Any info on Boot camps for Troubled Teens?

[Hailstorm]

OK, Needless to say. I need info on a weekend bootcamp or something in our area. Otherwise someone is gonna get a beating. Been looking and cannot find to much info. So, I ask the think tank. :shocked:

[gsbell]

Aren't they typically run by the gov't? The last thing you want is to interject the family court or gov't into your personal family business. Just my 2 cents worth. There is a reason I never had kids. Good luck with this situation and I do hope you get it worked out.

[10 Ring Tao]

I was curious so I did a bit of reading...

http://www.aspeneducation.com/factsheetbootcamps.html

If you want, you can pay me a bargain price of $2000 to yell at your kid for a weekend.

Is he just being a spiteful brat, or is there some kind of serious behavioral issue?

[JohnJak]

Do what my dad use to do. Get the razor strap out and with a few wacks the problem will be resolved. Oh I forgot nowadays parents go to jail for disciplining their kids. Just think of it as an adult time out.

[Hailstorm]

Well, all hell has broken loose. Daddy the enabler got mad at me and Grandpa. Grandpa actually picked the kid up by his hair. Wish i had seen it.

But, Basically the girlfriends oldest son is playing his daddy like a fiddle. Daddy is spineless. Anyway, acting out, disrespect and doing DMX I think its called. Basically cough medicaine. I ended up confronting him a bit myself. I didn't put a hand on him. He threatened his mother and me. I said if he does it again, he'll regret it. He said you better step off. Well I was walking away. I turned and got right in his face and said. You have no idea who I am or what I am capable of. Then I left. Daddy didn't like this either.
So thats my spot right now. Needless to say a custody battle is coming. Gonna be fun...not..

[Pitmaster]

I provide family therapy for high-risk juveniles. The research shows boot camps aren't that effective and statistically make things worse. One of the best models for parenting problems teens is Parenting Your Out-of-Control Teenager. (http://www.difficult.net/). The book can be used by a lay person and its not necessary for professional involvement. But in certain situations professional assistance is recommended. What is great about this model is that the researcher tells you HOW to change your child's behavior vs. what to do.

I have been trained and practice this model and another model of therapy for juveniles. I'm also a social worker (MSW) who primarily worked with adults for about 15 years and wanted nothing to do with kids or families. But stumbled across this and a job opportunity and after reading the research gave it a try. I've been using it for 3 years with good success.

[Hailstorm]

Well, the whole family goes to family therapy since before the divorce. The father lies to the doctor and says everything is great at his house. Then turns everything into its my girls fault.

Then add to the fire the fact the boy who stands over 6 foot is lieing his ass off. He called Kims Mom and is now trying to spin it as everything is my fault. :upeyes: I guess because I am her support, he needs to try to get rid of me.

Yea, I am gonna have a nice Christmas. I have my boys on Christmas Eve and then we will have her other son. But, I know when the day is over. She is gonna be a wreck without her oldest. Its hard to be stabbed in the back by family.

I would love to call childrens protective service on his ass. But, to prove neglect would be tough. because if you listen to the father. The kid does no wrong. I love the fact that the father doesn't even ask why things happened. I mean have a old man have to come over to make a kid do something his mother told him to do is sad.

I have been told that the father has certain friends that operate outside the law. Not sure if he would have the balls to call them in. I always watch my back anyway. But, there is always that chance you can be cought off guard. I feel the need to get certain information to certain people myself in case I come up missing. Kinda sad I am thinking like this. Even though this guys has no spine, there is small chance of things going very bad.

AHH, I either way. its gonna be bad.

[Pitmaster]

Having provided some therapy services to both husbands and wives involved in these acrimonious divorce and custody battles. My advice is always to never get down in the gutter with the other party. Keep your head up and do the right thing morally and ethically. The reality is that for the most part kids recognize which parent is causing the conflict. The kids take advantage of it. Particularly teenagers. But by the time they grow up and mature in their early 20's they readjust their relationships. Have rules, consequences with rewards for following the rules, and don't take sides. In the long run the relationship with kids can usually get much better. There are times that it doesn't but like anything in life we can't control the outcome.

It isn't easy on the kids or the parent.

[Hailstorm]

Yep, I keep telling her that he will come back around. All I can do is support her the best I can. She can't beleive I am staying and not running for the hills.

[deadday]

Haven't read the thread, sorry, on the way out the door, the National Guard runs a program called the Youth ChalleNGe. They take troubled teens, run through a mini bootcamp/confidence course over a summer, introduce them to a disciplined, well structured environment. Hit Google and you should find the link.


drew
-I am not in any way associated with this program or the National Guard, though I am ADA.

[JohnJak]

Remember you are not the father. The father is probably one of those dead beat dads. Just watch your six and offer support to your GF.

[Hailstorm]

I know, I have to keep telling myself I am not the father. Dads not a deadbeat, just a spineless idiot. Who thinks giving his kid everything he wants will make him a good person. Kid has zero respect for anything.

