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MatthewJ
03-23-2008, 21:27
Would you rather be married to a good man (IE, faithful, brings home the bacon and protects you) who can cook and is a bit overweight (5'9" 200lbs) or a pretty boy who expects you to be June Cleaver?

Lone_Wolfe
03-23-2008, 23:31
I'd choose you over the pretty boy and day!

Mrs. Tink
03-24-2008, 13:58
A bit of chunk can be removed with sweat and determination. Jerks, however, have a much harder uphill climb and rarely change. The good cook, any day! :supergrin:

Glocktotinraider
03-24-2008, 15:23
Would you rather be married to a good man (IE, faithful, brings home the bacon and protects you) who can cook and is a bit overweight (5'9" 200lbs) or a pretty boy who expects you to be June Cleaver?

Here is a guys point of view. I would say you have a much better chance of meeting a good ,down to earth lady, then the jerk does. Good luck to you the right woman will come along.:wavey:

AV1911
03-24-2008, 22:01
Here pretty boy, take this...

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n155/avgs300/images-1-3.jpg

Most definitely would choose the stable one, a few extra pounds?? Big deal...I don't like "pretty" boys anyway. Real men are not supposed to be "pretty"...:)

mitchshrader
03-24-2008, 22:08
give ya a hint.. financial security ain't ignored by wimmen.

with my track record, i got to be Really Poor, to help dodge them pesky females. My wife says she ain't figured it out EITHER, but a few loose dollars and wimmen finds me attractive. I *know* better, they can't all be blind, it's gotta be the bucks.

so my advice is, pad your financial statement and spend 30 minutes a day on the treadmill. . at the health club.. and always arrive wearing a suit. :)

it won't take very long before you got flutters of interest from the spandex and botox crowd..

Shondratasha
03-24-2008, 23:35
I'll take the one who can cook as long as he can hold a conversation about something deeper than pop culture.
Money, as long as he doesn't spend more than we make, I'm good.

SouthernGal
03-25-2008, 09:29
Ever watch Sex and the City?
Here's a Samantha-ism that strikes to the heart of this one:

"Really good looking men are never good in bed, because they never had to be."

kcb
03-25-2008, 16:19
You sound amazing!


.........any more information on "pretty boy"?


Your details are sketchy!


Just kidding!


:rofl:

Really, I am kidding! I am married to guy number one. 29 years in April.

:wavey:

windplex
03-25-2008, 16:32
Have done tons of consumer research.

There is what people say they will do and what they ACTUALLY do.

Somehow I find these answers to be along the lines of what people know to be the proper answer and not what they are likely to do when given the choice -- sorry OP.

Not to say all will do the opposite just the majority.

Good guy vs. bad boy -- who gets the girl most of the time? Bad boy.

Now we have eye candy with an "attitude" versus a good guy who can cook and is a bit over weight.

What percentage of women will give the good guy enough time to find out he is the better choice? Few.

Talk is cheap.

Find a venue where your charms can shine -- bar scene is not it.

Cooking classes; wine tastings; book clubs; whatever don;t go head to hear with pretty or bad boys in bars is my advice women do not always know what is good for them.

windplex
03-25-2008, 19:27
Mat,

The purpose of writing was to suggest you put yourself out there where you do no directly compete with the men you describe.

So church functions or other places where these other men will not be would be a good idea.

women will find a man who cooks for them very appealing! You just need a chance to talk and get to the point of breaking the ice and offering the meal.

All the best! Nice guys should win!
Have done tons of consumer research.

There is what people say they will do and what they ACTUALLY do.

Somehow I find these answers to be along the lines of what people know to be the proper answer and not what they are likely to do when given the choice -- sorry OP.

Not to say all will do the opposite just the majority.

Good guy vs. bad boy -- who gets the girl most of the time? Bad boy.

Now we have eye candy with an "attitude" versus a good guy who can cook and is a bit over weight.

What percentage of women will give the good guy enough time to find out he is the better choice? Few.

Talk is cheap.

Find a venue where your charms can shine -- bar scene is not it.

