Sometimes life just sucks

[Bullwinkle J Moose]

One year ago I planned a vacation to go to south Florida to go motorcycle touring with my brother, who had just retired as a fire chief and bought a nice Harley Ultra-classic fireman's special. A few days before I was to leave his wife called me to tell me he had been diagnosed with a very bad aggressive form of brain cancer that typically kills within a year. Since then he has undergone grueling treatments consisting of surgery, radiation and experimental chemotherapy that would have killed a lesser man, the result of which actually checked the multiple tumors. In fact his treatments had worked so well, he has been able to put a thousand or so miles on his bike in the last few months, something that we consider somewhat of a miracle in itself.

Since the last couple months when he started taking rides he has been calling me and busting my chops about the nice riding weather he has been enjoying, so last week at his wife's suggestion I decided to take a week vacation and ride down and do some riding with my brother. It was to be a surprise, my sis-in-law's and my secret. Friday I talked to him and he told me that he and a close friend had taken a six hour trip from Coral Springs up to Belle Glades, had lunch and come back and had a great time. Finally, we would get some quality ride time with each other. The plan was to call him from outside when I arrived at his house, let him rub in the nice weather, talk some trash and then I would ring the doorbell and tell him I'm ready to ride the next day.

I left from SC Saturday AM and it took 10 hours to make the trip. When I dismounted, I stashed away my riding gear and pulled out the cell phone, preparing to make my grand entrance, there was a voice mail message from his son. Saturday morning he could not get out of bed, had a severe headache and was uncommunicative and was rushed to the ER, where he and his family were. Today he had an MRI and a PET scan which indicated a brain bleed.

Initially he was only able to say uh-huh or uh-uh when asked questions, but as a result of the drugs he was given today, he has shown some improvement , meaning he was able to recognize family and communicate in short phrases and gestures that shows he is cognizant of his surroundings and what he hears. He is out of immediate danger, but it is clear that we will never go riding together.

So in one day I and his family have gone from the exhilaration of us fulfilling a denied wish all the way to the dismal discussions of final arrangements and half way back.

So for my brother and wife and children, how about a word of prayer, please? And for yourselves, please don't take those you love for granted. Tell your loved ones today exactly what you'd like to tell them when they are no longer with us.

[Barcroft]

Will do.
You have my word on it.
Best of everything to you and those around you.

[12131]

Geez, sorry to hear. Prayers sent.

[pesticidal]

Dang.....



:angel:

[Glock Man_G19]

Will be praying for your family!

[DoubleDog]

Bullwinkle,

I am so sorry for your troubles...

Prayers and good thoughts on the way,,,

DD~

[Mrs. VR]

I'm so so sorry this is happening. :sadangel: Prayers and good thoughts to all of you.

[NYC Drew]

Just damn!

Thank goodness you are THERE for him. This means a lot.

I will honor your request.

'Drew

[BEER]

is there any way for you to rent a bike with a sidecar and take him on 1 last ride maybe?

[Agent6-3/8]

:angel::angel:

[thinktwice]

I am Praying for your family. I know Prayer works, as I was diagnosed with liver cancer 7 years ago, and was put on the transplant list. Doctors said I had only about a month left. With a lot of Prayer from family and friends I received a new liver 3 weeks later. As they say the rest is history.
Everything is possible through out Lord. GOD Bless

[betyourlife]

Wow prayers sent my friend.

[Another Miller]

Indeed, sometimes life does suck.Im very sorry to hear about the news.Perhaps he will surprise you.

Maybe he cant ride now but it would be uplifting to find a way to still go,as mentioned, a sidecar or as a passanger.


Take it one moment at a time.Miracles do happen.

[Tristan]

Prayers on the way, no need to ask for them. Going through something similar in our family. The emotional roller coaster is what hurts the most. You have hope because things are getting better, and then BAM, you're dealt with a devastating blow. I'm so sorry all of you are going through this. Prayers sent.

[cjlandry]

Prayers and thoughts are with you and yours.

[Guod]

Wow, that really sucks, my thoughts are with you and your family.

[Bullwinkle J Moose]

Thanks for the kind words and prayers. You are a great bunch of people.

[c-mama]

:angel:

[fnfalman]

You have my sincere sympathy and many well wishes.

[RLB]

Prayers and thoughts for your brother, you and your family.

[Generalcarry]

Many prayers for you and yours.

[misskitty5077]

:angel:

[stepper]

I'm sorry. Its just hard to understand why some things happen. Hope he recovers soon,and you guys get to go on that ride!

[Fanner50]

My prayers are with you and the family.

