View Full Version : What's wrong with me? (Homeless person)
mr00jimbo 08-30-2008, 03:47 I got out of Wendy's tonight after eating a meal with a friend at about 1 AM.
I beep my car unlocked, it's just down the street, and an Asian woman wrapped in a blanket approaches us. She doesn't LOOK homeless but I'll assume she is for simplicity. She says something and I can't understand. So I say "What?" and she asks for money so I say I don't have any. We walk towards my car and she asks for change and I fish into my pocket and pull out just fifteen cents. To be honest I had about 3 dollars in change but I am living from that money, it's the end of the month and I'm not rich!
Me: (Gives her 15 cents) Here
Her: (In perfect, calm English) No, man, that's not going to cut it. This isn't even enough to take the bus. Reach into your pocket again and get a handful.
She said it matter of fact, not really demanding but I was amazed anyway. I say no and I walk towards my car door. She follows me. So I hurry up, jump into the car and lock the door. Yes, from a small-ish female homeless person. Hey, I'm unarmed, it's late and I don't know WHAT this woman is going to do.
I just prayed she wouldn't kick my car. Well as far as I know she doesn't and I get in, clutch in and gun it away and then turn my lights on and throw my seatbelt on in a hurry. I see her in the rearview kind of loiter in one spot for a moment and then sit on the curb.
I feel horrible and I ...
I mean I don't know if she WAS homeless or what! But uh...
It was just such a tense situation I was being delicate with it but still feel almost like hopping down in the car and giving her some money. But I'm not..
Sorry for the rant. Am I a bad person?
I know some people are messed and can't just "get a job" and i can't attest her situation...
PBCounty 08-30-2008, 03:52 Beggers need to be dealt with by looking them right in the eyes, and firmly stating "NO."
No excuses....no "I don't have any money on me....." or "I'm sorry, I don't carry cash...."
Just right in the eyes, and "NO."
silentpoet 08-30-2008, 03:59 California is super cool to the homeless.
I wouldn't worry about it. Maybe she was really homeless. If that's the case, she needs to learn a better approach if she wants people to open their pockets to her. Asking for change and then reacting like she did... Well, like they say, beggars can't be choosers.
I'm pretty jaded toward handing out money to people on the street because of some experiences I've had with them. Too many scammers out there. In the worst case, I felt really bad for a guy once who was begging for money/work on a street corner. I really wanted to help him, just out of charity. I decided to see if I could get him a job where I worked. I even got my boss' approval to bring him in for an interview (at the risk of my own reputation, since I told my boss that I would vouch for his character). He had a bike (a nice one, I might add), so it would be no problem for him to get there every day as it wasn't far. He would be learning a new skill through on-the-job training while getting decent pay to start (about $4/hour above minimum wage), and medical benefits. My wife put together a bag lunch and I went to talk to him, gave him the lunch, and discussed the proposal. He actually turned down my job offer because it didn't include enough perks!
My point is that there are lots of 'homeless' people out there that are really lazy scammers. The lady in your case may have been legit or not, but you don't know that. You can't tell which ones are legit and which ones aren't, so I just don't concern myself with it anymore. Not after the ones I've tried to help turned out to be a waste of time. Anytime I'm approached on the street like that now, my answer is simply "No."
I guess that sucks for the ones that are really desperate and appreciate whatever you give them, but I'm not going to waste my time (and money) trying to help people when the majority of the time they're just schucksters trying to get something for nothing. It's not my fault the situation is the way it is, so I no longer feel bad about saying no, and you shouldn't either (especially if you really can't spare the change in the first place).
lethal tupperwa 08-30-2008, 06:52 SOME "homeless" do better than $20 an hour when they count up at the end of their "work day" and go HOME
I tell them to go get a job. I told this one women to get a job and there were places less than 50 yds away hiring and the B@^%$ told me she wouldn't work for them.
Yeah because they make more money panhandling! I give them nothing. Offer them a coupon for a burger or tell them to get in the back of your truck to work for some money, see what they tell you. lol
aircarver 08-30-2008, 07:38 SOME "homeless" do better than $20 an hour when they count up at the end of their "work day" and go HOME.....tax free.....:upeyes:
Either do the just say no thing, or give them enough to make it worth while.
After looking around to see if she was alone ...
If Wendy's was still open I would have offered to buy her a meal.
If not, I would have given her a couple dollars.
California is super cool to the homeless.
Change?... Got any change?...Change?...Spare some change sir?...Change?...:rofl:
bnkrtstk 08-30-2008, 07:46 Was she hot?
