Dealing with loss. How?
Posted 08-05-2008 at 18:12 by SIGShooter
This is my first blog. I'm definitely not a writer. I guess hiding behind a moniker is easier than sitting in front of someone pouring my heart out. Maybe it's because no one here knows me personally. I don't know.
November 27, 2007: Ethan John Jinks was born and died.
My wife carried our son for seven months. At the beginning of the seventh month our doctor gave us the worst news we could have ever imagined. Our son was diagnosed with Anancephaly.
http://www.healthline.com/adamconten...rn=Anencephaly
My heart was ripped from my chest. The first thought I had was to throw the doctor out of the 3rd floor window. I figured that wasn't a viable option at the time.
I was racked with pain, hurt, hate, disgust, grief, fear, sickness, anger, helplessness, loss, rage. I never knew a human could feel these all at the same time. I wasn't crying at the time. I don't know why. I think there was an absence of that actual emotion. I wanted to. I needed to. But I couldn't.
I searched my brain for any and every answer. I couldn't find any. I tried to find excuses. I couldn't. I asked the doctor if it was me. I heard my wife ask the doctor if it was her. He said there is nothing anyone could do to prevent this. There is no medicine out there that can fix this. We can cure cancer, HIV/AIDS, save limbs, make genetically altered humans...But these bastards can't save my son!!!
It basically started out as a normal ultra sound appointment. Everything was great. Our sons' heart beat was strong. He was developing as was to be expected. Legs, feet, toes, arms, hands, fingers, heart, neck, nose, mouth, eyes...Everything.
The technician couldn't get a good picture of Ethan's head. Everytime she would get in a good position he would raise his arm and cover the top of his head. I never really understood why he was doing it. After the news and dealing with it, I figured out why. I figured out what he was trying to hide. Of course, was this really what he was doing, I don't know. But how else could I explain it.
After two technicians and a doctor and genetic doctor, the news was brewing. They asked us to come to the conference room wih them. They broke the news to us.
We were given two choices.
1. Carry Ethan to term, he may survive the birth, he may not. He may survive for a day, week or month and maybe not.
2. Induce labor, and take whatever chances we have.
Wow! Thanks doc! Got any easier choices out there?!?!
It took time to make our decision. We decided to induce labor. We took into all conciderations that if Ethan made it through the birth he could still make it being two months premature.
I'll post more at a later time. This has taken a lot out of me.
November 27, 2007: Ethan John Jinks was born and died.
My wife carried our son for seven months. At the beginning of the seventh month our doctor gave us the worst news we could have ever imagined. Our son was diagnosed with Anancephaly.
http://www.healthline.com/adamconten...rn=Anencephaly
My heart was ripped from my chest. The first thought I had was to throw the doctor out of the 3rd floor window. I figured that wasn't a viable option at the time.
I was racked with pain, hurt, hate, disgust, grief, fear, sickness, anger, helplessness, loss, rage. I never knew a human could feel these all at the same time. I wasn't crying at the time. I don't know why. I think there was an absence of that actual emotion. I wanted to. I needed to. But I couldn't.
I searched my brain for any and every answer. I couldn't find any. I tried to find excuses. I couldn't. I asked the doctor if it was me. I heard my wife ask the doctor if it was her. He said there is nothing anyone could do to prevent this. There is no medicine out there that can fix this. We can cure cancer, HIV/AIDS, save limbs, make genetically altered humans...But these bastards can't save my son!!!
It basically started out as a normal ultra sound appointment. Everything was great. Our sons' heart beat was strong. He was developing as was to be expected. Legs, feet, toes, arms, hands, fingers, heart, neck, nose, mouth, eyes...Everything.
The technician couldn't get a good picture of Ethan's head. Everytime she would get in a good position he would raise his arm and cover the top of his head. I never really understood why he was doing it. After the news and dealing with it, I figured out why. I figured out what he was trying to hide. Of course, was this really what he was doing, I don't know. But how else could I explain it.
After two technicians and a doctor and genetic doctor, the news was brewing. They asked us to come to the conference room wih them. They broke the news to us.
We were given two choices.
1. Carry Ethan to term, he may survive the birth, he may not. He may survive for a day, week or month and maybe not.
2. Induce labor, and take whatever chances we have.
Wow! Thanks doc! Got any easier choices out there?!?!
It took time to make our decision. We decided to induce labor. We took into all conciderations that if Ethan made it through the birth he could still make it being two months premature.
I'll post more at a later time. This has taken a lot out of me.
Total Comments 4
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Posted 08-06-2008 at 05:59 by Pinki
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 My condolences on your most painfull loss and for the pain involved leading up to it. It's been my experience that while "time" serves to add a few layers of insulation to that pain, neither it nor the void the loss of a child leaves ever truly go away. Stay as strong as you can. |
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Posted 08-13-2008 at 05:19 by MB-G26
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I don't pretend to know your pain. I can only pray for it to ease.
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Posted 10-18-2008 at 22:54 by Gunfighter45
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I'm sorry to hear about that. No parent should have to see their child die.
I cannot answer your question on how nor why. I just have to ask you a question: how will you let this affect you? Godspeed my friend. |
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Posted 01-19-2009 at 22:17 by Razoreye
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- Dealing with loss. How? (08-05-2008)