[Peace Warrior]

Don't know what to say, but you have my prayers. :(

[GIJOE13]

My prayers to your brother and his family. I hope and pray you will get your ride with him. Just having you there is probably better than any ride to him. Best wishes!!!

[keeper85]

You are in my prayers

[Captain92]

Will do. Sorry for everything.

[AZ DBLTRBL]

Prayers sent for your brother, you and his whole family. Keep us posted.

[Mugatu]

So sad. He worked hard, retires and then this happens.

[Bullwinkle J Moose]

Hi all,
Since my brother's first day of hospitalization on Saturday a lot has happened, much of it good. An MRI revealed two small bleeds in the right side of his brain nears some of his multiple glioblastoma tumors that have been being treated in the last year. Heavy doses of steroids reduced the pressure dramatically. As a result he has regained his ability to speak more each day and is now able to converse, follow instructions (when he wants to), and clearly recognize family.

He is even giving the poor ICU nursing staff a run for their money by trying to get up and walk to the nearby restroom in spite of the fact he is wired to monitors and hooked to various IV drips. Last night, when I tried to keep him in bed so he wouldn’t rip out his connections, he put on his Marine war face, told me to get the F out of his way and I thought he was going to open up a can of whoopass on me. Luckily the nurse arrived and she graciously saved me. :)

However there remains some residual weakness on his left side that might require some physical therapy and the neuro doc says his bike riding day are probably over. Tomorrow the docs are going to try to get him some time on his feet and if he fares well may get to go home in a few days for R&R. The downside is that his cancer treatment will be put of hold until he has a chance to recover sufficiently and this form of cancer is a very aggressive type that begs for prompt and aggressive treatment.

We were thinking about the song lyric that goes, “I’d trade all of my tomorrows for a single yesterday” and realized that today is tomorrow’s yesterday. So just like his treatment is on hold, so is our worrying about the cancer. Every day he is alive is a precious gift and we will not squander what we have now worrying about what is yet to be.

I have no doubt that your prayers made his recovery possible and I thank each of you.

[Da-Squad]

In my prayers.

[Bullwinkle J Moose]

My brother's final battle is over. He experience a brain bleed a week ago Friday and his docs said he could not withstand more surgery or chemo. He quit eating and drinking last Sunday and was placed in hospice care. He mercifully succumbed last night at 9:27 with me and his wife by his side. Even though I was assured by the staff and his firemen friends that given the maximum doses of morphine they were giving him that he felt no pain or anxiety, sitting at his hospice bedside was still gut-wrenching as his lungs slowly filled and he basically drowned over the course of the last week. I never imagined that I and his wife could ever pray for my brother to die, but we discovered there are things worse than death. I would never have the courage to die this way or allow my family to experience such a death. He was one tough SOB and will be sorely missed.

[G30MI]

My brother's final battle is over. He experience a brain bleed a week ago Friday and his docs said he could not withstand more surgery or chemo. He quit eating and drinking last Sunday and was placed in hospice care. He mercifully succumbed last night at 9:27 with me and his wife by his side. Even though I was assured by the staff and his firemen friends that given the maximum doses of morphine they were giving him that he felt no pain or anxiety, sitting at his hospice bedside was still gut-wrenching as his lungs slowly filled and he basically drowned over the course of the last week. I never imagined that I and his wife could ever pray for my brother to die, but we discovered there are things worse than death. I would never have the courage to die this way or allow my family to experience such a death. He was one tough SOB and will be sorely missed.
Sorry for your loss. I know how it feels. I was in the room when my sister passed away after a 12 year battle with breast cancer. Wouldn't wish that kind of suffering on my worst enemy.

Take comfort knowing that he is at peace now.

[Mrs. VR]

I am so so sorry. What a terrible loss. Your family is in my prayers.

[m2hmghb]

My condolences to your family and friends. At least you were there for him.

[b1ass2risk]

One year ago I planned a vacation to go to south Florida to go motorcycle touring with my brother, who had just retired as a fire chief and bought a nice Harley Ultra-classic fireman's special. A few days before I was to leave his wife called me to tell me he had been diagnosed with a very bad aggressive form of brain cancer that typically kills within a year. Since then he has undergone grueling treatments consisting of surgery, radiation and experimental chemotherapy that would have killed a lesser man, the result of which actually checked the multiple tumors. In fact his treatments had worked so well, he has been able to put a thousand or so miles on his bike in the last few months, something that we consider somewhat of a miracle in itself.

