You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... [Archive] - Glock Talk

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pupcuss27
07-08-2007, 16:57
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
people ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
when the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two women stand up.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
a member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the choir is known as the "OK Chorale".


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
in a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
Baptism is referred to as "branding".


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
high notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
people think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
instead of a bell, you are called to service by a duck call.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
"Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too.


You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...
the final words of the benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"

glock22%surfire
07-09-2007, 21:40
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if...

Thats the best one. :thumbsup:

Cali-Glock
07-10-2007, 10:56
One applies to mine, and a couple others are close.

How about some real ones which fit my church.

* Target shooting and hunting are both organized fellowship activities for the church.
* Everyone meets up at the church to go shooting
* You have presented each of your pastors a military rifle as a gift. Both rifles get used. A lot!
* Kids on their dirt bikes and ATVs regularly disturb services when they ride through the church property going over jumps.
* Kids on their horses ride through the church property during services.
* You have be aware that some inconsiderate hunters sometimes shoot deer on the church grounds during hunting season, but hopefully not when church is in service.
* If there is too much snow on the ground to get out of the driveway, some folks come to church on their horses.
* Parishioners regularly bring fresh eggs and produce which are left in the church foyer for everyone to share and take home.
* It might be against the law to transport a person in the back of an open pickup truck in California, but it does not stop families from hauling all the kids to church in the back of their pickup truck. :supergrin:
* When someone in the community mentions that they are interested in getting a gun, they are told they should probably speak to the deacons first as one of them might have a lead on a good deal, or give you a recommendation as to what kind of gun to get.
* The Senior Pastor has been known to ride his ATV to church.
* Both Pastors drive pickup trucks.
* You know when it is hunting season because the men actually pay attention to the deer during services. (If you counted you would see a MINIMUM of a dozen deer during services every Sunday and sometimes probably two to three times as many deer.)
* A deacon might ask you if you want to adopt a coyote-dog from the litter his dog had this year. (Two years running this dog had had a litter with the father being a coyote.)
* There is no cell reception at your church!

Blitzer
07-10-2007, 13:38
You know it is a Rad Neck Church if;

Communion is performed using:

Biscuits and Red sop gravy

Or

Cornbread and Shine


Freshly shined Cowboy boots are Sunday Dress up

There is a water hose by the door to wash the mud off your boots

vafish
07-10-2007, 14:04
Originally posted by Blitzer

There is a water hose by the door to wash the mud off your boots

They wear boots (or shoes) at your church?

I once attended a church where about half the parishioners didn't wear shoes. (of course it was the Australian Outback and the ones without shoes were mostly Aboriginal) And I think more than a couple came in just to drink the communion wine.

Grimsi
07-12-2007, 01:43
The o.p. is racist
!