As they approach me and start to open their mouths I say, "NOPE", and keep walking. 99% know the drill and move along. The rest mutter crazy gibberish to the fairys circling their heads.
I've lived in Philly for 12 years now, all of them near the University of Pennsylvania. The same 20 or so homeless folk have been hustling the students all that time. They must be making a living at it, or they would have moved on by now. I notice I never see panhandlers out in the hood, where no one has any money, and if they do, they aren't giving it away. These aren't 100% stupid people. They do, at least on a rudimentary level, understand the basics of supply and demand and friendly markets and such.
The truly crazy ones aren't going to be helped by a few bucks here and there anyway. There are all sorts of programs and shelters set up for them all over the city, and they've been in and out of them over and over- my dollar isn't going to make a difference.
intheburbs 08-30-2008, 07:52 "I only carry hundreds." :supergrin:
Of course, after saying all that, I should add- if they're trying to DO something for money, I usually do give 'em something. If they're playing music, or telling jokes, or even if they made a funny sign, I'll give 'em a buck or two. There was a dude in NYC sitting there with a sign and a box. The sign said, "Tell Me Off- Only $1". That cracked me up, I gave him a buck and said, "now get a job, man!" and we both had a good laugh. There was a dude on South Street for a long time that made the funniest signs, my favorite of which was "Ninjas killed my family, need money for Kung Fu lessons."
I think my demeanor and my size intimidates them. I either tell them "NO" very firmly or ignore them. I've never had one of them grab me or try and get in my way after that. Some will ask again after I've told them no but I'll ignore them after the first reply. You can call me a cold hearted b*stard if you want. I've learned that most of the so-called homeless are that way by choice. It may not be an informed choice but it is their choice. If they can't make the choice rationally they should be institutionalized. We used to do that for people who couldn't care for themselves. We can thank liberals, and the ACLU, in the early 1960s in large part for the "homeless" problem. Of course some of them are also just scammers. I recognize I may be refusing some truly needy but odds are they are few and far between.
I always love the people holding up signs "Will work for food".... and they are at the entrance to a mall, where almost every store has a help wanted sign in the window (including restaurants).
Or... sign that says "physically unable to work" or something similar, but they can stand at the intersection for hours...
We had a "homeless" guy in our town (haven't seen him for years), he didn't beg. When he wanted money, he simply asked some of the local contractors for a temporary job. Most contractors are looking for someone to help cleanup a site, an extra pair of hands for one job, etc. The guy would work for a few days, then go off on his own again. Seemed to work for him.
Easterbrook 08-30-2008, 08:20 Of course, after saying all that, I should add- if they're trying to DO something for money, I usually do give 'em something. If they're playing music, or telling jokes, or even if they made a funny sign, I'll give 'em a buck or two. There was a dude in NYC sitting there with a sign and a box. The sign said, "Tell Me Off- Only $1". That cracked me up, I gave him a buck and said, "now get a job, man!" and we both had a good laugh. There was a dude on South Street for a long time that made the funniest signs, my favorite of which was "Ninjas killed my family, need money for Kung Fu lessons."
That's kind of my policy. If you want me to give you money, then do something besides shake a cup at me. I've seen Newsies, so I know all homeless people have a singing, frolicking, choreographed dancing side just itching to break out.
mike1969 08-30-2008, 08:26 I stopped giving money when I got approached by a woman going cardoor to cardoor and when she got to mine I rolled mine down about 1/4 and she asked for some "spare money". When I told her that I didnt have any, and I offered her my subway sandwich, she told me "she didnt want a gd sandwich, that she wanted effing money". I just rolled the window back up. I dont give money to anyone because of that reason..If they are able bodied enough to stand around and ask people for money they are able bodied enough to go get a job!
I know that sounds cold, but a lot of people that act homeless are not necessarily homeless.....
Jwhargrove 08-30-2008, 08:42 California is super cool to the homeless.
We should post signs in downtown Dallas that read that!
Jwhargrove 08-30-2008, 08:44 Was she hot?
:rofl:
Our previous sheriff used to ride around in his personal car looking for the "Will work for food" guys(and gals).
He would stop and tell them he had yard work for them to do.He supplys all the tools and materials.If they took him up on the offer he would pay them and buy a good meal for them.Very few actually would work.Most responses were"no man just give me some cash"
"That's what I thought you would say pal" and with that a unit was summonded and they went straight to jail for vagrancy.Twenty four hours later they were steadily employed--picking up trash along the highway--for free!Few of them ever came back.
When I was a kid these types were called bums.
4sooth- that's freaking awesome.
txinvestigator 08-30-2008, 08:54 I was in downtown Ft Worth several years ago and was approached by a guy, "just needing some gas money to get back to his family".