Cooking classes; wine tastings; book clubs; whatever don;t go head to hear with pretty or bad boys in bars is my advice women do not always know what is good for them.

fnfalman
03-26-2008, 10:36
Would you rather be married to a good man (IE, faithful, brings home the bacon and protects you) who can cook and is a bit overweight (5'9" 200lbs) or a pretty boy who expects you to be June Cleaver?


They'd marry you after they get satisfied by a pretty boy.

Ender
03-26-2008, 13:13
I don't like "pretty" boys anyway. Real men are not supposed to be "pretty"...:)

What's your number? :rofl::supergrin:

another okie
03-26-2008, 18:06
They want children with the pretty boy, and they want the nice boy to raise their children. These two goals are not always both achievable.

windplex
03-26-2008, 18:40
Would you rather be married to a good man (IE, faithful, brings home the bacon and protects you) who can cook and is a bit overweight (5'9" 200lbs) or a pretty boy who expects you to be June Cleaver?

My brother was overweight and only 5'6" and cooked well; always cooked for his girlfriends.

Married a great woman and now they cook together; equally as they both enjoy it.

Figure out where to meet them.

AV1911
03-26-2008, 21:35
What's your number? :rofl::supergrin:

Very cute Ender!! Have a great weekend and call me when you get back into town!!
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

Glocktotinraider
03-27-2008, 15:56
Here pretty boy, take this...

http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n155/avgs300/images-1-3.jpg

Most definitely would choose the stable one, a few extra pounds?? Big deal...I don't like "pretty" boys anyway. Real men are not supposed to be "pretty"...:)



How bout dirty? Not kinky dirty, but playing in the mud dirty?:supergrin:

MatthewJ
03-27-2008, 21:04
Sorry, I seem to have lost this post since its so far down here. I made the post after maybe a few to many brews and a few to many sad old country songs.

I am married, will be 2 years next month. I am the type of guy who really doesn't care much about his appearance. I am a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy, my wife knew that when she married me (together for about 4 years before we tied the knot.) She had a really crappy childhood with a REALLY shallow mom and a verbally/emotionally abusive father so her entire self worth is tied to her appearance. I on the other hand was brought up by parents who said no matter what you are, who you are or how you look be happy with yourself.

Right now her parents are just getting back together from a separation, and her mom still isn't sure she wants to stay. She has a 17 year old brother who is destroying his life and a 14 year old sister, she has been a 2nd mother to both of them and seeing them in pain has been killing her. Since pretty much the day we got married her parents have had problems (well serious ones, they have always had problems) and it has really been weighing on her. Knowing that I have tried to be a rock for her. I do everything around the house and cook 99% of the meals. I have been doing this for close to 2 years and its really starting to weight on me. I went from drinking a couple of beers a week to 6-8 a night. Of course this doesn't help the weight problem. On top of all of this she has been really subtley riding me about losing weight and dressing better. I mean I don't really blame her, I couldn't "love me" and I am repulsed by myself when I look in the mirror. She tells me she loves me the way I am but I can see through it.

I mean I don't consider myself to be a "catch" by any stretch of the imagination but my father taught me how to be a good man and dammit I have been working my ass off at it and I am tired.

Well now that I have unloaded a whole heap of **** on some random internet strangers I think its time for bed.

Glocktotinraider
03-28-2008, 10:57
Sorry, I seem to have lost this post since its so far down here. I made the post after maybe a few to many brews and a few to many sad old country songs.

I am married, will be 2 years next month. I am the type of guy who really doesn't care much about his appearance. I am a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy, my wife knew that when she married me (together for about 4 years before we tied the knot.) She had a really crappy childhood with a REALLY shallow mom and a verbally/emotionally abusive father so her entire self worth is tied to her appearance. I on the other hand was brought up by parents who said no matter what you are, who you are or how you look be happy with yourself.