Now, I wait to see what is going to happen. The father isn't to bright either. He seems to forget my girl is in politics. Which leads to many friends wearing black robes. If he doesn't back down, he will become a ever other weekend type of a dad. The son will go off to military school or shape up now. But, thats a long shot.

Its so hard not to do something nice with the younger brother, because he is the good one. The peace maker, or at least he tries. Hard not to love him.

I will check into the Youth Challenge thing. I fear he may need more than a part time thing.

[JonShoup]

Here's an option to tuck in your hat for later. http://www.howemilitary.com/

After 10 years of working with juveniles and young adults in the Correctional setting, I've seen both the positive and negative results of bootcamps. They can help with teaching self-discipline, self-esteem and, obviously, physical fitness. However, they are usually only beneficial for hardcore lawbreakers. If this boy isn't into stealing, fighting, drugs or rape I'd say the best medicine is a mature, strong,even-tempered role-model and consistent discipline in a safe environment. He won't realize or appreciate it overnight but he'll become a better man for it in the long run.

I always say there are only two types of adults in my facility. Those that were punished far too much, and those that were punished far too little. Either scenario will give a kid a warped, confused sense of himself and his environment. Please don't take this to mean that I think a hug will make it all better. Sometimes a boot up his ass is what it takes. But he has to know he will always be held accountable and the punishment will always be consistent. Just knowing where he stands with you is a big part of the battle.
I can't tell you how many grown adults I've worked with in Community Corrections that continue to turn to me, or one of my co-workers, years after their release because we are the most stable influence they have had in their whole lives.

Sorry for the long, rambling post. I'm the biggest hard-ass I know when it comes to raising my kids (and felons), but at the end of the day it's who they can 'trust' that will make the difference for them.

[mitchshrader]

kid doesn't have any values. his world got broken by the folks he trusted. stuff he took for granted turned out to be a LIE.

why should he believe ANYTHING anybody says? why should he do ANYTHING anybody wants? there's no connection between honesty (on his part) and fairness (on the worlds part)..

remember that one dimensional right now perception of 16-17? and he's MALE? he hates the WORLD. he's horny, he can't get any respect, he can't get admiration, he doesn't have any MONEY, life SUCKS and everybody wants him to act like an adult and he's been a KID ALL HIS LIFE..

ah hell. poor schmuck. ain't NO RULES THAT MAKE SENSE from where he is.

so. it takes years. ride it out, like riding the rapids. that bit about fair, consistent, one set of rules, and STAY OUT OF IT.

you have nothing to gain by a fight. you can make rules in YOUR place. don't try to get into the OTHER fights, it ain't gonna help YOU.

let him thrash out his emotions on ANYBODY ELSE but not at YOUR house. you can give him a full size set of adult lumps, IN YOUR HOUSE.. not anywhere else.

stay AWAY from his spewing rebellion, he can't help it, it makes SENSE to him.. he'll outgrow most of it, if he lives.

and he'll grin kinda shamefaced in 20 years and admit he was a real jerk at that age, just like WE do if we're honest..

so, don't get in there and fertilize his crop of complaints with your BS. it won't do you a bit of good, and might even slow down the march of progress. if he's busy screwing up, fine, just NOT AROUND YOU.. you can have your rules just dandy, and make em clear, firm, and inflexible.. but you can't EXPORT those rules. can not.

can not. he has to ACCEPT em, and he has to have some foundation of respect TO accept em, and he don't yet respect HIMSELF so how can he respect anybody else?

what you do is, hang a light in the window, be the same guy every time, and NEVER GO HUNTING A FIGHT.. and never let him get his bluff in once.. 'consistent and patient and FIRM and consistent'..

let him know what your rules are and Do NOT EVER change em..

at least for the duration of his maturation process.. that means, make MINIMAL RULES. don't go hunting places to have rules. go with the absolute civil minimum, and then ENFORCE THEM!

i make no mention of woodsheds, or axe handles, or private counseling away from mom and social services, let your experienced best judgment be your guide as necessary.. but the fact you MUST MAKE YOUR OWN HOUSEHOLD RULES AND ENFORCE THEM is a given for any continued relationship whatsoever.

you also have to understand until he accepts that, and grows a few rules of his own, he won't appreciate you. he'll test you repeatedly.. trying to prove you can be arbitrary.

remember that bit about he's been a kid all his life. remember that bit about his world cracked right down the middle, and HE DIDN'T DO IT.. and he trusts NOTHING very much.. so don't expect him to BELIEVE you.. give it a year or three or five. that's what it'll take.

[Hailstorm]

Yea, it will take a alot of time. As of now, a set of rules has been drawn up. Printed and signed by everyone involved. Her both kids are coming back over this Friday. So, this visit is like 16 days. So, we will see. I want the best for eveyone.