View Full Version : how do I convince women to learn self-protection?
My wife and I are martial artists who plan to one day open a school centering on self-defence for the disadvantaged, that is women and smaller people. Big tough strong folks don't need a lot of help, they're already big and strong.
I have a really hard time getting through most women's sensibilities against considering the efficacy of learning self-protection.
"I don't want to live my life in fear." I'm often told, although that very response seems rooted in denial based on fear. Crime statistics make it clear that women get attacked often in many situations and a woman need not feel powerless against an attack, even in victimizing, dis-empowering Madison.
I find it really upsetting when a woman essentially tells me she'd rather deceive herself into thinking "it'll never happen to me" and then falling back on rape crises counseling after the fact.
How do I break through the wall of emotionaly based self-deception?
Originally posted by zoobie
How do I break through the wall of emotionally based self-deception?
Given that self-deception is the root of nearly -all- human disorders if you can figure that problem out you could make a lot of money.
I'm not sure what advice to give you. I've got a fair number of female friends that even upon getting to the point of at least acknowledging they would get their asses handed to them in a fight with a 120 pound street urchin... they still make no effort to equip themselves against that threat. No different than people knowing having a supply of food on hand is a good idea and never actually stocking the cabinets.
Hopefully the women will have better advice.
i learned because i'd grown up in a house where i wasn't allowed to participate in martial arts (so NOT ladylike), so as soon as i moved out, i started taking TaeKwonDo...and things sort of snowballed form there... a case of the old "I'll prove i can do it because you told me i couldn't."
i'm not sure you can convince anyone of anything they don't already suspect and just need a face-saving excuse to change their previously stated views.
That "live in fear" argument is so stupid (not a face-saving thing to say, i know). I just raise an eyebrow and ask why on earth someone would think that learning something that would make them SAFER could possibly make them more FEARFUL? Learning to defend oneself doesn't change one's environment, it only expands one's options in dealing with it. (Unless one has the #%$&^%* boyfriend who finds one's TKD classes threatening to his "masculinity" and so attempts to demonstrate physically/abusively that "it won't help you" - for which one must snap kick his important parts, eat the supper he cooked, and leave before he can get up off the floor. THEN DON'T GO BACK.)
Sometimes you can push the exercise/get-or-stay in shape aspect. Sometimes you can push the "bored with your current exercise routine? Give something new a try (aerobic kickboxing, etc)? Sometimes you can push the camaraderie aspect, or the possibility of a family activity (take the class with your kids).
Most women would immediately zone out on the rape/violent crime stats. Some react better to introducing the idea as a way to keep their kids safer.
Teaching verbal de-escalation techniques, not just physical ones, gives some an out...they can say, "oh, the physical stuff is just a part of the class - i'm more likely to use the verbal stuff" (which should be true anyway)... but at least they will see/learn/practice the physical stuff...and may decide it is worth more study/practice.
Everybody's different - different experiences lead to different attitudes - you have to find the right button to push for each person. Good luck, zoobie - it's a very worthwhile plan you have.
Here's Madison liberals kicking the crap outta me for posting the same question. How dare I!?
lone grey wolf
:frown: sorry to say my wife is the same way. Very religious and says God will handle things for her. She almost went ballistic when I started buying pistols and bringing them into the house. Now through all mt training, NRA certified instructor, 6 tactical courses, 7 handgun courses she still will not handle a firearm. Sure hope the lord watches over her when I am not there as her sheepdog, Have had her for 41 years as the better half and would hate to lose her because of her stubborness.:hearts:
Sipper, that makes me think of all those stories about the guy sitting on the roof of his house during a flood... neighbor comes by in his boat, says "hop in, i'll get you out of here" Guy says "No, God will take care of me." Hours later, Fire&Rescue boat shows up, firemen say "Get in, we'll get you out of here." Guy says "No, God will take care of me." Hours later, flood washes over house, Guy drowns. He gets to the Pearly Gates and starts yelling at St.Peter "Why didn't God save me?" St.Peter says, "Who do you think sent the darn boats?"
Boats, guns... God provides the tools...you have the free will to use them, or not.
(busily converting liberals to the Dark Side...and loving every minute of it).
Wow....this story sounds familiar. A few years back, my son wanted to buy a gun and bring it into the house for protection as he had a recording studio here. I strongly objected siting many of the same reasons not to mention my own fear of guns. I told him absolutely no. He persisted....as did I. One day he sat me down and for 2 1/2 hours hammered away at my "logic", excuses and above all my fear. I ended up having to admit he was right on a few points...lol...
I now own seven guns of my own including a few high powered rifles...go to the range once a week and am an NRA member....shooting is my passion.
Do not give up....there is hope if the issues are addressed correctly, in the right time and the right way....
Best of luck....
lone grey wolf
:supergrin: notice the member name has been changed, suits me more appropriately. I do have a start at changing her mind since it does not bother her anymore for me to even carry in the house, not paranoid, just on yellow alert most of the time. Yes it will take time but I still think I can change her mindset one these days. The right opportunity just has to happen. :angel:
Have you given her a copy of Paxton Quigley's book, "Armed & Female"?
Paxton helped write the gun control act of 1968, but later did a "Saul/Paul conversion" and is now a shooting instructor and firm believer in being armed.
Armed & Female
Thank God I Had a Gun
Not an Easy Target
Blown Away: American Women and Guns
There are a number of good self defense books written for and by women. That's a good place to start - buy some books for her to read. They are inexpensive and full of good information. I bought the books before the gun.
That's how I got my wife interested in getting her first gun, a Glock 17 and her CCW permit. She's also a NRA and Gun Club member, and a pretty good shot.
women are incredibly attractive, and you can't help but think a passionate woman like her would get more action if she liked guns.
a good sense of timing and cautious diplomatic phrasing is highly recommended, especially if you're married to her and she cooks your dinner and stuff.
contrariwise, if you're spewing this tripe to the NEIGHBORS wife, uhm, i'd recommend a rapid re-think.. it might work..
lone grey wolf
:agree: Thanks for the suggestions everyone, I never gave any thought to the idea of the books. Again thanks to all who replied and are trying to help. Live long, have a healthy life, and may I never have to take a life because some idiot thinks my family and friends are not worth protecting, but it is something I would do with no hesitation. :patriot:
Women are more of a target than men, but a number of men, especially older ones, are also targets.
Besides the previously recommended books, there are a number of articles, including the sticky in this subforum, that could help get vulnerable people interested in learning self protection.
Suggest you check out senior citizens' centers and senior residences and try to interest the senior citizens in learning self protection. Offering a few free classes at women's centers might drum up some interest. Women and senior citizens would be more likely to check out learning self protection in a comfortable, familiar place, along with their peers.
Good thing you are working on. :thumbsup: Best of luck!
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