+ years. Your theory on the east may be correct.

ATL Peach Girl
07-11-2007, 00:44
I am gonna tell you all a couple things in recent years that have made ME feel better about baring all in front of a doctor......

In my early 20's I had to have knee surgery and I was fretting big time to my dad about having to wear that backless gown with no undies......dad said to me "You are just a piece of meat to those medical people". Crude as it was......he was right!!!

And then I read in Cosmo magazine a number of years ago about how doctors feel about pap tests........the article said "it's just another opening in the body that needs to be examined/cultured......NO different than testing your throat for a strep infection. I try to keep that in mind when I have to get into those sturrups each year.......

Now a personal note to Mel.......for the love of all that's holy girl!!!!!........DO NOT EVER EVER put off going to the doc like you have again!! 15 years is TOOOO long to have not had mammo's and pap tests........I am religious about getting my butt to the annual mammo and pap exams......I have had tooooo many scares in both areas and having been told a few times now with the mammo exams that "there is some suspicious areas" is all the more reason to NOT ever, ever, ever put off missing a year. Mel.....if you are sexually active, which I assume you are, you NEED to be having annual pelvic's........get yourself to a FEMALE doc if you are skittish about baring all for a male doc.........also, EVERY single mammo of mine have been performed by a FEMALE tech.....they see HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of tah-tah's in a year......yours look no different than the girl before you. Hell, each year I just whip off my gown in the mammo room and there are my girls in their full glory......I don't give a crap. The female tech doesn't care either. You are 10 years over from having a baseline mammo Mel......I hope you get it done soon!!!!

Yes.......you are just a piece of meat to these people, and having dated a doc for a couple years......I have learned THERE IS NOTHING SEXUAL IN MEDICINE!!!!!!!!!! REALLY!! There isn't!!!

Come on out here Mel.......I will hold your hand........!!! :wavey: :hugs: