What did the snail say from the back of the turtle? [Archive] - Glock Talk

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Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:03
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! ;f

PatrolMom
08-02-2002, 23:04
Originally posted by Anniegetyourgun
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!! ;f

Sharyn, you been in the medicine cabinet again? ;g

Cinic
08-02-2002, 23:06
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why such the long face?"

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:07
lack of sleep does funny things to you Mom... what can I say laughter is teh best medicine!

Compy
08-02-2002, 23:09
paxil

PatrolMom
08-02-2002, 23:10
Originally posted by Cinic
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why such the long face?"

My son used to say that all the time.

If I'd say, "you're joking" he'd say, "no, If I were joking I'd say, a horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "why such a long face."

I love that joke. ;f

Sharyn, take a snort and go to bed. You'll feel better in the morning. ;g

Tristan
08-02-2002, 23:14
Can I have what Annie's been smoking? ;f

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:14
One day a fellow came into a country cafe with both ears bandaged. A friend asked him what happened.

Yesterday while I was ironing a shirt the telephone rang and I accidentally answered with the iron instead of the phone the man replied...

That explains one ear his friend said but what happened to the other?

Well... they called back;Q

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:15
I'll share tristin just dont tell anyone else..then they'll all want some;f ;f

Cinic
08-02-2002, 23:17
A puzzle for you.

When ducks migrate south for the winter, they fly in a 'V' shaped pattern. Sometimes one side of the 'V' is longer than the other. Why is that you ask?




















More ducks.

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:18
ok cinic needs a puff .. his are lamer (word?) then mine!!!;f

PatrolMom
08-02-2002, 23:21
A young boy comes home from school and his dad asks him how his day was. The boy tells his dad that he learned two new words. Potentially and Realistically. He also told his dad that he still didn't understand what the words meant.

The dad told his son to go ask his older sister if she'd sleep with a man for 1 million dollars. The boy did as his dad asked and his sister answered yes.

The boy reported back to his dad and the dad told the boy to ask the same question of his mother. The boy did and the mother said yes.

The boy told his dad that he didn't understand why the question was important.

The dad answered, "well son, potentially we are sitting on 2 million bucks, realistically, we're living with a couple of ho's.

;f

That's for you Comp!

Tristan
08-02-2002, 23:21
The heat is apparently getting to all of you. ;)

rfb45colt
08-02-2002, 23:22
A pirate walks into a bar. Typical pirate... wooden leg, hook where his hand used to be, a patch over one eye, and a parrot on his shoulder.
The bartender asks "How'd you lose your leg?"
Pirate says "a cannonball from a British man-o'-war."
Bartender asks "how'd you lose your hand?"
Pirate says "I was boardin' a British man-o'-war, when a British seaman took it off with his cutlass".
Bartender asks "how'd ya lose the eye?"
Pirate says "me bird pooped in me eye".
Bartender says "bird poop took your eye out???"
"Naw" says the pirate... "It was me first day with me hook!"

PatrolMom
08-02-2002, 23:22
Originally posted by Tristan
The heat is apparently getting to all of you. ;)

Sarcasm on: Ya think?????

Sarcasm off: ;f

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:24
rfb!!! ROFLMAO!!!! I LIKE IT!;f

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:27
During the early days of the model T ford, a salesman was traveling through the mountains of eastern Kentucky. The roads were narrow and not maintained very well. The salesman soon realized he was hopelessly lost.

He saw an old mountaineer along the side of the road, so he stopped and asked, "How do you get to Lousville from here?"
the Mountaineer replied....









Most of the time my son-in-law takes me...


OH come on.. it wasn't that bad!!!!!;a

ATL Peach Girl
08-02-2002, 23:28
Gads!!!

I thought I was whacko.....course look at the time....it's dayum near 1:30am here.....

Sharyn's 3 hours behind, heck the sun's still up out west....!!