A few days later in another area of Ft Worth I was approached by the SAME GUY who pulled the same BS. I reminded him I he tried that BS on me three days prior............he sure left fast. :dunno:
Change? Isn't that what Obama is always talking about?
Change!
I was in downtown Ft Worth several years ago and was approached by a guy, "just needing some gas money to get back to his family".
A few days later in another area of Ft Worth I was approached by the SAME GUY who pulled the same BS. I reminded him I he tried that BS on me three days prior............he sure left fast. :dunno:
I had a dude like that once- he rode up to me on a bicycle and showed me a broken key. He said his friend was out of town and he just rode here on his bike from Jersey to house sit, and the key his friend left under the mat for him broke off in the lock. He was able to pull the broken off part out, but needed to get a new one made and had no money on him. Could I give him 5 bux and tell him where a locksmith was.
I actually fell for it.
A week later he came riding up to me again- I thought he might actually be about to repay the 5 dollars. He started in on the exact same routine.
"AGAIN?!?" I yelled- "dude, you have the worst luck with keys of anyone I've ever met! Your friends need to invest in combination locks for their doors..." I kept yelling stuff as he rode off down the block.
Stonewall308 08-30-2008, 09:06 I usually just try to make it funny.
Bum- "Do you have any change, mister?"
Me- "Change for what, a $20?"
Bum - "Could you spare a dollar?"
Me - "I probably could, but I won't."
Also, you can ask them to do something for it. Tell them to recite a poem, sing a song, do a little jig, a handstand, whatever. Usually by that point they just want you to go away.
I also had a friend named Aaron who loved messing with panhandlers. We were walking together once when a guy came up and asked Aaron if he had any extra change. Aaron took a handful of change out of his pocket, spent a good 30 seconds or so counting all of it, put it back in his pocket and said, "nope, I only have exact change."
Later, another dude asked him if he had an extra cigarette. He took out his pack, again slowly counted all the cigarettes, put the pack away and said, "nope, no extras. Just the 20 I paid for."
silentpoet 08-30-2008, 09:08 I am sorry I don't have any money, do you take pepper spray.
I am sorry, ma'am, I only carry 20 in ammo on me.
Also to the original poster did she say "me love you long time" or "Me so horny"?
Another fun thing to do if you can see them first is to speak before they do and say "Can you spare some change?"
GreenDrake 08-30-2008, 09:11 One time I had a bag lady ask us for money when we were in San Francisco, under that little old blanket she whipped out a freakin monster "thaz not ah knoif" Crocodile Dundee chromed out bowie and started chasing us.
fireguy129 08-30-2008, 09:12 5 pushups for a dollar. Good, Army pushups too, not those nancy ones.
BManoftheyear 08-30-2008, 09:15 I've had a funny experience once.I was at the gas station and this guy was there talking to people.I knew my turn was coming I was pumping gas..$80 worth of gas so that takes awhile to pump that much gas.
He comes up to me and asks if I can spare some money so he can get gas.His van ran out of gas on the highway and his family is in the car.He had no gas can and smelled like beer.
I looked him in the eyes and asked where is your gas can? He said he left it in the van on accident.I asked him do you want a beer I'll buy ya one.He insisted no he needed gas.So I asked him if he wanted a sandwich from inside the store and he said no he needed gas money.I asked where the van was at and he told me.I left and drove on the highway where he told me and there was no van or any broke down cars.I went back to the gas station and he was no where to be found.
I have seen him a couple times and he asks me everytime I see him with the same story and I just laugh at him and tell em to go about his way.
My fiancee was coming out of a store one time when a homeless man approached her. He handed her a card that said he was deaf and mute from birth and asked for money.
She has always had a soft spot for bums, so she immediately gave him some change she had in her pocket. She knows sign language, so in sign she told him to wait a minute and she would get more money out of her purse for him.
He gave her a puzzled look, so she did it again, told him in sign language she would get more money for him.
He still had the puzzled look so she did it a third time.
After the third time, the deaf mute said, "Aw, f--- it." Grabbed his card out of her hand and walked away.
As long as I have children under 18 years of age, which will be 15 years, I see no good reason to give bums money. My daughters come wwwwaaaayyyyy before some lazy ass bum.
srhoades 08-30-2008, 10:57 If illegas can come to this country in droves and find means to support themselves, I just don't see how it is possible American citizens end up this way. Oh wait, yes I do. LAZINESS!
Back when I was a pup, we had bums prowling the streets. They usually asked for a dollar for some reason, and this was back in the 70's.
No spare change for these boys.