Right now her parents are just getting back together from a separation, and her mom still isn't sure she wants to stay. She has a 17 year old brother who is destroying his life and a 14 year old sister, she has been a 2nd mother to both of them and seeing them in pain has been killing her. Since pretty much the day we got married her parents have had problems (well serious ones, they have always had problems) and it has really been weighing on her. Knowing that I have tried to be a rock for her. I do everything around the house and cook 99% of the meals. I have been doing this for close to 2 years and its really starting to weight on me. I went from drinking a couple of beers a week to 6-8 a night. Of course this doesn't help the weight problem. On top of all of this she has been really subtley riding me about losing weight and dressing better. I mean I don't really blame her, I couldn't "love me" and I am repulsed by myself when I look in the mirror. She tells me she loves me the way I am but I can see through it.

I mean I don't consider myself to be a "catch" by any stretch of the imagination but my father taught me how to be a good man and dammit I have been working my ass off at it and I am tired.

Well now that I have unloaded a whole heap of **** on some random internet strangers I think its time for bed.


You said you repulse yourself when looking in a mirror? It sounds like you have more of a problem with your appearance than you though. Maybe you should think about that. And yes I am a internet shrink. lol Take care bro it will get better.:wavey:

Mrs. VR
03-29-2008, 16:32
It sounds like you've been through the wringer, and back. I can't speak for your wife, but most women would be appreciative of the stability and support. Drinking isn't a good cure for anything, but I think you already know that. If you want to stop, and need help, please don't hesitate to get it.

Cat91
03-30-2008, 10:06
Would you rather be married to a good man (IE, faithful, brings home the bacon and protects you) who can cook and is a bit overweight (5'9" 200lbs) or a pretty boy who expects you to be June Cleaver?

I'll go with Door No. 1. In fact...I did. Except he's 5'1", 175 and has a genius-level IQ as well. (I'm 5'11", weight proportionate to height-former catalog model)

He made me laugh. That and his ability to play guitar got my attention in the beginning, but it took awhile before I fell in love. :faint: We've been together 12 years now and it feels like 12 minutes. I wouldn't trade him for all the pretty boys in the world.

Miao, Cat

windplex
03-30-2008, 16:56
Matt, Your increased drinking is a symptom of things that bother you. Figure those out; I doubt it is merely weight. You might be carrying the burden of your wife's load as well.

There is a distinction between being a helpful "partner" in a marrage and being a doormat. You seem to be doing everything and she seems to be letting you do everything -- why is that?! This current formula is unlikely to gain her respect in this marrage or the next.

Do less and gain more respect; she should contribute more and by doing so might just help herself in the process.

Some things are broken and cannot be fixed. Now I say that as a person who comes from a 25 year marrage where we work through things and my family has no history of divorce. Neither does my wife's side. But perhaps you are trying to fix something that is just plain broken and it is killing you.

Get some help individually and jointly; if she is unwilling then take that as a serious signal, IMO.

Good luck you are a good man and deserve better.

Shondratasha
03-30-2008, 21:57
Matt,

One of the biggest mistakes men make in relationships is to be the white knight who rides in and rescues the damsel in distress. There's a problem with that - what happens when she's no longer in need of rescue? Who are you when you aren't her rescuer? What happens when her problems are of her own creation and or some of them are problems from which she doesn't want to be rescued?

As for appearance clean is more important than pretty. Drinking when you know you shouldn't be is stupid and hurts you more than her.

As for the final part of the pretty boy question - I'm not June Cleaver and I never will be. I don't expect my husband to be Ward Cleaver. I do expect him to talk to me when I'm doing stuff that hurts him and I tell him when he's doing stupid stuff.

kcb
03-31-2008, 11:16
Sorry, I seem to have lost this post since its so far down here. I made the post after maybe a few to many brews and a few to many sad old country songs.

I am married, will be 2 years next month. I am the type of guy who really doesn't care much about his appearance. I am a jeans and T-shirt kind of guy, my wife knew that when she married me (together for about 4 years before we tied the knot.) She had a really crappy childhood with a REALLY shallow mom and a verbally/emotionally abusive father so her entire self worth is tied to her appearance. I on the other hand was brought up by parents who said no matter what you are, who you are or how you look be happy with yourself.