It's Friday night and the moon may be full..... ;)

Compy
08-02-2002, 23:28
A man is in a bar, drinking. After a few drinks, he decides to get a tattoo that says "I love you" on his johnson.

Proud of his new tat, he goes home to his wife. After realizing his tat she goes ballistic.

She yells "I cook for you, I clean for you, I do your laundry, I will do anything for you, but one thing I will not have you doing is putting words in my mouth."

da da ding.

Tristan
08-02-2002, 23:29
Compy, that is f'n hilarious! ;f

rfb45colt
08-02-2002, 23:31
A guy with two black eyes walks into a bar.

Bartender says "what happened... where'd ya get those shiners?"

"In church" he says.

"CHURCH???" says the bartender. "Who hit you in church???".

"The lady in front of me... her dress got caught in the crack of her ass... and she was too embarrassed to pull it out... so I discreetly did it for her. She smacked me for my trouble".

"How'd ya get the other one?" asked the bartender... "her boyfriend?"

"Nope... I figured she wanted it there... so I put it back".

Anniegetyourgun
08-02-2002, 23:31
****Sharyn shaking her head at compensate this**** geeesh.. thats bad comp.. really it is!;f

Peachie; its only 10:30 here but it was a loooong day and I can't sleep though I have to get my big butt out of bed at 5 a.m! Im trying to wear myself out!

mattz357
08-02-2002, 23:49
A father watched his daughter playing in the garden. He smiled as he reflected on how sweet and innocent his little girl was. Suddenly she just stopped and stared at the ground. He went over to her and noticed she was looking at two spiders mating. "Daddy, what are those two spiders doing?" she asked. "They're mating," her father replied. "What do you call the spider on top, Daddy?" she asked. "That's a daddy longlegs." Her father answered. "So, the other one is a mommy longlegs?" the little girl asked. "No," her father replied. "Both of them are daddy longlegs." The little girl thought for a moment, then took her foot and stomped them flat.
"Well, we're not having THAT sort of ***** in our garden."

PatrolMom
08-02-2002, 23:50
Originally posted by Anniegetyourgun
****Sharyn shaking her head at compensate this**** geeesh.. thats bad comp.. really it is!;f

Peachie; its only 10:30 here but it was a loooong day and I can't sleep though I have to get my big butt out of bed at 5 a.m! Im trying to wear myself out!

Run around the block and then vacuum the house, silly. ;f

DScottHewitt
08-03-2002, 00:15
Bill and Frank go hunting. Suddenly Frank grabs his chest and falls over. Bill pulls out his cell phone and dials 911. He tells the dispatcher "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" She says "First make sure he is dead." She hears a shot, then Bill says "Okay. What do we do now?"


Scott

;b

rfb45colt
08-03-2002, 00:25
Stanley & Joe go deer hunting for the first time. They're in a million acre national forest. Joe asks Stanley "what if we get lost?" Stanley says "I read in a hunting magazine... if you get lost, just stay put... and every hour, fire three shots into the air... the search party will find you quicker if you stay put". Sure enough, Joe gets lost. It takes until the next morning, but they finally find him. Stanley is furious. "WHY DIDN"T YOU FIRE THREE SHOTS LIKE I TOLD YOU" he screams at Joe. Joe says "I did... but around midnight I ran out of arrows".

Lithium
08-03-2002, 00:35
Originally posted by DScottHewitt
Bill and Frank go hunting. Suddenly Frank grabs his chest and falls over. Bill pulls out his cell phone and dials 911. He tells the dispatcher "I think my friend is dead! What do I do?" She says "First make sure he is dead." She hears a shot, then Bill says "Okay. What do we do now?"

;b

;f

Since we're sharing.

A young news reporter is doing her first story on a particular indian tribe and notes they have different number of feathers on their headgear.

"That is how we designate the number of squaw the man has wed," the tribal guide helped.

"Oh, okay", the lady reporter noted in her notes.

As they walk through the tribe, she noted indians with 2, 3, and 4 feathers . . .

Later that afternoon when she is introduced to the tribal chief with his full, knee-length formal headgear, the young reporter gasped "Oh dear!"

"No, no deer, a**hole too high, run too fast" replied the chief.;c

Beefenchilada
08-03-2002, 01:02
Originally posted by Cinic
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why such the long face?"

Actually, I heard that one before, only it was "Celine Dion walks into a bar..."

Roogalator
08-03-2002, 03:09
<font face="Times Roman">Q: What do you have if you've got 12 lawyers up to their necks in concrete?
A: Not enough concrete.

Q: What has 6 legs, 3 butts, 3 noses, and goes "Hoe dee do! Hoe dee do!"
A: Three homies running to catch an elevator.

Two lawyers are standing on a streetcorner chatting. A stunningly attractive woman walks by. First lawyer: "God, I'd like to screw her!" Second lawyer: "Out of what?"

Two guys walking down the street. They see a dog licking its balls. First guy: "Man I wish I could do that!" Second guy: "I dunno, maybe you should try petting him first."
</font>

sailfish
08-03-2002, 05:31
A well used and worn string walked into a bar that had a sign posted that said No Strings. Bartender says, "Hey, aren't you a string?". String says, "Nope. Frayed knot."





Thank you, thank you. I'm yours all week.

Trsnrtr
08-03-2002, 06:40
A 3 legged dog walks into a bar growling furiously.

The bartender says "Hey, you can't come in here causing trouble; what do you want?"

The dog says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw!"

paynter2
08-03-2002, 09:54
What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger.

BrianDamage
08-03-2002, 10:21
Originally posted by paynter2
What's green and smells like pork?

Kermit's finger.

that's bad....man that's bad LMAO

MooseJaw
08-03-2002, 10:28
Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that Viagra
will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed
by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as-is,
or as a mixer, under the name "MOUNT AND DO"

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign suggests: It will now be
Possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one...;c

true believer
08-03-2002, 11:47
probably get in trouble for this but..., how do you circumcise a hillbilly??







kick his sister in the mouth..

sorry:cool: :cool: :cool:
bob

Trsnrtr
08-03-2002, 11:54
Before this is locked, I want the record to show that my joke was clean. :)

true believer
08-03-2002, 12:29
;P ;P ;P ;P ;P ;P ;P
;f ;f
bob

Hihopoly
08-03-2002, 12:50
Type quick....


Teacher asks Alfalfa to say his word of the day and to use it in a sentence.
Alfalfa: "My word is apple. I had an apple with my lunch today."
Teacher: "Very good Alfalfa. Buckwheat, now your turn."
Buckwheat: "My word is dictate. Darla, how'd my dictate last night?"

true believer
08-03-2002, 13:03
hihop..., rotflmao...;f ;f ;f
bob

bucky_925
08-03-2002, 15:55
Two gays walked into a Chinese restaurant and ordered someyoungguy.

sailfish
08-03-2002, 17:36
Two friends, a greek and a jew, were hit and killed by a car but mercifully sent back to earth with instructions to never give into temptation, else they would be zapped back up for judgement.

As they walked together down the street upon their return, a dollar bill caught the wind and came blowing past their feet, catching the eye of the Jewish man. As he bent down to grab it...ZAAAPP...the Greek disappeared.

thisaway
08-03-2002, 22:36
What goes "clippity clop, BANG, clippity clop, BANG"?





















Amish drive-by shooting. ;f

busterbob
08-03-2002, 23:18
A little girl is covering up a hole in her backyard with a shovel. The neighbor man is looking over the fence and asks what she is doing. "I'm buring my pet bird," she says. "That's a very big hole you dug for your little bird," he replies." That's because he's inside your &%#$ing cat!"

GeorgeAtl
11-03-2002, 12:41
Originally posted by Beefenchilada
Actually, I heard that one before, only it was "Celine Dion walks into a bar..."

No! No! No!!!! You've got it all wrong!!!

"Sarah Jessica Parker goes into a bar..."