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4GodandCountry
08-27-2002, 13:51
Hello ladies,
I just figured this would probably be a great place to ask a womans opinion on how I could get my wife interested in the shooting sports or at least personal defense. I have tried to instill in her the importance of being able to defend herself and our kids but she acts like I will allways be there to protect them. I am the kind of person who hopes for the best but wants to be prepared for the worst case scenario as well. If I go out of town I worry constantly that something is going to happen. Do you have any suggestions?

unitykinkaid
08-27-2002, 14:19
i hope to speak as someone who's been in your wife's position. i was anti-gun when i met my husband. his philosophy is very much like yours; he hopes for the best but prepares for the worst, and he's seen just enough of both to know the likelihood of either. his approach has been very gradual. i don't know how your wife feels about guns in general, but i was extremely uncomfortable with having a gun in the house at all. fortunately, my husband and i recognized that this was mostly a lack of familiarity, and i learned how to use a handgun. guns only got fun, however, when i got my rifle (a 22), and using that has actually made the handgun more fun and comfortable for me. and just using it, practicing at a range where there's no pressure (make sure the range is woman-friendly! we know where we're not wanted!), has made me more comfortable with the idea of using it in a defensive capacity.

what's really convinced me, however, is my own experience. there have been shootings in places we've lived, and the town we're in right now is known for being a major drug center. i don't worry about my safety when i'm with my husband, but i know he will be gone a lot for his job. i'm slowly adjusting to the idea of carrying. it's hard, but the reality of my vulnerability tells me i need to protect myself. it helps me to turn that into anger--i *resent* not being able to move as i like without fear of what someone else will do. how *dare* they presume i won't defend myself. also, it helps me to view the CHL course i'll be taking soon as a safety course. it never hurts to have more training. it never hurts to be safer. i can get the permit and then have the *option* of carrying, and having the legal option and becoming more informed about my rights and duties makes it more likely that i'll carry.

there are plenty of good books out there as well. some may present frightening scenarios, which may or may not help. depending on her disposition toward carrying and guns, she may either be frightened into action or into inaction. that's your call. The Concealed Carry Manual is one of those. i'm sure it's been hashed and rehashed on this board, so i'll just say it's available and does go through a lot of those scenarios. my personal favorite is Gun Women; it talks about, among other things, how feminism should be diametrically opposed to the anti-gun lobby and why women who choose not to carry out of fear of guns aren't really pacifists because they've had the choice made for them.

okay, i'm sure that was much more than you wanted to know. ;Q but i hope it helps.

FWIW,
unity

Bruce Foreman
08-29-2002, 03:36
Originally posted by 4GodandCountry
Hello ladies,
I just figured this would probably be a great place to ask a womans opinion on how I could get my wife interested in the shooting sports or at least personal defense. I have tried to instill in her the importance of being able to defend herself and our kids but she acts like I will allways be there to protect them. I am the kind of person who hopes for the best but wants to be prepared for the worst case scenario as well. If I go out of town I worry constantly that something is going to happen. Do you have any suggestions?

Seek out a firearms/defensive tactics instructor who can address husband and wife team tactics and get both of you in their class. Likely not cheap but that will get both of you involved in family protection/safety as a team.

I'm unusual, think diffrent from most folks, but with the 9 hour defensive handgun course I teach I invite the spouse to observe at no charge (as long as the spouse does not shoot the drills, if they want to shoot they pay regular tuition fee). If I have any such observing I address "team" tactics in each of the drills.

Thunder Ranch (Mountain Home, Texas) has one or two courses that include team tactics but they require their Defensive Handgun I or equivalent as a prerequisite.

Bruce Foreman

EKhawaii
09-04-2002, 00:34
One thing might be to get her in a class taught by a woman instructor. I am a gal that, as an NRA instructor, frequently teach all women's classes. It allows women to see that you don't have to be a big guy to be safe and shoot well, and having other women in the class is reassuring.

I prefer to separate the husband and wife if possible in a class, as in many cases I have found that the husband tries to take charge and the wife, wanting to please hubby, defers to him. I'm not implying that this would be your personal situation, I also have had many couples that work very well together in a class. I just calls 'em as I sees 'em...

A good book for her to read is Paxton Quigley’s “Armed & Female”; I recommend it highly. It makes it very clear that you will NOT always be there to protect her. Beyond the "going out of town scenerio", do you go to the grocery store every time she does? Do you shop for the kid's back to school stuff at the mall with her? She needs to think about these things. Paxton doesn't write this as a scare tactic, but as very factual and down to earth.

Good Luck!

SlimKim
09-04-2002, 12:34
There have been some good ideas here and I go along with them. If, as you say, your wife thinks she doesn't have to learn how to use the housegun (you do leave a gun in the house when you go away, don't you?!) you might try to help her to understand that even if you are home, you may not be able to protect the family against a seasoned home-breaker.

Very briefly; I'm 28 yrs old and have been involved with guns for maybe 3 yrs now. Before then, I wasn't in the least bit interrested. I thought that if guns turn you on, fine; that's your thing, leave me out. My change of heart came when I was assaulted in the "safe" working environment of my own office. Since then, I go nowhere unarmed. My point is, I learned too late about the value of being armed and trained and about the wishful thinking of the "empowered women's" philosophy. Try to help your wife to understand that a home intruder/rapist/mugger isn't interrested in "being understood". He's only interrested in his own immediate gratification and will do whatever it takes to get it.

One last point. You can't MAKE your wife understand or agree with you. You can only hope to point her in the right direction. Unless she decides for herself that her learning to shoot is a wise move, you'll only defeat your own purpose.

Good luck to ya and hope she comes around soon.