Right now her parents are just getting back together from a separation, and her mom still isn't sure she wants to stay. She has a 17 year old brother who is destroying his life and a 14 year old sister, she has been a 2nd mother to both of them and seeing them in pain has been killing her. Since pretty much the day we got married her parents have had problems (well serious ones, they have always had problems) and it has really been weighing on her. Knowing that I have tried to be a rock for her. I do everything around the house and cook 99% of the meals. I have been doing this for close to 2 years and its really starting to weight on me. I went from drinking a couple of beers a week to 6-8 a night. Of course this doesn't help the weight problem. On top of all of this she has been really subtley riding me about losing weight and dressing better. I mean I don't really blame her, I couldn't "love me" and I am repulsed by myself when I look in the mirror. She tells me she loves me the way I am but I can see through it.

I mean I don't consider myself to be a "catch" by any stretch of the imagination but my father taught me how to be a good man and dammit I have been working my ass off at it and I am tired.

Well now that I have unloaded a whole heap of **** on some random internet strangers I think its time for bed.


Matthew,

First, I want to suggest that you read and think about the thread I posted in this Forum titled "Be Blessed". You are what you think and say you are. The power of positive thinking can be amazing!

Second, I think some men buy into the myth that women aren't effected by a man's appearance. I honestly believe that MOST of us truly ARE. I try to look nice for my husband; I really appreciate it when he tries to do the same for me.

I feel like he doesn't think I'm worth the effort when he acts like he doesn't care what he looks like....whether he's going to be with me or not. I tell him he represents "us" all the time. He wasn't raised to care about his appearnance by his parents, so I had to find a gentle way to help him see
this for himself. He does a great job now, for the most part! :)

You can do small things to begin to feel better about what you see in the mirror. And then gradually take bigger steps. Eat what you like, but cut the amount in half. Not drinking alcohol will probably drop a lot of weight immediately.

Exercise. Then the better you begin to feel about yourself and your efforts, things will begin to change.

Like I said, please read "Be Blessed."

I have to read things like this, (the Bible) to stay focused on the right things to do as well. It seems hard at first, but you can get "addicted" to positive things and replace them for the negative things in your life.

Being committed to your wife and helping her isn't a bad thing. But when you are in the right frame of mind, you need to discuss what you have shared with "strangers" and let her know your true feelings.

Holding in feelings of resentment will only fester and grow into an "explosion" that will be uncontrollabe.

It's terrible to think that our spouse's love for us is conditional on our appearance. NO ONE can live up to that. Beauty fades with age. Many of us have weight that comes and goes throughout our lives.

PLUS, we have one guarantee, if we stick around on this planet long enough.
That is, we will all grow old. We will wrinkle, our hair will most likely turn gray,
our spines may begin to curve a bit. We are lucky today because we have so many ways to fight aging!

Marital love needs to be much deeper than lust or physical attraction.

Good luck, man!

:angel: :angel: :angel:

WIG19
04-01-2008, 09:08
kcb: Your avatar doesn't seem the same one I recall.
Ma'am, respectfully, if that's you in your wedding dress, all I can say is I hope the whole room went:
"Wow"

(and congrats to you both on the 29-year mark) :thumbsup:


:patriot:

kcb
04-01-2008, 09:53
kcb: Your avatar doesn't seem the same one I recall.
Ma'am, respectfully, if that's you in your wedding dress, all I can say is I hope the whole room went:
"Wow"

(and congrats to you both on the 29-year mark) :thumbsup:


:patriot:

No, it's not me! --> http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c141/kcb405/SomewhereInTime_1100x1003-08.jpg

I don't know if I have a wedding photo on my lappy to post.

But thanks for the congrats!

:wavey: :)

fnfalman
04-01-2008, 14:49
All I know is that the two times I was being a nice guy, I got the boots while most of the times when I was an uncaring heel, I got the actions.

windplex
04-01-2008, 18:45
I'll go with Door No. 1. In fact...I did. Except he's 5'1", 175 and has a genius-level IQ as well. (I'm 5'11", weight proportionate to height-former catalog model)

He made me laugh. That and his ability to play guitar got my attention in the beginning, but it took awhile before I fell in love. :faint: We've been together 12 years now and it feels like 12 minutes. I wouldn't trade him for all the pretty boys in the world.

Miao, Cat

Glad you made such a wise decision.

Hope you two have many kids; we need more intelligent and good people:)