One of my associates, who generally looked like the Jethro Tull 'Aqualung' cover, had one walk up on him. Before the bum could say a word, my friend said, "Hey man, you gotta a buck?"
The bum was taken by surprise, and actually gave HIM a dollar.
We laughed about that one for years. :supergrin:
With that said, if I'm working on a job in Chicago's downtown area, I have been known to give a dollar or so to the Streetwise vendors. It's been a while since I worked down there, so I don't know what new games are being played.
RyanNREMTP 08-30-2008, 11:32 And from the caution point of view. Someone walking up with a blanket wrapped around them where I can't see their hands would not get a thing from me.
Clyde in CO 08-30-2008, 11:36 I'd have some choice words for a bum that told me to reach back in my pocket and get some more.
Working in L.A. two years ago I was getting gas on century blvd, there was a woman pulling the 'I'm stuck, need gas money" routine to someone, I watched while the pump ran. This was an oscar worthy performance, she was crying and blubbering and I almost gave her some cash.
Two days later I stopped at the same gas station around the same time of day and the same woman was giving the same schpeel.
That's why I NEVER give them money, no matter how pathetic their story is.
I don't offer to buy them food, either. If they are starving there are places they can go to get help. If they're not smart enough to do that, let em starve.
Being "homeless" sure beats working for a living.
SOME "homeless" do better than $20 an hour when they count up at the end of their "work day" and go HOME
There was a guy in Houston at an intersection begging for money and he drove off at the end of the day in a Cadillac Escalade ! It was on the news one evening.
Deradius 08-30-2008, 11:57 OP -
If you want to contribute, then donate your money or time to a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, or a charity that verifiably provides food and medical services to the homeless. There are plenty of them out there - you can google it, or possibly contact your city authorities to find out what groups are most active in your area.
I'd argue that there are even more worthy causes out there - contributing to the fight against cancer (St. Jude, perhaps?) or juvenile diabetes (JDRF) are both surefire ways to make a difference.
What won't make a difference is putting your money into the hands of a homeless person. The sad truth is that they are there for a reason, and whether it is their fault or not, no matter how much money they've been given so far, they're still in the same position. Your contribution will go where all of the other money went.
Most of the time, this is into alcohol and drugs. Odds are better than fair that if you give cash to the homeless, you're enabling their addictions moreso than you are helping them get on their feet.
Furthermore, if giving them money directly isn't going to help them, then there is no reason to interact with them directly (unless you're volunteering at a soup kitchen). When any given person comes up to you - particularly if they are wrapped in multiple layers (blankets, etc.), you have no idea what their motivation or mental state is. There are plenty of folks out there who can't hold down a job because of a combination of drug abuse issues and violent felony convictions - and they will continue to get money the only way they know how. By taking it.
I wouldn't let them get within arm's length of me if I could help it. I'd be rude and direct, and if my conscience bothered me I'd take three times the money I wanted to give them and put it into a charity.
Goldendog Redux 08-30-2008, 12:05 There was a guy in Houston at an intersection begging for money and he drove off at the end of the day in a Cadillac Escalade ! It was on the news one evening.
He must have been with the Church.
MF
Zombie Steve 08-30-2008, 12:13 Whenever I'm asked for spare change, I'll say "Yes, I have plenty, but thanks for asking."
To the OP - it would have infuriated me that they didn't like what I gave them. You should harbor no bad feelings about what you did.
betyourlife 08-30-2008, 12:26 For some reason they look at me and get nervous. I am not a big guy, but I am kind of an a hole and I think they sense that. Something tells them that I might pee on them if they hit me up for money, so they don't.
Beggers need to be dealt with by looking them right in the eyes, and firmly stating "NO."
No excuses....no "I don't have any money on me....." or "I'm sorry, I don't carry cash...."
Just right in the eyes, and "NO."
Yup, just like hanging up on telemarketing calls. You don't even have to say anything, just *CLICK*.
Beggers need to be dealt with by looking them right in the eyes, and firmly stating "NO."
No excuses....no "I don't have any money on me....." or "I'm sorry, I don't carry cash...."
Just right in the eyes, and "NO."
+1 Anything else shows "weakness", and these people are experts at exploiting weakness to part you from your cash. You cannot be polite... the colder, ruder, and more abrupt you are, the quicker they move on to their next target. They're like phone solicitors... for every response you can make, they've got a counter.
I've given bums money exactly twice in my life. Both times, it was "I'm not going to lie, I want a beer". It was hot, and I could totally understand that. That was when I was like 20. Not since. Out of 1000 sob stories, one might be for real, and the rest are cons. I'm not willing to take the time to sort them out, and with odds like that, saying "No" is the best bet.
