For the guys [Archive] - Glock Talk

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1loneranger
06-25-2002, 00:56
We always hear "The Rules" from the female side.
> Now here are the rules from the male side.
>
> Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
>
> 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
> If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't
> hear us *****ing about you leaving it down.
>
> 1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
> see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
>
> 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
> 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
> the tides. Let it be.
>
> 1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
> attractive than short hair.
> One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women
> always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
>
> 1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think
> of it that way.
>
> 1. Crying is blackmail.
>
> 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle
> hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work!
> Just say it!
>
> 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on
> a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
>
> 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes -- tops. What makes you
> think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
> look good with your dress?
>
> 1. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
> question.
>
> 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
> 1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
> doctor.
>
> 1. Check your oil! Please.
>
> 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
> In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
> 1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
> expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
> 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
> refuse to answer.
>
> 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
> the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
>
> 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
>
> 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want
> it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
> yourself.
>
> 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> commercials.
>
> 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
> we.
>
> 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
> two months we were going out. Get over it, and quit whining to your
> girlfriends.
>
> 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
> Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
> have no idea what mauve is.
>
> 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
>
> 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
>
> 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
> like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth
> the hassle.
>
> 1 . If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
> answer you don't want to hear.
>
> 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> fine. Really.
>
> 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
> prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or
> monster trucks.
>
> 1. You have enough clothes.
>
> 1. You have too many shoes.
>
> 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce
> Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell
> they're saying anyway.)
>
> 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
> together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
>
> 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
>
> 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
> the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
> camping.
>
> 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
>
>
>

GreyMage
06-25-2002, 03:50
EG-FRICKIN-ZACTLY!!!

thisaway
06-25-2002, 07:50
http://www.uniquehardware.co.uk/server-smilies/contrib/lilly/hmm3grin2orange.gif

HasSpoken
06-25-2002, 12:34
I agree, I m going to go home and show this to my girlfriend ;Q ;P ;g

R56Pilot
06-25-2002, 12:58
Originally posted by HasSpoken
I agree, I m going to go home and show this to my girlfriend ;Q ;P ;g

You're a better man than I. I'd show this to my wife, but she knows where I keep my gun! ;P ;P ;P

(Just kidding, she'd never do anything like that...I hope!)

rlfjr
06-25-2002, 14:15
The best!

Rooster Rugburn
06-25-2002, 16:27
Most of them are funny, but I have to disagree with #1. It just ain't so. ;a

1loneranger
06-26-2002, 01:15
;f

jbutenhoff
06-26-2002, 02:32
Ding Ding Ding! We have a winner. Going to send this one around the office now!

Jamie

Mauler362ndFG
06-28-2002, 01:35
Originally posted by MCopley


You're a better man than I. I'd show this to my wife, but she knows where I keep my gun! ;P ;P ;P

(Just kidding, she'd never do anything like that...I hope!)

I'd show it to my wife also, but she has her own gun! ;N

Alex_Knight
06-28-2002, 02:47
one man thread . . .


;f ;N ;P