Since the last couple months when he started taking rides he has been calling me and busting my chops about the nice riding weather he has been enjoying, so last week at his wife's suggestion I decided to take a week vacation and ride down and do some riding with my brother. It was to be a surprise, my sis-in-law's and my secret. Friday I talked to him and he told me that he and a close friend had taken a six hour trip from Coral Springs up to Belle Glades, had lunch and come back and had a great time. Finally, we would get some quality ride time with each other. The plan was to call him from outside when I arrived at his house, let him rub in the nice weather, talk some trash and then I would ring the doorbell and tell him I'm ready to ride the next day.

I left from SC Saturday AM and it took 10 hours to make the trip. When I dismounted, I stashed away my riding gear and pulled out the cell phone, preparing to make my grand entrance, there was a voice mail message from his son. Saturday morning he could not get out of bed, had a severe headache and was uncommunicative and was rushed to the ER, where he and his family were. Today he had an MRI and a PET scan which indicated a brain bleed.

Initially he was only able to say uh-huh or uh-uh when asked questions, but as a result of the drugs he was given today, he has shown some improvement , meaning he was able to recognize family and communicate in short phrases and gestures that shows he is cognizant of his surroundings and what he hears. He is out of immediate danger, but it is clear that we will never go riding together.

So in one day I and his family have gone from the exhilaration of us fulfilling a denied wish all the way to the dismal discussions of final arrangements and half way back.

So for my brother and wife and children, how about a word of prayer, please? And for yourselves, please don't take those you love for granted. Tell your loved ones today exactly what you'd like to tell them when they are no longer with us.




MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY.
GOD BLESS HIM AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY.

[NateHodge]

I remember reading this thread the week before my birthday like it was yesterday. When I logged on a minute ago and saw the title, I recognized it right away, thinking "He's updated with some good news, I hope."

Well, the news isn't what I hoped to hear, but take peace in knowing he is no longer suffering, instead, watching down on his loved ones. I am so sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you and your family.

I'm sure he'll be with you every time you straddle your scooter.

[pesticidal]

Sorry for your loss.


:sad:

:angel:

[The Pontificator]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, Richard. :angel:

[Cclass]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'll keep a good thought for your family. :angel:

[Randolph da man]

I also remember when you first posted this.
you and your family have my prayers.

What are your plans to honor your brother?

[G21novice]

Man, I don't even know what to say. My condolences to your family and friends.

[MooseJaw]

Heart felt Condolences..

May he Rest in Peace.

[fnfalman]

My best regards to your brother. Apropos of nothing, get yourself a side car to take him along and fulfill both of your wishes.

[itisbruno]

Sorry for your loss friend.

:angel:

[Cody Jarrett]

Your family is in my prayers. He is at rest now. You should be proud of the love and consideration you showed him. You're a good man Bullwinkle J. Moose. Don't ever forget that.

[FLRon777]

My condolences to you and your family.

[kcb]

God Bless you and your brother's family at this difficult time.

May God wrap his loving arms of comfort around you. I know exactly what you mean...sometimes there ARE worse things than death!

You all are in my prayers.

:hugs: :angel: :angel: :angel:

[Bullwinkle J Moose]

I also remember when you first posted this.
you and your family have my prayers.

What are your plans to honor your brother?

At his casket stood an honor guard of his Miami Dade firefighter brothers and sisters. Wednesday the department chaplain officiated over the service and several of his fellow firefighters and one of his Vietnam war buddies spoke eulogies. The service ended with the firemen ringing the last call.

I escorted the hearse and limo on my brother's Ultra-glide along with a firetruck, several rescue units, department cars and those of friends from the funeral home in Coral Springs to the National Cemetary at Lake Worth. My brother left his last played CD in the bike and since I couldn't figure out how to turn it off, I turned it up and listened to Led Zep, the Stones, Dylan, Cash, Hiatt, Clapton, the ABB and Otis during the 45 minute ride to the cemetary.

There a Marine Corps honor guard provided a military ceremony. A lone piper played the Marine Corps Hymn during the transfer of the casket to the gazebo. After the folding and presentation of the flag, the piper played Amazing Grace and, as he slowly marched away, the tune faded.

Thanks to all for the kind words and thoughts.

[misskitty5077]

I am so sorry for your loss. Try to find some comfort in knowing that his pain is over. :hugs:

[Bogey]

This is the first I have seen of this thread.

I am just dumb struck as to what to say.

I am just so sorry for your loss.

[NYC Drew]

Bullwinkle,

I read this thread initially, and was struck by the deep bond between you and your brother. I have sons, two of whom are close together. They, and you have a bond which I do not, and I admire you for this.

I just looked back over the original posts, and realize I'd posted before....I am honestly sorry for your loss.

Sincerely,
:sad::patriot:
'Drew

[dubyah]

Sorry for your family's loss.

JW Lynn

[rsagona1]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Winkie.