HOW TO Give A Cat A Pill [Archive] - Glock Talk

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StoneGiant
03-29-2008, 07:26
HOW TO Give A Cat A Pill


1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.


2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.


3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.


4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand, force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.


5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.


6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.


7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.


8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.


9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.


10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on to neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.


11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.


13. Tie the little bastard's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.


14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.


15. Arrange for SPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.



How To Give A Dog A Pill

1. Wrap it in bacon.

2. Toss it in the air.

AV1911
03-29-2008, 12:18
:rofl::rofl::rofl:

I have read this before, but it remains one of my all time favorites!!

It is so true...and so freakin funny...!!

pupcuss27
03-29-2008, 19:20
GIVE WHO A PILL?

http://i31.tinypic.com/103hog3.jpg





:laughabove:

Skykevver
03-29-2008, 23:18
One look at my avatar and you could easily conclude the shot was taken somewhere between steps 11 and 12 as the undaunted pill giver approaches one more time...:wow:

AV1911
03-30-2008, 11:28
One look at my avatar and you could easily conclude the shot was taken somewhere between steps 11 and 12 as the undaunted pill giver approaches one more time...:wow:

Thanks for clearing that up for us!! I had been wondering what happened to the poor cat in your avatar!! :supergrin:

Skykevver
04-01-2008, 01:35
The first time I saw that pic it reminded me immediately of my unfortunate cat/victim reacting to my inept attempt to follow the vet's instructions on how to administer a dose of penicillin to a cat. When I read that post on giving a cat a pill I laughed so hard tears were running down my cheeks and I could hardly breathe. There is picture in the funny pics thread showing some kind of inflatable bouncing along behind a boat with a couple of kids and a cat...if you haven't seen it, don't pass up the chance. I'd love to know the rest of the story there.

Annhl8rX
04-01-2008, 03:45
The only pill a cat needs is a lead pill.

Navy HMC
04-01-2008, 03:53
I found the best way to do it is use a straw as a blow gun. If the pill will fit, it works evry time. Fun to watch too!