ATL Peach Girl 08-30-2008, 12:53 I had to go to a gas station in downtown Atlanta the other night after work, and there is always homeless hanging around. One man approached me with arm-full of jeans!!
He asked me if I wanted to buy any of them (I immediately thought "where did you get those clean, neatly folded jeans....off someone's clothesline or you took them from a laundrymat")
I quickly said "look at me!! I am not your size!! No thanks!!" :supergrin:
I never give any money to the street folks, you learn fast in a big city that they have a million stories of how they need to get home, how they need to get a bus fare, but what they REALLY want the money for is booze and dope.
They don't want your offers for food either.....I have tried that route.
DON'T GIVE THEM ANY MONEY. YOU ARE ENABLING THEM!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwP2vV6Wm1Y
Blarvink 08-30-2008, 13:28 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4teq7aKTNJ4
Mister45 08-30-2008, 14:25 Well I don't live in a large city, but we do have a guy that stands around red lights and holds a sign saying "Will work for food", Some of my family gave him some money one time and then another time I seen a friend give him some money, I hung around near where he was and behold he walked over to the store purchased some beer and two packs of smokes (name brand) and then we walked around behind the store and drove off with a 2007 car.. This guy is a clown, I have personally told him I would feed him and tip him if he worked on my yard, But he always was too busy or waiting on a friend to pick him up, I see him now in a southern part of the county working that area.
I did have some fun with a guy one time who wanted a hand out, I had just purchased some worms for fishing and told him if he ate one I would give him a buck and sure enough, My wife could not believe it, he grab one and wiped it off and then swallowed it whole..
Earned that buck for sure..
i have more respect for those annoying kids that stand at intersections wanting to wash your windshield for a buck then I do for panhandlers. at least those kids are willing to work for their money.
no. i won't give money to panhandlers. when they approach me i use my command tone of voice to politely tell them to go away, and for kicks instruct them to "...and you stay out of trouble".
there isnt many homeless around here, but me and my dad took a drive up to Orlando in his Corvette(i drove, it was AWESOME!:supergrin:) we got out of some kind of Ale House and at the red light there was a few bums. one has his hat off and begging for money. we made eye contact and he kinda shrugged like, "Well". i just looked him in the eyes and laughed!
people like that PISS me off!
i work for my money....so should they!:steamed:
I've said this before in a similar thread, but NEVER let anyone get inside "closing distance." Some may be real beggars, but others may use the begging as a decoy to get inside your perimeter.
larry_minn 08-30-2008, 15:46 My sis lived in TX yrs ago. Lots of homeless/panhandlers,bums,etc. She made sandwiches for the "Will work for food" and they tossed them on ground. (would you eat a sandwich from a unknown person?) :(
I normally say "NO" Actually had 3 attempt to "extort" money from me in TX at the Book Depository. (I wonder if they chose that because no weapons allowed???) They actually got me cornered with a exit only door/steps/wall behind me/side. I tossed a few quarters in air and plowed thru.
It does seem that almost all are scams. If nobody gave them money they would quit.
Typically, these guys are not only able-bodied, but smooth-talkers as well. That's a MARKETABLE SKILL! Sadly, any job they can get without a phone or address isn't going to pay as well as panhandling or "hustlin" as they call it amongst each other.
Fred Hansen 08-30-2008, 16:57 Beggers need to be dealt with by looking them right in the eyes, and firmly stating "NO."
No excuses....no "I don't have any money on me....." or "I'm sorry, I don't carry cash...."
Just right in the eyes, and "NO."I disagree. I won't give a beggar cash, but I have in the past offered to buy them a meal and/or help them to find a shelter that would potentially start them on the road to recovery. We're all human, and sometimes bad **** comes our way in ways we never anticipated it could.
On one particular occasion I was approached in the parking lot of the Tacoma Mall by a young woman with two rather disheveled young children in tow, and she asked for some money to feed her children. I declined to give her cash, but I told her she was welcome to walk across the street with me to the Wendy's, and I would happily buy her whole family whatever they would like. She got a really pissed off look on her face, but they did indeed follow me over, and got a good $30 worth of food for their trouble. Certainly not the best way to stretch a few dollars, but at least those kids got some food before mama could blow $20 bucks on another bag of weed. I told her she needed to work toward getting a job, and that she needed to start setting a better example for her children. Whether she heeded my advice I'll probably never know.
OTOH sometimes a beggar is just too crazy/in-your-face to deal with safely; which is what seems to have happened in the OP's case. A situation with a beggar who is that aggressive is probably best left to the police.
YMMV
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